I realized today on the way to work that it was the last time I'd ever be making that drive, and I got sad for a minute because that is my default position when thinking about a LAST [SOMETHING] EVER, but then I reminded myself that my new commute will be, like, ten minutes and cheered right the fuck up.
I keep joking that Joe and I have switched roles, because he has been the one more likely to slip into THERE'S NO TIME THERE'S NEVER ANY TIME mode, while I'm all breezy and "oh, don't worry, it'll get done, it'll be fine." WHO AM I? This is completely unlike me. I half-assed a few To Do lists, but mostly I've just been flying by the seat of my pants. Which is a weird expression, no? How would one fly by the seat of their pants? Do you have to take off your pants and tie them around your neck like a cape? Is that the secret of human flight? IS THAT IT?! I've been trying to fly since I was but a wee thing, all hopped up on Mary Poppins and happy thoughts, and it turns out I could have been flying around by the seat of my pants ALL THIS TIME?
OK, so maybe I'm not completely breezy but I am obviously not getting riled up about IMPORTANT things. We did so much this past weekend, moved furniture and boxes and bought new furniture and painted and the whole time, I was all, "SHRUG, it'll all get done, I'm sure." AND YOU GUYS. It DID all get done. Has all my past worrying (all that list-making!) been for naught? I feel like my world makes no sense anymore.
We've been packing all week, in between episodes of The League (shit is funny, you guys, WATCH IT), and we still have quite a bit of work ahead of us but OH WELL because tonight we have tickets to see David Sedaris. So. That's happening. We really have no choice. The tickets are non-refundable and I bought them long, long ago, before we even found a house we wanted to buy, so go we must, young Skywalker. It's OK because I'm not working tomorrow and, although I'll have to take a couple of hours to sit at the new house and wait on some furniture to arrive, I'm confident that everything we still need to do will get done. Because it has to. And if I have to invent a time machine to do it, then so be it. I SAID SO BE IT.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
the not-so-secret circle PART TWO
Did you guys think I was done with this? Because I'm not. It's time for...The Secret Circle: THE CAPTIVE. So, enjoy, you three people who actually know what I'm talking about. Let's get THIS excited:
You may remember that in the first book, Adam and Cassie realized they were MFEO but decided to ignore it, vowing never to hurt Diana blah blah blah, and also the coven released some dark energy from a crystal skull YES I REALLY JUST TYPED THAT.
Following the release of both the dark energy AND Adam and Cassie's pent-up sexual energy, the coven decides to meet at Diana's to trace the dark energy with some crystal pendulum voodoo magic. The crystal leads them to the cemetery (of course!) and they find this giant mound of dirt busted open, which is probably not good. They find out later that SOMEHOW, their principal died in a rock slide, because that's a normal way for principals to die. Cassie is sure the dark energy had something to do with it and wonders if maybe she shouldn't get the crystal skull for Faye. DUH DOY, Cassie.
Oh! I might have forgotten to tell you that Faye told Cassie that if she didn't want Diana to find out that Cassie and Adam had a tongue party on the beach, Cassie has to find the crystal skull and give it to Faye. This is going to be difficult, however, because Diana is "purifying" it and didn't tell anyone what she did with it.
Cassie changes her mind (again!) about giving the skull to Faye and spends the night at Diana's so she can look for it. She doesn't find it but has a dream about where to look for it. Her dream tells her that in order to purify something, it must be buried in sand, and if that's the case, then the next time Phoebe pukes on my bedspread, I'm going to bury it in sand instead of trying to shove it into the washer.
Anyway. Cassie digs holes all over the beach, looking for the skull. Just randomly. She doesn't try to devise a stratagem or anything, even though everyone knows that stratagems are the shit (see: Amelie). She somehow finds the skull but, as she holds it, she realizes she can't give it to Faye. Doesn't matter, though, because Faye was following her and snatches the skull right out of Cassie's hands. Blah blah more witchcraft. They release more dark energy. How much dark energy is in this thing? Geez.
Nothing bad happens for like a week, other than Diana coming down with a cold right before the big dance. Diana's a total idiot and insists that Cassie go as Adam's date in her place, because she doesn't want Adam to miss the dance and I guess him going by himself wasn't an option? Unfortunately for Diana, all the other girls use their witchy wiles to make Cassie look totally hot. Adam (and every other boy at the dance) is powerless to her charms and by charms I mean boobs. Adam and Cassie make out again (that vow didn't last long) on the dance floor (!!) but somehow no one sees them? What? Cassie gets flustered and runs away to find Deborah, who is playing cards in the boiler room with the Henderson brothers and Freddy Krueger.
She doesn't find them, but she does find Jeffrey Lovegood's body hanging from a pipe, so that's cool. Jeffrey is (was) this popular guy who Faye was after, I think? And he ditched her to dance with Cassie, even though he also has a girlfriend? So the girlfriend and Faye were both pretty mad.
Nick finds Cassie with the body, and soon he, Adam, Deborah, and Cassie are tracking the dark energy through town. They end up at the cemetery, where the dark energy swarms at Deb and Cassie (uh-huh) and Cassie loses the crystal necklace that Melanie had given her. She goes back to the cemetery later, to try and find the necklace, and notices the gravestones of all of the coven parents. They all died in 1976. Diana tells Cassie it was because of a hurricane. A MAGIC hurricane, I bet.
Whatever. There's another dance coming up, the HALLOWEEN dance, which is super special because did you know? They're witches. And Halloween is WITCHY. Cassie tries to ask Nick to the dance but he blows her off because he's busy working on his car because HE IS A MAN. She's embarrassed, so naturally she decides to hang out with theWeasley Henderson twins and they steal pumpkins BECAUSE THEY ARE BAD. Then they go to some Salem witch trial museum because they want to scare people (BECAUSE THEY ARE BAD) but Cassie freaks out because she realizes that all of the murders that have happened recently are JUST LIKE what happened to the people accused of being witches a million years ago. GASP!
I'm tired. Is this over yet?
