Friday, March 19, 2010
bullet, dodged
I had my boobasound (™ Peefer) this morning and all is well. Apparently, I have a small cyst which they told me is no BFD, actually. So, you know, whew.
Friday, March 12, 2010
TMI? Too much information. Uh, it's just easier to say TMI. I used to say don't go there, but that's lame.
It's been a while since I've shared too much information with the internet, I think, but HOLD ONTO YOUR BUTTS because I went to the lady doctor on Monday.
That's right. I scheduled an appointment with the lady doctor on a Monday morning, because apparently there's no better way to start your week than having someone poke around your girly parts with cold, metal instruments.
So in I went and when the nurse took my blood pressure she was all, "why is your blood pressure so high," and I was like, "because I'm at the doctor's office, duh," and then the doctor took it again later and was all, "why is your blood pressure so high" and I was all, "gee, I don't know, maybe because this one time I came in here and you forcibly ripped out a piece of my body so this place doesn't really give me CUDDLY, WARM FUZZIES."
Long story short (ha!), I have to start watching my sodium, because sodium is an evil bitchmonster, hell-bent on making my heart explode before I'm 30. JK, it's not that bad, but did you know there's a shitload of sodium in everything? Like, that water you're drinking probably has 5000 mgs of sodium in it. OK, it doesn't, unless you dumped four teaspoons of salt in there but why would you do that? That's disgusting.
It turns out lots of foods I thought were healthy are NOT healthy, sodium-wise, because they've been processed out the wazoo (what a fun word) and processed food, while delicious, is a big bad. Not THE big bad, though, otherwise Buffy could just smack it around for a while and all would be well. I wish I could shrink Buffy real tiny like and shoot her into my bloodstream to stake all of the sodium molecules before they could eff up my body. That would be awesome. It could be an Innerspace sequel which OMG I love that movie so much.
Right. So. Here is where the TMI comes in. This may not be common knowledge to those of you with penises, but when you go to the lady doctor, she spends a lot of time feeling you up. This is also when she yells at you for not doing monthly breast exams. The whole thing is less uncomfortable than it sounds, at least with my doctor, because she's really good at carrying on a conversation while she's doing all of that. Do you think they teach that in med school? I think so because I'm pretty sure that's what Karev failed on Grey's Anatomy, and that's where I get all my doctor knowledge. That and WebMD but I'm not allowed to look at WebMD anymore because doctors don't like it when you diagnose yourself.
Anyway, the doctor was rounding second base and there was a break in the conversation where she was all like, "...hmm," and that's not a good noise for a doctor to make while she's kneading your boob like a lump of dough.
"Your boobs are dense," she said (RUDE) and I told her that I TRIED to tell them to pay more attention in school, but would they listen? No. She didn't laugh, though, because she never gets my jokes.
Long story short again (ha!), I have to get an ultrasound next week. On my boobs. Because, according to my doctor, boobs are supposed to feel like cottage cheese and if she feels something pea-like IN the cottage cheese, that's a problem. WELL. APPARENTLY, my boobs feel like cottage cheese that's been left on the counter for too long (her words), so she couldn't tell if she'd found something weird or just, like, even older cottage cheese.
It's really nothing to worry about, and I wasn't even going to say anything on here, but I'm guessing that the experience of getting my boobs ultrasounded is something I'm going to want to blog about and it would be weird if next week I was like, "I got my boobs ultrasounded today," with no explanation beforehand so that's what this is. An explanation. In the meantime, I'm going to get my boobs a therapist because after being called dense and being compared to old cottage cheese, they're having some self-esteem issues.
That's right. I scheduled an appointment with the lady doctor on a Monday morning, because apparently there's no better way to start your week than having someone poke around your girly parts with cold, metal instruments.
