Thursday, September 20, 2012

"A dream is an answer to a question we haven't yet learned how to ask."

This morning, I woke up before my alarm, which is not unusual. What is unusual, however, is that I was crying. Not, like, sobbing or anything, but my eyes were definitely teary and not because I was jabbing myself in the eye all night long (I don't think).

No, it was from a very vivid dream about my grandma, which is unfair because WHAT? I'm sure it's because our anniversary was earlier this week and I pretty much can't think about our wedding without wishing that Grandma could have been there (she was too sick) and without remembering that she died only a month later. Having such a happy event tied up with such a sad one is very mind-bendy and apparently my dream-mind couldn't handle that shit last night.

It was Christmastime in my dream, something that always reminds me of Grandma, though she wasn't there. Even in my dream, she was gone. But someone, an aunt, I think, had found gifts she'd gotten for all of us before she died, that, for dream-logic reasons, it had taken two years to uncover. And as I read the card that was attached to my gift, I started sobbing and apparently my brain couldn't handle all the feelings because it woke me up and RUINED MY MOOD FOR THE REST OF THE MORNING. I'm fine now. Just ridiculous.

Do you ever think about how genuinely fucked up it is that we dream? I just watched the season 4 finale of Buffy last night and, for those of you not in the Buffy-know, that one's about something infiltrating the dreams of four characters. And it's WEIRD and wonderful and just a really good example of how dreams are WEIRD and sometimes not so wonderful. For every flying-through-the-air-like-Superman dream, there's an equally disturbing dream about loved ones lost or falling off a cliff or, for me (again last night), being dragged down the elevator shaft at work by a terrifying ghost-like creature.

Did I tell you that where I work is haunted? The company I work for runs three arts facilities in Dayton and, though my office isn't in the haunted building, I'm over there often and I've heard all the stories. I'm not sure why my brain turned the work-ghost into an angry demony creature (she's supposedly very harmless) but that could just be a byproduct of watching Buffy right before bed. Oops.

But anyway, dreaming = fucked up, right? I mean, RIGHT? Like, even when it's awesome, it's fucked up, because...OK...dogs dream, which is adorable and all, but OMG WHAT MY DOG IS DREAMING. Which means he has hopes and fears, even if they're, like, "I hope I catch that squirrel," or "MUST PROTECT THE HUMAN FROM VACUUM."


Don't get me wrong, I'd never want to stop dreaming. I might miss out on something good, like the time I FINALLY got accepted to Hogwarts. I can only assume that one was prophetic.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Stormtroopers are just blue-collar workers.

Joe and I got married two years ago today, which seems strange because it doesn't FEEL like two years have come and gone. More like two weeks, maybe? But, if you believe the calendar, which I suppose you have to, it's definitely been two years. I checked my math.

I think it's safe to say the honeymoon is over, as they say, because this morning, instead of gently waking my husband with a kiss and pleasant words like, oh, say "happy anniversary," I said, "hey, good morning, Max threw up. Twice."

And yeah, I already shared this on Facebook, meaning I'm stealing from myself for blog material, but I think, according to The World of Ethics or whatever, that that's OK. And even if it's not, it's my blog and I'll do what I want.

Like a total narcissist, I went back to read what I wrote about my wedding when it happened, and then I tried to read what I wrote about it last year and it turns out I didn't even write about it last year because apparently I don't really love my husband. Sorry, Joe.

I really wanted to take a trip for our anniversary but it wasn't in the cards this year. We celebrated quietly, with dinner at one of our favorite restaurants and a movie about time travel. Safety Not Guaranteed may seem like an odd movie to see on your anniversary, but it was strangely and unexpectedly appropriate. This movie was comprised almost entirely of quirk and heart and DID I MENTION TIME TRAVEL? I wish I could find the quote from the end of the movie, when one character asks the other why he'd want to travel with a partner, because the answer was basically the same as the answer to, "why would anyone want to get married?" and what better words to hear when you're celebrating your anniversary?

Today, I took a moment to think about that day, two years gone, and compare my happiness levels. Obviously, this isn't really fair, because, as I'm sure you'll agree, that day was TOTALLY FUCKING AWESOME and today is, well, Tuesday. But if I examine the amount of happiness in my body (concentrated, like OJ!), you know, really delve into it, I'd say I'm happier today.

Don't get me wrong, our wedding day was amazing. It's just this blur in my mind of laughter and dancing and MUSTACHES AND HOGWARTS, but that kind of happiness isn't sustainable because you could straight up DIE from it. Today's happiness is quieter. Calmer. But it's there. It's what I feel when I go home at the end of the day, to the house we've made our own, to be greeted with excitement from Max and general disdain (hurtful, but comforting in its predictability) from Phoebe. And then Joe comes home from work and our happy little family is complete. I feel like I can safely say that Joe and I have only added to our weird little repertoire of inside jokes and I can't wait to see what the next year will bring. Probably poop jokes and fart noises. We're quite predictable that way.