Cassie finds a black rock called a hematite. It's her "working stone" which...omg, who cares. It's not important. What is important is that she found it in the ruins of a house (Number 13, oooooh) at the end of their street. Later, the Coven traces some dark energy (more?) to the same ruins, and Cassie learns that Black John (remember him?) used to live there. The house burned down years ago, right around the time all the parents died.
Cassie and Nick DO end up going to the dance together, in case you were worried. Were you worried? Don't lie, I know you were. Everyone dresses up in what I'm sure they think are totally "deep" costumes but are really just kind of obvious and sad, like, Suzan dresses up like Aphrodite and Laurel is a wood nymph (heh) or something and Diana as a good witch and Faye as a bad witch and omg all of you just dress like slutty bunnies or something, OK? You're 16.
After the dance, they go to Number 13 to perform a ceremony that will call up Black John's spirit because that's something that sounds like it will end well. They call up four circles of protection around them, earth, fire,wind air, water, (heart!) and do witchy things to pull Black John's spirit out of the crystal skull. They're successful! But oops, Black John goes after Cassie, Adam goes through the four circles of protection to save her (which is apparently a big deal), and then everything is over. OR IS IT?
No. It's not. So. Remember how Faye is blackmailing Cassie because she knows that Cassie and Adam are makeout buddies? Well, it's time for the Coven to elect a permanent leader and Faye wants Cassie's vote. This is a problem because DUH Faye is BAD and Diana is GOOD so obviously Diana should be the leader. Whatever, long story short (LIES), Cassie does as told and Faye is elected leader. Everyone is shocked (SHOCKED!) that Cassie would vote for Faye.
Faye wastes no time in fucking shit up, and takes the crystal skull and most of the Coven to the cemetery. They do some magics or something and OOPS AGAIN (this story is full of oopses) they release Black John from the skull. I guess. The skull exploded, along with some weird, old mound at the cemetery that I guess was his grave? I don't remember. I read this like a month ago.
They realize something is seriously wrong when they see a red, glowy light over Cassie's grandma's house. I guess it's never good to have red, glowy light over your house, especially if you're a witch. They go inside and there's an EVIL red light inside, causing everything to look all weird DUH. They find Cassie's mom, who is alive, but comatose, which really isn't a problem because I forgot Cassie even had a mom. It's a bit traumatizing, though, when they find Cassie's grandma in the kitchen, dying all over the floor.
Black John was there, says Grandma Howard, and he was looking for their Book of Shadows. And even though grandma is dying, she still has time for a story. YES. I LOVE STORY TIME.
Grandma tells Cassie that their family has always had the strongest sight of all the witch families, making them the best, so IN YOUR FACE, EVERYONE ELSE. A long time ago, on a street far, far away except not really because it was the same street they're on right now, all of their parents had their own Secret Circle. One day, a "man in black" showed up, not to erase their memories or sing Ring of Fire to them, but to be Head Coven Leader or something. He took charge, making sure that certain members of that Coven hooked up and had babies, which is totally gross and you have to wonder why those kids would have listened to him. Drugs? Maybe.
Anyway, they found out later that this man in black was not Johnny Cash, but Black John (omg what if Johnny Cash WAS Black John), and that the reason he hooked up certain members of the Coven is because he wanted them to all have super powerful witch babies that he could mold into evil witches so he could control them and be their leader when they grew up, yes, you read that right.
Naturally, some of the parents were like, "oh hell no," (but only the brave ones) and when they confronted Black John about it, he caused the magical hurricane that killed them. I don't remember if Black John died at that time or was, like, banished back into the crystal skull, but Grandma tells Cassie that he's BACK. As a real person, like Pinocchio, but evil. Well. Eviler.
Then Grandma Howard dies, but not before saying something super cryptic that will leave Cassie really confused for most of the next book.
Cassie's pretty upset at this point and decides she's done with Faye's blackmail bullshit. She goes to Faye and is all, "this is your fault and I hate you and this sucks, how about instead of blackmailing me, you come over this weekend to watch Dawson's Creek with me?" and Faye is all, "only if you agree that Dawson is Joey's soulmate!" because Faye is EVIL but then Cassie is like, "OMG FAYE, NO, YOU ARE THE WORST, PACEY FOREVER."
OK, none of that happened but Cassie did tell Faye that she's not going to be blackmailed any longer, so Faye is all, "OH IT IS ON NOW, TINY ONE," and she starts to speak to the rest of the Circle and that's where the book ends.
Tune in next time for...The Secret Circle: THE POWER.
You may remember that in the first book, Adam and Cassie realized they were MFEO but decided to ignore it, vowing never to hurt Diana blah blah blah, and also the coven released some dark energy from a crystal skull YES I REALLY JUST TYPED THAT.
Following the release of both the dark energy AND Adam and Cassie's pent-up sexual energy, the coven decides to meet at Diana's to trace the dark energy with some crystal pendulum voodoo magic. The crystal leads them to the cemetery (of course!) and they find this giant mound of dirt busted open, which is probably not good. They find out later that SOMEHOW, their principal died in a rock slide, because that's a normal way for principals to die. Cassie is sure the dark energy had something to do with it and wonders if maybe she shouldn't get the crystal skull for Faye. DUH DOY, Cassie.
Oh! I might have forgotten to tell you that Faye told Cassie that if she didn't want Diana to find out that Cassie and Adam had a tongue party on the beach, Cassie has to find the crystal skull and give it to Faye. This is going to be difficult, however, because Diana is "purifying" it and didn't tell anyone what she did with it.
Cassie changes her mind (again!) about giving the skull to Faye and spends the night at Diana's so she can look for it. She doesn't find it but has a dream about where to look for it. Her dream tells her that in order to purify something, it must be buried in sand, and if that's the case, then the next time Phoebe pukes on my bedspread, I'm going to bury it in sand instead of trying to shove it into the washer.
Anyway. Cassie digs holes all over the beach, looking for the skull. Just randomly. She doesn't try to devise a stratagem or anything, even though everyone knows that stratagems are the shit (see: Amelie). She somehow finds the skull but, as she holds it, she realizes she can't give it to Faye. Doesn't matter, though, because Faye was following her and snatches the skull right out of Cassie's hands. Blah blah more witchcraft. They release more dark energy. How much dark energy is in this thing? Geez.
