Saturday, January 31, 2009

grace in small things (day 9)

  1. Sleepless in Seattle
  2. sheets straight out of the dryer
  3. Guitar Hero: World Tour
  4. minty gum
  5. slipper socks

Friday, January 30, 2009

I meant to post this hours ago but then I saw something shiny and forgot (plus also! grace in small things: day 8)

I think many of us can agree that 2009 has gotten off to a rocky start. Early on in January, when it looked like 2009 was kicking some of my friends square in the face, I theorized that MAYBE 2009 was following that saying about March: In like a lion, out like a lamb. So rest easy, friends. 2009 may suck right now, but by December, you will be swimming in pools of chocolate or money or Hannah Montana dolls or whatever other weird thing you kids are into these days. Also, playing with lambs, if I'm understanding that saying correctly.

I don't know what to expect from this weekend, since it is both the last day of January and the first day of February, but I have high hopes. High, I say! My hopes, not me. Which brings me to my five things for the day:

  1. chocolate covered pretzels
  2. I have a dinner date with Joe
  3. and then later a drinking date with Heidi
  4. and then tomorrow morning, I will sleep in
  5. and then drink coffee and eat peanut butter toast and hang out in my pajamas watching bad TV and reading

And then, you know, I will shower and get dressed and stuff. Not that I wouldn't love hanging out in my pajamas all day, reading and watching bad TV. Not that I HAVEN'T hung out in my pajamas all day, reading and watching bad TV. I mean, that's basically what I did on Wednesday, only I did get dressed for a little bit and I spent an hour banging ice off my car (that counts as exercise) and also Jillian killed me and really, I don't consider The Biggest Loser bad TV. Anyway. Where was I?

Right. Tomorrow we are celebrating The Birth of Steve (Lampl and Jon will be there!) and then on Sunday, I'm going to my parents' to watch The Super Bowl. Not because I care about the game (pshaw) but because I whined so much about wanting them to make spicy chili that they finally caved, and also I'm going to try and convince them that we should watch The Puppy Bowl instead of football.

So, you know, here are the good things I have going on this weekend: Joe, Heidi, Steve, Lampl, Jon, coffee, peanut butter, pajamas, bad TV, reading, parents, sister, beer, chili, puppies playing football. Please be nice, January.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

grace in small things (day 7)

  1. chips and salsa
  2. the Coen brothers
  3. cheese
  4. to do lists
  5. whistling


Sir asked me some questions. You should play, too. It's fun! Like a game. Here is how you play:

1. Leave me a comment saying you want to be interviewed.
2. I'll email you five questions of my choosing.
3. You update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions. They will answer these questions. If they don't, you can legally hunt them down and destroy them by the method of your choosing.

1. The last time I went to Cedar Point, a friend of mine renamed 'The Demon Drop' to 'The Semen Drop' and we laughed and laughed. So, which do you prefer: King's Island or Cedar Point? Explain yourself!

Hee. Semen drop. I'd have to go with King's Island, if only because it's closer and I've been there 80 hundred million times, so I somewhat know my way around. I get lost in my hometown, so knowing how to get around a place is like my favorite thing ever. Plus also, King's Island has The Beast and it's been so long since I've been to Cedar Point that I've forgotten how awesome most of the roller coasters are, so THEREFORE I can live without them.

2. What do you love?

SNOW DAYS. PUPPIES. Also: taking a shower and then putting my pajamas back on, spending an entire afternoon doing nothing but reading, watching Thursday night TV with Heidi, sitting at a bar with friends, drinking outside on a warm day, Guitar Hero, buying books, road trips, cheesecake, spooning, pizza, wine, listening to my parents fake-bicker, text messages from my sister, organizing things, blogging, coffee, warm weather (come back, sun!), live music, when TV shows BLOW MY MIND, The Collective, sleeping in, the Internets, penguins, Tamara's stories, making plans, super spicy chili, roller coasters, stealing pens from hotels.

