Once upon a time, a girl met a boy and his comic books

My life is better in so many ways since meeting Joe, obviously, but one of the best ways is that he introduced me to an entirely new (to me, anyway) world of storytelling. When we first started talking, back during that week of furious emailing before we met in person, he mentioned that he read comics and hoped that I wouldn't judge him for it. I was all, "wtf, why would I judge that?" and at first, I thought he was just warning me about his obsession habit of reading and collecting comics, but after this week's How I Met Your Mother, I wonder if the comic book issue isn't just Joe's version of Ted's Annie Hall dealbreaker.

Wow, that last sentence probably made no sense to a lot of you, and for that I apologize, but it's not my fault you didn't watch HIMYM this week.

Before I met Joe, I thought of comics as merely superhero stories with muscly men and big-boobed ladies running around wearing half of the amount of clothing that is socially acceptable. And those comics exist, sure, and I understand why people like the superhero stuff, but Joe introduced me to, you know, other stuff that I never knew existed. It was like magic. I tried Jeffrey Brown, but he wasn't for me. Neither was Watchmen. I tried to read Walking Dead but gave up after a few issues because terrible dialogue broke my brain. But Raina Telgemeier, Andy Runton, Craig Thompson, Bryan Lee O'Malley, Adrian Tomine, I liked. I'm sure I'm missing out on a wealth of other authors, so please feel free to suggest something else I should be reading. 

My latest obsession is Fables, a series about fairy tale characters living in the real world. FAIRY TALE CHARACTERS LIVING IN THE REAL WORLD. If this sounds familiar to you, it's because there are two TV shows premiering soon that are along the same lines, Grimm and Once Upon a Time. I wish they'd just made Fables into a TV show but no one consulted me, which I think we can all agree is total bullshit. I'm on the 5th volume of the Fables collections (no idea what actual issue that is) and I'm a bit afraid to keep reading at the rate I am, because soon I'll be done and then what will I do? Wait for the next issue? Well, I'm not good at that so I DON'T WANT TO DO IT. Moving on.

Here are things I like about Fables:

1. Everything.

I'm going to watch both Grimm and Once Upon a Time because A) duh, fairy tales and B) hopefully at least one of them will be good, in case I finish Fables and need another real-life-fairy-tale fix.

Grimm starts next Friday on NBC. Some detective finds out that he's a descendent of the Brothers Grimm, so takes on the mission of protecting humanity from evil, supernatural fairy tale characters. No word on what he does to the nice fairy tale characters. Maybe he bangs Cinderella, I don't know. I'm a bit more excited for ABC's Once Upon a Time, but that's mainly because Ginnifer Goodwin is in it and I like her. Yes, I'm that simple. Oh PLUS ALSO it's written by a couple of LOST writers, so I'm pretty much obligated to check it out.

Once Upon a Time is set in Storybrooke, Maine (obviously). A bunch of fairy tale characters, mainly Snow White, Prince Charming, the Evil Queen, Jiminy Cricket, and Rumpelstiltskin, live there but GET THIS, they have no idea that they're fairy tale characters! Wicked. Anyway. Dr. Cameron from House is in it, too, but the Wikipedia page is kind of confusing and spoilery about her, so I don't want to say too much. The show starts on Sunday, so why don't you just watch for yourself instead of expecting me to explain everything? Geez.

ANYWAY. I'll be checking both of them out and crossing my fingers that one of them is worth a season pass. But if not, at least I'll still have Fables.

Beatrice, Part 4

I was going to write a proper entry, but I'm still pretty tired from The Weekend of Awesome, so you'll just have to live with more fictional babbling about time-traveling dinosaurs. Also, I didn't edit this and really have no idea what it says. Sorrrrrrryyyyyyyyyy!

