I saw a double feature today at the movies. Well, technically it wasn't really a double feature. Steph and I paid to see Dodgeball, and then when that was over, we snuck into another theater to see Fahrenheit 9/11. Don't worry, I'm not going to give you my review of Fahrenheit 9/11, because if you're at all interested you already have an opinion about it anyway. They only thing I'm going to say is that I wasn't really expecting that movie to make me cry, but I was dead wrong.
That was the first time I've ever snuck into another theater without paying. I'm usually a pretty law-abiding citizen, but when they charge 5 dollars for a small popcorn, I get a little angry. Ok, I get a lot angry. 5 dollars? Ridiculous. And the thing is, I don't even want that much popcorn. I wish the small was about half the size it is. Actually, I think it used to be but they keep making it bigger and bigger. Soon, they'll just hand you a garbage bag full of popcorn when you ask for a small.
And then they'll charge you 50 dollars for it.
Wednesday, June 30, 2004
what is this "common sense" you speak of?
It's probably pretty apparent to anyone reading this blog (especially if you've known me for awhile) that I'm somewhat lacking in common sense. I consider myself a pretty intelligent person, if you're talking about book-smarts, but when it comes to common sense even I'll admit that I have, well, none.
This occurs to me every time I do something incredibly stupid; something that would never happen to another person because other people tend to think about what they're doing. Me? I drift through daily chores, barely pay attention to what I'm doing, and then am surprised when I fuck up royally.
Well, not that surprised, to be honest.
My lack of common sense usually rears its ugly head in the kitchen. To quote Carrie Bradshaw, "The only thing I've ever successfully made in a kitchen is a mess. And several small fires."
While that's not entirely true (I can bake pretty much anything, provided it comes in a box, the ingredients are simple, and the box carefully outlines each step), it's pretty damn close.
Once I put a metal pot in the microwave. I didn't remember that you're not supposed to put metal in the microwave until I heard an explosion, opened the microwave and saw that the pot's handle had somehow fallen off. I'm still not quite sure why that happened.
Another time I pulled a 3 Muskateers bar out of the freezer and found it to be too hard to bite. So I stuck it in the microwave and walked away. The problem is I left the wrapper on. By the time I noticed the smell (which, by the way, is the most wicked of smells) the candy bar was unsalvagable. Mainly because the wrapper and the chocolate had fused together in an unholy alliance.
You're probably thinking I was like 8 when I did this, and I didn't know any better. I wish I could say that were true. I was 15.
The thing is, I don't learn. I'm always doing things like this. I can't tell you how many times I've pulled a pan out of the oven, set it down and then burned myself on it two minutes later because I forgot it was hot and I hadn't put an oven mit on.
Other kitchen mishaps? I put Easy Mac in the microwave, but instead of putting it in for 4 minutes, I put it in for 40. Another time I tried to make Easy Mac but didn't add enough water because I forgot to read all of the directions. Yet another time? I added too much water. Mmm, macaroni soup. You know what? Six-year-olds can make Easy Mac. Retarded monkeys can make Easy Mac. Yet I have a problem with it.
Once I cut myself on the stove. Yes, I said cut, not burned.
I tried to cook a pork loin on my George Foreman Grill, but I didn't thaw it out first. Yeah. Frozen pork doesn't cook very well. The outside of it was completely black and the inside didn't cook at all. Plus, the entire kitchen was filled with not-so-safe-looking smoke.
It's not just stuff like that, though. I don't know how to do things that to most people are second nature. I don't know how to brown meat; I don't know when it's done. I still can't bake a potato in the microwave that isn't either overdone or not cooked all the way. For a long time I didn't know how to make eggs. I'm happy to report that I can make delicious scrambled eggs, and sometimes I can make fried eggs but usually I either break them or they're overdone. Those are the only kinds of eggs I can make.
This lack of common sense doesn't pertain only to the kitchen. Oh, no. Once I climbed a billboard with my friend Stephanie. Then she climbed down. I noticed how long it took her to climb down and how it looked much easier to just jump. So I did. I didn't break anything (luckily) but I had to lie on the ground for a while to recover. While my "friends" stood around and laughed at me.
I think I've mentioned it before, but while putt-putting I got hit in the head with a golf ball. My own golf ball.
When I was taking driving lessons, the first time we came to a red light I asked the instructor (Tim) if I had to stop. When I was done with the lessons he told my parents that he didn't think I would pass the driving test. But I did. When I came out of the DMV and told my mom I passed, she told me, "Wow, I'm surprised, your dad and I thought you'd have to take it again. Thanks a lot, Tim. But I did pass. First try. Take that, you bastard.
Once my friend and I found a shopping cart in the parking lot where I worked. A normal person would have been able to see that it would not fit in the trunk of my car, but that didn't stop me from trying.
I used to work at a library, and one night it was storming so badly that parts of the ceiling started to leak. I noticed that it was leaking in the supply closet, where we stored a bunch of crap that was so cheap it wouldn't matter if it got ruined, but I went in anyway and started carrying the useless junk out. While I was in there, I noticed that the ceiling tile above me was starting to sag. Instead of, you know, moving, I just stood there and the tile broke and pieces of what looked like wet paper mache fell all over me.
I'm sure there are more examples, but these are the only ones I can remember that don't involve drinking. And since the best story that involves drinking is one my parents already know (how they found out is another example of my lack of common sense, but that's another story), I can tell it again.
It's tradition at Wittenberg to streak the Hollow (funny, the Wittenberg website Virtual Tour doesn't mention anything about this tradition). So one night, we did. I lost my bra. The next day, my friend Erin found it on the way back from class and hung it on the front door of my apartment. The end.
This occurs to me every time I do something incredibly stupid; something that would never happen to another person because other people tend to think about what they're doing. Me? I drift through daily chores, barely pay attention to what I'm doing, and then am surprised when I fuck up royally.
Well, not that surprised, to be honest.
My lack of common sense usually rears its ugly head in the kitchen. To quote Carrie Bradshaw, "The only thing I've ever successfully made in a kitchen is a mess. And several small fires."
While that's not entirely true (I can bake pretty much anything, provided it comes in a box, the ingredients are simple, and the box carefully outlines each step), it's pretty damn close.
Once I put a metal pot in the microwave. I didn't remember that you're not supposed to put metal in the microwave until I heard an explosion, opened the microwave and saw that the pot's handle had somehow fallen off. I'm still not quite sure why that happened.
Another time I pulled a 3 Muskateers bar out of the freezer and found it to be too hard to bite. So I stuck it in the microwave and walked away. The problem is I left the wrapper on. By the time I noticed the smell (which, by the way, is the most wicked of smells) the candy bar was unsalvagable. Mainly because the wrapper and the chocolate had fused together in an unholy alliance.
You're probably thinking I was like 8 when I did this, and I didn't know any better. I wish I could say that were true. I was 15.
The thing is, I don't learn. I'm always doing things like this. I can't tell you how many times I've pulled a pan out of the oven, set it down and then burned myself on it two minutes later because I forgot it was hot and I hadn't put an oven mit on.
Other kitchen mishaps? I put Easy Mac in the microwave, but instead of putting it in for 4 minutes, I put it in for 40. Another time I tried to make Easy Mac but didn't add enough water because I forgot to read all of the directions. Yet another time? I added too much water. Mmm, macaroni soup. You know what? Six-year-olds can make Easy Mac. Retarded monkeys can make Easy Mac. Yet I have a problem with it.
Once I cut myself on the stove. Yes, I said cut, not burned.
I tried to cook a pork loin on my George Foreman Grill, but I didn't thaw it out first. Yeah. Frozen pork doesn't cook very well. The outside of it was completely black and the inside didn't cook at all. Plus, the entire kitchen was filled with not-so-safe-looking smoke.
It's not just stuff like that, though. I don't know how to do things that to most people are second nature. I don't know how to brown meat; I don't know when it's done. I still can't bake a potato in the microwave that isn't either overdone or not cooked all the way. For a long time I didn't know how to make eggs. I'm happy to report that I can make delicious scrambled eggs, and sometimes I can make fried eggs but usually I either break them or they're overdone. Those are the only kinds of eggs I can make.
This lack of common sense doesn't pertain only to the kitchen. Oh, no. Once I climbed a billboard with my friend Stephanie. Then she climbed down. I noticed how long it took her to climb down and how it looked much easier to just jump. So I did. I didn't break anything (luckily) but I had to lie on the ground for a while to recover. While my "friends" stood around and laughed at me.
I think I've mentioned it before, but while putt-putting I got hit in the head with a golf ball. My own golf ball.
When I was taking driving lessons, the first time we came to a red light I asked the instructor (Tim) if I had to stop. When I was done with the lessons he told my parents that he didn't think I would pass the driving test. But I did. When I came out of the DMV and told my mom I passed, she told me, "Wow, I'm surprised, your dad and I thought you'd have to take it again. Thanks a lot, Tim. But I did pass. First try. Take that, you bastard.
Once my friend and I found a shopping cart in the parking lot where I worked. A normal person would have been able to see that it would not fit in the trunk of my car, but that didn't stop me from trying.
I used to work at a library, and one night it was storming so badly that parts of the ceiling started to leak. I noticed that it was leaking in the supply closet, where we stored a bunch of crap that was so cheap it wouldn't matter if it got ruined, but I went in anyway and started carrying the useless junk out. While I was in there, I noticed that the ceiling tile above me was starting to sag. Instead of, you know, moving, I just stood there and the tile broke and pieces of what looked like wet paper mache fell all over me.
I'm sure there are more examples, but these are the only ones I can remember that don't involve drinking. And since the best story that involves drinking is one my parents already know (how they found out is another example of my lack of common sense, but that's another story), I can tell it again.
It's tradition at Wittenberg to streak the Hollow (funny, the Wittenberg website Virtual Tour doesn't mention anything about this tradition). So one night, we did. I lost my bra. The next day, my friend Erin found it on the way back from class and hung it on the front door of my apartment. The end.
Tuesday, June 29, 2004
weeeeeeeeeird
Go here for the weird.
The beginning reminds me of the Matrix, even though it's just a phone ringing.
The rest isn't really like the Matrix at all, though.
Sorry.
The beginning reminds me of the Matrix, even though it's just a phone ringing.
The rest isn't really like the Matrix at all, though.
Sorry.
WTF?
There's this movie on comedy central right now called The Ref, which I've never seen before and I'm not really paying much attention to it. But I just noticed that they're all sitting around the dinner table wearing these Christmas wreaths on their heads. And the wreaths have candles all around them. And the candles are lit. If I could find a picture, I'd link to it.
Now, I know I'm not the most responsible person when it comes to fire, but even I would never wear a hat like that because I know it would take me approximately 3.6 minutes to lean back and catch the wall on fire.
Now, I know I'm not the most responsible person when it comes to fire, but even I would never wear a hat like that because I know it would take me approximately 3.6 minutes to lean back and catch the wall on fire.
i'm still alive
So, I wasn't horribly murdered in my sleep last night. I was pleasantly surprised to wake up alive and well this morning. The only bad thing is that I am sore all over. I feel like I was fighting in my sleep or something. Maybe I was, I was pretty paranoid last night and didn't fall to sleep until around 4, so for all I know I was running from a homocidal maniac all night in my dreams.
This is kind of embarrassing, and I'm only sharing it because I can admit that I was acting like a spaz and it is kind of funny, but not only did I lock the bedroom door last night, but I did that trick where you stick a chair under the doorknob so if someone had somehow unlocked the door they still wouldn't have been able to get in. Unless they had like, superhuman strength and they broke the chair. But that would make a lot of noise, so I probably would have woken up and had enough time to run into the bathroom with the phone and lock myself in there. How long do you suppose it takes the police to get somewhere once you call 911? And do they really put people on hold? That seems so evil.
"Oh, I'm sorry someone is about to kill you, but I was just about to take a bathroom break, can you hold please?"
Once my sister dialed 911 and someone answered (there was no emergency, she was just little and a holy terror) so I don't think they would have put her on hold. Then again, we were in Bellefontaine at the time so they probably don't get very many calls.
Tonight is my last night of housesitting, so it is the last night I could potentially be murdered in this house. And I know it's insane but I'll probably repeat the chair trick again tonight.
Hey, I figure it must work since I'm still alive today.
