I've sued my manager for sexual harassment. And it's real hard and a big strain on me. Because he hasn't done anything.

Every Sunday night, I put off going to bed until . . . well, early Monday morning. And I think I've figured out why. Because, see, if I go to bed, that means the weekend is officially over and when I wake up it's going to be Monday and I'll have to get up early and go to work. So instead I stay up late reading or watching Adult Swim or peeing every five minutes because I drank too much water/Coke/wine before I tried to go to bed.

ALSO. I just watched The MTV Movie Awards because Sarah Silverman was hosting it and if I was going to go gay for anyone, it would totally be her. Anyway, here are my thoughts that I remember because most of them were gone like five seconds after I thought them:

• Sarah Silverman made fun of how Paris Hilton is going to jail AND how she is a giant slut and Paris Hilton was SITTING RIGHT THERE IN THE AUDIENCE. It was totally hilarious until stupid fratboy Dane Cook tried to poach her joke. STUPID DANE COOK I HATE YOU.
• Robin Williams tries too hard. I wish he had shut up and let John Krasinski talk. Also. Mandy Moore is HUGE. As in tall. Not fat. Obviously.
• They cut to this one girl in the audience a couple times and I kept thinking, "how do I know that girl?" and then I realized it was Audrina from The Hills. I recognized Audrina from The Hills. Kill me.
• Why was Johnny Depp dressed like it was 1993 and his name was Kurt Cobain?
• Cameron Diaz . . . put your vagina away.
• Dude, how shitfaced was Jack Nicholson? I mean, I know that's the whole point of inviting Jack Nicholson to an awards show, but DAMN.

Um, that's it. Other stuff happened. I think. I don't know. I wasn't really paying attention because I got Phoebe high on catnip and that was more entertaining than most of the celebrities. For serious.