3. Is the Jesus on I-75 struggling to break free from his Ohio grave or sinking into the state and beseeching his Dad to throw him a rope?

CLEARLY he just witnessed a touchdown.

4. Is there a particular part of the greater Dayton metro area that you really dig? (How about what they've done to the Dayton Mall? Talk about putting lipstick on a pig.)

I really like the Oregon District. Joe lives within walking distance, and I never used to go there because A) I never wanted to try and find a parking spot and B) 15 minutes is SO FAR AWAY. Yeah. Anyway, they have good bars, restaurants, and coffee shops, the most disorganized used book store I have ever seen, a movie theater, a weird shop where they sell random crap and are open really weird hours, and a huge music store. I heart it. Plus, it's home of Hauntfest at Halloween and the street is made of bricks.

I also like Cox Arboretum when I'm feeling nature-y. They have hiking trails and a bird blind and a butterfly house and it's really pretty and quiet there. Plus, it has Cox in the name and that's just awesome.

5. What would be your ideal job and where would it be?

You know how on Television Without Pity they just recap TV shows and then make fun of them? I would like to do this all day. At home, in my pajamas. And get paid for it.

That, or I wish they'd hire me at that used book store in the Oregon District. I want to organize the shit out of it. Plus, I bet they'd let me wear a t-shirt, jeans, and my Chuck Taylors every day.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

grace in small things (day 6)

  • hot showers
  • Papa Murphy's
  • mittens
  • Heidi remembered to bring her camera while we cleaned our cars off:
ice ice baby

holy snow

It's snowing a whole bunch. I was supposed to be at work over an hour ago and that definitely didn't happen. We got a shitload of ice last night and Heidi and I both can't get in our cars because all the doors are frozen shut. We both have ice scrapers but, you know, those are in the car.

So we got all that ice and now is snowing like crazy and I'm really thinking I should not have to go to work at all today. I can't get ahold of anyone in my department, which leads me to believe they're not there either. I don't know why they don't just close the whole building, because the entire county is on a Level 2 snow emergency, which means you shouldn't be out driving unless you really need to be, and I feel as if I really don't need to be on the roads right now. My car is super tiny and not great in the snow (see: super tiny) and is BASICALLY like driving a sled only a sled is easier to steer in the snow because it's supposed to go slip-sliding everywhere but I've heard it's not good for cars to do that. Whoohoo happy fun times!

I should go out and see if I can get my car door open, but it's really cold, you guys. It's so warm in the apartment, and there's coffee and toast with peanut butter on it. Peanut butter!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

grace in small things (day 5)

  1. The bright side of all this snow is . . . um, it gives me an excuse to be late for work
  2. Bloggers blogging about how awesome blogging is
  3. Chocolate pudding snack packs
  4. The Daily Puppy
  5. The space heater under my desk at work

Monday, January 26, 2009

grace in small things (day 4)

  1. warm clothes right out of the dryer
  2. tomato soup
  3. grilled cheese sandwiches
  4. finishing a book and getting started on another one immediately
  5. zip-up hoodies

Me fail English? That's unpossible!

Firstlies, take this quiz. I missed the first question (DAMMIT) but got the rest right. Thank you, Kat, for sharing this quiz and ALSO for telling me to wear red today for good luck. So far, so good. My red shoes are squeaky, though. What's that about? We have to wear these work badges around our necks on lanyards (much like the freshman leashes we wore our keys on in college . . . what?) and I also have this token on mine that bangs into my badge every time I take a step. So when I walk it's like, "smack smack smack" unless I hold onto my badge so the badge and token stop banging each other FOR FIVE SECONDS OH MY GOD. Anyway, today I'm squeaking when I walk and my badge and token are banging and it's all very loud. My point is, I can't sneak up on anyone at work, which is unfortunate. I'm very good at sneaking. And then jumping out! And scaring! Ask Joe. This one time I think I almost made him pee his pants a little because I jumped out from the dark and went "AHHHHH!" It was like that time Derek Zoolander went into the coal mine. You know? YOU know.

