QUESTION

This took me a long time to finish, for some reason, but please don't think that had any affect on the quality. Because, well, yeah...anyway, HAPPY NEW YEAR! Resolutions to follow...you know, sometime.

1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?

Got engaged. Wrote A NOVEL. Interviewed Owly Andy Runton.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I don't remember really making any, so I'm going to say that I succeeded in all of them. Go me!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Not to my knowledge, unless they hid their pregnancy, gave birth, and then sold it on eBay speedy quick.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

It feels like tempting fate to answer this, yes?

5. What countries did you visit?

Um. USA?

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

More traveling! More time off of work. Actually, more time period. Do you think Hermione would let me borrow her time turner?

7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

12/14/09. True story.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

DUDE. I wrote A NOVEL.

9. What was your biggest failure?

After I wrote A NOVEL, I didn't do anything else with it.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Only daily.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

New camera?

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Winston. He's hanging in there, despite sickness and SURGERY, just like that one cat who is always like, "hang in there!" and stuff.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Sarah Palin. Glenn Beck. You know, the usual suspects.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Honestly? I saved more money this year than I've ever saved IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. Still, too much money went to restaurants, Target, and the internet.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Inauguration Day. Seeing "50,000" pop up on the NaNo word count. This.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?

No song in particular, but David Berkeley, maybe.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. Happier or sadder? Happier!
ii. Thinner or fatter? Slightly fatter, wah wah.
iii. Richer or poorer? Slightly richer, whoohoo!

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Sleep. No, JK. I wish I was smarter with my money and vacation time and visited more people.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Work, obviously.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

You mean, like, next Christmas? I DON'T KNOW.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?

I was already totes magotes in love.

22. How many one-night stands?

Zero!

23. What was your favorite TV program?

Hmm. I don't know. Possibly Lost. Maybe The Office. Glee, perhaps? Or It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

No, hating people makes me feel icky.

25. What was the best book you read?

This is too much pressure, I don't know. I will say that, according to Goodreads, here are some of the books I ranked 5 Stars: City of Thieves, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, Stardust. Although, to be completely honest, I'm not very good about updating Goodreads.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Most likely something Kat sent me, which doesn't make it my discovery, really.

27. What did you want and get?

I got everything I wanted this year, other than maybe a puppy. Heh.

28. What did you want and not get?

OK, also a baby penguin.

29. What was your favorite film of this year?

Hmm. District 9 was really good. And Up made me cry like a tiny baby.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I was 27, which I have to keep reminding myself because, for some reason, I keep trying to make myself 28 instead. I don't know why. We went to a Reds game and then to drink liters of beer out of giant beer steins.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?

Same as always: t-shirt, jeans, flip-flops/sneakers.

32. What kept you sane?

Same as always: Joe. Friends. The Internets. Books.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Paul Rudd. Neil Patrick Harris.

Question 34 was missing. Sorry. You can make up a question if you want and maybe I'll answer it.

35. Who did you miss?

Your mom.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

Mr. Schuester.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.

Don't Panic.

In this house we obey the law of thermodynamics!

I'm not sure how it's possible, you know, in terms of the laws of space and time or whatever, but somehow this week has both lasted 14 years and flown by. What is that? In any case, I'm thanking my lucky stars that it's finally Friday and that I only work three days next week and then I am off of work for 11 glorious days. IN A ROW, even. That hasn't happened in...I don't even know how long. I'm excited, is what I'm saying.

I'm also excited for this weekend and I will tell you why. THERE ARE SO MANY REASONS. Ahem. First of all, we are going out to dinner with Three Hole Punch Steve and his fiancee tonight. Did I tell you that Three Hole Punch Steve got engaged? Because he did. And his fiancee is wicked awesome.

And then tomorrow is Christmas with my dad's side of the family, which should be loud and insane (read: fun) as usual. I'm pretty excited to give out the presents I got for people. It's good that Christmas is next week because I wrapped all of my gifts early this year (whaaaaaa?!?) and right now they're sort of spread out all over the apartment. Except for Joe's, Joe's are hidden where he can't see them. Mwaahaahaa!

AND THEN! Jon and Lampl are coming over tomorrow night! Hooray! It's been 69 years since we've seen them and I'm so excited. They're probably not quite as excited, because as fun as Heidi and I are, they ARE leaving warm, sunny Florida for cold, gloomy (possibly snowy) Ohio. I would feel sorry for them, but I'm pretty sure Lampl went to the beach earlier this week so I don't feel that bad.

I just hope I can stay awake for all of it. I think all the excitement of the week caught up to me yesterday, and last night I fell asleep in bed reading. I woke up around 4 AM, the light was still on, my book was thrown to the side of my bed, and Phoebe was trying to lie down on my head. What the hell, cat?

How It Happened or: Joe is a Big Liar

Here is what I thought was going to happen last night: I was going to go over to Joe's and we were going to go to his apartment complex's Christmas party for the free food (obviously) and then we'd watch Lost (Season 5!) or something for the rest of the evening.

