I'm Janet Snakehole!

Joe and I didn't dress up for Halloween this year, so naturally, we're already planning our costumes for next year. We were supposed to go to a Halloween party this past Saturday, but ended up staying home because I got sick just in time for the weekend. THANKS, BODY. I'm kind of bummed we didn't get to go, even though we didn't have our costumes ready as of Friday. I mean, we could have thrown something together. We had lots of ideas. The theme was "dress as a literary character, high or low brow." My favorite idea was to have Joe wear a nametag that said "God" and for me to dress up as Margaret and carry around a box of tampons. Oh well. I guess there's always next year.

That's not to say it was a terrible weekend. Sure, I was sick, but it gave me an excuse to sit around and watch TV or read, which are my favorite pastimes anyway. And we managed to see Argo, which is why I ended up having popcorn and M&Ms for dinner that night. Which is totally what you want to be eating when you're sick and your body needs, like, vitamins and nutrients and junk.

We went out to dinner with Joe's parents last night and had every intention to relax as soon as we got home, but Phoebe had other plans because, as we were changing into our pajamas, she took a dump right in the middle of our bed. We watched, dumb-founded, before I found the clarity of mind to shoo her out of the room. I was pissed and then I looked at her litter box, which was perhaps a bit too dirty for her dainty sensibilities, so I'm assigning blame to both of us.

WOW, so I'm not making it sound like my weekend was all that great, but it was fine. Good, even. It would have been better if I'd not had to skip fun things because of sickness but WE CAN'T HAVE EVERYTHING NOW CAN WE. It was probably good to have a relaxing weekend at home this weekend because NEXT weekend is Heidi's wedding. You remember Heidi, right? My old roommate, of the many shenanigans? SHE'S GETTING MARRIED. Whoo! As matron (ugh, that word) of honor, I'm responsible for giving a speech, something I've been freaking out about ever since I started writing it because A) it involves speaking in front of people and B) it involves FEELINGS and you know how I feel about public displays of those. But since it's for Heidi, I'll make that sacrifice, even thought it means I'll probably end up crying in front of people and then they'll know I'm not a robot and THEN they won't respect me anymore. JUST KIDDING. No one respects me.

Anyway, my sister's only advice for my speech was, "don't make it too long, OK?" which I guess is helpful. If anyone else has any advice, I'm all ears. I'm really regretting the fact that I completely tune out during the speeches at most weddings, not because I don't care or anything, but because I'm easily distracted and -- OOOH A PUPPY.

HELLO