Now it is time to completely change subjects. Heidi's family had a memorial service for her grandpa yesterday, and I spent the majority of it pinching myself to take my mind off of crying. Someone once told me that if you're about to cry and you pinch the fleshy part of your hand between your thumb and forefinger, it will make you stop. I don't really know if it works but I kept doing it yesterday. Of course, then I wanted to cry because I was pinching myself, but whatever. Give Heidi all your hugs! Now!

Good news, everyone! Tam's grandpa is on the mend. That doesn't mean you can stop thinking good thoughts. Oh no. Think MORE good thoughts. They're working.

Also, happy birthday to three-hole-punch Steve. Congratulations, my friend. Today you are a man. (I don't know)

I feel like I did a lot this weekend. I think because both Friday and Saturday nights I was out PAST TWO IN THE A.M. Amazing, yes? It's like I remembered I'm not 80 and also that bars stay open that late. Even more amazing is that I was not drunk at ANY of these bars and I didn't fall down at all. That is both amazing and unprecedented. We saw some bands Friday night (and met Sad Captain) and on Saturday, while we were waiting for Heidi and her coworkers to finish their bowling tournament (you heard me), we sat in a dark corner of a busy bar, drinking Miller Lites, listening to a not-terrible rock band, eating cheese con queso, watching two men and a woman play grabass with each other in front of the dartboard, and trying to figure out how to turn on the flash on my camera phone. That last one was an EPIC FAIL but the rest worked out quite nicely. Last night, my parents fed me dinner and my mom gave me a billion pieces of kitchenware. I spent a great deal of last night reorganizing the kitchen to make room for the new dishes. This means I now have a lot of stuff to either put in storage or give to Goodwill. I'm leaning toward giving it all to Goodwill. Except for the fish plate. Lampl would kill me if I got rid of the fish plate. Do you like how I'm being all enigmatic about the fish plate? No? OK.

In other news, this week on The Collective, we're supposed to write about embarrassment and failure. I'm having a hard time narrowing down which embarrassing story to tell. Sigh.

This is more random than usual. I'm sorry. Wait. No. I'm not sorry at all.

grace in small things (day 3)

  1. Craigslist ads (thanks, Ashley)
  2. ruby slippers
  3. The Walkmen
  4. Mike Rowe
  5. dinner with my parents

Saturday, January 24, 2009

sad captain

Last night, Joe and I watched a really bad Lifetime movie. We were just killing time, trying to decide whether or not to go out and see this band, and I came upon the Lifetime Movie Network. A movie was just starting. A movie starring Leo's daughter from The West Wing. If that's not reason enough to watch a movie, I don't know what is. It was about date rape. And also it was awful. Toward the end, Leo's daughter was all, "I want to get back together with my ex-boyfriend -- even though he didn't believe me when I told him that his best friend raped me." That was the point where I started shouting, "No! No, Mal! Go find Sam Seaborn! He'd totally believe you if you said you were raped! He is a gentleman!" True story. Ask Joe.

And then, around 10, when the movie was over, we decided to head to the bar even though my normal bedtime these days is around 11 (at the latest). I was a little worried about possibly being out really late and then I told myself to shut the eff up because OH MY GOD I'm 26, not 107. So we went to the bar and made fun of the awful awful first band, and then sort of enjoyed the middle band, mostly because the lead singer A) was very sweaty, B) looked like Adam Brody, and C) had a voice that did not in any way look like it should be coming out of his tiny, skinny body. By the time the third band came out, I had a nice mixture of beer buzz and delirium going on, so I started taking pictures and videos with my phone. My favorite video is of Sad Captain. He had wavy gray hair and a big, fluffy beard, and when I first saw him, he was sitting at the bar, staring forlornly at his beer with his cheek resting on one sad hand. He became Sad Captain when I saw that he was wearing a navy blazer with gold buttons all down the cuffs. Just like Cap'n Crunch! It totally looked like he was on shore leave or whatever, but only for the weekend, and he couldn't get ahold of any wenches so that's why he was sad. The end.

