Tuesday, November 08, 2011


So, if you follow me on Twitter or Facebook, you may have noticed my frantic calls for HELP because GUESS WHAT. Max got fleas! SUPER HAPPY FUN TIMES.

We're guessing it's from the new house because honestly I have no idea where else he would have gotten them. He's on flea medication already but apparently it was no match for our new house and its Duck Head Curse.

Oh, did I not tell you about the Duck Head Curse? Allow me to explain in great detail!

We moved in last weekend, and if that wasn't a clusterfuck then I don't know what is. The movers called on Friday and asked if we minded if they came at 9 rather than 8:30. As it was like 7 that night and we still had a full night of packing ahead of us, we were like, SCORE! MORE SLEEPY TIME! So we packed and packed and packed and then they called again on Saturday morning and were all, "oh, PS, we can't come until 10:30 now...that's cool, right?" And because Joe was the one who answered the phone, the answer was a polite, "yeah sure," and not a stream of creatively combined curse words.

Wow, so I just deleted a whole paragraph that basically boiled down to: our movers were really late. So. That's that. They ended up not showing up until 12:30, which, whatever, once they started moving our actual stuff, I didn't care anymore. Until Monday, when I emailed the company to tell them that they totally effed up our move and that we'd never use them again, to which they basically replied, "I'm sorry that you feel that way but it could have been much worse." No. I'm not kidding. That's not an exact quote, but what the response boiled down to, so I guess my point is, never ever use Coffee Movers (located in Clayton, OH).

But this was before the Duck Head Curse (which I'm getting to, I swear), so I guess we'll just blame that whole incident on pure dumb luck, or maybe we should do more research on movers next time, but whatever, it's over, who cares. Once the movers left, my parents came over to help us hook up our washer and dryer. I forget how this happened, exactly, but my mom found a locked cabinet in the linen closet. The key was sitting right next to it, so obviously I opened it. It might have been locked but this is our house now and that includes all locked cabinets so SUCK ON THAT, PRIVACY LAWS. I don't know.

After I opened it, my mom was all, "what's that?" and I was like, "what?" because it was dark in the cabinet and my eyes were still adjusting and YOU GUYS, the What's That was THIS:


Yes, that is a duck head. Or a goose head, I guess, as Shari pointed out, but Duck Head has already stuck so...sorry, biology. It's a (stuffed) duck head...no idea where the body is, but every time I open a new cabinet, I expect a headless duck to come tumbling out.

We were pretty sure that the previous owners didn't want the Duck Head back, since they left it in a locked cabinet and they didn't mention leaving it there when Joe called them later. We thought about saving it to top our Christmas tree this year, or mailing it to The Bloggess, but we ended up throwing it away. And then Max got fleas. So. Draw your own conclusions.

Once we realized Max had fleas, we scheduled a flea bath appointment and picked up some Frontline for him (and Phoebe) and I proceeded to FREAK THE FUCK OUT. I spent most of Saturday running frantically around the house, throwing anything I could shove into a washing machine into the laundry room, which I then dubbed The Hot Zone. I've vacuumed the house about 50 times since then, we threw all of our pillows away, and I've done so many loads of laundry and I'M STILL NOT DONE. I think at least the animals are flea-free now, so we just have to get/keep them out of the house. I suggested that we just move, that that'd be easier, but Joe refused. I think he thinks I was kidding but I'M NOT SO SURE I WAS.

Now. If you'll excuse me, I have to go crawl around the house, inspecting every brown speck I find to determine if it's a flea or just a piece of dirt. 

*This is from The League. I tried to find a clip for you but just go ahead and watch the whole episode


  1. This is not related to your post here, but rather to your TV blog that you have with Joe (PLEASE DO MORE POSTS THERE; THEY ARE HILARIOUS! AND INSIGHTFUL!). How do you get the pictures that you include in your recaps? Because I thought about doing some TV show recaps (don't worry, I won't do the shows you're already doing, you can have the monopoly on those) but don't have a way to get screencaps unless I pause the TV at the exact right moment and take a picture with my digital camera, which... I can do, if nothing else is available, but I wondered if you have any magic tips on that front.

  2. About the Duck Head: You should have sterilized it, and then kept it. Because oh, the pranks you could play!

  3. Heh. I thought it was a mouthless bunny head. That would have been even weirder.

    Oh, and you have royally set yourself up for a future prank. Better look everywhere for a headless duck.

  4. Moving is the absolute WORST! Moving into a house with fleas and a severed head (of ANY type) is even WORSE than the worst, which technically isn't even possible (English, how could you?!). I told you to move to Wenatchee, where none of this would have happened. But did you listen? It's not too late! You can still move here! I'll help!

  5. You should totally have sent it to The Bloggess. That is right up her alley.

  6. Kiti, I think once we're settled into the new house, we'll start posting there again. There was talk of making a schedule so we didn't go too long between posts.

    As for the the pictures, what I normally do is pull up screengrabs on my computer. Most of the shows we recap are on Netflix Instant, so I can watch it online and pull pictures from there.

    Sally, it really does look like a rabbit head, too! I think it looks more like a rabbit than a duck/goose.

    Shari, I will definitely listen to you from now on. Prepare to make all of my future life decisions. Hee.

    Ashley, well, it turns out we forget to call the trash people to start picking up our trash so maybe we can pull it out of the bottom of the trash can?

  7. Wait, there's a Dayton, OH, AND a Clayton, OH? Dayton and Clayton totally sound like the names of twins whose parents are insufferably pretentious.

  8. Pull it out of the trash and send it to The Bloggess. She needs something to keep her giant chicken company.

  9. About the screencaps: All my shows are on Netflix Instant, but I watch on my TV because my DVD player is one of the fancy new Netflix-enabled ones. So I guess I will have to either do extra watching to capture on my laptop or I'll have to pause the TV and take a digital pic as previously discussed. Hey, the Fug Girls do it, so it's totally a legitimate approach.

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  11. Bad news, they took our trash, even though we didn't tell them to. WHAT. Goodbye, Duck Head. Perhaps we shall meet again in another life.