This is kind of embarrassing, and I'm only sharing it because I can admit that I was acting like a spaz and it is kind of funny, but not only did I lock the bedroom door last night, but I did that trick where you stick a chair under the doorknob so if someone had somehow unlocked the door they still wouldn't have been able to get in. Unless they had like, superhuman strength and they broke the chair. But that would make a lot of noise, so I probably would have woken up and had enough time to run into the bathroom with the phone and lock myself in there. How long do you suppose it takes the police to get somewhere once you call 911? And do they really put people on hold? That seems so evil.
"Oh, I'm sorry someone is about to kill you, but I was just about to take a bathroom break, can you hold please?"
Once my sister dialed 911 and someone answered (there was no emergency, she was just little and a holy terror) so I don't think they would have put her on hold. Then again, we were in Bellefontaine at the time so they probably don't get very many calls.
Tonight is my last night of housesitting, so it is the last night I could potentially be murdered in this house. And I know it's insane but I'll probably repeat the chair trick again tonight.
Hey, I figure it must work since I'm still alive today.
severely freaked out
I'm kind of freaking out right now. I'm housesitting for my aunt and uncle, and taking care of their dog, so I've been sleeping at their house so I can feed Roxy early in the morning. Normally she's a really calm dog and she hardly ever whines or barks, unless she needs to go out.
She was just out, so I know she doesn't need to go again, but she keeps running from the front of the house to the back of the house growling and making these little whining noises. She's been doing it for about 10 minutes and it's starting to get to me. Right now she's standing by the front door, sniffing the area around the crack in the bottom. Why is she doing that??
We're in a pretty nice neighborhood, so I wouldn't expect anything bad to happen, it's just that I'm here alone and it's not my house and I've seen way too many horror movies in my lifetime. I don't normally get freaked out like this; I'm usually pretty level-headed, but if the dog doesn't stop acting like there's a crazy axe murderer (or worse) outside I'm not going to bed tonight, that's for damn sure. The thing is, if someone did break into the house, I'm pretty sure Roxy, rather than protect me, would hide under the desk like she does during thunderstorms.
I hate feeling like this. It's the same feeling I used to get when I'd walk somewhere on campus at night and it's the same feeling I got when that weirdo at Snyder park tried to get me into his car.
It's times like this when I wish I knew kung fu or something. I don't think Tae-bo counts.
She was just out, so I know she doesn't need to go again, but she keeps running from the front of the house to the back of the house growling and making these little whining noises. She's been doing it for about 10 minutes and it's starting to get to me. Right now she's standing by the front door, sniffing the area around the crack in the bottom. Why is she doing that??
We're in a pretty nice neighborhood, so I wouldn't expect anything bad to happen, it's just that I'm here alone and it's not my house and I've seen way too many horror movies in my lifetime. I don't normally get freaked out like this; I'm usually pretty level-headed, but if the dog doesn't stop acting like there's a crazy axe murderer (or worse) outside I'm not going to bed tonight, that's for damn sure. The thing is, if someone did break into the house, I'm pretty sure Roxy, rather than protect me, would hide under the desk like she does during thunderstorms.
I hate feeling like this. It's the same feeling I used to get when I'd walk somewhere on campus at night and it's the same feeling I got when that weirdo at Snyder park tried to get me into his car.
It's times like this when I wish I knew kung fu or something. I don't think Tae-bo counts.
Monday, June 28, 2004
wanna ride bikes?
I think I have ADD. I'm serious. I've thought so for a long time, but I think it's getting worse. It's getting to the point where I get so distracted in the shower that I can't even remember if I've conditioned my hair yet. Although, I don't know if that's ADD or just plain old stupidity.
My friend Janna's favorite joke is about ADD. Here is a transcript of her telling it to someone.
Janna: How many ADD kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Hypothetical person: I don't know, how ma--
Janna: Wanna ride bikes?
It is a pretty funny joke.
I had Chinese food for dinner. I was disappointed, though, because they forgot to give me chopsticks and everyone knows the whole point of eating chinese food is because you get to eat with chopsticks. The food just doesn't taste as good when you're not eating it from utensils that could give you a splinter.
I've been messing around with the links and stuff on the side of this page. I'm pretty proud of myself for figuring it out, even though it really wasn't all that complicated. Baby steps. Maybe some day I can make a really fancy template of my own, but until then I'll just be using the one Blogger supplies. Thanks, Blogger.
Jeopardy update: Ken Jennings is still winning, the tiny, elfish bastard.
I was driving around earlier and I've come to the conclusion that most people in Kettering don't bother using turn signals. That, or turn signals just magically stop working when you enter the city.
As I was driving, I noticed that a lot of people were out walking. Probably because it was so nice out, not that I could tell from the air-conditioned comfort of my car. Do you ever make up stories about people you see on the street?
I do. Most of the time the only people I see are kids, people walking their dogs, or nerdy looking suburbany couples out for a walk. Every now and then, I get to see something worth sharing. Once I saw this older lady (probably in her 60s) walking down the street wearing a Hooters t-shirt and really tight leggings. She just made me wonder if maybe she used to work at Hooters, and she just really missed it, or maybe her daughter works there and gets free Hooter's t-shirts. Either way, I hope when I'm her age I'm cool enough to wear something like a Hooters shirt.
I still can't believe Hooter's has their own airline.
My friend Janna's favorite joke is about ADD. Here is a transcript of her telling it to someone.
Janna: How many ADD kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Hypothetical person: I don't know, how ma--
Janna: Wanna ride bikes?
It is a pretty funny joke.
I had Chinese food for dinner. I was disappointed, though, because they forgot to give me chopsticks and everyone knows the whole point of eating chinese food is because you get to eat with chopsticks. The food just doesn't taste as good when you're not eating it from utensils that could give you a splinter.
I've been messing around with the links and stuff on the side of this page. I'm pretty proud of myself for figuring it out, even though it really wasn't all that complicated. Baby steps. Maybe some day I can make a really fancy template of my own, but until then I'll just be using the one Blogger supplies. Thanks, Blogger.
Jeopardy update: Ken Jennings is still winning, the tiny, elfish bastard.
I was driving around earlier and I've come to the conclusion that most people in Kettering don't bother using turn signals. That, or turn signals just magically stop working when you enter the city.
As I was driving, I noticed that a lot of people were out walking. Probably because it was so nice out, not that I could tell from the air-conditioned comfort of my car. Do you ever make up stories about people you see on the street?
I do. Most of the time the only people I see are kids, people walking their dogs, or nerdy looking suburbany couples out for a walk. Every now and then, I get to see something worth sharing. Once I saw this older lady (probably in her 60s) walking down the street wearing a Hooters t-shirt and really tight leggings. She just made me wonder if maybe she used to work at Hooters, and she just really missed it, or maybe her daughter works there and gets free Hooter's t-shirts. Either way, I hope when I'm her age I'm cool enough to wear something like a Hooters shirt.
I still can't believe Hooter's has their own airline.
Saturday, June 26, 2004
dammit! will someone please just take this sucker DOWN
So. I was flipping back and forth between Jeopardy and a Friends rerun yesterday, because I wanted to see if that Ken Jennings dude was going to win. AGAIN. I wasn't actually going to watch Jeopardy because I hate watching him win, with that self-satisfied little smirk on his face. But there was someone else that was actually giving Ken a run for his money! Their scores were really close going into final Jeopardy, and for the first time in two weeks, Ken Jennings looked nervous, afraid even.
I don't remember what the Final Jeopardy question was, but the answer was leprosy. So maybe the question was something like, "This totally gross disease makes your skin look nasty and your body parts fall off in an interesting manner." Anyway, all the contestants got it right, which means Ken won again even though the other guy bet like $20,000.
So, now I'm thinking that if anyone was going to beat Ken, it was this guy. He was just as good, he just didn't have 17 days worth of practice behind him. I'm just afraid we're going to have to wait another two weeks before Ken Jennings is booted out of ABC studios on his ass.
Is it wrong that I dislike this guy so much? I really have no reason to, but I can't help it.
It's just, it's hard to keep up this level of hatred, night after night, and he just keeps winning. And to come so close to him losing and having it ripped away at the last minute . . . it's starting to get to me. The whole thing is reaching epic proportions in my mind, even though I have nothing personally invested in whether this guy wins or loses (other than hours of my time, and maybe a little, ok a lot, of my sanity).
Someone just needs to take the TV away from me every night at 7:30 so I stop torturing myself. Then I can pretend Ken Jennings doesn't exist and that the whole "genius kills on Jeopardy for 16 years" thing was a nightmare.
Mmmhmm. Right.
At least I'm not the only one who doesn't like him. Scroll down til you get to the bit about Ken Jennings. I'd forgotten about the movie theater thing.
Apparently Ken and his asshole friend go to the movies, and whenever someone in the movie says the title of the film, they start clapping and being generally annoying.
That's enough for me to hate him right there. I can't stand it when people TALK around me in the movie theater, let alone act like annoying little shits the entire time.
I don't remember what the Final Jeopardy question was, but the answer was leprosy. So maybe the question was something like, "This totally gross disease makes your skin look nasty and your body parts fall off in an interesting manner." Anyway, all the contestants got it right, which means Ken won again even though the other guy bet like $20,000.
So, now I'm thinking that if anyone was going to beat Ken, it was this guy. He was just as good, he just didn't have 17 days worth of practice behind him. I'm just afraid we're going to have to wait another two weeks before Ken Jennings is booted out of ABC studios on his ass.
Is it wrong that I dislike this guy so much? I really have no reason to, but I can't help it.
It's just, it's hard to keep up this level of hatred, night after night, and he just keeps winning. And to come so close to him losing and having it ripped away at the last minute . . . it's starting to get to me. The whole thing is reaching epic proportions in my mind, even though I have nothing personally invested in whether this guy wins or loses (other than hours of my time, and maybe a little, ok a lot, of my sanity).
Someone just needs to take the TV away from me every night at 7:30 so I stop torturing myself. Then I can pretend Ken Jennings doesn't exist and that the whole "genius kills on Jeopardy for 16 years" thing was a nightmare.
Mmmhmm. Right.
At least I'm not the only one who doesn't like him. Scroll down til you get to the bit about Ken Jennings. I'd forgotten about the movie theater thing.
Apparently Ken and his asshole friend go to the movies, and whenever someone in the movie says the title of the film, they start clapping and being generally annoying.
That's enough for me to hate him right there. I can't stand it when people TALK around me in the movie theater, let alone act like annoying little shits the entire time.
A.I.? Are you freaking kidding me?
I ran across the NY Times list of the Top 100 Movies of all time. I was going to list all the ones I'd seen and my opinion of them, but I quickly realized that would take a really long time and I just don't want to commit myself to that kind of project right now. So just go read the list yourself.
I skimmed it, and didn't really find too much to argue with. Even though they included movies I didn't particularly care for (The Way We Were, for instance), I can admit that they are good movies.
I did have some arguments, though. Jerry Maguire? Really? Are you sure, New York Times? Also, they included the Hamlet starring Ethan Hawke, but not the one with Kenneth Branaugh, who everyone knows is like the King of Shakespeare.
And Total Recall? Come on. I know Ah-nold is governor now, but that doesn't mean you have to suck up to him.
They also included Shrek, which is a good movie, but I think it's overrated. I wouldn't say it's one of the best movies of all time.
I was really surprised Lord of the Rings wasn't on the list, yet Star Wars was.
But it's OK because Titanic didn't make the list, either. Haha, take that you bloated piece of shit movie.
I was excited to see that Rushmore, Say Anything, and What's Eating Gilbert Grape all made the cut. Awesome.
Reading: The Footprints of God
Watching: Ferris Bueller's Day Off, which didn't make the list but is still freaking cool.
Wondering: If I should shower or take a little nappy-nap in front of the TV. Hmm, decisions decisions.
I skimmed it, and didn't really find too much to argue with. Even though they included movies I didn't particularly care for (The Way We Were, for instance), I can admit that they are good movies.
I did have some arguments, though. Jerry Maguire? Really? Are you sure, New York Times? Also, they included the Hamlet starring Ethan Hawke, but not the one with Kenneth Branaugh, who everyone knows is like the King of Shakespeare.
And Total Recall? Come on. I know Ah-nold is governor now, but that doesn't mean you have to suck up to him.
They also included Shrek, which is a good movie, but I think it's overrated. I wouldn't say it's one of the best movies of all time.
I was really surprised Lord of the Rings wasn't on the list, yet Star Wars was.
But it's OK because Titanic didn't make the list, either. Haha, take that you bloated piece of shit movie.
I was excited to see that Rushmore, Say Anything, and What's Eating Gilbert Grape all made the cut. Awesome.