[Part 1, Part 2, Part 3]

The pair continued down the sidewalk, skipping around adults in their path. Beatrice hoped Bill could keep up. She also hoped he wouldn't get angry and leave her here by herself. Although, she supposed she wasn't technically by herself, since she was with Georgina and soon to be with Georgina's brother, but still. She didn't fancy being left in the future without any money or a place to stay. She didn't really think Bill would leave her alone here, but he had threatened before. It was so easy to get him cross with her. Even she didn't know how she did it on such a regular basis. Luckily, it was fairly easy to calm him down. Usually it just took some Earl Grey tea and a couple of biscuits.

"Oh, there's my brother!" shouted Georgina, as they approached a bright pink building. "Bernard! Bernard, over here!"

She ran toward the building, waving her arms wildly and tripping over her own feet. A small boy of about six was walking carefully down the giant steps in front of the building, clutching the handrail for dear life. He held a small, green lunchbox in one hand and his backpack appeared to be almost as big as he was. His skinny legs stuck out from his knee-length shorts and his white button-down shirt hung almost as long. His eyebrows were narrowed in concentration as he watched the number of steps left decrease, and when he got to the bottom, he heaved a sigh of relief and readjusted his backpack. He finally looked up and glimpsed his sister, running haphazardly toward him, and his face broke into a huge smile.

"Georgina!" he yelled, and ran toward her, also tripping over his own feet. "I'm so glad you're here." Beatrice and Bill brought up the rear and when they'd gotten to the reuniting siblings, Bernard gave them (ok, just Beatrice) a quizzical look. "Who are you?"

"Bernard, this is Beatrice, Beatrice, this is Bernard," said Georgina.

"What is she doing here?" Bernard asked Georgina.

"Bernard, don't be rude," she answered.

"Hey, Bernie!" shouted Beatrice. She grabbed his hand and shook with such might that the poor boy almost toppled over. "Nice to meet you."

"Likewise," said Bernard. "But my name is Bernard."

"Oh, but that's so stuffy," said Beatrice. "Bernie suits you much better." Bernard scowled at Beatrice and turned back to Georgina.

"Georgina. Guess what we did at school today?" said Bernard.

"What's that?" asked Georgina.

"We got to write our own stories!" he shouted, pulling out a wad of papers from his bag.

"Oh, my!" cried Georgina. "Whatever did you write about?"

"Time travel!" shouted Bernard, and Beatrice thought she heard an audible dinosaur gulp from behind her.

"Time travel again?" asked Georgina. She scrunched up her face and bit her lip. "What's with you and time travel?"

"Oh, Georgie," said Bernard. He tapped his foot and readjusted his bookbag again. "You KNOW I'm inventing a time machine."

"Oh, of COURSE, how silly of me to forget." Georgina reached out a slim hand and tussled Bernard's mop of dirty blond hair. He swatted her hand away and crossed his arms defiantly, scowling at his sister. She tickled him in one armpit and before he squirmed away, Beatrice saw one side of his mouth reach up for a smile. Georgina must have noticed it too, because she lunged after Bernard and started tickling him even more. He started laughing and fell back against the step railing, trying to fight off his sister's long arms, to no avail.

"Geor --," he gasped. "Georgina, STOP IT." His face was red with laughter. He looked almost angry, but anyone looking in his eyes could tell he was having a good time.

"OK, OK," said Georgina. "But don't be such a sourpuss."

"I am not a sourpuss," said Bernard. "I just get cross sometimes."

"Sourpuss."

"Puke brain!" Bernard shouted, and started running down the sidewalk.

"Oh, now you've done it," shouted Georgina, and took off after him. Bernard put his whole body into the run, stretching his skinny legs and pumping his arms vigorously. His backpack lifted in the air with each step he took, then slammed back down on his lower back. He grasped one of the straps with one hand and the other arm started pumping even harder. His shoelaces, untied, flopped against the sidewalk as each shoe slapped the ground. Beatrice was afraid he was going to trip over his runaway shoelaces, but her fear lifted when she realized he was running so fast he actually appeared to be floating above the ground. She'd never seen anyone run so fast, or so gracefully.

