Mr. Darcy is the hit of my pants*

I woke up early this morning to Max crawling ACROSS JOE'S FACE so he could hide his face between our pillows. Normally these kinds of shenanigans would get Max kicked off the bed POST HASTE but it was thunderstorming and he was scared and COME ON, how could I possibly force him off the bed when his sad little scared face was trembling nose-to-nose with mine. Joe and I tried to go back to sleep, but it didn't really work because Joe was pretty much forced to the very edge of the bed and the only way I could make myself comfortable was to spoon Max but he kept hitting me in the chin with his head whenever there was thunder and OW.

So my point is, I'm tired today. I mean, I had already stayed up past my bedtime because I wanted to watch Mr. Darcy win an Oscar, so I wasn't planning on waking up an hour and a half earlier than my alarm. YAWN.

In other news, I got this love letter the other day:

Dear Beloved,

This letter may come to you as a surprise due to the fact that we have not yet met. Firstly, I have to say that I have no intentions of causing you any pain. My name is Mr. Moore Edwards, a European merchant. I have been diagnosed with Prostate and Esophageal cancer that was discovered very late due to lack of caring for my health. It has defiled all form of medicine and right now, I have only about a few months to live according to medical experts. I have not particularly lived my life so well, as I never really cared for anyone not even myself but my business.Though I am very rich, I was never generous, I was always hostile to people and only focus on my business as that was the only thing I cared for. But now I regret all this as I now know that there is more to life than just wanting to have or make all the money in the world. I use to say to my self that if God should give me a second chance I would live differently from how I have lived. I was meditating on my hospital bed and something told me that Go

Hence, I do not trust them anymore, as they seem not to be content with what I have left for them.The last of my money which is a huge cash deposit that I have with a security firm will be put in your care if only you will agree and are capable of seeing this through. I want you to help me collect this deposit and dispatched it to charity organizations of your choice and let them know that it is I Mr.Moore Edwards that is making this generous donation. I am writing this from my laptop computer in my hospital bed where I wait for my time to come. I pray for you to support and assist me with a good heart. I hope we can build a relationship based on trust because I want to do this by all means possible before I die.But the choice is yours Please you can contact me through this email address: mooreedwards1@aol.co.uk

Be blessed my beloved,
Mr.Moore Edwards

For some reason, it was delivered to my spam folder. Which is weird because why would my beloved send me spam? In any case, feel free to email him. It sounds like he could use a pick-me-up.

*When my friend Amy and I were but wee little college freshman, we read Bridget Jones's Dairy and Pride & Prejudice, like, a million times, and then saw BJD in the theater, like, a million times, and went on an epic journey to, like, a million stores just to find the P&P mini-series that made Colin Firth such an object of DEEP, DEEP DESIRE. To say we were merely obsessed with Mr. Darcy is an insult to our level of obsession.

Anyway, one night, after drinking too much, we sent emails to practically everyone we knew (drunk emailing is way more entertaining than drunk dialing, trust me) and in one email, we said both "Mr. Darcy is a hearthrap," and "Mr. Darcy is the hit of my pants." Thank you, Stephanie, for reminding me of this. GOOD TIMES.

this spam should be made into a movie ASAP

Dear Beloved ,
Please read this message very carefully because it is with tears that I am writing this mail to you from a hospital bed far away from my home where I have no mother, father, sister, Brother or any one to call my relative. I am in the midst of strangers with a different language that I dont understand, imaging how painful it is to be diagnosed with Cancer, but before I go into that First let me introduce myself to you.
I am Mrs. AQUILA Ahmed Hassanal Bolkiah, a widow to Late Sheik Ahmed Hassanal Bolkiah of Brunei Darussalam, I am 38years old and I have a son of 15years of age who is at the moment in a Country called Benin Republic and I am suffering from cancer of the lungs which I will soon undergo the operation, I want to also let you know that I am writing you this mail from a private hospital here where I am taking my part-time treatments. what will you do if your doctor come up and tell you that you have only few weeks to live? you can imagine the kind of pains I am going through.
My Husband is the first Son to the last wife of King Haji Omar Ali Saifuddien Sadul Khairi Waddien, the former Prime Minister of Brunei Darussalam, the tiny Oil-Rich Country on the Island in South-Eastern Asia, let me save your time by not amplifying my extended Royal Family History which has already been disseminated by the international media during the controversial dispute that erupted between my Husband and his Step-Brother, the Sultan of Brunei H.M.Sultan Haji Hassanal Bolkiah who is the present King/Prime minister of Brunei.
As you may know from the international media, the Sultan of Brunei accused my Husband who is his Step-Brother for financial miss-management and embezzlement of US$14.8 billion dollars and this was as a result of the Asian Financial crisis that made my Husband's company Amedeo Development Company that was inherited by my husband and the government owned Brunei investment Agency to be declared bankrupt during his tenure in the office.
However my Husband was kept under house arrest by his own step brother, our bank accounts and private properties including a Crude Oil Export Refinery were later confiscated by the Sultan and to worsen the whole thing, he has to assassinate my beloved husband and I was placed under house arrest by the Sultan so that I will not tell the international community what has happened and that is where I developed this cancer of the lungs which is killing me slowly now but I still believe that it is the will of God that life is treating me this way. To avoid further prosecution and sufferings from the Sultan and his security operatives since I have lost my Husband and I have my only child to keep me happy, I decided to leave my country Brunei to Benin Republic in West Africa for my safety after I was released.
I left with nothing but the document my late Husband used in depositing the sum of ( US $10.5 Million Dollars) secretly in a private Security company but he did not declare the actual content of the deposit to the company, he only made them to understand that the deposit contains is Family Valuables this he did for security reasons.
I had a plan to retrieve this deposit of fund myself once I leave the country but unfortunately for me this my illness has become worst and I have been placed at the hospital for medical attention permanently.I am planning to fly abroad for a good medication and a perfect surgical operation because according to what the doctors told me that I may not live for more than a month without this operation, I am so scared about this because the Doctors has made me to understand that I have only 20% chance to survive this surgery and for that reason, I want to make and build a strong future for my only son before undergoing this surgery so that in case if I die on the process of this surgery, my son will be taken care of by you.
The reason why I am contacting you is for you to retrieve this deposit that contains the sum of (US$ 10.5 Million) and use some part (10% )of it to better the lives of the less privileged people worldwide,(25% );for your efforts/ assistant and invest the rest of 65% in a lucrative business in your country on behalf of my son, no one can tell what will happen during the surgery operation so in case if anything happens to me during this operation, my son will have someone to take care of him and a business/funds to inherit for a good future tomorrow. below I enclosed to you my current.
Photogragh by my bed side
please get back to me very fast so that I can tell you what to do because my days now is being numbered, you can aswell call this below number if you wish to speak with me the phone is with my son Azizi, he will pass it to me: Tel. +229 93-410-932.
May the peace of God be with you
Mrs. AQUILA & Son AZIZI.