Reading: The Footprints of God
Watching: Ferris Bueller's Day Off, which didn't make the list but is still freaking cool.
Wondering: If I should shower or take a little nappy-nap in front of the TV. Hmm, decisions decisions.
Friday, June 25, 2004
are you there, god? it's me, jennie
I changed the template for this site again, and I'm not sure if I like it yet. Honestly? I don't really care at the moment because I'm tired of messing with it.
Is anyone else intrigued by the new Seasonale commercials on TV? Apparently it's a new birth control pill that allows you to only have four periods a year. And while male readers are thinking, "who gives a shit?" the women are probably cheering and jumping up and down in their chairs.
DISCLAIMER: Anyone with a penis may want to stop reading now. And, although you may think this is a ploy and I'm going to start spilling some super-secret-woman-thoughts . . . I'm not. I'm just going to be talking about girlie things that you probably don't want to read about if you want to spend the remainder of your life free of nightmares about tampons. It's for your own protection. Really.
Because four periods a year means there would be eight months (eight!) free from bloating, mind-numbing cramps, making sure you're wearing dark pants so there are no "accidents", psychotic cravings (at least period-induced cravings), boob pain, and all those other general feelings of ickiness that accompany That Time of the Month.
Finally medicine has come through for women. Who among us has never curled up on the floor, hands on their stomachs, crying and shrieking, "Ow! My uterus!"
Earlier I decided to run through a fast food place for dinner. I was having trouble decided where, though, because I was having cravings for both McDonald's fries and a Whopper. And the sad truth is, I seriously thought about going through both Burger King and McDonald's drive-thrus.
But I didn't.
Just the word "period" is somewhat cringe-worthy and I'm not sure why. Who the hell thought it would be a good idea to call menstruation (which, by the way, isn't any better) a "period?"
First of all, it can be confusing. When I was in 2nd grade, I read Are You There, God? It's me, Margaret. Don't ask me how I got ahold of this book, because it's not really something a second grader should be reading. I remember getting about halfway through it and thinking, "Why are these girls talking so much about a period?" because, to my second-grade mind, a period was just something you put at the end of a sentence.
I went to my mom and asked her. After laughing, she took me aside and gave me The Talk. Well, more like the outline of The Talk. I'm sure she left out the more graphic stuff, which was OK because everyone knows you learn that stuff on the playground.
Maybe it's a good thing I'd read it, though, so that by the time 6th grade rolled around and I got my period I didn't think I was dying or anything. My mom told me when she got hers she ran to her mother, crying hysterically because she thought she was hemorrhaging.
I thought about trying Seasonale, but I don't know. It's so new, I think I'd rather wait and let a bunch of other people be the guinea pigs.
I still think it'd just be easier to freeze a bunch of my eggs and get my tubes tied.
Is anyone else intrigued by the new Seasonale commercials on TV? Apparently it's a new birth control pill that allows you to only have four periods a year. And while male readers are thinking, "who gives a shit?" the women are probably cheering and jumping up and down in their chairs.
DISCLAIMER: Anyone with a penis may want to stop reading now. And, although you may think this is a ploy and I'm going to start spilling some super-secret-woman-thoughts . . . I'm not. I'm just going to be talking about girlie things that you probably don't want to read about if you want to spend the remainder of your life free of nightmares about tampons. It's for your own protection. Really.
Because four periods a year means there would be eight months (eight!) free from bloating, mind-numbing cramps, making sure you're wearing dark pants so there are no "accidents", psychotic cravings (at least period-induced cravings), boob pain, and all those other general feelings of ickiness that accompany That Time of the Month.
Finally medicine has come through for women. Who among us has never curled up on the floor, hands on their stomachs, crying and shrieking, "Ow! My uterus!"
Earlier I decided to run through a fast food place for dinner. I was having trouble decided where, though, because I was having cravings for both McDonald's fries and a Whopper. And the sad truth is, I seriously thought about going through both Burger King and McDonald's drive-thrus.
But I didn't.
Just the word "period" is somewhat cringe-worthy and I'm not sure why. Who the hell thought it would be a good idea to call menstruation (which, by the way, isn't any better) a "period?"
First of all, it can be confusing. When I was in 2nd grade, I read Are You There, God? It's me, Margaret. Don't ask me how I got ahold of this book, because it's not really something a second grader should be reading. I remember getting about halfway through it and thinking, "Why are these girls talking so much about a period?" because, to my second-grade mind, a period was just something you put at the end of a sentence.
I went to my mom and asked her. After laughing, she took me aside and gave me The Talk. Well, more like the outline of The Talk. I'm sure she left out the more graphic stuff, which was OK because everyone knows you learn that stuff on the playground.
Maybe it's a good thing I'd read it, though, so that by the time 6th grade rolled around and I got my period I didn't think I was dying or anything. My mom told me when she got hers she ran to her mother, crying hysterically because she thought she was hemorrhaging.
I thought about trying Seasonale, but I don't know. It's so new, I think I'd rather wait and let a bunch of other people be the guinea pigs.
I still think it'd just be easier to freeze a bunch of my eggs and get my tubes tied.
ooh ooh ooh! ahh ahh AHH! (that's the sound a monkey makes)
Not only do they look alike, but they also have similar IQs.
Although, that's probably not being very fair.
To the chimp.
Har har.
Reading: US Weekly, which is like one step up from reading The National Enquirer. A very small step.
Watching: Toy Story 2.
Drinking: Diet Coke, and even though I used to hate it, I'm finding it strangely addicting.
Although, that's probably not being very fair.
To the chimp.
Har har.
Reading: US Weekly, which is like one step up from reading The National Enquirer. A very small step.
Watching: Toy Story 2.
Drinking: Diet Coke, and even though I used to hate it, I'm finding it strangely addicting.
THUNDAAAAAAASTOOOOOOOORM!
We had an awesome thunderstorm earlier. Although, there was more lighting than thunder. But there was still enough thunder to freak Roxy (the dog I'm dog-sitting) out. At one point, I was sitting at the computer desk, so she crawled under it into the tiny space where my legs were. And she weighs 70 pounds, so it was no small feat. I'm not used to dogs that are afraid of storms, my dog at home doesn't care unless there's thunder so loud that it interrupts her sleep cycle.
I watched The Graham Norton Effect earlier, and it was freaking hilarious. It's very naughty. It was originally on in England and I'd seen it a couple of times at home on BBC (god bless digital cable) but I forgot how funny it is. And I'm not even a huge fan of the guests he had on (Sandra Bernhard and one of the Wayans brothers, but not the Wayans that played Major Payne because that is, obviously, the Best Wayans Eva).
Then I watched The Daily Show. I love that show, and I love Jon Stewart, but sometimes I think it's worrisome that I get the majority of my news knowledge from that show.
And THEN while I was channel surfing I noticed that I Know What You Did Last Summer (also known as Scream If It Had Sucked) was on one channel and I STILL Know What You Did Last Summer (although, by that time wouldn't it have been like I Know What You Did the Summer Before Last Summer?) was on another channel at the SAME TIME. However would you decide which to watch? They are both such classic films. Jennifer Love Hewitt could be the next Audrey Hepburn, that is, of course, if Hepburn made crappy movies and sang crappy songs and was best known for having big boobs.
So maybe that theory could use some work. I'm probably not being fair. I've disliked Jennifer Love Hewitt ever since she dated my fiance.
I swear I didn't know about this, but damn is it funny. And also, so very very wrong.
I watched The Graham Norton Effect earlier, and it was freaking hilarious. It's very naughty. It was originally on in England and I'd seen it a couple of times at home on BBC (god bless digital cable) but I forgot how funny it is. And I'm not even a huge fan of the guests he had on (Sandra Bernhard and one of the Wayans brothers, but not the Wayans that played Major Payne because that is, obviously, the Best Wayans Eva).
Then I watched The Daily Show. I love that show, and I love Jon Stewart, but sometimes I think it's worrisome that I get the majority of my news knowledge from that show.
And THEN while I was channel surfing I noticed that I Know What You Did Last Summer (also known as Scream If It Had Sucked) was on one channel and I STILL Know What You Did Last Summer (although, by that time wouldn't it have been like I Know What You Did the Summer Before Last Summer?) was on another channel at the SAME TIME. However would you decide which to watch? They are both such classic films. Jennifer Love Hewitt could be the next Audrey Hepburn, that is, of course, if Hepburn made crappy movies and sang crappy songs and was best known for having big boobs.
So maybe that theory could use some work. I'm probably not being fair. I've disliked Jennifer Love Hewitt ever since she dated my fiance.
I swear I didn't know about this, but damn is it funny. And also, so very very wrong.
Thursday, June 24, 2004
this is why you should be nice to spiders
Ok, so I think I'm addicted to the Yahoo! Odd news website. I can't help it, it's all so funny!
Witness, for instance, this. There's nothing wrong with trying to kill a spider, but I'm thinking that trying to light it on fire is the wrong way to go about it.
Once, freshmen year, the fire alarm in my dorm went off. This was a normal occurrence, due to the fact that five out of the eleven floors housed guys, and sometimes these guys would have water gun fights and when the fire detectors get wet, they go off until they are dry. I think we had at least one fire alarm a week that year.
But THIS TIME it was for real. There was a real fire on the 3rd floor. No one was hurt, but we found out later the cause was some kid, alone in his room, drunk or high (both?), who saw a bunch of those bugs that look like ladybugs (but aren't) that invade Wittenberg's campus every year on his ceiling, and he thought it'd be a good idea to take a lighter and try and catch them on fire. Well, as a result of being drunk or high or just freaking stupid he ended up lighting the ceiling on fire. And instead of telling anyone about it, he casually walked out of his room and shut the door. Because that's how you put out those tough ceiling fire.
Brilliant.
I don't know what happened to the kid. I'm assuming that setting a dorm on fire doesn't put you on the university's good side.
Witness, for instance, this. There's nothing wrong with trying to kill a spider, but I'm thinking that trying to light it on fire is the wrong way to go about it.
Once, freshmen year, the fire alarm in my dorm went off. This was a normal occurrence, due to the fact that five out of the eleven floors housed guys, and sometimes these guys would have water gun fights and when the fire detectors get wet, they go off until they are dry. I think we had at least one fire alarm a week that year.
But THIS TIME it was for real. There was a real fire on the 3rd floor. No one was hurt, but we found out later the cause was some kid, alone in his room, drunk or high (both?), who saw a bunch of those bugs that look like ladybugs (but aren't) that invade Wittenberg's campus every year on his ceiling, and he thought it'd be a good idea to take a lighter and try and catch them on fire. Well, as a result of being drunk or high or just freaking stupid he ended up lighting the ceiling on fire. And instead of telling anyone about it, he casually walked out of his room and shut the door. Because that's how you put out those tough ceiling fire.
Brilliant.
I don't know what happened to the kid. I'm assuming that setting a dorm on fire doesn't put you on the university's good side.
once there was a chick. and a duck.
Does anyone else think that new crap Hilary Duff movie might actually be worth seeing? For the sole reason that Stifler's mom is in it so it's bound to have at least a few funny lines.
Today was awesome. And I will tell you why. Today was the first day in a week that I've been able to (mostly) breathe through my nose. My cold is almost gone!
And if you don't understand why that is so awesome, then I'm assuming that you've never had to walk around in public with your mouth hanging open like an idiot because your nose is so stuffed with snot that it feels like someone injected wet
cement directly into your sinuses. Sorry to be graphic, but if you've never had that feeling that I hate you and you deserve to be grossed out.
Reading: Reviews of Fahrenheit 9/11. I really want to see it.
Watching: The episode of Friends where Joey and Chandler get the chick and the duck.
Wondering: Why Ross is putting make-up on Rachel. Hmm.
Today was awesome. And I will tell you why. Today was the first day in a week that I've been able to (mostly) breathe through my nose. My cold is almost gone!
And if you don't understand why that is so awesome, then I'm assuming that you've never had to walk around in public with your mouth hanging open like an idiot because your nose is so stuffed with snot that it feels like someone injected wet
cement directly into your sinuses. Sorry to be graphic, but if you've never had that feeling that I hate you and you deserve to be grossed out.
Reading: Reviews of Fahrenheit 9/11. I really want to see it.
Watching: The episode of Friends where Joey and Chandler get the chick and the duck.
Wondering: Why Ross is putting make-up on Rachel. Hmm.