Until she looked at Georgina, and she realized that Georgina seemed to be putting no effort into her running. Her willowy arms barely moved from their crooked position at her sides, and her long legs ate up the sidewalk. Her auburn hair floated behind her like a cape and if Beatrice was completely honest with herself, Georgina did resemble a bit of a superhero. Faster than a speeding bullet, indeed.

"Perhaps you want to catch up," whispered Bill from her. Bill nudged her with his snout (she thought) and she took off. She wasn't nearly as fast, or as graceful, as Bernard and Georgina, but she caught up with them once they stopped for breath. Actually, they weren't breathing that hard for having just run full-out for so long. She couldn't help but be a bit jealous of their superior running skills, but she was fairly certain they didn't have their own time-traveling dinosaur.

"You guys are so fast!" said Beatrice, once she'd caught her breath. "I'm glad you stopped, I'd have never caught up."

"Yeah, you're pretty slow," said Bernard.

"Bernard!" scolded Georgina. "Don't be rude to our new friend."

"YOUR new friend," Bernard muttered. Georgina shook her head and smiled.

"He's a bit grumpy because we haven't had our snacks yet," she explained. "Would you like to come over? And we can go to the London Eye after tea?" Beatrice frowned. Bill was not going to be happy, but she couldn't discuss this with him at the moment, and her new friends would think it odd if she decided not to go with them.

"Sure, I'd love to," said Beatrice. She felt Bill stomp the ground behind her. She knew he wasn't angry that she was going to tea, but that he wouldn't be able to partake in the biscuits they'd probably be eating. She thought that was probably a good thing. He'd been getting a little chunky on his nearly-all-biscuit diet, so chunky that his vest didn't button and every time they time-traveled, she was afraid he wouldn't be able to work up the momentum.

"Do you live far from here?" asked Beatrice. It wasn't that she didn't want to go to tea with her new friends, but she was worried that they wouldn't have time to go to the London Eye before she and Bill had to go back home. If she wasn't home by supper, her parents would worry. They were going out tonight, of course, but they thought it important that she eat at the same time each day, even though they rarely ate with her.

"Not far," said Georgina. She motioned toward a grove of trees. "We live just beyond that park up there."

"Of course, if you don't have time to come over, we understand," said Bernard. "We'll be sad, but we'll get over it."

"Bernard!" shouted Georgina. "Stop being such a little butthead."

"I'm not!" Bernard glared up at his sister. "But why do you always invite random strangers over to our house? You know mum and dad don't like it."

"Well, mum and dad aren't home, now are they?" Georgina crossed her arms. "Please be nice."

"Are you sure it's alright for me to come over?" asked Beatrice. "Your parents won't be angry?"

"Oh, don't worry," said Georgina. "They're out of town. Our nanny is the only one home right now and she doesn't mind visitors. She loves them, actually."

"Great!" Beatrice smiled. "Shall we go, then? I hope we have time for the London Eye, still."

"Oh, we do," said Beatrice. "Don't you worry about that."

The trio (and an invisible Bill) began walking at a casual pace. The wind was blowing gently and Beatrice pulled her long hair back into a ponytail, fastening it all together with the hair tie she always had on her wrist for just such occasions. Her hair was always in her face and it drove her mother bonkers. She often threatened to cut it all off, but Beatrice got her to relent and let her hair stay long by crying about how she didn't want to look like a boy. Her mother never had the energy to argue with her for long.

Soon Bernard tired of their casual pace and picked up speed. This time Georgina, instead of running after him to catch up, hung back with Beatrice. Beatrice was glad, because (and she would never admit this to Bill) time travel tired her quite a bit more than she'd like. She always intended to stay awake for days and days on their time traveling trips, but she tired after just a few hours. She was happy to be taking a break at Georgina's, even if it meant eating up precious London Eye time.