So in I went and when the nurse took my blood pressure she was all, "why is your blood pressure so high," and I was like, "because I'm at the doctor's office, duh," and then the doctor took it again later and was all, "why is your blood pressure so high" and I was all, "gee, I don't know, maybe because this one time I came in here and you forcibly ripped out a piece of my body so this place doesn't really give me CUDDLY, WARM FUZZIES."
Long story short (ha!), I have to start watching my sodium, because sodium is an evil bitchmonster, hell-bent on making my heart explode before I'm 30. JK, it's not that bad, but did you know there's a shitload of sodium in everything? Like, that water you're drinking probably has 5000 mgs of sodium in it. OK, it doesn't, unless you dumped four teaspoons of salt in there but why would you do that? That's disgusting.
It turns out lots of foods I thought were healthy are NOT healthy, sodium-wise, because they've been processed out the wazoo (what a fun word) and processed food, while delicious, is a big bad. Not THE big bad, though, otherwise Buffy could just smack it around for a while and all would be well. I wish I could shrink Buffy real tiny like and shoot her into my bloodstream to stake all of the sodium molecules before they could eff up my body. That would be awesome. It could be an Innerspace sequel which OMG I love that movie so much.
Right. So. Here is where the TMI comes in. This may not be common knowledge to those of you with penises, but when you go to the lady doctor, she spends a lot of time feeling you up. This is also when she yells at you for not doing monthly breast exams. The whole thing is less uncomfortable than it sounds, at least with my doctor, because she's really good at carrying on a conversation while she's doing all of that. Do you think they teach that in med school? I think so because I'm pretty sure that's what Karev failed on Grey's Anatomy, and that's where I get all my doctor knowledge. That and WebMD but I'm not allowed to look at WebMD anymore because doctors don't like it when you diagnose yourself.
Anyway, the doctor was rounding second base and there was a break in the conversation where she was all like, "...hmm," and that's not a good noise for a doctor to make while she's kneading your boob like a lump of dough.
"Your boobs are dense," she said (RUDE) and I told her that I TRIED to tell them to pay more attention in school, but would they listen? No. She didn't laugh, though, because she never gets my jokes.
Long story short again (ha!), I have to get an ultrasound next week. On my boobs. Because, according to my doctor, boobs are supposed to feel like cottage cheese and if she feels something pea-like IN the cottage cheese, that's a problem. WELL. APPARENTLY, my boobs feel like cottage cheese that's been left on the counter for too long (her words), so she couldn't tell if she'd found something weird or just, like, even older cottage cheese.
It's really nothing to worry about, and I wasn't even going to say anything on here, but I'm guessing that the experience of getting my boobs ultrasounded is something I'm going to want to blog about and it would be weird if next week I was like, "I got my boobs ultrasounded today," with no explanation beforehand so that's what this is. An explanation. In the meantime, I'm going to get my boobs a therapist because after being called dense and being compared to old cottage cheese, they're having some self-esteem issues.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
all work and no play makes jennie something something
I am someone who thrives on routine. I'm a planner and my secret power lies in my To Do list. I love To Do lists SO MUCH. LOVE. THEM. I make them all the time and it comes in handy that I also have a notebook-buying problem. I love little notebooks and I keep one in my purse at all times, sometimes for grocery lists, sometimes to write ideas down, but mostly for To Do lists.
The past couple of weeks have been crazy times ten, and I don't really know why, other than I've been super busy, snow keeps throwing off my schedule, and I'm wedding planning and we've been looking for a place to live AT THE SAME TIME. The living arrangements, I believe, are almost sorted out and honestly I haven't done much in the way of wedding planning except look at things online. Seriously, the wedding business may be crazypants, but it has really opened up a whole new avenue of procrastination. It's amazing.
This is not to say that I haven't been productive, oh no it does not.
