I told Joe this morning that I felt blue, but what I really meant was tired. It took me a while to realize I actually have the mean reds. Holly Golightly, sublime keeper of irreverent knowledge, describes the mean reds as such:
And I’m fairly certain my mean reds started last night and can be blamed entirely on the mega anxiety-inducing dreams I had, brought on by...I know not what. Last night, as Joe and I were reading in bed, I put my book down, even though I wasn’t yet tired, and insisted that something felt off. It was too quiet, save for the rolling thunder outside, and even the lightning illuminating the room seemed out of place. I turned my light off, tried to relax, and was doing fine until just after I fell asleep, when I woke up gasping, my heart pounding, and I couldn’t remember why.
Everyone has those moments where they feel like they’re falling suddenly as they lie in bed. (It even has a name.) This wasn’t like that. I don’t know what this was. But it woke me completely. Everyone else was asleep, including Max and Phoebe. The room was dark, mostly, except for the lightning. I thought about going downstairs with my book but I’m going to be completely honest. We haven’t lived in our house that long and I’m still sort of worried about both murderers AND the duck head curse, so I try not to creep around the house while everyone is sleeping in case someone, ghost or otherwise, is waiting to horribly murder me in some way.
I went back to sleep eventually and had dreams about drowning for the rest of the night. What’s great about that is that it makes Monday morning seem not quite as bad, you know? Normally when I wake up on Monday, it’s all tantrums and sadness until I put on my Work Face and head out the door. But this morning I woke up and was just glad I wasn’t rolling, end over end, in an endless sea of crippling waves. THAT IS NOT A METAPHOR.
Clearly, I need to find my Tiffany’s but, I mean, I sort of already know that my Tiffany’s is at home, where I get to go in a few short hours, and which will hopefully blow my mean reds right out of the water. So to speak.