Nothing bad happens for like a week, other than Diana coming down with a cold right before the big dance. Diana's a total idiot and insists that Cassie go as Adam's date in her place, because she doesn't want Adam to miss the dance and I guess him going by himself wasn't an option? Unfortunately for Diana, all the other girls use their witchy wiles to make Cassie look totally hot. Adam (and every other boy at the dance) is powerless to her charms and by charms I mean boobs. Adam and Cassie make out again (that vow didn't last long) on the dance floor (!!) but somehow no one sees them? What? Cassie gets flustered and runs away to find Deborah, who is playing cards in the boiler room with the Henderson brothers and Freddy Krueger.
She doesn't find them, but she does find Jeffrey Lovegood's body hanging from a pipe, so that's cool. Jeffrey is (was) this popular guy who Faye was after, I think? And he ditched her to dance with Cassie, even though he also has a girlfriend? So the girlfriend and Faye were both pretty mad.
Nick finds Cassie with the body, and soon he, Adam, Deborah, and Cassie are tracking the dark energy through town. They end up at the cemetery, where the dark energy swarms at Deb and Cassie (uh-huh) and Cassie loses the crystal necklace that Melanie had given her. She goes back to the cemetery later, to try and find the necklace, and notices the gravestones of all of the coven parents. They all died in 1976. Diana tells Cassie it was because of a hurricane. A MAGIC hurricane, I bet.
Whatever. There's another dance coming up, the HALLOWEEN dance, which is super special because did you know? They're witches. And Halloween is WITCHY. Cassie tries to ask Nick to the dance but he blows her off because he's busy working on his car because HE IS A MAN. She's embarrassed, so naturally she decides to hang out with the
I'm tired. Is this over yet?
Cassie finds a black rock called a hematite. It's her "working stone" which...omg, who cares. It's not important. What is important is that she found it in the ruins of a house (Number 13, oooooh) at the end of their street. Later, the Coven traces some dark energy (more?) to the same ruins, and Cassie learns that Black John (remember him?) used to live there. The house burned down years ago, right around the time all the parents died.
Cassie and Nick DO end up going to the dance together, in case you were worried. Were you worried? Don't lie, I know you were. Everyone dresses up in what I'm sure they think are totally "deep" costumes but are really just kind of obvious and sad, like, Suzan dresses up like Aphrodite and Laurel is a wood nymph (heh) or something and Diana as a good witch and Faye as a bad witch and omg all of you just dress like slutty bunnies or something, OK? You're 16.
After the dance, they go to Number 13 to perform a ceremony that will call up Black John's spirit because that's something that sounds like it will end well. They call up four circles of protection around them, earth, fire,
No. It's not. So. Remember how Faye is blackmailing Cassie because she knows that Cassie and Adam are makeout buddies? Well, it's time for the Coven to elect a permanent leader and Faye wants Cassie's vote. This is a problem because DUH Faye is BAD and Diana is GOOD so obviously Diana should be the leader. Whatever, long story short (LIES), Cassie does as told and Faye is elected leader. Everyone is shocked (SHOCKED!) that Cassie would vote for Faye.
Faye wastes no time in fucking shit up, and takes the crystal skull and most of the Coven to the cemetery. They do some magics or something and OOPS AGAIN (this story is full of oopses) they release Black John from the skull. I guess. The skull exploded, along with some weird, old mound at the cemetery that I guess was his grave? I don't remember. I read this like a month ago.
They realize something is seriously wrong when they see a red, glowy light over Cassie's grandma's house. I guess it's never good to have red, glowy light over your house, especially if you're a witch. They go inside and there's an EVIL red light inside, causing everything to look all weird DUH. They find Cassie's mom, who is alive, but comatose, which really isn't a problem because I forgot Cassie even had a mom. It's a bit traumatizing, though, when they find Cassie's grandma in the kitchen, dying all over the floor.
Black John was there, says Grandma Howard, and he was looking for their Book of Shadows. And even though grandma is dying, she still has time for a story. YES. I LOVE STORY TIME.
Grandma tells Cassie that their family has always had the strongest sight of all the witch families, making them the best, so IN YOUR FACE, EVERYONE ELSE. A long time ago, on a street far, far away except not really because it was the same street they're on right now, all of their parents had their own Secret Circle. One day, a "man in black" showed up, not to erase their memories or sing Ring of Fire to them, but to be Head Coven Leader or something. He took charge, making sure that certain members of that Coven hooked up and had babies, which is totally gross and you have to wonder why those kids would have listened to him. Drugs? Maybe.
Anyway, they found out later that this man in black was not Johnny Cash, but Black John (omg what if Johnny Cash WAS Black John), and that the reason he hooked up certain members of the Coven is because he wanted them to all have super powerful witch babies that he could mold into evil witches so he could control them and be their leader when they grew up, yes, you read that right.
Naturally, some of the parents were like, "oh hell no," (but only the brave ones) and when they confronted Black John about it, he caused the magical hurricane that killed them. I don't remember if Black John died at that time or was, like, banished back into the crystal skull, but Grandma tells Cassie that he's BACK. As a real person, like Pinocchio, but evil. Well. Eviler.
Then Grandma Howard dies, but not before saying something super cryptic that will leave Cassie really confused for most of the next book.
Cassie's pretty upset at this point and decides she's done with Faye's blackmail bullshit. She goes to Faye and is all, "this is your fault and I hate you and this sucks, how about instead of blackmailing me, you come over this weekend to watch Dawson's Creek with me?" and Faye is all, "only if you agree that Dawson is Joey's soulmate!" because Faye is EVIL but then Cassie is like, "OMG FAYE, NO, YOU ARE THE WORST, PACEY FOREVER."
OK, none of that happened but Cassie did tell Faye that she's not going to be blackmailed any longer, so Faye is all, "OH IT IS ON NOW, TINY ONE," and she starts to speak to the rest of the Circle and that's where the book ends.