Monday, September 17, 2012

stealing from the greats, lebowski and otherwise

I started today in a great mood, especially for a Monday, on account of...I don't know, better diet, more exercise, all that nonsense, maybe? I was SINGING TO MYSELF on my walk into work, and yet I ended the day wandering the halls of the building muttering, "shit shit shit shit shit" under my breath.

Sometimes you eat the bear, and sometimes, well, the bear eats you.  

In other words, so it goes.

(Please allow me to steal words from those far cleverer. Hell. Even if you DON'T allow it, it's too late, I already did. And so it goes and goes and goes.)

I feel like lately, I'm either in a "the-world-is-ending-and-I-don't-even-care" kind of mood or a "frolicking-through-the-hills-giving-Julie-Andrews-a-run-for-her-money" kind of mood, but not usually, like, in the same day. Or maybe I only feel that way because my body was raging with PMS-y hormones last week. Probably that.

Joe and I started a new diet a few weeks ago, though I hesitate to call it a diet because really we mostly just replaced all the junk food we were eating with real, actual food. And wouldn't you know it? I feel so much better!

Sometimes you eat the bear and sometimes, well, you stop eating bear claws. BA-DUM-BUM.

What we're doing is technically called the Slow Carb Diet but I call it the Sad Diet because it involves cutting out everything I love, namely: bread and cheese. Except for one day a week. One day a week we get to eat whatever we want and it is magical and there's some science behind it involving your metabolism or some shit but I don't really care because all I know is, it means I can eat pizza on that day and NOTHING ELSE MATTERS.

The rest of the time, though, is filled with sadness because of the lack of carbs and sugar and dairy, which are like the three main only food groups in the USA, I'm pretty sure. 

Really, though, it's not that bad. I mean, it was for the first week, when my body was detoxing and screaming at me and giving me headaches every day and asking me why I wasn't feeding it delicious cheesy bread and I spent most of my days wondering if it would be acceptable to shut my office door and lie down on the floor, not because I was sleepy, necessarily, but because my body was so tired that it could NOT. SIT. UPRIGHT.

That passed, however, and now I feel FUCKING AWESOME. Like, it's ridiculous how much energy I have, even when I sleep like total and utter balls, which is often because of Max + Thunderstorms or Sleeping With The Window Open or MOST LIKELY because PHOEBE IS AN ASSHOLE WHO LIKES TO CLIMB ON MY PILLOW AT 4AM.

So it goes.

This is the first time in a great long while that I remember changing the way I eat and being focused on how much better I feel, NOT how much weight I'm losing. It's nice. Plus, if the bear is going to eat me, much like today, at least I'll be a healthier meal for him.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Well, the Slayer always says a pun, or - or a witty play on words and I think it throws the vampires off! And, and it makes them frightened, because I'm wisecracking.

To be honest, I completely forgot about writing the list of Buffy Season 3 episodes you should watch until today (when I'm a third of the way through Season 4) and I think that's because YOU SHOULD WATCH ALL OF THEM, OK? Especially if The Mayor plays a part.

Oh, you don't like that answer? TOO BAD. No, wait! Come back. Please come back. I'll try to narrow it down. That might mean only cutting one episode, but that's 44 minutes of your life you'll have to dedicate to something else (LIKE YOU HAVE SOMETHING BETTER TO DO THAN WATCH BUFFY) so you're welcome, OK? UGH.

Must Watch: 

Dead Man's Party: This episode makes me so uncomfortable, but in, like, the best way.
Faith, Hope, and Trick: Faith (yay for now), Hope (BIGGEST MEH EVER), and Trick (!!!)
Homecoming: SO GOOD. Cordelia is on fire in this one. (Not literally).
Revelations: Uncomfortable again and not necessarily in the best way.
Lovers Walk: [whimpering sounds]
Helpless: [more whimpering sounds]
Bad Girls: I just realized how cringe-y this season is. Every episode gives me uncomfortable feelings.
Consequences: Important, I guess, if consequences are your thing.
Choices: Important, I guess, if choices are your thing.
The Prom: AKA The Tears.
Graduation Day, part 1: HELL.
Graduation Day, part 2: YES.

Episodes I Don't Really Like But That You Should Watch Anyway On Account of STORY: 

Anne: Meh. Angsty.
Amends: Meh. ALL THE ANGST. But important angst.
Enemies: I don't really remember this one and was too lazy to read the episode synopsis.

You Should Really Watch Because They're Awesome: 

Gingerbread: This one is fun and kind of important for later (see: Amy).
The Zeppo: This one is very Xander-centric, which is good or bad depending on your Xander-feelings. I understand that some people don't like Xander. Well. No, I don't UNDERSTAND that, really, but I guess it's still true that some people don't like him.
Earshot: I remember this one being a big deal because of Columbine. I think this one, along with Graduation Day, aired at a later time because of all the awkward similarities? I don't know, that was a million years ago and I barely remember this morning.