"I don't know why he always insists on running everywhere," said Georgina. "He always gets so tired afterward. I swear, if we'd let him to go bed right after school, he would go willingly."

"That's so funny . . . Georgina?" Beatrice began.

"Yes, Beatrice?"

"Why weren't you in school today? You picked Bernard up from school, but why weren't you already there?" Beatrice asked.

"Well, why weren't you in school, Beatrice?" Georgina asked. Beatrice gulped. She had no good answer for this, not even knowing the name of the schools here in the future, or what time they released students.

"I asked you first," said Beatrice.

"OK, fine. The reason I wasn't in school was because I needed to meet you on your way into town," she said.

"But . . . you didn't even know me before I met you this afternoon," said Beatrice.

"Oh, Beatrice. My nanny told me you were coming," she said.

"But how could she possibly know that?" asked Beatrice.

"Because she's Bill's sister."

Beatrice stopped right there in the middle of the sidewalk. Bill bumped into her and she almost fell over, but she regained her footing. She was ready to run the opposite direction and she could tell Bill was, too.

"Calm down, Beatrice, it's not a big deal. Tell Bill not to uninvisible himself yet, though . . . don't want to cause a scene here in the middle of the street," said Georgina.

"Hang on a second!" shouted Beatrice. "I have some questions, you know."

"I know you do, Beatrice, but they'll have to wait until we get to my house," said Georgina. "Betty is waiting and she gets very cross when we're late. Especially since she knows you and Bill are on the way."

"What if Bill doesn't want to see Betty? Did you ever think of that?" asked Beatrice.

"I do want to see Betty," said Bill from behind her. It was always strange to hear a voice come from nowhere, no matter how many times she heard it. "It's been so long."

"Hello, Bill," said Georgina. "Nice to meet you sort of."

"Likewise, dear," said Bill, and Beatrice just bet he was bowing. "Shall we get moving? Your charming little brother must be there already."

"Good idea," said Georgina. "Let's get going."

I don't even know, you guys

You know, earlier I was looking at my shoes and I realized they look sort of like Pilgrim shoes. Like, if I was going to dress up like a Pilgrim, and I could only use materials that I already owned, I would definitely wear these shoes. You might be asking yourself, "But Jennie, why would you ever want to dress up like a Pilgrim?" and I am here to tell you . . . I don't know. But I'm sure there are occasions to dress up like Pilgrim. Let's see. There's Halloween, for sure. I know Halloween is over, but it's never too early to start planning for next year. Or perhaps your family is totally weird and you dress up like Pilgrims and Indians for Thanksgiving. That could be fun, actually, but make sure it's accurate. After the Thanksgiving meal, you should kill a couple of the Indians by giving them smallpox or something. Just make sure one of your least favorite relatives dresses up like an Indian. That way you wouldn't have to listen to Uncle Bob's stories about his spastic colon at Christmas, and that's beneficial to everyone.

You know, I actually have dressed up like a Pilgrim before. We had Pioneer Day once in 6th grade and I realize those aren't EXACTLY the same thing, but I'm not sure my teacher knew that. I distinctly remember making Pilgrim hats, and then wearing a long, flowy skirt and a really uncomfortable button-up shirt, so no one would think I was a witch (read: whore) and burn me at the stake. That would be uncomfortable.

ACTUALLY, I think my shoes look more like witch shoes. Plus, I have on striped socks, just like the Wicked Witch of the East wore when she got crushed by Dorothy's flying house. And I'm sort of mean, so it totally fits.

Beatrice, Part 3

[Part 1, Part 2]

Bill and Beatrice finally reached the edge of town. The buildings started getting bigger and shinier. Beatrice couldn't believe how everything in the future sparkled with perfection. Every building she walked by, she slowed down to watch her reflection walk with her. It didn't occur to her until it was too late that she shouldn't be able to see her reflection if she was invisible. She couldn't see Bill, he must have invisibled himself, but she was there just as clear as day. While she watched, her reflection bumped into another little girl in the mirrored wall.