Tune in next time for...The Secret Circle: THE POWER.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Once upon a time, a girl met a boy and his comic books
My life is better in so many ways since meeting Joe, obviously, but one of the best ways is that he introduced me to an entirely new (to me, anyway) world of storytelling. When we first started talking, back during that week of furious emailing before we met in person, he mentioned that he read comics and hoped that I wouldn't judge him for it. I was all, "wtf, why would I judge that?" and at first, I thought he was just warning me about his obsession habit of reading and collecting comics, but after this week's How I Met Your Mother, I wonder if the comic book issue isn't just Joe's version of Ted's Annie Hall dealbreaker.
Wow, that last sentence probably made no sense to a lot of you, and for that I apologize, but it's not my fault you didn't watch HIMYM this week.
Before I met Joe, I thought of comics as merely superhero stories with muscly men and big-boobed ladies running around wearing half of the amount of clothing that is socially acceptable. And those comics exist, sure, and I understand why people like the superhero stuff, but Joe introduced me to, you know, other stuff that I never knew existed. It was like magic. I tried Jeffrey Brown, but he wasn't for me. Neither was Watchmen. I tried to read Walking Dead but gave up after a few issues because terrible dialogue broke my brain. But Raina Telgemeier, Andy Runton, Craig Thompson, Bryan Lee O'Malley, Adrian Tomine, I liked. I'm sure I'm missing out on a wealth of other authors, so please feel free to suggest something else I should be reading.
My latest obsession is Fables, a series about fairy tale characters living in the real world. FAIRY TALE CHARACTERS LIVING IN THE REAL WORLD. If this sounds familiar to you, it's because there are two TV shows premiering soon that are along the same lines, Grimm and Once Upon a Time. I wish they'd just made Fables into a TV show but no one consulted me, which I think we can all agree is total bullshit. I'm on the 5th volume of the Fables collections (no idea what actual issue that is) and I'm a bit afraid to keep reading at the rate I am, because soon I'll be done and then what will I do? Wait for the next issue? Well, I'm not good at that so I DON'T WANT TO DO IT. Moving on.
Here are things I like about Fables:
1. Everything.
I'm going to watch both Grimm and Once Upon a Time because A) duh, fairy tales and B) hopefully at least one of them will be good, in case I finish Fables and need another real-life-fairy-tale fix.
Grimm starts next Friday on NBC. Some detective finds out that he's a descendent of the Brothers Grimm, so takes on the mission of protecting humanity from evil, supernatural fairy tale characters. No word on what he does to the nice fairy tale characters. Maybe he bangs Cinderella, I don't know. I'm a bit more excited for ABC's Once Upon a Time, but that's mainly because Ginnifer Goodwin is in it and I like her. Yes, I'm that simple. Oh PLUS ALSO it's written by a couple of LOST writers, so I'm pretty much obligated to check it out.
Once Upon a Time is set in Storybrooke, Maine (obviously). A bunch of fairy tale characters, mainly Snow White, Prince Charming, the Evil Queen, Jiminy Cricket, and Rumpelstiltskin, live there but GET THIS, they have no idea that they're fairy tale characters! Wicked. Anyway. Dr. Cameron from House is in it, too, but the Wikipedia page is kind of confusing and spoilery about her, so I don't want to say too much. The show starts on Sunday, so why don't you just watch for yourself instead of expecting me to explain everything? Geez.
ANYWAY. I'll be checking both of them out and crossing my fingers that one of them is worth a season pass. But if not, at least I'll still have Fables.
Wow, that last sentence probably made no sense to a lot of you, and for that I apologize, but it's not my fault you didn't watch HIMYM this week.
Before I met Joe, I thought of comics as merely superhero stories with muscly men and big-boobed ladies running around wearing half of the amount of clothing that is socially acceptable. And those comics exist, sure, and I understand why people like the superhero stuff, but Joe introduced me to, you know, other stuff that I never knew existed. It was like magic. I tried Jeffrey Brown, but he wasn't for me. Neither was Watchmen. I tried to read Walking Dead but gave up after a few issues because terrible dialogue broke my brain. But Raina Telgemeier, Andy Runton, Craig Thompson, Bryan Lee O'Malley, Adrian Tomine, I liked. I'm sure I'm missing out on a wealth of other authors, so please feel free to suggest something else I should be reading.
My latest obsession is Fables, a series about fairy tale characters living in the real world. FAIRY TALE CHARACTERS LIVING IN THE REAL WORLD. If this sounds familiar to you, it's because there are two TV shows premiering soon that are along the same lines, Grimm and Once Upon a Time. I wish they'd just made Fables into a TV show but no one consulted me, which I think we can all agree is total bullshit. I'm on the 5th volume of the Fables collections (no idea what actual issue that is) and I'm a bit afraid to keep reading at the rate I am, because soon I'll be done and then what will I do? Wait for the next issue? Well, I'm not good at that so I DON'T WANT TO DO IT. Moving on.
Here are things I like about Fables:
1. Everything.
I'm going to watch both Grimm and Once Upon a Time because A) duh, fairy tales and B) hopefully at least one of them will be good, in case I finish Fables and need another real-life-fairy-tale fix.
Grimm starts next Friday on NBC. Some detective finds out that he's a descendent of the Brothers Grimm, so takes on the mission of protecting humanity from evil, supernatural fairy tale characters. No word on what he does to the nice fairy tale characters. Maybe he bangs Cinderella, I don't know. I'm a bit more excited for ABC's Once Upon a Time, but that's mainly because Ginnifer Goodwin is in it and I like her. Yes, I'm that simple. Oh PLUS ALSO it's written by a couple of LOST writers, so I'm pretty much obligated to check it out.
Once Upon a Time is set in Storybrooke, Maine (obviously). A bunch of fairy tale characters, mainly Snow White, Prince Charming, the Evil Queen, Jiminy Cricket, and Rumpelstiltskin, live there but GET THIS, they have no idea that they're fairy tale characters! Wicked. Anyway. Dr. Cameron from House is in it, too, but the Wikipedia page is kind of confusing and spoilery about her, so I don't want to say too much. The show starts on Sunday, so why don't you just watch for yourself instead of expecting me to explain everything? Geez.