Wednesday, June 23, 2004
last one, i swear
Here's an example of someone with too much time on his hands. Basically, this old guy went to the library and crossed out swear words in a bunch of books.
Which is better than what this guy used to do at the library in my hometown. He'd take books that he thought were inappropriate (mostly anything to do with homosexuality) and poop in them.
You heard me. He pooped. On the books. And he'd write things like, "how dare you corrupt young children" in the books, too.
Because teaching children about homosexuality is wrong. Pooping on books, though? Totally fine. The story was on The Daily Show, too, but it was when that guy who sucks hosted it, not Jon Stewart.
Thankfully, this all happened before I worked at the library so I never ran across any books with poo on them.
Although, once someone took a crap right next to the toilet in the men's bathroom. And it didn't look like a child-size pile of poo, either.
But that's story for another day.
Which is better than what this guy used to do at the library in my hometown. He'd take books that he thought were inappropriate (mostly anything to do with homosexuality) and poop in them.
You heard me. He pooped. On the books. And he'd write things like, "how dare you corrupt young children" in the books, too.
Because teaching children about homosexuality is wrong. Pooping on books, though? Totally fine. The story was on The Daily Show, too, but it was when that guy who sucks hosted it, not Jon Stewart.
Thankfully, this all happened before I worked at the library so I never ran across any books with poo on them.
Although, once someone took a crap right next to the toilet in the men's bathroom. And it didn't look like a child-size pile of poo, either.
But that's story for another day.
Oh my god . . . it's like a real life X-man. Or . . . X-boy?
Either way, freaking awesome. I hope my kids have mutant DNA that gives them superpowers.
Either way, freaking awesome. I hope my kids have mutant DNA that gives them superpowers.
wtf mate?
Check it out, I figured out how to put polls on here. Well, it's not like it required a great deal of time and effort but you can still be impressed if you want.
So, like, go vote.
So, like, go vote.
I'll take Nerd Alert for 200, Alex
I just got done watching Jeopardy. There's this guy named Ken Jennings who has been on for like 15 days (16, counting today) and after he won today he'd won something like 512,000 dollars.
And you know? That's pretty awesome. It's not something that normally happens, so it should be exciting, right?
So . . . explain to me why I'm rooting for him to lose.
I liked him at first. I believe my exact thoughts were, "Holy shit, this guy knows everything." But now he just seems smarmy and know-it-ally. I can't stand him. As I was watching tonight, I found myself yelling bad things at the TV whenever he'd answer a question correctly.
It kind of reminds me of that movie Quiz Show, where John Turturro plays this super-know-it-all on this game show, but he's not extremely likeable because he's all nerdy and awkward. So the network brings in Ralph Fiennes, who is all attractive and suave and also a smarty. Anyway, the fix the game so Fiennes wins because more people like him and they get better ratings with Suave-y McSuaveerson than with Nerdy McNerdalot. I think the network got caught cheating, though, but I'm not sure because I didn't finish watching the movie. I can't remember why I didn't finish it. The part I watched was really good.
Anyway, I'm hoping the people at Jeopardy do this soon, because I don't like Ken Jennings anymore (although, I think I'm the only one). So, Jeopardy minions, if you're reading this, please replace Ken Jennings. I don't care how you do it. Break his buzzer or something.
I'd be willing to let him stay if SNL would do a parody and bring Will Ferrell in to play Alex Trebek.
Reading: The text messages that my sister keeps sending even though it should be obvious that I'm ignoring them.
Watching: Good Will Hunting.
Thinking: That there's nothing better than the silky smooth feeling of your newly-shaved legs, until you run across those few tiny hairs around your knee that you always miss and you wonder if you should go all the way upstairs to get the razor and take care of these hairs once and for all, or if you should just stop rubbing your own legs (because you look like a pervert, I don't care if no one can see you) and try and forget the offending hairs.
And you know? That's pretty awesome. It's not something that normally happens, so it should be exciting, right?
So . . . explain to me why I'm rooting for him to lose.
I liked him at first. I believe my exact thoughts were, "Holy shit, this guy knows everything." But now he just seems smarmy and know-it-ally. I can't stand him. As I was watching tonight, I found myself yelling bad things at the TV whenever he'd answer a question correctly.
It kind of reminds me of that movie Quiz Show, where John Turturro plays this super-know-it-all on this game show, but he's not extremely likeable because he's all nerdy and awkward. So the network brings in Ralph Fiennes, who is all attractive and suave and also a smarty. Anyway, the fix the game so Fiennes wins because more people like him and they get better ratings with Suave-y McSuaveerson than with Nerdy McNerdalot. I think the network got caught cheating, though, but I'm not sure because I didn't finish watching the movie. I can't remember why I didn't finish it. The part I watched was really good.
Anyway, I'm hoping the people at Jeopardy do this soon, because I don't like Ken Jennings anymore (although, I think I'm the only one). So, Jeopardy minions, if you're reading this, please replace Ken Jennings. I don't care how you do it. Break his buzzer or something.
I'd be willing to let him stay if SNL would do a parody and bring Will Ferrell in to play Alex Trebek.
Reading: The text messages that my sister keeps sending even though it should be obvious that I'm ignoring them.
Watching: Good Will Hunting.
Thinking: That there's nothing better than the silky smooth feeling of your newly-shaved legs, until you run across those few tiny hairs around your knee that you always miss and you wonder if you should go all the way upstairs to get the razor and take care of these hairs once and for all, or if you should just stop rubbing your own legs (because you look like a pervert, I don't care if no one can see you) and try and forget the offending hairs.
i've discovered my dream job
I think I want to become a soap opera writer. I was just watching Days of Our Lives (don't you judge me) and the storyline had to be written by someone on drugs. So, the "Salem Stalker" killed a whole bunch of the characters and everyone was all boo-hoo-my-loved-ones-are-dead-and-or-dying. Then they found out Marlena was the killer. Then she died somehow. I'm fuzzy on the details because today was the first time I watched it since I was at Witt. But, basically, now all the dead people are on this island that looks exactly like Salem. Which is pretty ingenious of the writers because all the prop department has to do is plop down some palm trees and throw some sand around the existing set. Anyway, all the "dead" people are trying to figure out what the hell is going on and meanwhile everyone in Salem who thinks all those people are still dead are at some ho-down or something.
Awesome. I'm thinking that working on a soap opera would be so much easier than writing for a real TV show, because you don't have to worry about character development, plot inconsistencies, or foreshadowing. You want someone to come back from the dead, even though they've been buried alive for the past two weeks and they only had like 20 minutes worth of air left? Cool! Go for it! I love it, you can make any random shit up and it won't matter. Viewers can get angry, but eventually they'll realize they're watching a soap opera and it's supposed to be crappy and nonsensical. Why else would you watch it?
Don't think I'm kidding, either. I'm serious. One day I WILL write for Days of Your Mom, or General Life to Live, or, if I'm extremely lucky, Passions.
This isn't like that time in high school when we had to write about our career goals, and I told my English teacher that my dream was to write the summaries on book jacket covers and she gave me a D for not taking the assignment seriously.
This time I mean it.
Reading: New York Times, online.
Watching: Passions. Mi'ha! Telesa!
Wondering: If all the cold/cough medicine is affecting my brain in a not-good way.
Awesome. I'm thinking that working on a soap opera would be so much easier than writing for a real TV show, because you don't have to worry about character development, plot inconsistencies, or foreshadowing. You want someone to come back from the dead, even though they've been buried alive for the past two weeks and they only had like 20 minutes worth of air left? Cool! Go for it! I love it, you can make any random shit up and it won't matter. Viewers can get angry, but eventually they'll realize they're watching a soap opera and it's supposed to be crappy and nonsensical. Why else would you watch it?
Don't think I'm kidding, either. I'm serious. One day I WILL write for Days of Your Mom, or General Life to Live, or, if I'm extremely lucky, Passions.
This isn't like that time in high school when we had to write about our career goals, and I told my English teacher that my dream was to write the summaries on book jacket covers and she gave me a D for not taking the assignment seriously.
This time I mean it.
Reading: New York Times, online.
Watching: Passions. Mi'ha! Telesa!
Wondering: If all the cold/cough medicine is affecting my brain in a not-good way.
Monday, June 21, 2004
Sunday, June 20, 2004
i promise to stop writing about my bodily functions soon
Ok, so yesterday when I thought I was getting better? Not so much. Not only do I still have the cough, but I now cannot breathe. It's fun.
I really don't think I got any sleep last night. I remember lying in bed and trying to find a comfortable position. Then, I'd find a comfortable position but I'd realize I couldn't breathe through my nose when I was lying like that, so I'd have to move. Because I hate trying to fall asleep and breathing through my mouth.
I honestly think it was the cough syrup that caused my sleeplessness. My biggest clue? The warning label says that it might cause sleeplessness, and if it does, to discontinue use. Which I'd do, you know, if this wasn't the only medicine that seems to work.
I was OK earlier; I wasn't even that tired, but it's starting to catch up with me. Everything has taken on a kind of slow-motion-dreamy-floaty feeling, which is probably not a good sign. Especially since I was driving a car a little while ago. I kind of hope I start hallucinating. Sure, it might be scary for a while, but if I start hallucinating that I'm lying on a beach in the sun it can't be all bad, right?
Reading: Nothing, because I can only read about four words before I go ADD.
Watching: The number "7" blinking on the answering machine. It's strangely hypnotic.
Drinking: Cough syrup, straight out of the bottle. Just kidding.
I really don't think I got any sleep last night. I remember lying in bed and trying to find a comfortable position. Then, I'd find a comfortable position but I'd realize I couldn't breathe through my nose when I was lying like that, so I'd have to move. Because I hate trying to fall asleep and breathing through my mouth.
I honestly think it was the cough syrup that caused my sleeplessness. My biggest clue? The warning label says that it might cause sleeplessness, and if it does, to discontinue use. Which I'd do, you know, if this wasn't the only medicine that seems to work.
I was OK earlier; I wasn't even that tired, but it's starting to catch up with me. Everything has taken on a kind of slow-motion-dreamy-floaty feeling, which is probably not a good sign. Especially since I was driving a car a little while ago. I kind of hope I start hallucinating. Sure, it might be scary for a while, but if I start hallucinating that I'm lying on a beach in the sun it can't be all bad, right?
Reading: Nothing, because I can only read about four words before I go ADD.
Watching: The number "7" blinking on the answering machine. It's strangely hypnotic.
Drinking: Cough syrup, straight out of the bottle. Just kidding.
Saturday, June 19, 2004
"I am most seriously displeased." - Lady Catherine, Pride and Prejudice
I have several feelings about this, and none of them are good.
First of all, does there really need to be another remake of Pride and Prejudice? I mean, there's a 1940 version starring Sir Laurence freaking Olivier, there's the 1995 A&E miniseries starring Colin "my middle name is Darcy" Firth, so I don't think we need anything else. Ever. At least not for like 40 years, ok? There should be a 50 year period between each remake of a Jane Austen book. Can we pass a law or something?
Second of all . . . Kiera Knightley? As Elizabeth Bennett?! Are you freaking kidding me? No! That is BAD! I mean, I like her as much as the next person, but at no point in Pride and Prejudice does Elizabeth play soccer or run around with pirates.
The website hasn't posted who was cast as Mr. Darcy. It doesn't matter, though. I already hate whoever it is. You know why? Because Colin Firth IS Mr. Darcy and that's the end of it. C'mon. He played Mr. Darcy in the miniseries (all 6 hours of it; that's a lot of Mr. Darcy) and he also played Mark Darcy in Bridget Jones's Diary. And in the sequel to Bridget Jones's Diary. He's all kinds of Darcy, ok?
Jerks.
I just noticed that there are about 109 links on this post. Awesome.
First of all, does there really need to be another remake of Pride and Prejudice? I mean, there's a 1940 version starring Sir Laurence freaking Olivier, there's the 1995 A&E miniseries starring Colin "my middle name is Darcy" Firth, so I don't think we need anything else. Ever. At least not for like 40 years, ok? There should be a 50 year period between each remake of a Jane Austen book. Can we pass a law or something?
Second of all . . . Kiera Knightley? As Elizabeth Bennett?! Are you freaking kidding me? No! That is BAD! I mean, I like her as much as the next person, but at no point in Pride and Prejudice does Elizabeth play soccer or run around with pirates.