"Oh, hi!" the little girl said. "I'm sorry, I didn't see you."

"My fault!" exclaimed Beatrice. "I wasn't even looking. I was watching my reflection."

"Me too!" said the little girl. "What's your name?"

"Beatrice," said Beatrice. "But sometimes people call me Amelia."

"Oh," said the little girl. "My name is Hilary but people always call me Hilary."

"Then, I'll call you Georgina," said Beatrice.

"Um, OK," said Georgina. "Where are you going?"

"We're going to the London Eye," Beatrice said.

"We're? Who else is with you?" asked Georgina. Beatrice felt a nudge at her back and then remembered Bill was invisible.

"I'M going. I mean I'M going. I'm alone," she said.

"Smooth," she heard Bill whisper, only loud enough for her to hear.

"The London Eye, huh? I love the London Eye," said Georgina. "It's my favorite place in the world!"

"Me too!" exclaimed Beatrice. "Do you want to come with us?" There was that nudge again. "I mean, with me?"

"Sure!" yelled Georgina. "Do you mind if we pick up my little brother first?"

"Um, I suppose not," said Beatrice. "Where is he?"

"He's at daycamp, but my mum asked me to bring him home early," she said.

"OK, let's go, then," said Beatrice. "Wait a second . . ."

"Yes?"

"If your brother is by the London Eye, why were you walking the opposite direction?" asked Beatrice.

"Oh, that!" laughed Georgina. "I'm hopelessly lost, as usual." Beatrice laughed.

"Well, you can follow us," she said. "I mean me," she corrected, before the nudging started.

"What's your brother's name?" asked Beatrice.

"Bernard," said Georgina.

"Bernard . . . can I call him Bernie?"

"I suppose, but he won't like it."

"That's OK," said Beatrice.

Beatrice and Georgina walked side-by-side down the sidewalk. The sidewalk, much like the buildings, had a somewhat reflective sheen to it. Beatrice could make out a fuzzy-mirror Beatrice as she walked. She could feel Bill's bulk walking behind her, and even sensed the ground quaking a tiny bit with each of his footsteps. Georgina didn't notice the mini-earthquakes, or else attributed them to the huge trucks rumbling down the street. The trucks were all bright orange and said, "Quayfar" on the sides. Beatrice wanted to know what the trucks were carrying and where they were going, but was afraid to ask Georgina. She supposed it looked pretty obvious that she wasn't from the future. After all, she was wearing jeans, sneakers, and a Spongebob t-shirt, but maybe Georgina would think she was vintage. If she started asking obvious questions, though, she'd blow it. She might as well un-invisible Bill.

"Do you like dinosaurs?" asked Georgina. Beatrice almost twisted her head off with the speed she looked over at Georgina.

"What?" she answered. Play it cool, she thought.

"Well, if you like dinosaurs . . . "

"I don't like dinosaurs I don't even know any dinosaurs why would you think I like dinosaurs?"

"Um . . . I just thought you might like to go to the museum up here," said Georgina, a puzzled look on her face.

"OOOOHHHHH," said Beatrice, relief flooding her entire body. "The museeeeuuuuum, of course." She could tell Bill was rolling his eyes at her right now, but he should know how bad she is at lying. Luckily, she was good at covering for herself. Otherwise, her parents would know all about Bill and their time traveling adventures. As much as she enjoyed their trips, she didn't think her parents would be OK with her gallavanting all over time and creation with a purple-vested dinosaur.

"So, no museum?" Georgina asked.

"Well, maybe later," Beatrice said, trying to be breezy. "After all, we have to pick up your brother, right?"

"Oh, of course!" Georgina exclaimed. "How could I have forgotten? I'm always forgetting important things."