That is not what happened (again I say: obviously). When I got to his place, I opened the door to find music playing softly in the background (David Berkeley) and candles lit on the coffee table. "Hmm," I thought. "This is unorthodox."

Joe was in the kitchen and I walked in to find him standing over noodles and spaghetti sauce on the stove. Cheesy garlic bread was cooking in the oven (I could smell it) and when Joe offered to pour me some wine I said, "sooooo, we're not going to the Christmas party?" and he was all, "duh, moron, no," only he didn't call me a moron because he's nicer than I am. Apparently, he took a half day yesterday to get everything ready but pretended to still be at work in his emails to me so I wouldn't suspect anything. Sneaky.

Dinner was ready soon after I got there so we sat down to eat at the table, complete with candles and flowers (daisies: my favorite, plus also "Don't you think that daisies are the friendliest flower?"). At this point, I wasn't thinking much of all the special treatment because A) I'm an idiot and B) it was our year and a half anniversary, so I thought that was the reason for all the awesome.

I no longer remember anything we talked about during dinner because of what followed, just that Joe didn't eat much and I babbled so much that it took me twice as long as him to finish my meal (this is standard). While we were eating, he said, "I made you something," and handed me a CD he'd made with ALL CLAPPING SONGS ON IT. I know this might make no sense, but a long time ago, I told Joe that songs with clapping in them were my favorite because they're so happy and fun and blah blah blah OMG GUESS WHAT SONG HE PUT ON IT. Guess! OK, never mind, he put That Thing You Do on it! I love that song!

Anyway, where was I? Oh. I put the CD far away so I didn't get salad dressing or spaghetti sauce all over it, because that is something I would definitely do. I finally finished eating and we were still sitting there talking when he was all, "I made something else for you," and pulled out this little book. It was a comic book that he'd drawn in this style, which: awesome. There weren't any words, so I narrated the pictures as I looked at it: "Oh, look, it's us! Oh, Boston Stoker, our first date! Ooh, we're watching It's Always Sunny! Aww, we're holding hands. Oh, hey, you're down on one knee in this one..." and then he got down on one knee IRL right next to me and I put the book down because my hands were shaking and it was apparently time for me to start crying (dude, Jennie, pull yourself together) and Joe was holding a ring and it was all very surreal. So then, you know, he asked and I said yes (biggest OBVIOUSLY ever) and there was hugging and more crying on my part and Joe was all, "omg stop," because I don't really cry so it probably freaked him out. Then I worried about whether or not the ring would fit (because worrying, that is what I do) and wouldn't you know it? It totally did. Which is weird, because it was his grandma's ring so it's not like he could specify the size. And it's not like I could have even told him the size because I never wear jewelry SO I DON'T EVEN KNOW what size ring I wear. I'm so bad at being a girl sometimes.

Since that whole thing was settled, it was time to start calling parents and whatnot. Actually, we gave ourselves a bit before we called anyone so we could drink champagne and focus our thoughts because I was all, "What do we do now? How does this work? Should we Google it?" We each spent the next hour calling various people, and then texting various people, and then updating Facebook, which is kind of like a business transaction. I mean, once it's on Facebook, it's totally official, no backsies.

At some point, he was all, "I have another surprise," and I thought he was headed toward the library (which I was told NOT to go into earlier in the evening) and for realsies? I thought maybe there was a puppy in there. But no, it turned out to be a little chocolate cake, which is almost as good. When I told Joe that I thought he'd gotten a puppy, he was all, "um, don't you think it would have barked or something in the two hours you've been here?" and I said, "I don't know, I didn't put that much thought into it, I just got excited about a puppy."

So then we ate cake and I drank more champagne, probably more champagne that is OK for a Monday night but I thought since it was a special occasion, I got a free pass. And now it is today and I told my coworkers this morning, who all wanted to hear the story and I'm still really excited which means it's been really hard to get anything done today. Also, I had caffeine this morning for the first time in over a month and so that is why this post is so jumbled and nonsensical, because that is how my brain feels right now. OK, bye!

Dear Internets,

We already told our parents and texted like crazy and updated Facebook but I couldn't NOT tell the Internets, obviously, because I've been friends with the Internets for like FIVE WHOLE YEARS now but some of you reject the Book of Faces for some reason and so what I'm trying to say is Joe and I got engaged last night.

NaNoNowWhat?

Hey, remember that time I spent all of November writing a craptastic novel and then stopped blogging because I used up all my words that weren't poop-related? Sorry about that.

Anyway. Now I have this 50,000 word monstrosity and I have no idea what to do with it. I mean, I get that now is when some sort of revision process would be going on but I don't even know where to start. To be completely honest, I've been too terrified to even look at anything I wrote last month. Every time I get close to opening the document, I freeze and have a little panic attack, so then I decide to do it later and go about my day.

