I have the most boring job in the office, so . . . why wouldn’t I have the most boring job on beach day?

Work gave me a panic attack on Monday, and while it's calmed down since then, it's still sort of making me want to choke a bitch. And so this weekend couldn't have come at a better time than, you know, now. At the end of the week. Weird how that works.

Anyway, Heidi and I will soon begin the long journey up to Lake Erie (providing Mother Nature doesn't cover all of Ohio in a foot of snow) for a weekend of bridal shower and bachelorette party MADNESS. Things will probably get out of hand and thank goodness for that because when things are in hand, they are so boring.

Last night, in preparation of today's journey, Heidi and I slaved away in the kitchen on these:



The one at the very top? The big round one on the right? That is a butt. We didn't realize that covering it in chocolate icing would make it look like it had poo all over it until after it TOO LATE. Oops.

Your dentist’s name is Crentist?

Yesterday, Heidi went to the dentist for the first time. Not the first time ever, because . . . gross. But for the first time with this dentist. This particular dentist is also my dentist and he has known me since I was but a wee, little girl with wee, little teeth. He is the best dentist ever in the history of the world. Anyway, I emailed Heidi IMMEDIATELY to see how it went, because . . . work is boring? Yes, it is. And now! Conversations with my Roommate! Email edition!

Me: How was the dentist?

Heidi: The dentist was magical . . . you are a legend there. They all thought you were sweet and nice?!?! Wow, you have them fooled! I have to go back to have my jaw checked out. It clicks and pops when I chew so I have to have something made for my mouth.

Me: I am sweet and nice! Maybe your jaw wouldn’t click and pop if you’d stop with all the BJs.

Heidi: Haha, but I just can't stop!

Me: I understand. That's how I feel about crack.

Anyway, so I'm pretty sure I proved Heidi's point.

everybody here, comes from somewhere

So you guys know how I wanna quit the gym, right? Well, technically I have quit, but my membership goes through the end of this month so I decided to stop throwing money down the toilet and actually, I don't know, GO TO THE GYM. And on the way there, I had the radio on and OH MY GOD, YOU GUYS, the radio started playing the Ghostbusters song and I was so excited. Probably more excited than is normal. But whatever.

So, I'm singing along because . . . well, I'm pretty sure that if you were born in the 70s or 80s, that song is ingrained into your DNA and therefore you can't help but sing because if you try not to sing your DNA will explode. SCIENCED! But I think this might have been the first time I actually listened to the lyrics and did you know that at the end of the song, he says, "Lemme tell ya something, Bustin' makes me feel good!" Does that not strike anyone else as slightly inappropriate? Who let that one slip through, huh?

Once I recovered from the Bustin'Gate, I went into the gym and got on an elliptical in the Cardio Cinema and was immediately PISSED OFF. One, because it was sofa king hot in there that I almost died for real no joke. Two, the movie they were playing had the subtitles on, but the movie was in English, so basically that meant that the jackoffs who work there were too lazy to turn them off. And three, I couldn't figure out what the movie was. I know this doesn't seem like a big deal, but I pride myself on being able to guess a movie within a couple of minutes. Even if I've never seen it before. Sometimes I can guess the movie before the credits start rolling. I KNOW. That is how good I am. But this movie had Alec Baldwin and Sarah Michelle Gellar in it and I quickly ran all the Sarah Michelle Gellar movies I knew through my head and none of them had Alec Baldwin in them. IMDB, to the rescue! Holy shit, apparently it was some movie called Suburban Girl and now I am ashamed because one of the movie's writers is Melissa Bank. Oh GOD.

In other news, if I could, I would listen to REM's new song (supernatural superserious supercalifragilisticespialadocious) over and over so I'm betting Heidi is really glad I don't have the means to listen to it over and over, unless I resort to taping it off the radio when they play it. Did you guys ever do that? I did. All the time. Wow, good story.