"Me too!" said Beatrice. "Once I forgot where I lived. I just wandered up and down the street, looking for our house, but I couldn't remember which one it was."

"What did you do?" asked Georgina.

"I had no choice! I had to go into each house, one by one, to see if that was where I lived," she explained.

"Did you find it?"

"Well, not before some crazy old lady called the police on me," said Beatrice. "I tell you, how rude is that? I tried to explain to her that I was simply looking for my bedroom and she just called me a hoodlum and called the police."

"That is rude!" said Georgina. "Why, how could she be scared of you? You're just a child!"

"Probably because I was carrying my cricket bat," said Beatrice.

"Oh."

"And she was in the bath at the time."

"Oh, dear," said Georgina. Her mouth stayed open in a horrified "oh."

"You don't know the half of it. Old lady in a bath? Gross," said Beatrice. "Also, I had to go to the police station and boy were my parents angry."

"Wow," said Georgina. "You're sort of crazy."

"You don't know the half of it," said Beatrice, and she heard Bill snort derisively behind her.

"Do you mind if I pop into this shop for moment?" asked Georgina. "I desperately need the loo."

"Oh, no problem," said Beatrice. "We'll just wait for you out here."

"We'll?" Georgina said with a smile.

"I mean, I'LL wait out here for you," corrected Beatrice. She really needed to work on her poker face.

Georgina opened the shop door with a jingle and stepped inside. Beatrice watched her walk through the aisles and approach the counter, speak to the shop owner, and walk away from the counter with a key, presumably for the restroom. Beatrice hopped from one foot to another, trying to contain her excitement. Not only was she going to see the London Eye, her most favorite thing in the entire world (except for her parents and Bill, of course, and a hoverboard, should she ever get one), but she'd made friends with a real-life person from the future.

"Psst," said a trashcan. "Psssst!"

"What's that?" Beatrice whispered. Usually trashcans didn't talk to her.

"It's me, you ninny," said the trashcan.

"Oh. Bill," Beatrice said. "What's up?"

"What's up? What's UP? What's UP is you've almost blown our cover SEVERAL times," Bill said.

"Oh, that," said Beatrice. "Really, what IS wrong with me? You'd think I'd never time traveled before."

"You may never time travel again after this," said Bill.

"Bill, don't be cross," said Beatrice. "I didn't mean to, and besides, she doesn't suspect a thing."

"I think we should leave. This is ridiculous," said Bill. "You're bound to slip up even worse at any moment."

"Thank you very much for that vote of confidence," said Beatrice. "But I want to stay. I just made a friend! From the future!"

"You already have a friend from the future and he wants to leave."

"Oh, Bill, you know you're not from the future, you're from the past," said Beatrice.

"Regardless. I have more experience with this sort of thing and I think we should go. Nothing good ever comes from fraternizing with people from the future. You'll only end up messing with their time or our time or God knows what else," explained Bill.

"Bill, I think you're overreacting," said Beatrice. "And anyway, it's too late, here she comes."

"Oh, poo," said Bill.

"Bill, watch your mouth," scolded Beatrice. "Oh, hi Georgina! How was the loo?"

"Perfectly acceptable, actually. Who is Bill?"

"Bill?"

"You were talking to someone named Bill?" asked Georgina.

"Oh, no, I was just talking to myself . . . wondering where I'd put my . . . my bills. You know, MONEY. For the Eye," explained Beatrice.

"Beatrice, that's ridiculous," said Georgina.

"What . . . I mean . . . what do you mean?"

"The London Eye is FREE, silly!" laughed Georgina.

"Oh, of course! I completely forgot," Beatrice chuckled. "Let's go, shall we?"

"We shall."

Beatrice, Part 2

Part 1

Beatrice started packing a suitcase and Bill kindly reminded her that they wouldn't be gone that long. He never wanted to be gone long, because he liked to be home in time for Jeopardy every night. Bill loved Jeopardy!.

