no drowning zone

After reading this, I kind of want to go take a nice, hot, relaxing bath, but I'm afraid I'd fall asleep and drown and I DO NOT want to die naked.

I wish Pacey would kick Dawson's ass

Yesterday was my first official "Day Off" from work. I'm loving the whole No Work On Fridays thing. It feels so much better to sit around in my pajamas watching TV when I can say it's my Day Off, rather than feeling guilty for doing the same thing when I was unemployed. After being so busy the first four days of the week, I made sure to be anything BUT busy yesterday. Here's a rundown of what I did.

Got up at 10 because I can no longer sleep til noon. How sad.

Watched reruns of Dawson's Creek. Pacey wore a suit. I don't know what else happened.

Drank half a pot of coffee. This was probably too much.

Turned on a mix CD and sang and danced like a moron to Jay-Z, Eminem, Tina Turner, and Dirrrrty(!) Christina. Wondered again if my life was really a reality TV show that I didn't know about, like Jim Carrey in The Truman Show, thought about how stupid I look when I dance, shrugged, and kept going.

Read blogs. All of them. Every single one on the Internet(s).

Checked my e-mail about five hundred times.

Listened to a voicemail Katie Jo left that consisted of entirely Napoleon Dynamite quotes. Sweet! I think she caught a delicious bass.

Ate lunch.

Watched reruns of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. If Buffy had ever turned into a vampire, would she have had to slay herself?

Played with the dog.

Caught up on Passions. E-mailed Beau and Stiffie about Teresa's (Telesa's!) tendency to steal embryos.

Showered. At 3:30.

Put on my Strawberry Shortcake pajama pants.

Watched Oprah because Tina Turner (!!!) was on.

Started reading Catcher in the Rye because I haven't read it since high school.

Watched Melrose Place.

Ate dinner at 8 and watched reruns of Friends.

Went to Nancy's in my pajamas because Whitney (!!!) is visiting from Chicago.

Came home, watched some Family Guy DVDs, and went to bed.

FUN TIMES. I'm kind of upset that I'm going to miss Dawson's Creek most days of the week and HOW SAD IS THAT? I don't even particularly LIKE that show because Joey is annoying as hell and I want to punch Dawson in his stupid, huge forehead EVERY SINGLE SECOND HE'S ON THE SCREEN.

Ok, maybe it's a good thing that I can't watch it very often.

Dear Senator Kerry,

Hey, John. I hope you're well. I've seen you on TV a couple of times the last few weeks. I noticed that you didn't throw up or scream obscenities during the inauguration or the State of the Union, like so many of us watching at home did. Bravo. I don't think anyone would have blamed you if you had sat there with headphones on, singing along to Bruce Springsteen and air drumming.

I noticed that you've been sending me more e-mails lately. I think it's really nice that you're trying to help the kids and all, but here's the thing. I think we should stop seeing each other. I know, I know, now is the time you need my help, now more than ever, blah blah Republicans want to take away our babies and sell them to large corporations blah. I'd love to help you, I really would, but I'm afraid it would be too awkward. See, I put my heart and soul into the election. I was SURE you were going to win, especially after the debate(s) where Bush acted like a retarded monkey. I stayed up ALL NIGHT on election night, hoping and praying for states to turn blue. And with each state that turned red, I think I died a little inside. When my own state turned red, I threw a little tantrum, pounded my fists into a pillow, pouted for a couple of days, and cursed you AND Bush. I know it's not all your fault. But really, why did you act so ashamed of your extensive vocabulary? It's OK that you sound smart! You are smart! Didn't you realize how many of us were YEARNING to hear someone who didn't stumble all over their words? Sure, you were a little . . . verbose at times, but I'll take verbosity over someone who vomits word salad all over the place.

So, there you have it. I don't blame you. Anymore. But things will never be the way they were, you know, last October.

I'll always cherish the good times we had together. And there were good times! The canvassing, the anti-Bush rants, the Springfield rally, your little buddy John Edwards . . . all of these memories hold a special place in my heart. Every time I hear "Johnny B. Goode" I'll think of you and wipe away a little tear.

I hope we can still be friends. I'm not saying I want to hang out, but we can still say hi. A little wave might be appropriate. Maybe a high five, on special occasions.

Good luck in the future. Please don't run for President again, ok?

Yours truly,
Jennie

lalala, I can't hear you

I just turned on the State of the Union in time to hear President Douche say he supports an amendment to "protect the sanctity of marriage."

And then I barfed.

today's grievances

Ok, it's bad enough that Lost and Alias aren't on, but am I supposed to sit and watch President Dubya stumble and slur his way through the English language for TWO WHOLE HOURS?

I'm sorry, but I'd rather stab myself in the eye with a rusty nail and then LICK off the eye goo*.

Also, I was wearing the most uncomfortable bra all day today. I was seriously considering taking it off in the car on the way home, but I didn't. I think I might just burn it. If I don't, I might accidentally wear it again and have to spend the entire day trying not to scream and cry as the underwire digs deeper and deeper into my skin.

*I apologize for that disgusting, graphic image, but disgusting, graphic images are all the come to mind when I think of the leader of the free world and excuse me I just threw up in my mouth a little.

straight up now tell me

Did anyone else think Paula Abdul was a little drunk on The Daily Show last night? I thought maybe it was just me, but someone found my blog by searching for "daily show paula abdul drunk 2005" BEFORE I even posted this.

I know they tape the show earlier in the day, so she was either drunk reeeeeeeally early or she's on something. And judging by most of her clothing choices, I'm going with the drugs.

It's called LUCK and I love it

I haven't posted in a few days, and I meant to post something yesterday but I was really tired because I WORKED ALL DAY and since I didn't GET OFF WORK tonight until 7 tonight and I had to eat dinner AFTER WORK and then unwind FROM WORK by watching Scrubs (which was HILARIOUS) I haven't had a chance until now.

So, yes, I got a job. I'm working at an orthodontist office and they're training me to become an orthodontic technician. I know what you're thinking. Um, does that have anything to do with being an English major? Yeah, that would be a NO, other than the fact that I can spell most things correctly and they know I pay close attention to details because HELLO have you ever tried to write a six page paper based on ONE sonnet? I had to do that sophomore year, and from what I remember (I blocked out most of it) I spent the majority of my time painstakingly looking up words in the Oxford English Dictionary.

Anyway, I've learned a lot so far and it's actually been a lot of fun. Plus, I get to wear tennis shoes to work. Tennis shoes! Yay! And I have three Fridays a month off! Whoohoo!

The only thing I've had to get over is the whole, "What do you mean I have to get out of bed and shower and do something tomorrow? I did all that today! And yesterday!" and that thought only ran through my head a couple of times today, and even then the feeling connected was more one of awe rather than dismay or horror.

I can't believe I'm going to publish this. It's like one ginormous run-on. And not to completely change the subject, but why does the song "Moon River" make me want to burst into tears?