The website hasn't posted who was cast as Mr. Darcy. It doesn't matter, though. I already hate whoever it is. You know why? Because Colin Firth IS Mr. Darcy and that's the end of it. C'mon. He played Mr. Darcy in the miniseries (all 6 hours of it; that's a lot of Mr. Darcy) and he also played Mark Darcy in Bridget Jones's Diary. And in the sequel to Bridget Jones's Diary. He's all kinds of Darcy, ok?
Jerks.
I just noticed that there are about 109 links on this post. Awesome.
rule one: mom is always right
Rule two: see rule one.
Ok, today was proof positive that you should always listen to your mother. I talked to her yesterday and told her I had a cough and she told me I should come home (see, I'm house/dog-sitting for my aunt, which is why I wasn't already at home) and get this medicine that she swears works wonders. My response? "Oh, mom, it's ok, I'll just take some Robitussin I found in Aunt Karen's cabinet."
Today I woke up and felt even worse than I did yesterday. I took two doses of Robitussin, sat on the couch, and hacked like I was trying to cough up a lung for about 8 hours. Continuously. Finally, I decided to just go home and get the medicine my mom was talking about.
I took my first dose of it about three hours ago. I've coughed about 5 times in the past two hours. This stuff is like Miracle Medicine.
I hate it when my mom is right. Which is often. The only comforting thing is that at some point (hopefully) I'll have a son or daughter and then I'll be the one who gets to be right all the time. And I can rub it in their faces.
Not that my mom would ever do that.
Especially when her first-born is still sick.
No.
Never.
Except she totally did. About 10 minutes ago.
Ok, today was proof positive that you should always listen to your mother. I talked to her yesterday and told her I had a cough and she told me I should come home (see, I'm house/dog-sitting for my aunt, which is why I wasn't already at home) and get this medicine that she swears works wonders. My response? "Oh, mom, it's ok, I'll just take some Robitussin I found in Aunt Karen's cabinet."
Today I woke up and felt even worse than I did yesterday. I took two doses of Robitussin, sat on the couch, and hacked like I was trying to cough up a lung for about 8 hours. Continuously. Finally, I decided to just go home and get the medicine my mom was talking about.
I took my first dose of it about three hours ago. I've coughed about 5 times in the past two hours. This stuff is like Miracle Medicine.
I hate it when my mom is right. Which is often. The only comforting thing is that at some point (hopefully) I'll have a son or daughter and then I'll be the one who gets to be right all the time. And I can rub it in their faces.
Not that my mom would ever do that.
Especially when her first-born is still sick.
No.
Never.
Except she totally did. About 10 minutes ago.
Quarantine
Help. Please. I'm not kidding, someone please put me out of my misery. I think I'm dying. I have tuberculosis, just like Thoreau and Nicole Kidman.
Ok, so I probably don't have tuberculosis, but this is what I imagine it feels like. My lungs are slowly turning to liquid, causing deep, chest-rattling coughing fits. I haven't coughed up any blood yet, but I'll keep everyone updated.
If I don't post in a few days it means I'm dead.
I'll miss you all.
My sister can have my DVDs.
Reading: The directions on the Robitussin, wishing I could take another dose.
Watching: Misery. How appropriate.
Wondering: If I could just drink an entire bottle of cough syrup, lapse into a coma, and magically wake up in a week, healthy and refreshed.
Ok, so I probably don't have tuberculosis, but this is what I imagine it feels like. My lungs are slowly turning to liquid, causing deep, chest-rattling coughing fits. I haven't coughed up any blood yet, but I'll keep everyone updated.
If I don't post in a few days it means I'm dead.
I'll miss you all.
My sister can have my DVDs.
Reading: The directions on the Robitussin, wishing I could take another dose.
Watching: Misery. How appropriate.
Wondering: If I could just drink an entire bottle of cough syrup, lapse into a coma, and magically wake up in a week, healthy and refreshed.
Friday, June 18, 2004
Who gets a cold in the middle of summer? Honestly.
Someone please shoot me and put me out of my misery.
Thursday, June 17, 2004
i'm a genius!
I was feeling like a dumbass earlier so I took an IQ test online. Which, now that I think about it, could have been disastrous because what if I scored like a 34 or something?
Luckily, I got a self-esteem boost. I got a 148. I'm a genius! I'm sure we all suspected as much. This is bad, though, because it means I'm not applying myself. Hee.
I guess that's only if the test was accurate. Hell, for all I know the questions were just super easy so the test makers could make people feel good about themselves.
I don't care, though. It worked.
Luckily, I got a self-esteem boost. I got a 148. I'm a genius! I'm sure we all suspected as much. This is bad, though, because it means I'm not applying myself. Hee.
I guess that's only if the test was accurate. Hell, for all I know the questions were just super easy so the test makers could make people feel good about themselves.
I don't care, though. It worked.
cuckoo for Coco Cox
What is it with celebrities giving their children names you'd normally give a dog?
I guess celebrities have the benefit of allowing their children to be home-schooled, saving them from relentless teasing on the playground.
That, or they send the kid to private school with other celebrity offspring, who all have names like Apple anyway.
Reading: Weird news.
Watching: Romancing the Stone.
Wondering: How I got a cold in the middle of summer.
I guess celebrities have the benefit of allowing their children to be home-schooled, saving them from relentless teasing on the playground.
That, or they send the kid to private school with other celebrity offspring, who all have names like Apple anyway.
Reading: Weird news.
Watching: Romancing the Stone.
Wondering: How I got a cold in the middle of summer.
priceless
I couldn't sleep, so obviously I sign online and start surfing the internet for random shit. And random shit I did find. Here are a couple news articles. They are all real. I kid you not.
St. Paul woman bites off man's tongue during kiss. According to her, it was an accident. I'll buy that. Except I totally don't.
Man Charged With Tossing Snake Into Bar. He's been charged with assault with a deadly weapon. They interviewed the guy that volunteered to take the snake home, and I quote, "He's actually nice, for a rattler," he said. "I just fed him a hamster, and I'm going to call him Jack."
There are a couple things about that statement that make me wonder. But I really, truly hope that this guy didn't feed the snake his kid's hamster. Cause I'm thinking the kid is gonna notice that Hammy is missing and Daddy got a new pet and even the stupidest child will eventually put two and two together.
This Lady is from Indiana. So, all you Hoosiers better watch out.
Wow. I'm just . . . speechless.
Can you say "bitches" in a news article?
St. Paul woman bites off man's tongue during kiss. According to her, it was an accident. I'll buy that. Except I totally don't.
Man Charged With Tossing Snake Into Bar. He's been charged with assault with a deadly weapon. They interviewed the guy that volunteered to take the snake home, and I quote, "He's actually nice, for a rattler," he said. "I just fed him a hamster, and I'm going to call him Jack."
There are a couple things about that statement that make me wonder. But I really, truly hope that this guy didn't feed the snake his kid's hamster. Cause I'm thinking the kid is gonna notice that Hammy is missing and Daddy got a new pet and even the stupidest child will eventually put two and two together.
This Lady is from Indiana. So, all you Hoosiers better watch out.
Wow. I'm just . . . speechless.
Can you say "bitches" in a news article?
Wednesday, June 16, 2004
puttin' on the ritz
My dad just crumbled Ritz crackers on his chocolate ice cream. Am I out of the loop? Do people do this? Anyone?
I had the strangest dream last night. For some reason, I was sitting in some sort of shed with a group of people. The only one I can remember is Chunk from The Goonies. Shut up, I know it's weird. Anyway, some bad sort of guy was trying to kill us so he pushed the shed down a hill toward this cliff. All of us sit there pretty calmly, waiting for the shed to go over this cliff, which is odd, because in real life I'd be jumping off of the roof of said shed because there is no way in hell I'd sit there and wait to fall off of a cliff.
The shed finally goes over the cliff, and it starts to spin around all auntie-em-it's-a-twister. The shed breaks apart and everything scatters and the last thing I can remember before I woke up is looking down and seeing how far in the air we were, knowing there was no way in hell I was going to survive, and so I just closed my eyes.
When I woke up I was breathing really hard and clutching the sheets. It was freaky.
I wonder what it means.
Reading: Everything is Bad for You.
Watching: Bridget Jones's Diary, even though it's on regular cable so they're cutting out or dubbing over all the bad parts (perfect example, Bridget just called someone an emotional fartwit . . . what does that even mean?) and I could just put the DVD. Actually, I might do it soon, because they keep substituting "fuck" with "freak" and it's getting annoying. I didn't realize how often they said fuck in this movie. V. interesting. Hee.
Eating: v.g. chocolate ice cream, minus the Ritz crackers.
Oh my god. They just cut out the best line in the entire Bridget Jones movie. Bastards.
I had the strangest dream last night. For some reason, I was sitting in some sort of shed with a group of people. The only one I can remember is Chunk from The Goonies. Shut up, I know it's weird. Anyway, some bad sort of guy was trying to kill us so he pushed the shed down a hill toward this cliff. All of us sit there pretty calmly, waiting for the shed to go over this cliff, which is odd, because in real life I'd be jumping off of the roof of said shed because there is no way in hell I'd sit there and wait to fall off of a cliff.
The shed finally goes over the cliff, and it starts to spin around all auntie-em-it's-a-twister. The shed breaks apart and everything scatters and the last thing I can remember before I woke up is looking down and seeing how far in the air we were, knowing there was no way in hell I was going to survive, and so I just closed my eyes.
When I woke up I was breathing really hard and clutching the sheets. It was freaky.
I wonder what it means.
Reading: Everything is Bad for You.
Watching: Bridget Jones's Diary, even though it's on regular cable so they're cutting out or dubbing over all the bad parts (perfect example, Bridget just called someone an emotional fartwit . . . what does that even mean?) and I could just put the DVD. Actually, I might do it soon, because they keep substituting "fuck" with "freak" and it's getting annoying. I didn't realize how often they said fuck in this movie. V. interesting. Hee.
Eating: v.g. chocolate ice cream, minus the Ritz crackers.
Oh my god. They just cut out the best line in the entire Bridget Jones movie. Bastards.
Tuesday, June 15, 2004
paul simon is a smurf
I'm watching In Tune on VH1 and the guests are Paul Simon and John Mayer. They just stood next to each other and John Mayer is about 8 feet taller than Paul Simon. It looked funny. I laughed. I'm also loving that they used the word "hunky" to describe John Mayer. Hee.
My dog keeps trying to eat napkins and tissues. It's gotten to the point that if a big, juicy steak was sitting on the floor next to a wad of toilet paper, she'd go for the toilet paper.
Reading: Writer's Market
Watching: I believe I said I'm watching the hotness. John Mayer, not Paul Simon.
Wondering: How short Paul Simon really is, because he looks very tiny.
My dog keeps trying to eat napkins and tissues. It's gotten to the point that if a big, juicy steak was sitting on the floor next to a wad of toilet paper, she'd go for the toilet paper.
Reading: Writer's Market
Watching: I believe I said I'm watching the hotness. John Mayer, not Paul Simon.
Wondering: How short Paul Simon really is, because he looks very tiny.
now taking bets on who the next dead famous person will be
Sooooo, Ronald Reagan died (enough with the constant coverage already, the man wasn't a saint) and Ray Charles died.
If famous people die in threes . . . who will be next?
dum dum DUUUUUUM (that's supposed to be the sound of music to fill you with suspense . . . did it work?).
If famous people die in threes . . . who will be next?
dum dum DUUUUUUM (that's supposed to be the sound of music to fill you with suspense . . . did it work?).
viggo who?
Was anyone else aware that Viggo Mortenson has written several (not one, but SEVERAL) books?
Way to go, Aragorn.
Way to go, Aragorn.
oops, i did it again
I promise never to quote a Britney Spears song again. I apologize.
I fed my book addiction again today. I went to the library for the sole purpose of returning a movie. That was it. And, somehow, I end up leaving with four books and the entire third season of Sex and the City.
Oops.
So, I mentioned possible good news in my last post. Unfortunately, it didn't pan out. The good news was going to be, however, that my mom was getting free tickets to see Guster this weekend. She can, apparently, get them for free from work but I didn't know this until yesterday. I guess all the Guster tickets were taken last Friday, though. It was just bad timing.
Oh well.
I realized earlier that I haven't written anything in a while, aside from what I'm writing in this blog. I miss it, too. I almost wonder if I'm using the blog as an excuse. It's still writing, but it doesn't require any risk. I'm not writing anything that could be rejected.
I don't know. The whole thing has too much of a serious vibe, and I'd much rather avoid that. Naturally.
Reading: The Best American Nonrequired Reading.