I hope you know that this will go down on your permanent record

I almost forgot that today is election day. Even though Heidi and I talked about it JUST LAST NIGHT. Which just goes to show you how stressed out I've been because of work, life, etc. And by life and etc, I mean work. I still can't believe I almost forgot. It's a good thing I brought my lunch today, because now I have to vote on my lunch break and the whole driving to the polling place and voting process will take more than an hour. Probably. And I can't NOT eat lunch. Heavens, no. I can't vote after work because today I have to go warp the minds of small children. The place I volunteer is also a polling place, so I wish they'd just let me vote there because I'll be there ANYWAY, but NOOOOOOOOOOO apparently there's something about precincts and blah blah why won't anyone let me do things my way? Why? Heh.

I've told you guys how much I love voting, right? Well, I do. I love it so much. I'm sure the novelty will wear off eventually, but I sort of hope not. This is only my second presidential election. Oh wait, it's my third. I guess I always forget about the first one because it was such a clusterfuck that I'd like to forget it forever.

You know what else I'd like to forget forever? This post, because it sucks.

karma karma karma karma karma chameleon

Work was starting to get to me again but you know what? It's lunchtime and I decided that everyone could just wait until after 1 to start pissing me off some more. Because I've realized that this is just a job and I shouldn't be worrying about it 24 hours a day because it doesn't worry about ME 24 hours a day. No sir. Or ma'am. Oops, sorry for just calling you all "ma'am." I hate that. I feel as though 25 is too young an age to be ma'amed, but it still happens sometimes. What is the appropriate age to start ma'aming women? When I was little, I thought that you had to be married to be called "ma'am," which is still OK with me because that means I won't be ma'amed for a long time.

I thought about going outside and frolicking around in the warm weather (it's 60, you guys . . . I almost wore shorts and a tank top to work), but I was afraid that once I got out there, I'd never want to come back inside. And they'd be all, "where's Jennie?" and then someone would look out the window to find me rolling around in the grass or running through the sprinkler or something. And that would be difficult to explain to my boss. Although, maybe they'd give me time off to work on my mental problems and I could use that time for more important things, like reading and sleeping and watching TV and if you'll excuse me, I think I need to go outside now.

big! buck! hunter!

Last night was a reenactment of so many college nights, full of flat beer and Kings and Irish Poker and approximately 800 games of Asshole, and so this morning we all woke up ready for greasy food, and lots of it. So we went off in search of pancakes and ended up at a small, country diner. And although none of us ended up getting pancakes, something magical did happen. For as we sat and ate our food, the clouds parted, the heavens sang, and the peasants rejoiced, because what should be gracing the corner of this fine establishment but Big Buck Hunter, begging to be played. And play we did, once we rustled up some quarters (and finished our food, of course) and although Heidi beat the crap out of me (and killed Bambi's mom three times), it was all worth it, because what better way to end a weekend than this:

Ten minutes to Wapner. We're definitely locked in this box with no TV.

Hi. I'm pretty tired today, on account of all the stuff I did last night. For example, I:

• raced a cow
• went ice skating
• rode on a shopping cart
• threw bunnies off a cliff
• played baseball with bunnies
• was in a band
• knocked half of Paris over with the power of my burp
• shot ducks, balloons, alien spaceships and Heidi's face
• played ping pong
• played pool
• went fishing
• milked a pig and milked it faster than anyone milked a cow

Oh, right, all of this was on Wii. Of course. I would never throw bunnies or milk a pig or go fishing in real life. Isn't it nice that you don't even have to leave the house anymore to do all these things? We went around the world last night with this weirdo cracked-out bunny game and I didn't even have to put on my shoes.

I've done nothing of consequence all day. Of course, I've only been up for an hour, but I've filled that hour with coffee and honey nut cheerios and Spongebob. So far, this is like the best Saturday ever. I hope everyone else's Saturday is as Spongeboby as mine.