Thursday, November 01, 2012

You are more beautiful than Cinderella! You smell like pine needles, and have a face like sunshine!

Now that Halloween is over, I can put all of my energy into preparing for Heidi's wedding this weekend. Not that there's a ton of preparation. There are really only three things expected of me. 1) That I remember my dress, 2) that I make sure Heidi is at the church on time, and 3) that I give a speech at the reception without cursing like a sailor or telling any inappropriate stories.

My speech is basically ready, though I keep revising the tiniest bits of it, which I should really stop doing or I'm just going to be standing in front of everyone, reading it verbatim from a piece of paper. I mean, I don't plan on MEMORIZING it, of course, because the chances of me remembering it once I'm standing in front of a large group of people are, well, not good. I hate public speaking and always have, but at least for this I can have a glass of champagne (or three) beforehand.

Note: I will probably not have many glasses of champagne because a) I guarantee I won't have eaten much at that point and b) I don't want to be the drunk bridesmaid who throws up on the microphone as she tried to wish the bride and groom many happy years together. NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT. Everybody pukes. But not everybody pukes all over the bride's dress, which is important to keep in mind. 

I practiced my speech last night, after trying on my dress to make sure it still fits (it does!), in front of a mirror, while Max looked up expectantly at me, like, "ooh, she's talking to someone in that thing...I wonder if that girl she's talking to is going to come in here...maybe she'll bring that dog who looks like me with her."

I feel like everything was going pretty well until I got to the last bit and then I started crying and cry-talking and muttering "fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck" under my breath, which is probably not going to gain me any points if I repeat that performance at the reception. Still. It WOULD be memorable and that's what matters, right?


  1. Heh. You said fuck. So... how'd it go? I bet you were awesome! On account of that being the mainly only way you are.

  2. I think it went well! I've blocked it out, now that it's over. Hee.