Friday, February 15, 2013

sugar and spice and everything nice

This morning I had an eyelash in my eye and, though usually I can fish them out with my finger (GROSS), this one was proving to be difficult. So I took a tissue, rolled up one corner, and used that to grab the eyelash. It worked instantly and I wondered why I don't just do that right away any time I have anything in my eye which, for whatever reason, happens ALL THE TIME. My eye is a magnet for eyelashes and tiny pieces of fuzz and ONE TIME EVEN A BUG AHH YOU GUYS. But I hardly ever think of the tissue trick right away. Probably because I have to learn the same lesson at least 128 times before it sticks, but it could also be that I'm just kind of dumb, common-sense-wise.

The rolled-up-tissue trick is something I picked up from my grandma, and I think about that every time I use it. Whenever I was little and would get an eyelash in my eye, my grandma would come straight at me with a tissue and I'd cringe into the sofa, sure that it was going to hurt MUCH worse than the eyelash did, thank you, that eyelash can just live in my eye OK IT'S FINE. But it never hurt, really, and soon I'd be back to whatever I'd been doing, playing with My Little Pony or watching Punky Brewster or whatever the hell I did to fill my time when I was six. Gambling? Cigarettes? Alligator wrestling?

Much like now, I was a total whiny wuss when I was a kid, more than others, I imagine, though of course I can't really speak to that. I was a kid and kids have crap memories for that kind of thing. Though I do remember once falling down and scraping both of my knees to bloody messes and, when I went inside to tell my babysitter what had happened, she didn't believe me when I told her I hadn't cried. So maybe that tells you something. Something OTHER than the fact that my babysitter was an evil witch who used to make me drink cranberry juice every day (BARF) and always yelled at me for coloring outside the lines in my coloring books OR for coloring things unrealistic colors (like, I don't know, a purple duck).

I often wonder why I am the way I am, or why you are the way you are, or why ANYONE is they way they are. Are we born this way or are we made this way, molded into a whole person over the course of many years? Sure, it goes back to that whole nature-vs-nurture thing, and I'm sure it's a combination of both, but can't there be a more magical answer? Can't we be mixed together from birth, a concoction of thoughts and feelings and fate and WHAT-WILL-I-BE-que-sera-sera goodness? I know that's ridiculous but it's much more fun than just saying someone is a product of the environment. I mean, do I like to read because my parents provided me with all the books I asked for, or is it because the Fairy of Learned Books sprinkled fairy dust (made from bits of first drafts, forgotten ideas, and MAGIC obviously) on my head when I was born? Come on, which would you rather believe?

At the same time, I can't ignore the things I've picked up over the years from my family. Not that I'd want to. And not just the important things, either, like how to be a good person or how to get eyelashes out of your eye quickly and painlessly, but other things like the correct way to make a bed or that you should put potato chips on sandwiches. True, these things are easily Google-able now, but I like that I've learned them from watching others.

My mom is job-searching right now, which is a soul-sucking thing to have to do, as everyone knows. Yet she remains so positive about everything and doesn't give up, even after setbacks, which makes me wonder why I'm so prone to quitting things. I certainly didn't get it from either of my parents. Was I born this way? Did some jerk Laziness Fairy get to me when I was a baby? I can only imagine it was this magical fairy, this merry trickster, who whispered in my ear each night as I was sleeping that I should give up when things get too hard, to take the easy way out, to most definitely spend the majority of my time watching reruns of my favorite TV shows instead of doing anything productive. Which is a total asshole move, really, but it shouldn't be too hard to turn it around. Not now that I know about it. Still. If anyone has the Productivity Fairy's number, can you send it my way?

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