ANYWAY. I'll be checking both of them out and crossing my fingers that one of them is worth a season pass. But if not, at least I'll still have Fables.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
sliiiiide away
What's weird about being an adult is that sometimes you get excited about stupid things, like when your husband changes your windshield wipers for you. This was exciting for two reasons. One, I didn't have to do it. And two, I hadn't changed my windshield wipers in...I don't want to say YEARS but you guys it was totally years. Like...when did I get my car? 2008? Let us check the archives! Oh, no, I'm sorry, it was 2007. So, if we use math, we will discover that my windshield wipers were REALLY FUCKING OLD. I'm sure they weren't really THAT old, maybe? Like maybe I changed them at some point and forgot? But still. I fail. I fail at life and stuff.
What's also weird about being an adult is that sometimes you get excited about willingly putting yourself in a great deal of debt for the next 80 bajillion years. What's also also weird is that someone will let you buy a house even though you routinely stay up too late onschool work nights watching zombie shows and don't shower on the weekends until at least 3 o'clock in the afternoon.
My point is, a lot of things are weird so get over it. Sorry, that was mean. And that wasn't even my point because OBVIOUSLY I DON'T HAVE ONE WHAT ARE YOU, NEW? Well? Are you? If you're new, how are you even reading this because you are obviously a baby and babies can't read until they are really old babies so what's up with that, are you a really old baby?
Is anyone even still reading this? I wouldn't blame you if you weren't. Anyway. We closed on our house on Friday, which I think means that it is closed all over the place, man, there are no open windows or doors or anything in that damn house. It also means that the next two weeks aren't going to be very much fun unless you like having to pack and paint and clean more than watching reruns of Mad Men and if that's the case, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.
I'm sorry, I'm being really combative today and I have no idea why. Whatever. The closing was odd because the sellers were there and they seemed really nice but it was kind of weird because, like, we're going to be living in their house. Which is now our house, but like, what if we find something weird in a hidden drawer in the basement, like a homemade sex tape or a box of blood slides? I don't want to have met these people face to face if we end up finding something like that. OH WELL, I guess.
I am going to miss our realtor. She's pretty much the nicest realtor ever so I'm thinking about maybe buying a second house so we can continue to hang out with her. She's THAT awesome. And she seemed to like us even though we looked at approximately 75 houses and I'm not even exaggerating, I think we really did look at 75 houses, AT LEAST. That's a lot of houses. But because I am me (who else would I be?), I felt like we had to look at every house we might possibly want because what if we didn't and THAT WAS THE HOUSE. And, you know? It's a good thing I spent so much time obsessively combing the internet for available houses because that's how we found the one we bought, I think. I don't know, I don't remember. Wow, good story, Jennie, TELL IT AGAIN.
What's also weird about being an adult is that sometimes you get excited about willingly putting yourself in a great deal of debt for the next 80 bajillion years. What's also also weird is that someone will let you buy a house even though you routinely stay up too late on
My point is, a lot of things are weird so get over it. Sorry, that was mean. And that wasn't even my point because OBVIOUSLY I DON'T HAVE ONE WHAT ARE YOU, NEW? Well? Are you? If you're new, how are you even reading this because you are obviously a baby and babies can't read until they are really old babies so what's up with that, are you a really old baby?
Is anyone even still reading this? I wouldn't blame you if you weren't. Anyway. We closed on our house on Friday, which I think means that it is closed all over the place, man, there are no open windows or doors or anything in that damn house. It also means that the next two weeks aren't going to be very much fun unless you like having to pack and paint and clean more than watching reruns of Mad Men and if that's the case, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.
I'm sorry, I'm being really combative today and I have no idea why. Whatever. The closing was odd because the sellers were there and they seemed really nice but it was kind of weird because, like, we're going to be living in their house. Which is now our house, but like, what if we find something weird in a hidden drawer in the basement, like a homemade sex tape or a box of blood slides? I don't want to have met these people face to face if we end up finding something like that. OH WELL, I guess.
I am going to miss our realtor. She's pretty much the nicest realtor ever so I'm thinking about maybe buying a second house so we can continue to hang out with her. She's THAT awesome. And she seemed to like us even though we looked at approximately 75 houses and I'm not even exaggerating, I think we really did look at 75 houses, AT LEAST. That's a lot of houses. But because I am me (who else would I be?), I felt like we had to look at every house we might possibly want because what if we didn't and THAT WAS THE HOUSE. And, you know? It's a good thing I spent so much time obsessively combing the internet for available houses because that's how we found the one we bought, I think. I don't know, I don't remember. Wow, good story, Jennie, TELL IT AGAIN.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
poopasaurus rex
I had to sign up for a website in order to take a quiz to tell me if I'm a Nerd, Dork, or Geek (oh, like you're so busy and important) so obviously I picked this username. The best part is, I had to add a 1, meaning someone else had the same idea. GREAT MINDS OBVIOUSLY.
See today's Pajiba Love for the quiz. I got Modern, Cool nerd, which I think means I'm not a nerd at all? I don't know, I'm not a doctor.
See today's Pajiba Love for the quiz. I got Modern, Cool nerd, which I think means I'm not a nerd at all? I don't know, I'm not a doctor.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
O R they?
One of my best friends had a baby yesterday but, you know, I finally broke in this pair of shoes that have been giving me blisters for months, so I'm not sweating it either.
I woke up yesterday to a text from Nancy, letting me know she was at the hospital about ready to GIVE BIRTH, which she did around 8:30 that same morning. I can't stop thinking about it. Nancy has a baby. A teeny, tiny baby. Nancy is a MOM. How are we old enough for this? I was looking at old pictures the other day, pictures taken right after college and thinking, "who ARE you?" because seriously, who ARE you, Crazypants? Where did you go? Are you hiding in that portapotty? If so, why? I just have so many questions.