grace in small things (day 2)

  1. Miller Lite
  2. pajama pants
  3. sleeping in
  4. fun plans with fun friends
  5. Sad Captain (explanation to follow if I remember)

Friday, January 23, 2009

grace in small things (day 1)

So I'm trying this: Grace in Small Things. I saw it on Heather's blog and basically, every day, I will find five good things in my life. You know, little things that are easily overlooked. Lately I feel like work is making me really angry and world-hatey and I don't like being that way. Normally I'm optimistic to the point of denial (see November 2004: "Kerry could still win!") and I like that better. Aaaaanyway. Here are my five for today:
  1. Casual Friday
  2. NPH
  3. Emails from Joe that start like this: Are you there, Jennie? It's me, Joe
  4. It's supposed to be 43 degrees today (HEAT WAVE!)
  5. PB&J sandwiches

sad face

It's a bad week, guys. I'm sorry to say it, but it is. Heidi's grandpa died yesterday. I tried to give her a hug through the phone, but I don't know if it worked.

Please keep Tam's family in your thoughts and prayers today. Her grandpa is in the hospital and is going to have surgery this morning. Good thoughts, people, good thoughts!

Sorry for all the Debbie Downer but, you know, see above.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

big favor (again)

Hey, remember when I asked you guys to send good thoughts and vibes and prayers to Heidi and her family? I hope you didn't use them all, because I really need you to send some more. Virtual hugs are good, too.

Thanks, friends.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Crazy Cat Lady talks to her cat

The other night, I got a text from Heidi. I opened it to see a picture of Phoebe sitting on Heidi's bed. In front of her was a huge pile of puke sitting smack dab in the middle of Heidi's new Wittenberg blanket. Heidi's text said: Can I throw her out the window? and I answered: Yes, of course. Because it was a GIANT pile of barf. I'd post the picture, but it's really gross. I made Joe look at it and he was all, "why would you show that to me?" and I was like, "why WOULDN'T I show that to you?" Anyway, the best part of the picture is Phoebe sitting behind the puke all, " . . . did I do that?"

So now Phoebe is banned from Heidi's room and GUESS WHAT? She is not a fan of that decision, but it doesn't matter because she licks her own butt and you know what? We make a point never to listen to someone who licks her own butt.

The biggest problem is that Phoebe hates it when doors are closed. She's very particular about it. And by particular, of course I mean ANNOYING AS HELL. If my bedroom door is closed and she's outside, she'll scratch and scratch and meow and meow until I'm finally like OK FINE and I open the door, let her in, and close the door again. Five minutes later (if that), she is scratching on the door again to be let back out of my room. WHAT THE HELL, CAT? She also does this to us when we have our bathroom doors closed. I don't know why she wants into the bathroom when I'm in there. If I let her in with me and close the door, she acts like I'm locking her in there because I'm going to drown her in the bathtub or something. Which I would NEVER do. It sounds too messy.

This morning, I was getting ready and I heard Phoebe in the hallway scratching and meowing and just generally being annoying. I opened my door, thinking she was scratching to get in, and saw she was instead scratching at Heidi's door. Then I had this conversation with her:

Me: Phoebe!
Phoebe: Meow!
Me: Phoebe . . . come here.
Phoebe: I want to go in there.
Me: You can't. The door is closed.
Phoebe: What's a door? I want in there. Meow.
Me: Come in here. I will pet you.
Phoebe: Why won't The Other One let me in there?
Me: Because you puked on her stuff.
Phoebe: You guys don't like that?
Me: No. No, we don't.
Phoebe: It was a gift.
Me: It sucked. Come in here. I will pet you.
Phoebe: Meow!

And then I let her into my room, closed the door, and tried not to throw her out the window when she immediately started scratching to get out again.

