I felt a great disturbance in The Force

I have some bad news. Really bad. You should probably sit down. I got to work today at the same time I always do, checked my work email, and then went to see if it was my turn on Scrabulous. And . . . oh god . . . it was GONE. JUST GONE. NO MORE SCRABULOUS. I guess it's because Hasbro hates me and wants me to cry all day long.

You guys, I am a mess and not just because of the Scrabulous loss. I came back from Put-in-Bay with a wicked sunburn, a huge bruise on my knee and no recollection of obtaining it, and a blister on my hand from burning it on the oven. This is why I shouldn't try to cook. People only get hurt, and by people, I mean ME. Also all the people who get food poisoning. Then yesterday, I tried to tune my guitar and a string broke and whipped me on the wrist. It hurt. You may be asking yourself, "why is Jennie tuning a guitar?" or maybe even, "Jennie has a guitar?" and the answers are, "because an out of tune guitar sounds like shit," and, "yes, I do have a guitar." I bought it my senior year of high school because I thought teaching myself to play would be easier than it was. Also because it was blue. It turns out, teaching yourself how to play the guitar is NOT easy. I think I was hoping I would just pick up the guitar and magically know how to play. Like I'd be the Rainman of singer-songwriting. Alas, I am not. So, recently, I got a book to help teach me and yesterday was the first day I actually TRIED to do anything and then a stupid string broke. AND THEN (no and then!) I realized that I haven't changed the strings since I got the guitar. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it wasn't like I was playing it or anything. So. Moral of the story? I need new strings.

After I broke my guitar, I decided to go running and I almost died. I know I say that every time, but a combination of very little sleep this weekend, spending too much time in the sun, the HOT HOT HEAT and HUMID HUMID, um, HUMIDITY, and the fact that I haven't run in weeks meant I seriously for real almost fell on the sidewalk and died. I know this means I need to start running in the morning before work, but waking up that early makes me die, too. This is really a losing situation any way you look at it.

fuck wank bugger shitting arse head and hole!*

I realize I probably say this every week, but this is the LONGEST. WEEK. EVER. The LONGEST. WEEK. EVER. is similar to WORST. DAY. EVER. Week, in that it lasts forever, but the days aren't as bad. My days haven't been bad at all. I mean, we've had ice cream at work the past two days and we have a luncheon with MASHED POTATOES tomorrow. Any day that includes MASHED POTATOES can't be all bad. I don't know why I keep abusing CAPS LOCK. I'm sorry. I'll stop.

I don't know if you've noticed, but it's summer now. I can tell it's summer because every time I go outside, my face melts off, which feels just as weird as you might imagine. Anyway, since it's hot as balls (what?) outside, I can't run immediately after work anymore. Well, I COULD, but I don't want to because, even though my face is nothing special, I've sort of gotten used to it so I try to avoid the "face melting" thing as much as possible. I don't want to look like that guy from Raiders of the Lost Ark. You know the one I mean. Don't pretend you haven't seen that movie 80 times. Everyone has.

Um. Right. So, I've been going running later in the evening, like around 9. Because it's still not dark yet at 9. But it's dim enough (what?) that the lightening bugs are out. I love lightening bugs. I'm a pretty simple person, really, and if I could just see lightening bugs all day long, I'd probably be in a much better mood than I normally am.

The only bad part about running this late is there are bugs EVERYWHERE. I mean, they're probably EVERYWHERE all day long, but they're worse at night. Last night, I accidentally swallowed one, because I can't run with my mouth closed because if I tried to run with my mouth closed, I wouldn't be able to breathe and then I'd fall over and die.

SIDENOTE: Right now, on the radio, THIS VERY MINUTE, they are playing "Summer Nights," from Grease. I am fighting the urge to jump on my desk and sing. I know all the words to every song in that movie AND I AM NOT ASHAMED. We all had to do something with our childhoods and I spent mine watching the same movies over and over. The end.

I could keep writing, I suppose, but I really have nothing else to tell you, Internets. Clearly. I mean, I just wrote about swallowing a bug. So I'll stop now. YOU'RE WELCOME.

(In completely unrelated news, people can be so fucking stupid. SIGH.)

(In completely awesome news, UNICORN DEER!)

(OK, I'm done)

*thank you, Heather . . . and, of course, Billy Mack

IT'S SO DAMN HOT. Milk was a bad choice.

I usually have a tough time falling to sleep on Sunday nights (see also: all other nights), due to a combination of sleeping in on Sunday morning, drinking too much caffeine all day, and the general laziness of Sundays that involves, um, lying on the sofa watching movies on cable. However, I have discovered the secret to getting the BEST night of sleep EVER on a Sunday night:

1. Get up at a decent hour (i.e. before noon).
2. Instead of lying around all day, get dressed up in tea party clothes.
3. Go to tea party and be nice, sociable person (this is exhausting). Try not to make any inappropriate jokes for a couple of hours (this is also exhausting).
4. Do computer research (i.e. surf Facebook, Google Reader, etc.)
5. Go running in the SWELTERING HEAT.
6. Take shower.
7. Read a good book.
8. SLEEP*.

It should go without saying (so I'm going to say it anyway), but your air conditioning should be turned on. Did I mention the SWELTERING HEAT? Because the heat? It is sweltering. Whatever. Swelter on, heat, I will totally harness the power of the AC and KILL YOU DEAD.

*BONUS #9 - read this blog because, dude, BORING