You Don't Have To Watch, I GUESS: 

Beauty and the Beasts: OH WAIT JUST KIDDING, you have to watch this one because of something I forgot about until I read the description on Wikipedia. So. I guess you could skip it and just read Wikipedia but where's the fun in that?

Also, can I talk about something spoilery that came up in early season 4 that I never noticed before and therefore BROKE MY HEART INTO TINY SHARDS AND I STILL HAVE NOT RECOVERED?

GIF Party for Spoiler Hiding!





So in the Season 4 episode Fear, Itself, Oz starts wolfing out even though there's not a full moon (because his greatest fear is not being able to control that side of him?) and he runs away from Willow, who starts screaming, "OZ! DON'T LEAVE ME!"


Wednesday, September 05, 2012

I thought I was done talking about wedding stuff two years ago

Did I tell you guys that Heidi is getting married? Because she is. In November. Long time readers already know that Heidi was my roommate for four years but for anyone new, just, this.

I am the matron-of-honor and, as such, was responsible for some matronly duties this past weekend in the form of a bridal shower and bachelorette party. Luckily, there's also a maid-of-honor so we split the duties. Heh. Duties.

Can I talk for a moment about what a horrible term "matron-of-honor" is? MATRON. Maid is so much better. It's like the difference between "miss" and "ma'am" and now that I think about it, I started getting ma'amed a lot more once I got married. Granted, it's probably because I'm getting old, not because I'm wearing a ring where there once was NAUGHT but whatever shut up this is my story and I'll complain if I want to.

Anyway. This weekend was in the works for months and months and yet (this will surprise, um, no one) I still left some stuff for the last minute. It's not really fair, though, because it's just that I thought of a couple awesome ideas at the last minute and what? Should I NOT execute those just because I might not have time? THIS IS HEIDI WE'RE TALKING ABOUT PEOPLE. I'd take a bullet for Heidi so the least I could do was run my fingers ragged searching Pinterest and etsy and Amazon.

SPEAKING of Pinterest, I don't think I'd have been able to plan anything without it. I signed up for Pinterest when it first became a thing, because I was unemployed and bored, but the novelty wore off for me rather quickly. It seems I need a project if I'm going to use it on the regular, apparently, because I Pinterested the shit out of this bridal shower. And it was easy because everything was wine themed. Because it was at a winery. And wine is delicious NECTAR OF THE GODS. Or something.

Anyway. Again. I mostly want to show off all my sweet ideas right now, although I didn't really help much with the execution of any of them. That's why you have talented friends and family, right? So they can just do this stuff for you? But to make things more helpful, I thought I'd also provide a handy How To Throw a Wine Themed Wedding Shower because who doesn't love lists? ASSHOLES, THAT'S WHO. So here:

1. Venue! 

People need a place to drink and you have to provide it. It's cheapest to do this at someone's house but if you're inviting 30 people, maybe find a winery? That's what I did, anyway.

2. Wine! 

Get some.

And food, I guess, but that's not as important as the wine.

3. Cake! 

Make a cake. Better yet, hire someone to make an exact replica of a wine-themed cake you found on Pinterest.

4. Favors! 

Don't buy pre-made ones, no matter how tempting, because they are way overpriced and lower quality than what you're expecting. Don't argue with me! Make them yourself YOU LAZY ASSHOLE.

Ahem. This is pretty obvious, but wine glasses make good wine-themed wedding shower favors. You can find tons of them at the dollar store or, if you don't need as many or aren't worried about them matching, you can find them even cheaper at the thrift store. I bought wine glasses, we dipped them in chalkboard paint (like this tutorial), wrapped some votive candles in ribbon (in the bride's colors), and put the votives inside the wine glasses. Like so:

(Special thanks to my friends who basically did all this work for me while I stood around and refilled wine glasses and chips and salsa.)

5. Centerpieces! 

If you need them. I thought we'd need them, so I saved empty wine bottles for a while and Joe created awesome labels for them. Then I shoved some daisies in there and voila! Centerpieces:

Just, you know, picture these with daisies in them.

6. Invitations! 

Outsource these to etsy or something. You can buy templates pretty cheaply and print everything at Staples. OR if you know a graphic designer, you can make them do it all for you. Either way. I sort of did both of these things because Nancy did all of this for me.

7. Games! 

Ha, just kidding. No but for real, games at any kind of shower are almost always a mistake. I did, however, want some sort of activity (other than wine-drinking) so I found some "Advice for the Bride and Groom" madlibs (again) on etsy. They were adoraballs and a big hit AND came with a display card win win.

That's it, really. You're all done, 'cept for the partying.