Watching: Duh. Sex and the City.
Wondering: Where my other blue sandal is.
I fed my book addiction again today. I went to the library for the sole purpose of returning a movie. That was it. And, somehow, I end up leaving with four books and the entire third season of Sex and the City.
Oops.
So, I mentioned possible good news in my last post. Unfortunately, it didn't pan out. The good news was going to be, however, that my mom was getting free tickets to see Guster this weekend. She can, apparently, get them for free from work but I didn't know this until yesterday. I guess all the Guster tickets were taken last Friday, though. It was just bad timing.
Oh well.
I realized earlier that I haven't written anything in a while, aside from what I'm writing in this blog. I miss it, too. I almost wonder if I'm using the blog as an excuse. It's still writing, but it doesn't require any risk. I'm not writing anything that could be rejected.
I don't know. The whole thing has too much of a serious vibe, and I'd much rather avoid that. Naturally.
Reading: The Best American Nonrequired Reading.
Watching: Duh. Sex and the City.
Wondering: Where my other blue sandal is.
Sunday, June 13, 2004
congratulations Liz and Rob!
Yesterday I went to Springfield for Lizzle and Rob's wedding. I was worried when I woke up because it was raining, but later it got really sunny so the weather was beautiful for the wedding.
It's so strange that people my age are starting to get married. We all decided last night that one of us needs to get married every year so we can all get together. Not that we need to get married to have a reunion, but it does give us a good excuse.
I'm in rough shape today, though. The shoes I wore to the wedding gave me blisters. In order to walk without limping I've kind of been walking on the sides of my feet, which is making my ankles hurt. I'm hoping I can still walk tomorrow. My neck is sore from sleeping on the floor and I'm really tired, even though I just woke up from an unplanned nap while watching The Others.
We went to my mom's company picnic earlier. It was at Fifth Third field, where the Dayton Dragons play. It was fun for a while, but there wasn't much for adults to do. They had a lot of kid games, though, and they let the kids play baseball on the field, which was entertaining for a while. Apparently there was some band playing later, but we left before they started. My mom says I might know who they are because "it's one of those bands the kids listen to," but she couldn't remember the band's name. Now it's driving me nuts. Because I want to know. I guess they're playing at some other event that Kettering Medical Center is having, so at least if it's someone good I haven't completely missed it.
I might have good news tomorrow, but I don't want to jinx it by saying what it is. So you'll all have to wait. And cross your fingers.
Also? How excited am I for THIS?
The answer . . . very.
Reading: The Hours.
Watching: The Seven Wonders of Egypt. Shut up, it's interesting.
Wondering: Why I don't just go to bed.
It's so strange that people my age are starting to get married. We all decided last night that one of us needs to get married every year so we can all get together. Not that we need to get married to have a reunion, but it does give us a good excuse.
I'm in rough shape today, though. The shoes I wore to the wedding gave me blisters. In order to walk without limping I've kind of been walking on the sides of my feet, which is making my ankles hurt. I'm hoping I can still walk tomorrow. My neck is sore from sleeping on the floor and I'm really tired, even though I just woke up from an unplanned nap while watching The Others.
We went to my mom's company picnic earlier. It was at Fifth Third field, where the Dayton Dragons play. It was fun for a while, but there wasn't much for adults to do. They had a lot of kid games, though, and they let the kids play baseball on the field, which was entertaining for a while. Apparently there was some band playing later, but we left before they started. My mom says I might know who they are because "it's one of those bands the kids listen to," but she couldn't remember the band's name. Now it's driving me nuts. Because I want to know. I guess they're playing at some other event that Kettering Medical Center is having, so at least if it's someone good I haven't completely missed it.
I might have good news tomorrow, but I don't want to jinx it by saying what it is. So you'll all have to wait. And cross your fingers.
Also? How excited am I for THIS?
The answer . . . very.
Reading: The Hours.
Watching: The Seven Wonders of Egypt. Shut up, it's interesting.
Wondering: Why I don't just go to bed.
Saturday, June 12, 2004
Friday, June 11, 2004
springtucky, here we come
I'm so excited! I'm going to Springfield tomorrow for Lizzle and Rob's wedding. Which is awesome.
Another awesome thing? I get to see all my BFFs! Well, not all, but a lot. Yaaaaaaay.
I went shopping with my mom today, and it rained the entire time. Until we were almost home. At one point in the car, we were stopped at a light in a part of town where there are lots of cicadas. Those things are hilarious. I watched at least 5 of them ricochet off of cars, only to spin around a bit and then fly on.
It's too bad those things only come every 17 years.
Of course, if our yard was covered in them, I probably wouldn't be saying that.
Reading: The Hours by Michael Cunningham.
Watching: Pirates of the Caribbean. Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, and sword-fighting. Pirate movies don't get much better than that. But if you're watching this . . . run. Far, far away. Savvy?
Wondering: Why it isn't tomorrow yet. Well, it will be in about 20 minutes, but you know what I mean.
Another awesome thing? I get to see all my BFFs! Well, not all, but a lot. Yaaaaaaay.
I went shopping with my mom today, and it rained the entire time. Until we were almost home. At one point in the car, we were stopped at a light in a part of town where there are lots of cicadas. Those things are hilarious. I watched at least 5 of them ricochet off of cars, only to spin around a bit and then fly on.
It's too bad those things only come every 17 years.
Of course, if our yard was covered in them, I probably wouldn't be saying that.
Reading: The Hours by Michael Cunningham.
Watching: Pirates of the Caribbean. Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, and sword-fighting. Pirate movies don't get much better than that. But if you're watching this . . . run. Far, far away. Savvy?
Wondering: Why it isn't tomorrow yet. Well, it will be in about 20 minutes, but you know what I mean.
Thursday, June 10, 2004
you sit on a throne of lies
Jennie's random thoughts during the MTV Movie Awards:
How old are the Beastie Boys now? Shouldn't they be Beastie Men by now?
I really need to see Kill Bill 2.
Jimmy Fallon. Still annoying as ever.
Ditto Ashton Kutcher.
Since when are Sharon Stone and Cristina Aguilera BFF?
Paris Hilton looks like an irish setter. An Irish Setter with about 12 STDs.
Heh. Ron Burgandy is interviewing Jesus.
Why does Jack Black have a unibomber beard?
Is Uma Thurman drunk? Why won't she brush that damn strand of hair out of her face because it's DRIVING ME INSANE!
Ok. I couldn't care less about Jessica Simpson. But now we're to be subjected to her younger sister Asslee? Do they think we're just going to accept this quietly?!
Halle Berry. CUT YOUR HAIR ALREADY.
If Will Ferrel had to lose to anyone, I'm glad it was Jack Black. And not Jim Carrey.
When does Elf come out on DVD? I better not have to wait til Christmas.
Yeah. I really can't stand Jim Carrey anymore.
Whoa, Jack Black just did a wicked somersault. How is a fat man so nimble?
Especially when he is so obviously drunk or high. Or both.
More Adam Brody, please.
Kirsten Dunst. Shut. Up.
I wish I had a pet hobbit.
Is anyone in the audience pro-Bush? Jack Black is wearing a "Vote Kerry" t-shirt. Sean Astin is wearing "Vote Kerry" stickers. While I applaud Samwise's message . . . stickers? Classy.
I can't wait to see The Stepford Wives.
Enough with the "Lindsay Lohan is a minor" jokes.
Eh.
On a more exciting note, I ate chinese food tonight. Those of you who know me know this is a big deal, since in the past I have claimed to hate it. Granted, I picked out the vegetables and mushrooms, but the chicken, rice, and sauce were good. I enjoyed it, though, mostly due to the fact that I used chopsticks. Food tastes so much better when you have to work to get it in your mouth.
Reading: The Hours by Michael Cunningham.
Watching: Family Guy.
Wishing: I had a baby like Stewie. Constant entertainment.
How old are the Beastie Boys now? Shouldn't they be Beastie Men by now?
I really need to see Kill Bill 2.
Jimmy Fallon. Still annoying as ever.
Ditto Ashton Kutcher.
Since when are Sharon Stone and Cristina Aguilera BFF?
Paris Hilton looks like an irish setter. An Irish Setter with about 12 STDs.
Heh. Ron Burgandy is interviewing Jesus.
Why does Jack Black have a unibomber beard?
Is Uma Thurman drunk? Why won't she brush that damn strand of hair out of her face because it's DRIVING ME INSANE!
Ok. I couldn't care less about Jessica Simpson. But now we're to be subjected to her younger sister Asslee? Do they think we're just going to accept this quietly?!
Halle Berry. CUT YOUR HAIR ALREADY.
If Will Ferrel had to lose to anyone, I'm glad it was Jack Black. And not Jim Carrey.
When does Elf come out on DVD? I better not have to wait til Christmas.
Yeah. I really can't stand Jim Carrey anymore.
Whoa, Jack Black just did a wicked somersault. How is a fat man so nimble?
Especially when he is so obviously drunk or high. Or both.
More Adam Brody, please.
Kirsten Dunst. Shut. Up.
I wish I had a pet hobbit.
Is anyone in the audience pro-Bush? Jack Black is wearing a "Vote Kerry" t-shirt. Sean Astin is wearing "Vote Kerry" stickers. While I applaud Samwise's message . . . stickers? Classy.
I can't wait to see The Stepford Wives.
Enough with the "Lindsay Lohan is a minor" jokes.
Eh.
On a more exciting note, I ate chinese food tonight. Those of you who know me know this is a big deal, since in the past I have claimed to hate it. Granted, I picked out the vegetables and mushrooms, but the chicken, rice, and sauce were good. I enjoyed it, though, mostly due to the fact that I used chopsticks. Food tastes so much better when you have to work to get it in your mouth.
Reading: The Hours by Michael Cunningham.
Watching: Family Guy.
Wishing: I had a baby like Stewie. Constant entertainment.
dame it
What the hell is freaking Dame Judi Dench doing in a Vin Diesel movie, that will most likely suck all kinds of ass just like all his other movies?
Things would be so much better if they just stopped giving Vinnie movie roles altogether.
Things would be so much better if they just stopped giving Vinnie movie roles altogether.
Wednesday, June 09, 2004
mmmbop indeed
Last night I had a dream about Hanson. And that's all I'm gonna say, because that's embarrassing enough.
The cicadas are coming. So far, our side of Kettering has been lucky because we haven't heard or seen anything even resembling a cicada. Except for that one night at dinner when my mom tried to make a cicada noise, but that hardly qualifies.
Today I saw a cicada in our yard. And when I was walking the dog one almost flew into my face.
They're heeeeee-eeeere.
Kate told me that if you see one with blue eyes, catch it because someone will pay you $1000 to research it. But if you do catch one, Kate and I get part of the profits. C'mon. It's only fair.
Reading: Best Enemies by Jane Heller, but I'm not sure I'm going to finish it because I can't stand the way she writes dialogue. No one talks like that.
Watching: O. Not the o-face, though.
Drinking: Water, which I just choked on and spit all over my floor. I'm such a lady.
The cicadas are coming. So far, our side of Kettering has been lucky because we haven't heard or seen anything even resembling a cicada. Except for that one night at dinner when my mom tried to make a cicada noise, but that hardly qualifies.
Today I saw a cicada in our yard. And when I was walking the dog one almost flew into my face.
They're heeeeee-eeeere.
Kate told me that if you see one with blue eyes, catch it because someone will pay you $1000 to research it. But if you do catch one, Kate and I get part of the profits. C'mon. It's only fair.
Reading: Best Enemies by Jane Heller, but I'm not sure I'm going to finish it because I can't stand the way she writes dialogue. No one talks like that.
Watching: O. Not the o-face, though.
Drinking: Water, which I just choked on and spit all over my floor. I'm such a lady.
Tuesday, June 08, 2004
see? this is why you don't whack people in the kneecap
Oh, Tonya. What happened?
Oh. Right. You had your husband hire someone to whack Nancy Kerrigan in the knee.
Good plan.
Ok, I think I have become addicted to reading. Which, I'll admit, is better than being addicted to alcohol or crack or something, but it's getting ridiculous.
I've gone to the library three times in the past two and a half weeks. I go even though I haven't finished the books I got the previous time, and every time I leave the library with more books than I returned. Right now, I have 14 library books in my possession. I would have more, but yesterday when I went to the library I only got to "King" in fiction before I couldn't carry any more books.
Nerd alert.
Reading: Personal Velocity by Rebecca Miller.
Watching: Emma.
