Mom: What'd you break now? Me: NOTHING. I'm not at home yet.

When Heidi and I lived together, we broke all sorts of appliances. We broke the fridge, the garbage disposal (multiple times), several coffeemakers, not to mention things outside the kitchen like closet doors and toilets, but our most memorable was the oven. Only that wasn't really broken, the oven knob was just on upside down only WHO WOULD KNOW THAT?

Well, anyway, it turns out that all of those broken appliances may have been my fault. Things just break around me. I didn't even touch the garbage disposal at the condo but it broke after us being there NOT EVEN A WEEK. And last night, oh, last night...last night the microwave did things that no microwave is supposed to do EVER.

YOU GUYS, I broke the microwave. Or my brain did. Here is what happened (imagine this is a dramatic reenactment, sort of like the ones they did on Rescue 911...or the ones they do on that I pooped my baby into the toilet show):

Joe and I got home from work.

We started dinner (lemon chicken) in the oven and then settled down to watch an episode of The West Wing while it cooked.

Once the chicken was ready, I put a thing of Uncle Ben's rice in the microwave (You know, the kind where you're supposed to tear the top and then it steams the rice in the bag or whatever? The venting thing will be important later).

It's later. I went to the bathroom and as I walked back out to the kitchen, I heard a big POP and Joe's face was all, "...the hell?" and I was all, "what did you do?" and he was like, "um, the rice exploded and the microwave turned off by itself."

And then we opened the microwave to see that one side of the rice bag had exploded rice all over.

LUCKILY, the rice only had like 9 seconds left to go, so it was totally done WHOOHOO all is not lost!

Except, then we (ok, Joe) cleaned up the exploded rice and tested to make sure the microwave still worked. And it did. We were all WHOOHOO all is not lost! except then the microwave went dark and started sparking inside so we turned it off speedy quick.

We stared at each other, mouths agape. I said, "try it again." Yeah, more sparks. Scary! It was like we had forgotten to push the button in the hatch and the world was about to end only not quite that dramatic.

So, yeah, the microwave was definitely broken. We unplugged it and then ate dinner (since it was ready and all) and then I called my parents (since my dad is our landlord) and explained that the microwave was sparking and could we maybe come over and pick up my microwave from college? I didn't tell them about the rice exploding thing until we got over there but my mom said she's done that, too, and their microwave was JUST FINE thank you and I guess being easily distracted and forgetting to do things like venting the rice SO IT WON'T EXPLODE is genetic.

But whatever. My point is, you should keep all electronic devices away from me, unless you want me to break them with my (unintentional) mind powers.