Monday, January 19, 2009

don't you be a traffic light

Did you know that today is the most depressing day of the year? Not only that, apparently it's the most depressing day in ALL OF HISTORY. Which, you know, OK? I don't really buy that. Most depressing day of the year -- I'll give you that. It's cold, it's gloomy, blah blah Christmas credit card bills are due, blah blah something something, but they're trying to say that, in all of history, today is the MOST DEPRESSING DAY EVER? I'm all for hyperbole, Britain, but I have to call shenanigans on this one. Maybe they're trying some sort of reverse psychology or something. They're all, "Hmm, let us TELL everyone today is the most depressing day in all of history and then when it's not so bad, people will be HAPPY. Or pissed. But mostly HAPPY." Tricky Brits.

I don't feel particularly depressed today, although it IS flipping cold and I am at work, but so far it feels about the same as any other cold January workday. I feel pretty energetic actually. I've been getting up early every other morning to let Jillian Michaels try and kill me and I'm sorry to say that it has actually been pretty beneficial. Sure, my knee hurts like hell and it means less sleep, but I'm all ALERT at work, which hardly ever happens. Not only that, but I'm even more productive than usual. Earlier, I could hardly even sit still in my chair and sure, I could blame it on The Ting Tings or the two giant cups of coffee I drank this morning, but I prefer to give the credit to Jillian. Mostly because I'm afraid if I don't, she'll hunt me down and make me do walking push-ups until my arms fall off. And I need my arms. I use them almost every day.

So, this morning, while I was being productive (obviously), I ran across this article: How to Avoid Wasting Time on Facebook. To me, this seems ridiculous, because what is Facebook FOR, if not for wasting time. The article offers such helpful advice as "bring a timer with you to the computer." Um, what? Don't ever do that. You will get made fun of. Loser. It also says to avoid games, maybe because the author of this article has never had the joy of playing Scrabulous Wordscraper. Or they hate life. Either way, as a former how-to-article-writer, all I have to say is FOR SHAME, Mr./Ms. Article Writer. You do a disservice to all Internet time-wasters. Good day.


Wednesday, January 14, 2009

somebody needs some hot chocolate (psst, it's me)

Wii Fit yelled at me again yesterday. A couple of times. First it was all, "what, you didn't have time to work out yesterday?" Fuck you, Wii Fit! I got up BEFORE WORK and let Jillian Michaels try and kill me! Suck it!

Ahem. I only got on Wii Fit to see how much I weighed, because when Heidi, Joe, and I played the other night, I didn't want them to know my weight (which . . . who cares?), so I hid it! I hid it forever! So I weighed myself again and it turned out I'd lost a pound. Here's the thing, losing that one pound moved me from "overweight" to "normal." Awesome. However, the other day when Wii Fit told me I had to make a goal, I said I'd lose a pound in two weeks, because I like to set my goals HIGH. Wii Fit, apparently, does not seem to realize that this was a ridiculous goal, so it told me to be careful and not push myself too hard because I'd already reached my goal after just TWO DAYS. Wii Fit is kind of stupid. Maybe that's why it's so mean. It's all, "I may be dumb, but at least I'm not fat, FATTY." Anyway, good news, everyone! On Sunday, Wii Fit told me I was 36 (yeah) but yesterday I was 20. I caught Benjamin Button disease and it's awesome.

Have you noticed it's really cold? Here anyway. It's like negative a billion degrees which is COLD for those of you who live in places that are not Ohio. Or other cold places. Like, there are people in our Florida office that call me sometimes and they're all, "it's SOOOOOOOO cold here," and I'm like, "yeah?" and they're like, "OMG it's only 50 right now," and then I yell at them to DIE DIE DIE and I smash my phone into a million pieces. Then I have to call IT to replace my phone and they're like, "Jennie, this is your fourth phone this week, what is going on?" and all I can tell them is that maybe they should have my phone block Florida numbers. True story.