My main question is, did you know newborn babies don't HAVE to look like alien gorillas? Because they don't. Nancy had a really cute one. And I'm not just saying that because she's my friend and I love her so I therefore love her baby and have like, ugly-blocking powers. Because no, this baby is just really cute. You'll have to take my word for it because I forgot to take any pictures, so blinded was I by the cuteness.
Once we left the hospital, we were crazy with hunger so we went out to dinner, Heidi, Nicole, Joe and I, and I marveled at how social Joe and I are being this week. We were just over at Nicole's for a Dexter party (Dexter viewing, I mean, we didn't kidnap a serial killer and then stab him in Nicole's kill room...as far as I know, Nicole doesn't even have a kill room), we had a baby visit last night, I'm going out to dinner tonight, AND we have plans for Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights this weekend. WHO ARE WE. I think it's because our only other alternative is packing and, you guys, packing blows.
We close on the house this Friday (holy shit) which means soon we'll be really poor, but we'll have a house, so if we can't afford groceries, maybe we can eat some of our siding? That's a thing, right? Sure. We're not moving in right away, though, since we have to paint and clean and hopefully that's ALL because that's enough, really.
That is all of my exciting news. Except for, oh yeah, we also bought Max a hot dog costume.
I woke up yesterday to a text from Nancy, letting me know she was at the hospital about ready to GIVE BIRTH, which she did around 8:30 that same morning. I can't stop thinking about it. Nancy has a baby. A teeny, tiny baby. Nancy is a MOM. How are we old enough for this? I was looking at old pictures the other day, pictures taken right after college and thinking, "who ARE you?" because seriously, who ARE you, Crazypants? Where did you go? Are you hiding in that portapotty? If so, why? I just have so many questions.
My main question is, did you know newborn babies don't HAVE to look like alien gorillas? Because they don't. Nancy had a really cute one. And I'm not just saying that because she's my friend and I love her so I therefore love her baby and have like, ugly-blocking powers. Because no, this baby is just really cute. You'll have to take my word for it because I forgot to take any pictures, so blinded was I by the cuteness.
Once we left the hospital, we were crazy with hunger so we went out to dinner, Heidi, Nicole, Joe and I, and I marveled at how social Joe and I are being this week. We were just over at Nicole's for a Dexter party (Dexter viewing, I mean, we didn't kidnap a serial killer and then stab him in Nicole's kill room...as far as I know, Nicole doesn't even have a kill room), we had a baby visit last night, I'm going out to dinner tonight, AND we have plans for Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights this weekend. WHO ARE WE. I think it's because our only other alternative is packing and, you guys, packing blows.
We close on the house this Friday (holy shit) which means soon we'll be really poor, but we'll have a house, so if we can't afford groceries, maybe we can eat some of our siding? That's a thing, right? Sure. We're not moving in right away, though, since we have to paint and clean and hopefully that's ALL because that's enough, really.
That is all of my exciting news. Except for, oh yeah, we also bought Max a hot dog costume.
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Monday, October 03, 2011
the not-so-secret circle
In honor of The Secret Circle books becoming a TV show, full of witchcraft and teenagers and hopefully some Dawson-drama, I reread The Secret Circle trilogy. I was going to talk about it as I read them, but given my track record of excitedly beginning a project only to forget about it halfway through (if even), I decided not to say anything until I finished it.
I'm a little ashamed to admit this next bit but only a little. I reserved the books at the library but some stupid teenagers got there before me and the waiting list was SO LONG. I'm usually pretty good about waiting for things like movies or music or clothes or, whatever, groceries but when I get it into my head that I want to read a particular book, I HAVE TO READ IT IMMEDIATELY. It's kind of sick. Like. I should maybe get that looked at.
ANYWAY. I watched the first episode of The Secret Circle before I finished the books, which was OK because the show is different enough from the books that it didn't really matter. Like, on the show, Cassie's mom is murdered and that's why she moves in with her grandmother but in the book her mom is alive. They move to New England for some BS reason and Cassie's mom is around but totally useless so I guess that's why they killed her off on the TV show. Also, there are a bajillion more kids in the "Circle" in the book than there are on the show.
But, I digress. Since the show is so different from the books and since I read that the show, from the pilot forward, isn't following the same trajectory as the books, I feel perfectly alright sharing the entire plot of the books with you with no spoiler warnings whatsoever. Also, the Wackopedia page is sorely lacking so this kind of endeavor is really important for science and the world and stuff.
Part 1: The Initiation
Cassie is quiet, shy, and on vacation in Cape Cod for the summer. For some reason that is never fully explained, she hangs out with this girl named Portia, who is a total Regina George if there ever was one. One day, they're on the beach and a boy and his dog disrupt EVERYTHING by just walking by. Sure? It's at this point that you should just assume that all of this is taking place in a parallel universe where people don't act like real people. It will make the rest of the series much easier to swallow.
So anyway, the dog hits on Cassie and Portia is disgusted because EW dogs have germs. Seriously, what is wrong with this girl? At some point later, Cassie is hanging out by herself on the beach and she meets the boy again. SPARKS FLY. This guy is running away from Portia's brothers. They're chasing him because he's "different" OH and also one of them has a gun? Whatever. Cassie hides the guy and his dog in a boat and sends Portia's brothers in the wrong direction when they ask her where he went. Then Cassie and the boy share a special moment and almost make out and hallucinate that there's a silver cord connecting them, heart to heart. OH EXCUSE ME, I BARFED.
Cassie's mom decides that they're going to move in with Cassie's grandmother, to the same town and house where Cassie's mom grew up. Cassie is NOT HAPPY and is even NOT HAPPIER when she sees the piece of shit house and her piece of shit grandma.
Cassie soon meets some of the townsfolk, the most interesting of whom are members of The Club, a group that all other students fear for some reason. Faye is a mean girl who tries to set Cassie on fire, while her friends Suzan and Deborah watch. Chris and Doug are CA-RAZY twins who wish they were the Weasleys. Yes, I know the Weasley twins came after them but I don't care shut up. Diana is the Princess of Purity who rescues Cassie from Faye and who has shiny blonde hair. That's about it for her. Diana has two disciples named Melanie and Laurel, who are both pretty boring. There's also someone named Sean who won't be important until later, and Nick...who also won't be important until later.