Drinking: Coke aka Elixer of Life.
Oh. Right. You had your husband hire someone to whack Nancy Kerrigan in the knee.
Good plan.
Ok, I think I have become addicted to reading. Which, I'll admit, is better than being addicted to alcohol or crack or something, but it's getting ridiculous.
I've gone to the library three times in the past two and a half weeks. I go even though I haven't finished the books I got the previous time, and every time I leave the library with more books than I returned. Right now, I have 14 library books in my possession. I would have more, but yesterday when I went to the library I only got to "King" in fiction before I couldn't carry any more books.
Nerd alert.
Reading: Personal Velocity by Rebecca Miller.
Watching: Emma.
Drinking: Coke aka Elixer of Life.
Monday, June 07, 2004
here kitty, kitty!
I took my dog for a walk earlier, and my sister went with me. From the moment we hit the sidewalk in front of our house until we returned all I heard was "Jennie, stop walking so fast . . . slow down, whine whine whine bitch bitch bitch." And every time I'd tell her to just go home already she'd say she was having fun.
By the time we got home, I wanted to smack her. But I restrained myself.
She got really mad because I took the dog through this wooded area by our house. She acted like we were doing some heavy-duty hiking, but there are clear cut paths everywhere. And it's not like I strayed from the paths, either. It just drove me nuts, because I mainly like hiking because it's quieter than walking through the park or around the block, but not today. Today all I heard was "I hate hiking. This place sucks. Why can't we just go home? Why are you walking so fast?"
Never again, friends. Never again.
We did see a raccoon with her babies. Well, my sister and I saw them. Ripley was clueless and she wandered around sniffing at whatever it was she smelled. It reminded me of the time Beau was visiting Witt, and we were walking around Weaver Chapel and we saw a raccoon. But I thought it was a cat at first. It wasn't though. It was a raccoon.
Yeah. That story is probably pretty pointless (ooh, alliteration) to anyone who wasn't there.
Oh well. You all had to read it anyway.
So there.
By the time we got home, I wanted to smack her. But I restrained myself.
She got really mad because I took the dog through this wooded area by our house. She acted like we were doing some heavy-duty hiking, but there are clear cut paths everywhere. And it's not like I strayed from the paths, either. It just drove me nuts, because I mainly like hiking because it's quieter than walking through the park or around the block, but not today. Today all I heard was "I hate hiking. This place sucks. Why can't we just go home? Why are you walking so fast?"
Never again, friends. Never again.
We did see a raccoon with her babies. Well, my sister and I saw them. Ripley was clueless and she wandered around sniffing at whatever it was she smelled. It reminded me of the time Beau was visiting Witt, and we were walking around Weaver Chapel and we saw a raccoon. But I thought it was a cat at first. It wasn't though. It was a raccoon.
Yeah. That story is probably pretty pointless (ooh, alliteration) to anyone who wasn't there.
Oh well. You all had to read it anyway.
So there.
paging jennie's life
1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says:
"Mel, I hate to break this to you, but Sex and the City is a fictional program." (Do you think that's a sign?)
2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?
My closet door.
3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Sex and the City. Shut up.
4. WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what the time is.
2:31 PM
5. Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?
2:41 PM
6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
My dog snoring
7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
About an hour ago, to let the dog out.
8. Before you came to this website, what did you look at?
My email.
9. What are you wearing?
Pajama bottoms with sheep on them. My Wittfest t-shirt from two years ago. And they don't match.
10. Did you dream last night?
Of course. But I don't remember any.
11. When did you last laugh?
Earlier, when I was watching TV and a preview for Dodgeball came on and Ben Stiller said, "real FREAKY naughty." The way he says it cracks me up.
12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Shelves. All of my posters and pictures are in storage. It's very depressing.
13. Seen anything weird lately?
Just your mom.
14. Last movie you saw?
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.
15. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?
Hmm. An apartment or a car. Ooh, and a puppy.
16. Tell me something about you that I don't know.
In the past week and a half, I've read five books. See, because I have no life.
17. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
I'd remove the giant sticks that most people have shoved very far up their asses.
18. Do you like to dance?
Only if no one can see me.
19. George Bush: is he a power-crazy nutcase or someone who is finally doing something that has needed to be done for years?
Neither. He's a simian-looking moron who cannot handle the power that was thrust upon him.
20. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Emma or Grace.
21. [Same question for a boy]
Andrew (and call him Drew) or Bartleby. Just kidding. I'd never name my child Andrew.
22. Would you ever consider living abroad?
Definitely. It's a definite possibility.
"Mel, I hate to break this to you, but Sex and the City is a fictional program." (Do you think that's a sign?)
2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?
My closet door.
3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Sex and the City. Shut up.
4. WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what the time is.
2:31 PM
5. Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?
2:41 PM
6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
My dog snoring
7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
About an hour ago, to let the dog out.
8. Before you came to this website, what did you look at?
My email.
9. What are you wearing?
Pajama bottoms with sheep on them. My Wittfest t-shirt from two years ago. And they don't match.
10. Did you dream last night?
Of course. But I don't remember any.
11. When did you last laugh?
Earlier, when I was watching TV and a preview for Dodgeball came on and Ben Stiller said, "real FREAKY naughty." The way he says it cracks me up.
12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Shelves. All of my posters and pictures are in storage. It's very depressing.
13. Seen anything weird lately?
Just your mom.
14. Last movie you saw?
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.
15. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?
Hmm. An apartment or a car. Ooh, and a puppy.
16. Tell me something about you that I don't know.
In the past week and a half, I've read five books. See, because I have no life.
17. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
I'd remove the giant sticks that most people have shoved very far up their asses.
18. Do you like to dance?
Only if no one can see me.
19. George Bush: is he a power-crazy nutcase or someone who is finally doing something that has needed to be done for years?
Neither. He's a simian-looking moron who cannot handle the power that was thrust upon him.
20. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Emma or Grace.
21. [Same question for a boy]
Andrew (and call him Drew) or Bartleby. Just kidding. I'd never name my child Andrew.
22. Would you ever consider living abroad?
Definitely. It's a definite possibility.
go back to the block, j-ho
Why do people keep marrying J.Lo? Honestly.
Not that Marc Anthony is a huge catch or anything, seeing as how he married his first wife, had a couple kids, divorced her, married her again, and then divorced again. WTF is that?
Well, maybe they deserve each other.
Reading: Personal Velocity, by Rebecca Miller.
Watching: My dog sleep.
Wondering: What she's dreaming about, because it looks like she's dream-running.
Not that Marc Anthony is a huge catch or anything, seeing as how he married his first wife, had a couple kids, divorced her, married her again, and then divorced again. WTF is that?
Well, maybe they deserve each other.
Reading: Personal Velocity, by Rebecca Miller.
Watching: My dog sleep.
Wondering: What she's dreaming about, because it looks like she's dream-running.
Saturday, June 05, 2004
camping and llamas and emus, oh my!
Today we went to the graduation party of someone I've known since he was born. They live in Bellefontaine, and our parents have been friends forever. Literally, our dads have known each other since they were born; they were delivered in the same hospital or something.
Larry and Julie (my parents' friends) have two kids. Erica, who is a year younger than I am, and Joe, the one who graduated from high school. They moved to Bellefontaine (that's in the country, ya'll) when I was in like 2nd grade or something so they've lived there for a long time. We used to go visit all the time when us kids were all young. Erica is the one I got lost in the woods with when we went to Kiser Lake. I forgot, we all used to go camping together, too, and inevitably, something bad would always happen. Once, Joe got shingles. Another time, Erica and I got lost. But the most memorable was the time we went to Bob Evans Farm.
You heard me.
Bob Evans Farm and Campgrounds. We should have known the trip wasn't going to go well, because when Larry and my dad tried to set up one of the tents (while the moms and the kids watched from the pop-up trailer, because it was raining) the wind caught it and it went flying away. Our dads went running after it, slipping and sliding on the wet grass. I cannot express to you how funny that was.
Other memorable events from that trip: our dads tried to take us fishing, but the lines on our fishing rods kept getting stuck in trees. I think I caught a fish, but it was about the size of a goldfish you'd buy at the pet store, if not smaller. I threw it back in the river (after my dad took it off the hook for me) but I got upset later when I saw the same fish floating in the water, dead. I'm pretty sure that's the last time I ever fished. We also tried to go canoeing, but the river was too shallow so we kept getting stuck on logs and trees and stuff that had fallen in the water. We went wading in the river, and I fell in a hole. I want to say that we went horseback riding, but I can't really remember any of the details. I'm assuming that's because something really traumatic happened and I've buried it deep within my subconscious.
I'm not even going to talk about the bathrooms, except to say that we went outside when we could. They were that bad.
And, perhaps the worst thing was that we had to eat Bob Evans food every day, because it rained so often we couldn't start a very good fire.
Hey Heidi, today on our way to Bellefontaine, we passed your house. I waved, but I don't think your house waved back.
We also passed a house with what I thought was an ostrich in the yard, but luckily before I blurted anything stupid (like, "hey, where does that ostrich stick its head when it gets scared since there's no sand?" Do ostriches really do that?), anyway, I realized it was an emu. And we drove a different way on the way home and we passed a llama farm or something. I don't know. There were lots of llamas and they looked like babies. Not baby-babies, but llama-babies.
I just saw a preview for the movie Saved! And I don't care if it's wrong, but every time I see Mandy Moore throw her bible at that girl and scream "I am filled with Christ's love!" I crack up.
Reading: Family Trust by Amanda Brown, who wrote Legally Blonde, which I didn't even know was a book before it was a movie.
Watching: SNL, and you know, I used to be Jimmy Fallon's biggest fan, and while I still think he's adorable, he really sucks. I mean, seriously. Stop laughing THROUGH EVERY GODDAMN SKETCH YOU'RE IN. You too, Horatio Fatass.
Wondering: Why I'm watching SNL. Because it sucks.
Larry and Julie (my parents' friends) have two kids. Erica, who is a year younger than I am, and Joe, the one who graduated from high school. They moved to Bellefontaine (that's in the country, ya'll) when I was in like 2nd grade or something so they've lived there for a long time. We used to go visit all the time when us kids were all young. Erica is the one I got lost in the woods with when we went to Kiser Lake. I forgot, we all used to go camping together, too, and inevitably, something bad would always happen. Once, Joe got shingles. Another time, Erica and I got lost. But the most memorable was the time we went to Bob Evans Farm.
You heard me.
Bob Evans Farm and Campgrounds. We should have known the trip wasn't going to go well, because when Larry and my dad tried to set up one of the tents (while the moms and the kids watched from the pop-up trailer, because it was raining) the wind caught it and it went flying away. Our dads went running after it, slipping and sliding on the wet grass. I cannot express to you how funny that was.
Other memorable events from that trip: our dads tried to take us fishing, but the lines on our fishing rods kept getting stuck in trees. I think I caught a fish, but it was about the size of a goldfish you'd buy at the pet store, if not smaller. I threw it back in the river (after my dad took it off the hook for me) but I got upset later when I saw the same fish floating in the water, dead. I'm pretty sure that's the last time I ever fished. We also tried to go canoeing, but the river was too shallow so we kept getting stuck on logs and trees and stuff that had fallen in the water. We went wading in the river, and I fell in a hole. I want to say that we went horseback riding, but I can't really remember any of the details. I'm assuming that's because something really traumatic happened and I've buried it deep within my subconscious.
I'm not even going to talk about the bathrooms, except to say that we went outside when we could. They were that bad.
And, perhaps the worst thing was that we had to eat Bob Evans food every day, because it rained so often we couldn't start a very good fire.
Hey Heidi, today on our way to Bellefontaine, we passed your house. I waved, but I don't think your house waved back.
We also passed a house with what I thought was an ostrich in the yard, but luckily before I blurted anything stupid (like, "hey, where does that ostrich stick its head when it gets scared since there's no sand?" Do ostriches really do that?), anyway, I realized it was an emu. And we drove a different way on the way home and we passed a llama farm or something. I don't know. There were lots of llamas and they looked like babies. Not baby-babies, but llama-babies.
I just saw a preview for the movie Saved! And I don't care if it's wrong, but every time I see Mandy Moore throw her bible at that girl and scream "I am filled with Christ's love!" I crack up.
Reading: Family Trust by Amanda Brown, who wrote Legally Blonde, which I didn't even know was a book before it was a movie.
