deja vu, forever and ever amen

I've been reflecting recently (and by recently I mean CONSTANTLY) on the passage of time and how it's so slow but also fast which is, though not an original thought (not even a little), totally weird. We just hired someone born in 1994 and, as I was going over her paperwork, I thought, "wait...1994...she's not old enough to work here" because in my head, someone who was born in 1993 should still be in high school BUT NO. She's definitely old enough to work here or there or EVERYWHERE, except as POTUS but who really wants that job anyway?

It was one of many small moments that seem to sneak up on me more and more often, moments when I realize that not only am I not as young as I once was, but that everyone around me is getting older, too. This is not an "oh, woe is me, I'm so OLD" post, not at all, because I don't feel that old (unless, of course, I'm at a career fair at my alma mater because GOOD LORD was that an ongoing revelation that I'm not 20 anymore and THANK YOU BABY JESUS FOR THAT), but I do feel OLDER.

Joe and I went to trivia at a local bar last week, which was great (YOU GUYS, DISNEY TRIVIA) but we were maybe the oldest ones there? I think? We were definitely on the older end of the spectrum, which has been happening more and more frequently, especially at bars, which maybe means we're going to the wrong bars BUT I LIKE THOSE BARS so I'm going to keep going, probably. I don't know. I think it's OK. We're not those people who still hang out at college bars, doing shots until 2am because we want to relive our glory days, no, we're the couple sitting quietly at a table in the corner, nursing beers until the band starts, which I think is better, and not only because when I do shots now, I want to die the next day.

My friends are all getting married and buying houses and having babies and I feel like I talk about this a lot (because I do) but it's just so WEIRD that we're all allowed to be doing any these things. Who would put any of us in charge of another living creature? Crazy people, that's who. But it's happening more and more and those of us who used to drink until 5am AND THEN take a case of beer to Lake Michigan so we could watch the sunrise are now either pregnant (MARY, AHH!) or would rather stay home and watch Lord of the Rings instead of going out to a bar (me, duh). And it's fine! It's more than fine, really, it's natural and good and BARS ARE SO LOUD SOMETIMES. But sometimes I miss the people we all used to be, if that makes sense. I miss the person I used to be, though I like the person I currently am, but I'm a little quieter now, a little more cautious (meaning I'm less prone to illegal nightswimming), and I'm definitely a lot less likely to encourage everyone to do tequila shots at the end of the evening.

I've been writing myself FutureMe emails every week for about six months now and, since I'm sending them all a year ahead, I'll start receiving them sometime next June. I'm not sure what I'm hoping to gain from this experience, other than maybe I'll wonder why I felt the need to write stupid shit to myself every week, but I suppose it'll just be another reminder of how quickly time goes by and how much (how little?) a person can change in a year. It might end up being the most depressing project I've ever undertaken. Or it might be really uplifting and fun and super positive yay hugs! I'm guessing it'll be all of the above, but also a little weird because pretty much everything I do ends up being at least a little weird.

My uncle, when I was in high school, hurt his knee somehow, playing football or baseball or some other kind of ball (who can keep them straight?) and told us he'd hurt it because he was still trying to play like he was 25, since in his head, he WAS still 25. And I thought, at the time, "well, that's just odd," but now I wonder if I'll always feel that way, too. Maybe I'll be writing a similar post in 25 years, provided the world doesn't end in a few weeks or that the internet doesn't collapse in on itself at some point, about how I can't believe my friend just became a grandma or won the Nobel Peace Prize or whatever. Maybe we all stay a certain age in our minds, no matter how many years removed we are from it, which means I'll always be missing that person, so far removed from who I am now, and removing herself further and further each day. Maybe these FutureMe emails will give me a better glimpse of who that person was, that she's not that far away and that, really, I can hang out with her any time I want because HELLO BLOG ARCHIVES.

Though, again, this all hinges on the internet not falling apart in the next 25 years. So, you know. Fingers crossed. 

7 - Katie

To be completely honest with you, I forgot I was doing this.

When I was in high school, I worked as a library aide at the public library. Most of the other library aides were in high school, too. Except for Katie. I want to say she was pushing 30 and she'd been working as a library aide since high school. While the rest of us tried to spend as much time as possible goofing off in the aisles, she raced like a mad(wo)man around the library with her cart, putting books away as quickly as possible. If we saw her coming, we'd either avoid eye contact or simply run the opposite direction. She was obsessed with Star Wars, Obi Wan in particular, and we gave her the nickname "Obi Gone." I don't know if she still works there because I haven't set foot in that library since I quit.

part of the 365 project

4 - Tim

Tim was my driving instructor. At our first lesson, we were approaching a red light and I asked if I should stop. True story. After I passed my driving test (first time, dammit), my mom told me that Tim had told my parents he thought I'd have to take the test a couple of times before I passed. Guess I proved that asshole wrong.

part of the 365 project

3 - Dee

Dee babysat me until I was in kindergarten. She was an older lady with dark hair. She always made me drink cranberry juice, even though I hated it. One time she yelled at me for coloring outside the lines in one of her granddaughter's coloring books. I don't think she liked me very much. I still hate cranberry juice.

part of the 365 project

2 - Claire

I was in Indian Princesses with my dad when I was a kid and we'd go on two campouts a year. One year, our cabin was nestled farther back in the woods than all the others and in the dark you could barely see it, even if the porch light was on. My friend Claire and I got up one night to steal toilet paper from the bathroom (to TP other cabins later, you see) and when we were done, we couldn't find our cabin. The light wasn't on because someone (I think Claire's dad, actually) was sleeping on the porch. We split up, I found the cabin and went inside. A couple of minutes later, I heard Claire outside shout-whispering, "Jennie? JENNIE? DAAAAAAAD?" I think she eventually found her way in. Who knows, though? Maybe she's still be out there, wandering around the woods with an armful of toilet paper.

part of the 365 project

1 - David C.

When I was in 5th grade, George Bush (senior) was running for reelection and he came to Dayton. A bunch of classes from our school went to see him and we had to stand outside for hours before he showed up. Either the bathrooms were closed or none of the chaperons wanted to take anyone to use them. For whatever reason, we weren't allowed to go to the bathroom. This kid David started complaining that he had to pee. One of the teachers tried to get him to pee in this plastic garbage bag (the fuck?) but instead he peed his pants. The next day at recess, I made fun of him for it and he punched me in the face. You'd think that would have taught me a lesson, but he was wearing these giant, padded gloves so it didn't really hurt.

part of the 365 project

I'm feeling very Debbie Downer-y today.

I've decided to do this 365 thing, where you make a list of 365 people who have affected your life in some way and you write a set number of words about them. You're supposed to say that you'll write like . . . 50 words per person but if I put that kind of restriction on myself, I will quit ASAP so I'm going to write however many damn words per person I want. SO THERE! I figured since I don't have anything else to write about, I might as well do this. Wah wah waaaah. Aaanyway, I haven't finished my list yet because I'm not sure I know the names of 365 people, but I'm going to start writing them later. Why not? It's not like I'll finish this project anyway.

WAH WAH WAAAAAAAAAH!

OK, I'll stop.