Sidenote: Joe and I watched The Land Before Time a couple of weeks ago, because he'd never seen it. Can you believe that? The Land Before Time was one of my favorite movies when I was a kid. My grandma had it on Laserdisc (!) and I probably watched it about 500 bajillion times. I was surprised at how sad it was on this viewing, and how short. Also, Sharp Tooth is SCAAAARY! Anyway, my point is (I have one!), that ever since we watched it, I keep talking like Ducky which I guess is OK because as we were watching the movie and Ducky kept babbling at everyone, Joe was all, "omg, YOU ARE DUCKY," which...true story. What were we talking about?
Oh right. Productivity. So you know how I have every other Friday off, right? Well, I do. On my last Friday off, I decided to go through my stuff to see if I had anything to give to Goodwill because I ALWAYS have something to give to Goodwill. Always. Even if I just took them a bunch of crap, I can always find more stuff to get rid of. I'm trying to stop this vicious cycle by limiting how much new stuff I buy. So far, so good.
Last Friday, I got up, ate some breakfast, and got to work. I went room by room, starting with the kitchen because it was the easiest and moving on to the dining room because it had become the home for everything we didn't know what to do with. I moved quickly to the living room and upstairs to my bathroom and bedroom, and I think I freaked Phoebe out with my Monica Geller cleaning mania, because she spent most of the time in the closet hiding between my clothes with her face to the wall. She is not going to be happy in about a month when it's time to move again.
Also! A while ago, Joe and I had a friend take some pictures for our Save the Dates, which turned out super awesome but have yet to be sent because we were going back and forth about fonts. That's right, fonts. I was fine with this, because playing with fonts is totally fun SHUT UP it is. Then last weekend we went on a fruitless apartment hunt that ended with us looking at my grandma's old condo after going to dinner with my very lovely family and it was such a long day that when we got home, we turned on the Olympics, Joe pulled up the last Save the Date font we'd been talking about and I was all, "THAT ONE! For the love of god, THAT ONE I DON'T CARE ANYMORE BLAAAARG."
Right. So. I guess what I'm trying to say is things have been busy and I forgot to add blogging to my To Do list. I will rectify this immediately. Heh. RECTify.
(i don't know)
The past couple of weeks have been crazy times ten, and I don't really know why, other than I've been super busy, snow keeps throwing off my schedule, and I'm wedding planning and we've been looking for a place to live AT THE SAME TIME. The living arrangements, I believe, are almost sorted out and honestly I haven't done much in the way of wedding planning except look at things online. Seriously, the wedding business may be crazypants, but it has really opened up a whole new avenue of procrastination. It's amazing.
This is not to say that I haven't been productive, oh no it does not.
Sidenote: Joe and I watched The Land Before Time a couple of weeks ago, because he'd never seen it. Can you believe that? The Land Before Time was one of my favorite movies when I was a kid. My grandma had it on Laserdisc (!) and I probably watched it about 500 bajillion times. I was surprised at how sad it was on this viewing, and how short. Also, Sharp Tooth is SCAAAARY! Anyway, my point is (I have one!), that ever since we watched it, I keep talking like Ducky which I guess is OK because as we were watching the movie and Ducky kept babbling at everyone, Joe was all, "omg, YOU ARE DUCKY," which...true story. What were we talking about?
Oh right. Productivity. So you know how I have every other Friday off, right? Well, I do. On my last Friday off, I decided to go through my stuff to see if I had anything to give to Goodwill because I ALWAYS have something to give to Goodwill. Always. Even if I just took them a bunch of crap, I can always find more stuff to get rid of. I'm trying to stop this vicious cycle by limiting how much new stuff I buy. So far, so good.
Last Friday, I got up, ate some breakfast, and got to work. I went room by room, starting with the kitchen because it was the easiest and moving on to the dining room because it had become the home for everything we didn't know what to do with. I moved quickly to the living room and upstairs to my bathroom and bedroom, and I think I freaked Phoebe out with my Monica Geller cleaning mania, because she spent most of the time in the closet hiding between my clothes with her face to the wall. She is not going to be happy in about a month when it's time to move again.