Monday, January 12, 2009

and then I fell over

Oh, right, I have a blog. Hi, blog! Sorry I've been neglecting you. The thing is, I don't have time to blog at work and when I say blog at work, of course I mean during my lunch break and not when I'm supposed to be doing actual work. Because I've been spending my lunch break WORKING. Not today, though. Today I spent the first half of my lunch break going to Kroger to get wine and baking sheets (not to use together, though) and now I'm ignoring my phone and email, listening to the Dr. Horrible soundtrack, and BLOGGING. Heh, at first I wrote this: BLOGGIN. Which I think I like better. Anyway.

Heidi got a Wii Fit for Christmas, and last night we hooked it up. Well. Heidi hooked it up. I sat there and watched. To be fair, though, hooking it up meant putting in some batteries and pushing some buttons on the Wii, so I really think I'd have just been in the way if I had tried to help.

The Wii Fit started out by grunting in pain when I stepped on the board. That was nice. And then! It told me I was overweight. Ouch, Wii. That hurts. I mean, it wasn't exactly breaking news or anything, but hearing that I did, in fact, eat too many Christmas cookies and drink too much egg nog (fact: I did not drink any egg nog because . . . gross) was the opposite of fun. I watched Heidi do a balance test and dodge some soccer balls, cleats, and panda heads (what?) and then it was my turn.

Well. I did the balance test and the Wii Fit was all, "WTF? Are you 80? Do you find yourself tripping over stuff a lot?" OK, it really didn't say all that EXCEPT for that last thing BECAUSE IT TOTALLY DID ASK IF I TRIP OVER STUFF. This is when Heidi and Joe almost died laughing FOR REALSIES because the Wii knew how clumsy I am after just one test.

Then. I tried to slalom and it went about as well as it does when I try to for-real ski. I ran into more flags than anything else. Honestly, I'm surprised I didn't fall off the board (although, I did when I tried the step aerobics) and when I finished slaloming (is that a word?), the Wii Fit told me I was unbalanced. Which, duh.

I redeemed myself a bit during the hula hooping, I think. I made it all the way through and spun the shit out of some hula hoops. Sure, a couple hula hoops hit me in the head, but you know . . . baby steps. Anyway, here is something brand new. Conversations Between My Roommate and My Boyfriend:

Joe: My favorite part was when the hula hoop hit her in the head.
Heidi: Me too!
Joe: Because I feel like . . . if someone threw a hula hoop at her in real life, that's what would happen.
Heidi: Definitely. I also liked her granny-hula-hooping hand gestures.
Me: Thanks, guys.

Can you feel the love? I can. It's cold and hurty.

Friday, January 02, 2009

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.

First things first.

1. Happy New Year

2. Happy Birthday, Sister

I am at work today, although my body tried to hold me hostage and NOT get out of bed. I also went to bed at like 7 o'clock last night. Sort of. I needed, um, a lot of recovery from Wednesday night's festivities. I think I learned some important lessons that night. One, if you cannot even read the words to a song on Rock Band, it's probably time to go to bed. Two, if you have been drinking champagne and rum & cokes all evening, don't mix your own drinks. Or BETTER YET, stop drinking and go to bed. Things reached ridiculous levels that night. Jon spun Miguel around in circles and then Miguel ran headfirst into the bookcase. True story. It's on video. Also. I said things like this:

Technology ruins EVERYTHING.

And this:

Joe: Do you want some water?
Me: No, I'll wait for them to bring ice cubes.
Joe: ...what? Who is bringing ice cubes?
Me: [unintelligible]

I don't really remember that last part, but Joe assures me that it happened.

Anyway, around 1:30, Heidi, Joe, and I managed to drag ourselves to Wendy's, and then home. I was supposed to be at my parents' house around 4 and getting ready was like torture, which is why I ended up going over there in my pajamas. Honestly, they're lucky I showered. Then I ate way too many mashed potatoes, felt like dying, and so I went home to die in my own bed. Good times.