"Are you ready, finally?" Bill asked.

"Yes," Beatrice said, and nodded. She climbed on Bill's back and held onto his vest. "Let's go."

Beatrice held onto Bill's long neck. She was careful not to hold on too tightly because Bill was very sensitive and she didn't want to hurt him. Once she squeezed too tightly and he sulked for a week. He wouldn't time travel anywhere and it was the most boring week of her life.

"This OK, Bill?"

"Perfect, darling," Bill answered.

Bill started spinning in a slow circle, counter-clockwise of course. He bent his head back toward his tail and began to pick up speed. Beatrice closed her eyes. She didn't want to, but once she had tried to keep her eyes open during time travel and she couldn't see for the rest of the day. Time travel is very bright, you see.

When Bill worked up enough speed, he jumped in the air. This was Beatrice's favorite part. She held onto Bill's neck a little tighter as they sped through a tunnel so bright she could see the light through her closed eyes. Her stomach jumped as if she was riding The Cyclone at the fair and the wind whipped past her face so fast that tears escaped and blazed trails across her cheeks.

"Wheeeee!" Beatrice shouted, and although she was barely audible over the wind whipping by, she still heard Bill mutter, "quiet, please." He required the utmost concentration in the middle of time travel even though he'd been doing it for millions of years. Once, she'd distracted him with shouted questions about where they were going (Philadelphia, July 4th, 1776) and they'd ended up in Canada. That was just fine with Beatrice, moose being her favorite animals, but Bill was perturbed and since then, banned all talk during time travel. Beatrice didn't think excited yelling counted, though.

The wind began to die down and the world got a little less bright. Beatrice opened her eyes and looked around her. They hadn't been to the future yet, and so she was very excited to see what sort of adventures awaited them.

"Alright, now," Bill said. "Climb down slowly." They'd landed in a giant field of tall grass. Beatrice jumped down, sending sparks up and down her skinny legs, but stood up and soon recovered. She jumped up and down and shook her tiny body, getting used to being on solid ground again.

Bill stood on his hind legs and stretched. His front legs waved in the air almost gracefully, while he swung his long neck back and forth several times. He straightened his vest and yawned.

"How do you feel, darling?" Bill asked. He flopped back down on all fours, causing a mini-earthquake in the process, and grimaced.

"Great, Bill!" Beatrice shouted. "I love time travel."

"That makes one of us," he replied. "Now. Where shall we go first?"

"The London Eye!" Beatrice said. The London Eye was her most favorite place in the whole universe. Well. Her most favorite thing on Earth, anyway. There were some lovely craters on the moon that she was incredibly fond of. Once she'd met a moon-man in a crater, but Bill told her not to tell anyone about him. He said her parents would think she was mad if she started telling them about a moon-man named Frederick who lived in a moon crater.

"The London Eye, it is," Bill said, and started tromping off toward town. He never time traveled to a place with many people, even though he could make both himself and Beatrice invisible. The thing is, when you time travel into a big crowd, people notice. Even if they can't see you. In fact, that's how he and Beatrice met Frederick. Beatrice had distracted him and he'd forgotten to make them invisible. She was always doing tiresome things like that, but Bill supposed that was part of her charm.

"Hey, Bill?" Beatrice asked.

"Yes, Amelia?"

"Did you know the London Eye is the tallest cantilevered observation wheel in the world?" Beatrice asked.

"Where did you learn that word . . . cantilevered?"

"Wikipedia."

"Ahh," sighed Bill. "Well, at one time it was the tallest, now that great honor belongs to a small town in Ohio."

"Ohio?" said Beatrice. "Why would anyone want to build a giant ferris wheel in Ohio?"

"Why not?"

"Hmm," said Beatrice. "I suppose even people in Ohio need ferris wheels."

"Too true, my dear, too true," said Bill. "Are you tired? We can have a rest if you'd like."