Also! A while ago, Joe and I had a friend take some pictures for our Save the Dates, which turned out super awesome but have yet to be sent because we were going back and forth about fonts. That's right, fonts. I was fine with this, because playing with fonts is totally fun SHUT UP it is. Then last weekend we went on a fruitless apartment hunt that ended with us looking at my grandma's old condo after going to dinner with my very lovely family and it was such a long day that when we got home, we turned on the Olympics, Joe pulled up the last Save the Date font we'd been talking about and I was all, "THAT ONE! For the love of god, THAT ONE I DON'T CARE ANYMORE BLAAAARG."
Right. So. I guess what I'm trying to say is things have been busy and I forgot to add blogging to my To Do list. I will rectify this immediately. Heh. RECTify.
(i don't know)
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
wedding question: feel free to skip (real post coming soon, I promise)
So, like, I'm pretty sure I don't want a traditional wedding dress. I don't want some long train thing I'm just going to trip over all night (um, hi, I'm clumsy). I'm worried about looking for a dress at the Big Name Wedding Dress Chains because I either won't find what I want or it'll be wicked expensive and HELLO I'm only going to wear it one day, unless I get bored or something some Sunday afternoon and decide to wear it while I do laundry but ANYWAY I DIGRESS.
My question is: what's the deal with buying wedding dresses online? Is it dangerous? Not like someone will stab you dangerous, but like you just paid a bunch of money for something that looks like a Kmart Halloween costume dangerous. Do you know anyone who has done that, with good results?
OK thanks (in advance) for solving my problems for me, Internets. Again.
My question is: what's the deal with buying wedding dresses online? Is it dangerous? Not like someone will stab you dangerous, but like you just paid a bunch of money for something that looks like a Kmart Halloween costume dangerous. Do you know anyone who has done that, with good results?
OK thanks (in advance) for solving my problems for me, Internets. Again.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Friday, February 05, 2010
story of my life
Joe and I are meeting with a mortgage lender tomorrow to see if buying a house right now is feasible. We're supposed to bring copies of our bank statements, paychecks, and our 2008 and 2009 W-2s. I had no trouble locating my 2009 W-2 because, um, I just got it, but I cannot find my 2008 W-2 ANYWHERE.
I did, however, find the original copy of The Evil Summer so, you know, that's something.
I did, however, find the original copy of The Evil Summer so, you know, that's something.
Wednesday, February 03, 2010
buzzzzzzzzed
Hey so guess what? This morning I was really tired because I stayed up to watch Lost last night, which is obviously past my bedtime because I get up before THE SUN. Way before the sun! The sun is such a slacker compared to me! I should get the sun's job and also the sun's salary, which I bet is a lot because that's a tough job most days, you know? Not on cloudy days, because the clouds are covering for you (badumBUM) so you can sit back and watch old Grey's Anatomy reruns on your TiVo and that reminds me that the other day I was watching Grey's Anatomy reruns (on TiVo) and it was the one where George and Izzy had sex which is gross and wrong because George was married and Izzy is some evil combination of a succubus and a banshee straight out of hell. I'm pretty sure that's when I sort of stopped watching that show, was during the whole George/Izzy affair, and I COMPLETELY stopped watching the show after someone got a poop transplant and the interns operated on another intern and Izzy started having sex with dead-Denny.
My point is, I had coffee this morning because I was really tired and that's why I'm not making sense, because I haven't had coffee (or any caffeine, really) in at least two or three months because I gave it up after it started giving me really bad heartburn because I didn't like feeling like my heart was on fire. That's a weird feeling, right? I was trying to explain heartburn to Joe, because he said he's never had it, and I was just like, "it feels like your heart...is burning," and he was all, "wow, that's helpful," and I said, "shut up, I'll set your heart on fire and see how you like it!" and we have a healthy relationship, yes? Yes.
