what's with today, today?

I'm pregnant.

I got married last night.

I found Amelia Earhart.

I'm in love with you.

I won the lottery.

Vampires actually really enjoy garlic.

I'm really a man.

If you eat too much salmon, you'll turn into a bear.

I'm friends with the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Gullible isn't in the dictionary.

It's foolish to worry about zombie attacks.

I quit my job and joined the circus.

I invented curse words.

President Bush is really a (poorly-made) robot.

I'm 1,583 years old.

I can fly (with a cape).

LOLcats were invented as part of a world domination plan.

I'm writing this from the Bermuda Triangle.

Your shoe's untied.

April . . . oh, you know.