I watched Garden State earlier and I thought if anything would depress me enough to write beautifully heart wrenching stories, it would be THAT movie, but here is what happened when I tried:
I think I fell in love with you while you were gone. We weren't even talking, aside from the few lines of email we managed to trade. Eventually I stopped writing because I wanted to see if you'd write me first, but you never did. Asshole.
Strike one. Next?
Remember the day we went to the park? We held hands and walked around the pond and when we saw a dead baby bird you started crying. So then I backed away, said I had an emergency, and never talked to you again. Pussy.
OK, strike two.
On the day of our wedding, you took my hand, looked me in the eye, and told me you'd never love another. Please explain to me why I caught you loving one of my bridesmaids in the limo during the reception. By the way, I sold your dog on eBay and used the money to buy a pony, which I am training to bite off your wiener. Bastard.
I give up. I don't think I'm cut out for heart wrenching.
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