So I drank a cup of coffee, and when it started kicking in, I thought, "oooooh, YEEESSSSS, that's the stuff...how I've missed you, evil caffeine mistress," because I was SO AWAKE and being really productive but then there was like too much caffeine in my blood because I was jittering all over the place.
I still haven't come down and all I want to do (is have some fun) is run around the building a few times but it's cold outside and sort of muddy and I think someone would call security if they saw me scrambling over fence like a rabid monkey. So instead I'll tell you all about my life since the last time we talked, which has been a while and that's tragic and unfair because I love you guys, I do, and we should talk more often. It's my fault, though. I'm neglectful, which is why I don't have kids yet.
You guys know how I'm in this Biggest Loser competition? Well, we have to weigh in on Saturday and I'm so nervous because I couldn't work out much last week because I was sick so I'm trying to make up for it this week. Anyway, I was in 7th place (out of 21) at the last weigh in and I really want to win because the prize is $210 dollars, which would be really helpful for the wedding because weddings are expensive even if you don't buy stupid crap that nobody cares about. So every time I don't feel like working out (which is, um, always), I just think of how nice my bank account would look with an extra $200 in it and that usually works.
Also, work has been crazy busy and stressing me out because I have approximately 10 million conference calls a week OK not really, but it is a lot. So many that my boss told me to order a headset so I don't have to hold the phone to my ear for an hour and a half because that makes my ear hurt, which is not something I ever would have considered, and so I'll order a headset and be safe. I don't want to have to go to the doctor and be all, "my ear is broken" and the doctor will be like, "why?" and I'll say, "conference calls" and the doctor will push me down and call me a whiny baby because who breaks their ear like that? Whiny babies, that's who.
My point is, I had coffee this morning because I was really tired and that's why I'm not making sense, because I haven't had coffee (or any caffeine, really) in at least two or three months because I gave it up after it started giving me really bad heartburn because I didn't like feeling like my heart was on fire. That's a weird feeling, right? I was trying to explain heartburn to Joe, because he said he's never had it, and I was just like, "it feels like your heart...is burning," and he was all, "wow, that's helpful," and I said, "shut up, I'll set your heart on fire and see how you like it!" and we have a healthy relationship, yes? Yes.
So I drank a cup of coffee, and when it started kicking in, I thought, "oooooh, YEEESSSSS, that's the stuff...how I've missed you, evil caffeine mistress," because I was SO AWAKE and being really productive but then there was like too much caffeine in my blood because I was jittering all over the place.
I still haven't come down and all I want to do (is have some fun) is run around the building a few times but it's cold outside and sort of muddy and I think someone would call security if they saw me scrambling over fence like a rabid monkey. So instead I'll tell you all about my life since the last time we talked, which has been a while and that's tragic and unfair because I love you guys, I do, and we should talk more often. It's my fault, though. I'm neglectful, which is why I don't have kids yet.
You guys know how I'm in this Biggest Loser competition? Well, we have to weigh in on Saturday and I'm so nervous because I couldn't work out much last week because I was sick so I'm trying to make up for it this week. Anyway, I was in 7th place (out of 21) at the last weigh in and I really want to win because the prize is $210 dollars, which would be really helpful for the wedding because weddings are expensive even if you don't buy stupid crap that nobody cares about. So every time I don't feel like working out (which is, um, always), I just think of how nice my bank account would look with an extra $200 in it and that usually works.
Also, work has been crazy busy and stressing me out because I have approximately 10 million conference calls a week OK not really, but it is a lot. So many that my boss told me to order a headset so I don't have to hold the phone to my ear for an hour and a half because that makes my ear hurt, which is not something I ever would have considered, and so I'll order a headset and be safe. I don't want to have to go to the doctor and be all, "my ear is broken" and the doctor will be like, "why?" and I'll say, "conference calls" and the doctor will push me down and call me a whiny baby because who breaks their ear like that? Whiny babies, that's who.
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