Cassie and Diana become BFF because of TEENAGERS. Cassie hopes that maybe she could become part of The Club but there's only one open spot, and Chris and Doug's kid sister, Kori, already has dibs. But GOOD NEWS, EVERYONE. Someone pushes Kori down some steps and she dies. So yay, now Cassie gets to be in The Club!
They kidnap her from her bedroom THE SAME NIGHT KORI DIES so they can initiate her into their Club. It involves candles and the beach and walking into a knife, sort of like the initiation scene in The Craft, NOT that I'm suggesting one of these things is ripping off the other, I just think that's how you get initiated into a witch coven. Obviously.
Whatever, so now Cassie is a witch (OK? Never mind, MAGIC) but that's not even important because guess who shows up? GUESS. The boy from the beach! Remember him? The one Cassie "saved" from her bitchy friend's brothers? Yeah. Cassie is super psyched but then she finds out that he's Diana's boyfriend, Adam, who she'd heard about earlier but I forgot to tell you about it because I don't care. Anyway. The point is now Cassie is in EMOTIONAL TURMOIL, where she will remain until the series is over because WITCH TEENAGERS.
Naturally, Cassie pretends not to know Adam, which is a LIE because they still have that mystical silver cord connecting their hearts (OMG BARF). Adam is all, "wtf but ok," because what does he care, he's got Diana. CASSIE IS ALL ALONE. Like The Hulk.
Adam tells everyone he was in Cape Cod looking for the Master Tools but no one points out that Adam himself is a Master Tool. ZING. TEENAGERS! He found one of them, a crystal skull that used to belong to Black John. Black John was the coven leader back in the good old witch-burning days of Salem, and the other coven members hid the rest of the Master Tools from him when he turned all evil. I hate when that happens.
Faye and her cronies want to use the skull right away, even though it's obviously evil. I mean duh. It's a CRYSTAL SKULL. Diana, as the temporary leader of the coven (this will be important later, I guess), says NO, they have to purify it. So they decide to do that, only Faye is a total bitch about it LIKE ALWAYS. She complains so much for the next few days or weeks (I don't remember) that Diana gives in and they have a secret circle ceremony to study the skull.
Things don't go well and some "dark" energy escapes, which, going by my extensive research (Buffy reruns), is really bad. Adam walks Cassie home from the ceremony and you just know it's going to be A) bad news bears and B) totally awesome.
He asks her why she pretended not to know him and she is immediately all, "because I'm in love with you!" and he's like, "omg, me too!" but they don't talk about the mystical silver cord shared hallucination, even though it probably suggests brain damage of some kind. Instead they make out a lot on the beach even though they're outside and anyone would be able to see them and guess what? Anyone DID see them, if by anyone you mean Faye, which is pretty much the worst anyone to see you in the history of anyones if you're making out with your best friend's boyfriend after releasing dark energy from a 400 year old crystal skull. OOPSIES.
Faye blackmails Cassie, obviously, and this is where The Initiation ends. Join us next time when we discuss the next chapter in the trilogy...THE CAPTIVE.
Dun dun DUN.
I'm a little ashamed to admit this next bit but only a little. I reserved the books at the library but some stupid teenagers got there before me and the waiting list was SO LONG. I'm usually pretty good about waiting for things like movies or music or clothes or, whatever, groceries but when I get it into my head that I want to read a particular book, I HAVE TO READ IT IMMEDIATELY. It's kind of sick. Like. I should maybe get that looked at.
ANYWAY. I watched the first episode of The Secret Circle before I finished the books, which was OK because the show is different enough from the books that it didn't really matter. Like, on the show, Cassie's mom is murdered and that's why she moves in with her grandmother but in the book her mom is alive. They move to New England for some BS reason and Cassie's mom is around but totally useless so I guess that's why they killed her off on the TV show. Also, there are a bajillion more kids in the "Circle" in the book than there are on the show.
But, I digress. Since the show is so different from the books and since I read that the show, from the pilot forward, isn't following the same trajectory as the books, I feel perfectly alright sharing the entire plot of the books with you with no spoiler warnings whatsoever. Also, the Wackopedia page is sorely lacking so this kind of endeavor is really important for science and the world and stuff.
Part 1: The Initiation
Cassie is quiet, shy, and on vacation in Cape Cod for the summer. For some reason that is never fully explained, she hangs out with this girl named Portia, who is a total Regina George if there ever was one. One day, they're on the beach and a boy and his dog disrupt EVERYTHING by just walking by. Sure? It's at this point that you should just assume that all of this is taking place in a parallel universe where people don't act like real people. It will make the rest of the series much easier to swallow.
So anyway, the dog hits on Cassie and Portia is disgusted because EW dogs have germs. Seriously, what is wrong with this girl? At some point later, Cassie is hanging out by herself on the beach and she meets the boy again. SPARKS FLY. This guy is running away from Portia's brothers. They're chasing him because he's "different" OH and also one of them has a gun? Whatever. Cassie hides the guy and his dog in a boat and sends Portia's brothers in the wrong direction when they ask her where he went. Then Cassie and the boy share a special moment and almost make out and hallucinate that there's a silver cord connecting them, heart to heart. OH EXCUSE ME, I BARFED.
Cassie's mom decides that they're going to move in with Cassie's grandmother, to the same town and house where Cassie's mom grew up. Cassie is NOT HAPPY and is even NOT HAPPIER when she sees the piece of shit house and her piece of shit grandma.
Cassie soon meets some of the townsfolk, the most interesting of whom are members of The Club, a group that all other students fear for some reason. Faye is a mean girl who tries to set Cassie on fire, while her friends Suzan and Deborah watch. Chris and Doug are CA-RAZY twins who wish they were the Weasleys. Yes, I know the Weasley twins came after them but I don't care shut up. Diana is the Princess of Purity who rescues Cassie from Faye and who has shiny blonde hair. That's about it for her. Diana has two disciples named Melanie and Laurel, who are both pretty boring. There's also someone named Sean who won't be important until later, and Nick...who also won't be important until later.
