It's close to midnight and something evil's lurking in the dark

Did you know today is Halloween? Well, it is. I realize how you could get confused. I mean, I already celebrated it over the weekend. And for some reason Beggars Night was last night instead of tonight. Heidi informs me that it's because some people go to church on Wednesdays. Well, let's see here. Do you think the people who don't want to miss church on Wednesdays are the same people who are going to be trick-or-treating?

Last night, I mooched dinner off my parents and helped them pass out candy to all the tiny children. It was funny, because they took the windows out of the screen door so it was all open and every time kids would come up to the door, Ripley (the dog) would poke her head out and stick her nose into their buckets. Some of the kids were like, "eh, whatever, a dog GIMME CANDY," but other kids were all, "OH UNHOLY BEAST! REMOVE THY NOSE FROM MY PILE OF CANDY OR I SHALL CRY AND FALL DOWN AND MAYBE POO A LITTLE IN MY PANTS."

We were allowed to dress up today at work, and yesterday I came up with a BRILLIANT idea for a costume. I was going to wear my devil horns and tail and carry around my pitchfork and write "PRADA" on a shirt. Get it? GET IT? The Devil Wears Prada? Only, by the time we got home last night, after passing out candy and going to the gym, I didn't feel like getting it all together. So INSTEAD I am wearing Heidi's Peyton Manning jersey (she offered me her Bengals jersey, but if my dad found out I was wearing a Bengals jersey, he'd disown me) and jeans. See, it's better because we don't have casual Fridays so we're never allowed to wear jeans and so this is my way of rebelling. DAMN THE MAN.

BONUS: Conversation with my roommate . . .

Heidi: Here's my jersey.
Me: Thanks!
Heidi: No problem.
Me: Heidi?
Heidi: Yes?
Me: Peyton Manning is the quarterback, right?
Heidi: Sigh. Yes.

So apparently I agreed to do this thing where I post something to my blog every day in November. Why I agreed to do this, I have no idea. Maybe I was drunk. Anyway, I need to come up with a plan so I'm not posting crap like this every day. So I don't know why I'm wasting all this time talking to YOU people. That is all.

the girl with kaleidoscope eyes

You might want to stay away from me today. I am an anger ball. A tiny, hateful, twisted mass of vitriol ready to spring and cut you with evil, spiteful words and I don't think you want that.

I didn't sleep well last night, POSSIBLY from the combination of food (or food-type substances) I gorged myself with during the Super Bowl. I spent most of the night tossing and turning and during the bit I didn't spend tossing and turning I had the weirdest dreams I have ever had in the history of my life and no I will not be sharing them because some of them were borderline inappropriate and some of them? Not even borderline. And then, AND THEN, I spent the majority of this morning driving around the country looking for our new office. I was only lost for about half an hour of that time, though, but it was a scary half hour because I was almost out of gas so I kept picturing myself practically freezing to death on the side of the road until I was rescued by the male version of Kathy Bates who would take me back to his/her cabin in the dark, secluded woods and make me write him/her a novel and then smash my feet with a sledgehammer when I tried to escape and now I can't remember how it ends. I think Kathy Bates gets what's coming to her but I can't recall and I don't feel like looking it up. So there. Anyway, I did not freeze to death and I did find a gas station and I also found our new office even though I was half an hour late.

The brightest part of my day? I heard Sweet Caroline on the radio but it was at the office so I couldn't sing along like I normally do. Yes, I know how incredibly sad it is that that was the brightest part of my day but that is just the kind of day it's been. I am one frigid-cold morning away from flying south for the winter. Who wants to let me build a nest in their front yard? Or back yard, really. I'm not picky. It doesn't even have to be that warm. I'd settle for 50. OK, 35 even.

if you build it, he will come*

Is it wrong that I'm cheering for the Bears tonight just because I like that skit from SNL? Also, I think everyone else I'm watching the game with is cheering for the Colts, so I feel bad that the Bears will be all alone. In our living room, anyway. Also. I really like going to Chicago and I feel I need to pay back the city in some way for all the shenanigans we pull when we're there.

And in other news . . . is it wrong that I'm more excited for the Puppy Bowl than the actual Super Bowl? No? OK, good.

*Sorry. I like baseball more than football

hang on Sloopy

Apparently there is some big, giant football game on today? Yeah. I couldn't have ignored it if I wanted. Believe me, I tried. I don't know why, but it seems like people are being way more obnoxious about the game this year than I remember in the past. Maybe it's because I work with (and am friends with) several rabid OSU fans. I was berated at work when I said I probably wasn't going to watch the game. I don't know. I don't care who wins.

Well. I care a little. I was, after all, born and raised in Ohio and am genetically predisposed to follow a call of "O-H" with "I-O." Really. It's sad. Feel bad for us.