Thursday, October 20, 2005

small battles

Sometimes I tempt myself just to make sure I have the willpower to turn something down. Little things, though. It's not like I sit at the table in front of a big bowl of cocaine with my nose two millimeters from the powder.

My co-workers like to bring in little treats. Donuts, bagels, coffee cake, birthday cake. Instead of indulging in these treats, I will walk by them again and again, letting the sweet decadent scent in, letting my mouth water, and then walking away empty handed. Of course, it doesn't hurt that eating donuts always makes me sick to my stomach. If there are negative consequences, it doesn't really make for a very sweet victory. But when my boss brought in some banana bread yesterday, I fought really, really hard not to grab the entire loaf, run out the door and start a new life with my long-time lover . . . Carbs.

I don't know why I don't just give in. It would certainly be easier to stick my face into the cake, put donuts around my fingers like rings, and walk around with a giant french baguette, alternately taking huge bites and hitting people with it.

This morning, before I left for work, I stood in my bedroom doorway for a good three minutes staring at my sloppily made bed; the bed that was practically BEGGING me to kick off my shoes and climb back under the covers. And at that moment, negative consequences be damned, I really, really wanted to finally give in.

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