It's hard to make myself do anything with it when there are so many other things I'd rather be doing. Things like going to see Home Alone IN THE THEATER. Um, yes, please. We went on Saturday because The Neon (aka The Movie Theater That Serves Beer) is running a series of Christmas movies this month. Unfortunately, we missed A Muppet Christmas Carol last weekend on account of I had to go spend a big chunk of my paycheck on new tires (right before Christmas, thanks I-75 construction!) which was super fun. Actually, it wasn't that bad because my parents took me out to breakfast while I waited for the tires to be finished and I got hot chocolate and talked a lot about heartburn because apparently I'm 80 now.

Since we missed A Muppet Christmas Carol and may not be able to go to next Saturday's showing of Little Women (sad face), we wanted to be sure to make it to Home Alone because Home Alone is awesome OBVIOUSLY. I was eight when Home Alone came out and probably haven't seen it in a good 15 years. One thing really struck me this time and that was HOLY LORD THEY LEFT THEIR TINY SON AT HOME. Seriously, he didn't seem that little when I watched it as a kid. I remember being sort of jealous that he got to jump on all the beds and eat ice cream for dinner and smash a guy's face in with a paint can but this time? All I could think about where the terrible, horrible, no good things that could happen to him while he was alone. Also. ALSO! I totally teared up when his mom came home and saw that he'd decorated the tree and put out all their stockings and then the old man next door's family came to visit him and he hugged his estranged son and WAAAAAH.

I'm so ashamed.

After the movie, we decided we should finish Christmas shopping and Joe patiently followed me around Kohl's while I was trying to figure out what to get my Grandma and then we went to Half Price Books and I bought more presents for myself than anyone else (but only by one) and then we went to Target and it broke us. You guys, I am not going back to Target until Christmas is over because there were people EVERYWHERE, including those people who don't understand why everyone gets so angry with them when they block the end of an aisle because they're staring at the dinosaur. I get it, that dinosaur is made of awesome (I play with it every time I'm at Target), but GET OUT OF MY WAY.

Since Target took away our will to live, we were left with no choice but to rent movies and pick up a pizza on the way home. We managed to watch two of them without me falling asleep even once (it's a Christmas miracle!) and then yesterday I (sort of) watched The Family Stone three times while I wrapped presents because I was too lazy to get up and change the DVD. Actually, that's not true. Really, I was hunched over the gift wrap for so long that my back was aching so I was trying not to move unless it was completely necessary because, like I said above, I am apparently 80 now.

I'm really sorry for this. Really, really sorry.

I was just in the bathroom at work and someone was having some seriously wicked bad twosies.

I know. I KNOW. I haven't blogged here in FOREVER and now I'm back talking about smelly poops? I'M SORRY. But. Would you really expect anything else?

I have nothing against people who poo at work. It happens sometimes. No one likes it but there's no controlling it, unless you're like my friend's brother who, when he was younger, used to hold it so long that he wouldn't be able to uncross his legs for fear of letting it all out. The poop. Letting the poop out. He called it "getting stuck" and my friend, his older sister, would try and push him over and "unstick" him, if you will, to try and make him poop his pants, which is totally an older sibling thing to do if you really think about it. I never did anything like that to my little sister. I did, however, tell her that we found her in a basket on the front porch when she was a baby. And that the basement was haunted. And whenever I babysat her and she was being bad, I'd pretend to call my parents and really call Time & Temperature instead. I'd tell the automated voice all of the bad things she was doing until she started crying and promised to be good.

That would last about five minutes.

Anyway, back to the poop stories. The funniest poop story I have ever heard isn't even my poop story. My friend...um, I'll call her Carrie because I don't know anyone named Carrie, except for Carrie Bradshaw but sometimes I wish I didn't know her, like when she's wearing something particularly crazy or she's letting the puns fly fast and furious.

When Carrie (not Bradshaw) was three, her parents took her to the mall. And when Carrie was three, E.T. was very, very popular, but she, like many children, was absolutely terrified of that poor, little alien.

There she is, little Carrie in her purple overalls (creative license) and bright red, bepigtailed hair, wandering the mall with her parents, not a care in the world.

Until she saw him. E.T. Staring straight at her. Like this. Obviously, she was startled. I mean, this (fake) E.T. was as tall as she was and probably seemed more than a little menacing.

So she did what any terrified three-year-old would do in the face of such danger: she screamed bloody murder and then immediately pooped her pants.

Hmm. That's not really that funny, I guess, if you don't know Carrie. I'm sorry you don't know her, she's awesome. Anyway.

I have no point, really, and no real reason for telling poop stories today, other than I had the stomach flu earlier this week so, you know, I've spent a lot of time recently contemplating The Number Two. YOU'RE WELCOME.

so

Robert Downey Jr. just told me that Sherlock Holmes and Watson totally make out in the movie. True story.