Beatrice was not tired, but she knew this was Bill's way of saying he wanted to stop and sit for a while. And since he had just time traveled her to the future, she was happy to oblige.

"Why, Bill," she said. "I would love to have a rest if that's OK with you." Bill smiled and nodded and plopped his giant butt down on a large stump.

"That's better," Bill sighed. "Are you excited, Bea?"

"So excited! But . . . so far, this doesn't look all that different from home," she said.

"Well, of course it doesn't. We're still in London," he explained.

"Yes, but this is 2067 London," she said. "Where are the hoverboards?"

"Oh, darling, I TOLD you to stop watching those Pack for the Future movies," Bill said.

"BACK to the Future."

"Whatever. The point is, there is no such thing as a hoverboard outside of the movies."

"Really?"

"No. Of course there are hoverboards," Bill said. "So silly of you to ask, really."

"Oh, Bill."

"Hee."

"Why do you tease me?" Beatrice asked.

"I don't know, Bea," he said. "Because I have to tease someone and you're always there."

"Oh, OK," she said. "So, can I take a hoverboard home with me? I bought 200 quid, is that enough?"

"Beatrice Evelyn Longford, you know the answer to that," Bill scolded.

"But! Heather has always wanted a hoverboard and she'd be so, so pleased if I brought her one!" Beatrice exclaimed.

"Well," Bill said. "Heather will just have to wait until 2067 to get her hoverboard. Well. 2050, I suppose, if she can afford the first model."

"But in 2050, she'll be nearly 60!"

"Then tell her to drink lots of milk so her bones are strong," Bill said. "Those hoverboards are death traps."

"You think everything is a death trap," Beatrice said. "YOU'RE a death trap."

"Don't be cross, my dear," Bill said gently. "This will still be fun, whether or not you get to take your dear friend Heather a real-life, genuine hoverboard."

"Promise?"

"Promise," said Bill. "Maybe you can ride a hoverboard and tell Heather about it when you get home."

"Oh, I couldn't possibly do that," Beatrice said. "She'd be so jealous she'd never talk to me again."

"So you don't want to ride a hoverboard?"

"That's not what I said. I can ride it, I just won't tell Heather," Beatrice said.

"Clever girl."

"I know. Bill?"

"Yes, Bea?"

"Are you going to ride the London Eye with me?" asked Beatrice.

"You know I can't, darling, I'd never fit," Bill said.

"Oh. Right." Beatrice frowned. "Let's go somewhere else, then."

"No, you want to see the London Eye, and so that's where we're going," Bill said. "Let's go."

They stood up, Bill hesitating a bit as he moved his bulk from the stump he'd been sitting on, and started walking toward town. Beatrice ran ahead of Bill, grabbing leaves off of trees as she went, and then ran back. She handed Bill the bouquet of leaves, maple, oak, all kinds, and Bill shook his head.

"Beatrice, what did I say about changing things?" he asked.

"Um . . . you said . . . not to?"

"Right. The smallest change you make, even if it's tearing the leaves off of trees, could seriously affect the future," he said.

"But we're already IN the future," Beatrice joked.

"Well, the future future, then," he said. "We can't take anything and we can't change anything."

"Yeah, yeah," said Beatrice.

"You're still upset about the hoverboard, aren't you?"

" . . . no."

"Bea . . ."

"Yes! I just want to take one home. I'll never ride it in public, only in the house," she promised.

"And when your parents see you floating around?"

"Please," she said. "Like they'd notice."

"Fair enough," he answered. "But no."

Beatrice sulked and slowed her pace. It's not that she needed a hoverboard. After all, she already had a Wii AND a time-traveling dinosaur. But no one else had a hoverboard. Well, except kids here in the future, but she bet they didn't even know how special their hoverboards were.

"Bill?"

"Yes, Bea?"

"I guess I don't need a hoverboard," she said, and started silently planning to sneak a hoverboard back home with her.

"Excellent."