Cassie and Diana become BFF because of TEENAGERS. Cassie hopes that maybe she could become part of The Club but there's only one open spot, and Chris and Doug's kid sister, Kori, already has dibs. But GOOD NEWS, EVERYONE. Someone pushes Kori down some steps and she dies. So yay, now Cassie gets to be in The Club!
They kidnap her from her bedroom THE SAME NIGHT KORI DIES so they can initiate her into their Club. It involves candles and the beach and walking into a knife, sort of like the initiation scene in The Craft, NOT that I'm suggesting one of these things is ripping off the other, I just think that's how you get initiated into a witch coven. Obviously.
Whatever, so now Cassie is a witch (OK? Never mind, MAGIC) but that's not even important because guess who shows up? GUESS. The boy from the beach! Remember him? The one Cassie "saved" from her bitchy friend's brothers? Yeah. Cassie is super psyched but then she finds out that he's Diana's boyfriend, Adam, who she'd heard about earlier but I forgot to tell you about it because I don't care. Anyway. The point is now Cassie is in EMOTIONAL TURMOIL, where she will remain until the series is over because WITCH TEENAGERS.
Naturally, Cassie pretends not to know Adam, which is a LIE because they still have that mystical silver cord connecting their hearts (OMG BARF). Adam is all, "wtf but ok," because what does he care, he's got Diana. CASSIE IS ALL ALONE. Like The Hulk.
Adam tells everyone he was in Cape Cod looking for the Master Tools but no one points out that Adam himself is a Master Tool. ZING. TEENAGERS! He found one of them, a crystal skull that used to belong to Black John. Black John was the coven leader back in the good old witch-burning days of Salem, and the other coven members hid the rest of the Master Tools from him when he turned all evil. I hate when that happens.
Faye and her cronies want to use the skull right away, even though it's obviously evil. I mean duh. It's a CRYSTAL SKULL. Diana, as the temporary leader of the coven (this will be important later, I guess), says NO, they have to purify it. So they decide to do that, only Faye is a total bitch about it LIKE ALWAYS. She complains so much for the next few days or weeks (I don't remember) that Diana gives in and they have a secret circle ceremony to study the skull.
Things don't go well and some "dark" energy escapes, which, going by my extensive research (Buffy reruns), is really bad. Adam walks Cassie home from the ceremony and you just know it's going to be A) bad news bears and B) totally awesome.
He asks her why she pretended not to know him and she is immediately all, "because I'm in love with you!" and he's like, "omg, me too!" but they don't talk about the mystical silver cord shared hallucination, even though it probably suggests brain damage of some kind. Instead they make out a lot on the beach even though they're outside and anyone would be able to see them and guess what? Anyone DID see them, if by anyone you mean Faye, which is pretty much the worst anyone to see you in the history of anyones if you're making out with your best friend's boyfriend after releasing dark energy from a 400 year old crystal skull. OOPSIES.
Faye blackmails Cassie, obviously, and this is where The Initiation ends. Join us next time when we discuss the next chapter in the trilogy...THE CAPTIVE.
Dun dun DUN.
Channeling Jessie Spano
Oh, hey, so it's October. Did you know? Because it is. It happened a couple of days ago but it was on the weekend, so you might not have noticed. I about had a full on freak out yesterday when I realized it was not only a new month but that, omg, we close on our house next week. WHAT. NEXT WEEK?
All September, I just kept thinking things like, "oh, we'll be closing in October," and "we should start packing soon since we move next month," and OMG YOU GUYS, IT'S NOW NEXT MONTH HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?
What's crazy is that I haven't started packing at all yet. What's even crazier is that I haven't made any lists. Not a Moving Timeline list, not a "Things To Buy For New House" list, not even a To Do list! WHO AM I. I should really get on that, I know, but frankly I'd rather sit and read and try to ignore the fact that WE ARE MOVING THIS MONTH.
What's the craziest is that we are sort of busy, plan-wise, this month already and the month just started. My sister spent the weekend with us this past weekend, and even though I threatened her that she'd have to help us pack and clean, we did none of that. Yesterday, we celebrated my friend's birthday with massages, fried pickles, Irish food, and beer, along with a surprise party later in the day, so GUESS WHAT, I did nothing yesterday either.
I also thought it would be a great idea to buy/get some tickets to a few shows at work this month. One of those is on the Thursday before we move, so that should be fine. Just fine. No, I'm sure I won't be freaking out at all that week because of the THERE'S NO TIME THERE'S NEVER ANY TIME.
Did you see that Joe reviewed Felicity? Because Joe reviewed Felicity. So you should read it.
All September, I just kept thinking things like, "oh, we'll be closing in October," and "we should start packing soon since we move next month," and OMG YOU GUYS, IT'S NOW NEXT MONTH HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?
What's crazy is that I haven't started packing at all yet. What's even crazier is that I haven't made any lists. Not a Moving Timeline list, not a "Things To Buy For New House" list, not even a To Do list! WHO AM I. I should really get on that, I know, but frankly I'd rather sit and read and try to ignore the fact that WE ARE MOVING THIS MONTH.
What's the craziest is that we are sort of busy, plan-wise, this month already and the month just started. My sister spent the weekend with us this past weekend, and even though I threatened her that she'd have to help us pack and clean, we did none of that. Yesterday, we celebrated my friend's birthday with massages, fried pickles, Irish food, and beer, along with a surprise party later in the day, so GUESS WHAT, I did nothing yesterday either.
I also thought it would be a great idea to buy/get some tickets to a few shows at work this month. One of those is on the Thursday before we move, so that should be fine. Just fine. No, I'm sure I won't be freaking out at all that week because of the THERE'S NO TIME THERE'S NEVER ANY TIME.
Did you see that Joe reviewed Felicity? Because Joe reviewed Felicity. So you should read it.
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