Watching: SNL, and you know, I used to be Jimmy Fallon's biggest fan, and while I still think he's adorable, he really sucks. I mean, seriously. Stop laughing THROUGH EVERY GODDAMN SKETCH YOU'RE IN. You too, Horatio Fatass.
Wondering: Why I'm watching SNL. Because it sucks.
Friday, June 04, 2004
TBS's new advertising is looking very 50's. Basically, if a "boy" movie (A Knight's Tale, for example) is coming on, the promo is shown with blue background. But if it's a promo for a "girl" movie (Bridget Jones's Diary), there's a pink background.
Way to break the stereotypes, TBS.
I saw Harry Potter today. I think it was better than the previous two, mainly because it's much more adult and they don't spend so much time assaulting the audience with special effects like in the first two where they're like little kids going "oooh, look what we can do with our fancy computers! See the maaaaaaagic? Look again and give in to our spell."
Also? Harry and Ron are growing into fine, young men. Fine.
I'm going to hell.
Reading: I'm not. Just kidding.
Listening to: I'll give you a hint. It just takes some time/little girl you're in the middle of the ride/everything everything will be just fine/everything everything will be alright.
Wondering: Where my life went.
Way to break the stereotypes, TBS.
I saw Harry Potter today. I think it was better than the previous two, mainly because it's much more adult and they don't spend so much time assaulting the audience with special effects like in the first two where they're like little kids going "oooh, look what we can do with our fancy computers! See the maaaaaaagic? Look again and give in to our spell."
Also? Harry and Ron are growing into fine, young men. Fine.
I'm going to hell.
Reading: I'm not. Just kidding.
Listening to: I'll give you a hint. It just takes some time/little girl you're in the middle of the ride/everything everything will be just fine/everything everything will be alright.
Wondering: Where my life went.
Fabulous
When I heard that Sex and the City was going to be on TBS starting in June, I was excited. And I got even more excited when HBO IControl took all the episodes off of their schedule so I couldn't rent them and watch them over and over anymore for free.
The one thing that confused me, though, was how they were going to show it on regular cable. What with the nudity, and the cursing, and the Samantha.
Last night, while watching the TV Guide Channel (I know, my life is sad, and I promise, when more interesting things start to happen to me I will stop writing all about movies and watching TV, but for now since my life is boring you're all just gonna have to deal, ok? And really? Your lives must not be that interesting if you're still reading my thoughts about a TV show, for crying out loud. Crap, here we go again with the parentheses.) Anyway, the person on TV Guide Channel (shut up) was doing a little promo for Sex and the City on TBS. It turns out that way back when they first started shooting the show, they made an HBO version and a regular cable version, just in case the show ever got picked up for syndication on a network where you can't say the f word and you can't show boobs.
Isn't that interesting?
Ok, not really, I know.
The only thing I'm wondering now is how much screen time Samantha will get now.
Reading: The note my mom left me.
Watching: My dog try to get a tissue out of the trash and eat it without being noticed. Ain't gonna happen.
Wondering: What it is about tissues and toilet paper that make them so irresistible to Ripley.
The one thing that confused me, though, was how they were going to show it on regular cable. What with the nudity, and the cursing, and the Samantha.
Last night, while watching the TV Guide Channel (I know, my life is sad, and I promise, when more interesting things start to happen to me I will stop writing all about movies and watching TV, but for now since my life is boring you're all just gonna have to deal, ok? And really? Your lives must not be that interesting if you're still reading my thoughts about a TV show, for crying out loud. Crap, here we go again with the parentheses.) Anyway, the person on TV Guide Channel (shut up) was doing a little promo for Sex and the City on TBS. It turns out that way back when they first started shooting the show, they made an HBO version and a regular cable version, just in case the show ever got picked up for syndication on a network where you can't say the f word and you can't show boobs.
Isn't that interesting?
Ok, not really, I know.
The only thing I'm wondering now is how much screen time Samantha will get now.
Reading: The note my mom left me.
Watching: My dog try to get a tissue out of the trash and eat it without being noticed. Ain't gonna happen.
Wondering: What it is about tissues and toilet paper that make them so irresistible to Ripley.
Thursday, June 03, 2004
what's your favorite scary movie?
I watched Scream 2 earlier. And, before anyone says anything, I have noticed that my recent posts have all started off with something like "So, I was watching (insert name of movie). . . " or "I'm watching (some tv show/movie)" so I REALIZE that I have no life, ok?
Anyway, I watched Scream 2, which I haven't seen in a long time and which I still haven't really seen in a long time since I was reading while I was watching it tonight. For some reason, I bought Scream and Scream 3, but never bought the second one. For the life of me, I cannot remember why. I think, at the time, I was still pissed that they killed Randy (my favorite character) so I boycotted the movie.
Yes, I'm sure they learned their lesson.
I'm pretty sure my spot in hell has been saved ever since I let my sister watch the first one (way back when it first came out) and my friend's brother had the scary mask and costume and everything, so I put it on and chased her around the house with the fake knife that came with the costume.
Yeah, she was terrified of that mask for like 5 years. And I'm pretty sure the fact that she still won't go into the basement unless all the lights are on is my fault. Not just because of the Scream thing, but because I told her it was haunted. I don't remember doing this, but that's what she told my mom.
It's kind of sad that I can't even remember everything I told my sister to torment her childhood.
On a brighter note, Harry Potter comes out tomorrow! And I'm going to see it! Because I'm a nerd! Yay!
Reading: The Boy Next Door, which is interesting because it's written entirely in emails between the characters. Very cool.
Watching: The episode of South Park where Cartman dresses up as AWESOME-O the robot in order to learn Butters's secrets so he can embarrass him at school. Good plan, Cartman.
Wondering: If I'm lactose-intolerant.
Anyway, I watched Scream 2, which I haven't seen in a long time and which I still haven't really seen in a long time since I was reading while I was watching it tonight. For some reason, I bought Scream and Scream 3, but never bought the second one. For the life of me, I cannot remember why. I think, at the time, I was still pissed that they killed Randy (my favorite character) so I boycotted the movie.
Yes, I'm sure they learned their lesson.
I'm pretty sure my spot in hell has been saved ever since I let my sister watch the first one (way back when it first came out) and my friend's brother had the scary mask and costume and everything, so I put it on and chased her around the house with the fake knife that came with the costume.
Yeah, she was terrified of that mask for like 5 years. And I'm pretty sure the fact that she still won't go into the basement unless all the lights are on is my fault. Not just because of the Scream thing, but because I told her it was haunted. I don't remember doing this, but that's what she told my mom.
It's kind of sad that I can't even remember everything I told my sister to torment her childhood.
On a brighter note, Harry Potter comes out tomorrow! And I'm going to see it! Because I'm a nerd! Yay!
Reading: The Boy Next Door, which is interesting because it's written entirely in emails between the characters. Very cool.
Watching: The episode of South Park where Cartman dresses up as AWESOME-O the robot in order to learn Butters's secrets so he can embarrass him at school. Good plan, Cartman.
Wondering: If I'm lactose-intolerant.
Wednesday, June 02, 2004
holy mary mother of god
I just watched the Goonies. I really love that movie, if I haven't said it before. I remember EC saying a while ago that they're making a sequel and thinking "now how the hell do they think they're going to do that?" I was kind of hoping they weren't going to do it, because the movie is such a classic as it is. It doesn't really NEED a sequel.
I just found this website, though, so it looks like it's gonna happen. It looks like the same writers and directors are involved (which include Steven Spielberg and Chris Columbus, and interesting side note, Spielberg was born in Ohio and Columbus was raised in Ohio . . . well, I thought it was interesting) so that's a good sign. And an article I read said that most of the original cast will be returning.
Anyway. Goonies fans, check it out. I guess Chunk is a lawyer now.
Who knew?
Reading: Still reading Lost in a Good Book. It's so good. I think I'm lost in it.
Watching: Adult Swim, on Cartoon Network
Wondering: Why my phone keeps ringing. Yikes.
I just found this website, though, so it looks like it's gonna happen. It looks like the same writers and directors are involved (which include Steven Spielberg and Chris Columbus, and interesting side note, Spielberg was born in Ohio and Columbus was raised in Ohio . . . well, I thought it was interesting) so that's a good sign. And an article I read said that most of the original cast will be returning.
Anyway. Goonies fans, check it out. I guess Chunk is a lawyer now.
Who knew?
Reading: Still reading Lost in a Good Book. It's so good. I think I'm lost in it.
Watching: Adult Swim, on Cartoon Network
Wondering: Why my phone keeps ringing. Yikes.
lloyd, rob, and torvald
So, I'm watching High Fidelity, a movie in which John Cusack plays Rob, the antithesis of Lloyd Dobler. Click here to see my feelings on Lloyd Dobler.
Anyway, I remember seeing this movie in the theater. I think I was in high school at the time. And, while I didn't hate the movie at the time, I sure as hell didn't like it very much, mostly because I couldn't stand Rob, the main character. Lots of people say how much they like this movie, but whenever it's on TV I refuse to watch it. Ok, so I'm watching it right now, but I'm not really paying attention to it, because I figure when I do finally decide to watch it again I don't want to watch it with commercials and with all the bad words taken out. I saw a part earlier where Jack Black says "What the frog?" instead of "What the fuck?" WTF is that? They couldn't come up with a better substitute for the f-word than frog? Come on now.
I don't know what my point is, but if Lloyd Dobler grows up to be Rob, well . . . I quit.
This has nothing to do with anything, really, but I was just looking on the Internet Movie Database (best website ever) and John Cusack is going to play Torvald in A Doll's House. I don't know how I feel about that. Kate Winslet is playing Nora, which makes more sense to me than John Cusack playing Torvald.
I just noticed that I went totally link-happy for this post. Awesome.
Reading: The new Cosmo
Watching: High Fidelity, see above.
Wondering: What the hell these people were thinking.
Anyway, I remember seeing this movie in the theater. I think I was in high school at the time. And, while I didn't hate the movie at the time, I sure as hell didn't like it very much, mostly because I couldn't stand Rob, the main character. Lots of people say how much they like this movie, but whenever it's on TV I refuse to watch it. Ok, so I'm watching it right now, but I'm not really paying attention to it, because I figure when I do finally decide to watch it again I don't want to watch it with commercials and with all the bad words taken out. I saw a part earlier where Jack Black says "What the frog?" instead of "What the fuck?" WTF is that? They couldn't come up with a better substitute for the f-word than frog? Come on now.
I don't know what my point is, but if Lloyd Dobler grows up to be Rob, well . . . I quit.
This has nothing to do with anything, really, but I was just looking on the Internet Movie Database (best website ever) and John Cusack is going to play Torvald in A Doll's House. I don't know how I feel about that. Kate Winslet is playing Nora, which makes more sense to me than John Cusack playing Torvald.
I just noticed that I went totally link-happy for this post. Awesome.
Reading: The new Cosmo
Watching: High Fidelity, see above.
Wondering: What the hell these people were thinking.
who needs sleep?
I know I should be sleeping. I have to break this habit of staying up late and then sleeping late. Like, afternoon-late. That is bad. So, I think I'm just going to have to try and get up at a reasonable hour tomorrow, no matter how late I stay up tonight, because then maybe I'll be able to go to bed earlier tomorrow night.
You know, I think if I just went to bed instead of thinking of ways to make myself go to bed earlier my problem would be solved.
Oh well.
Reading: Lost in a Good Book, by Jasper Fforde. So far it's as weird as the prequel. Awesome.
Watching: Conan O'Brien, which I'm pretty sure is a rerun but I'm not paying close enough attention to care.
Wondering: What side my appendix is on, because I have a stabbing pain in my right side. Maybe it's just an ovary.
You know, I think if I just went to bed instead of thinking of ways to make myself go to bed earlier my problem would be solved.
Oh well.
Reading: Lost in a Good Book, by Jasper Fforde. So far it's as weird as the prequel. Awesome.
Watching: Conan O'Brien, which I'm pretty sure is a rerun but I'm not paying close enough attention to care.
Wondering: What side my appendix is on, because I have a stabbing pain in my right side. Maybe it's just an ovary.
Tuesday, June 01, 2004
mario and luigi no last name
I was watching the Real World earlier and it was the Halloween episode. Brad and Randy dressed up like Mario and Luigi. Which I have to say, is one of the coolest costume ideas I've ever heard. The only thing that would have been better is if one of the girls had dressed up as the Princess. And if someone had dressed up as a giant mushroom or something.
Did Mario and Luigi have a last name?
Did Mario and Luigi have a last name?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)