things you don't want to hear from your lady doctor PART 1:
"We saw something abnormal on your test and need you to come in for a biopsy," is what I heard about a month ago. I made my biopsy appointment, freaked out for a couple of days and then forgot about it until Friday, when I started freaking out again. My appointment was yesterday, which means I spent part of my precious day off with my legs up in stirrups while my doctor poked around my lady parts.
things you don't want to hear from your lady doctor PART 2:
"Basically this will be like a 20 minute pap smear."
Oh, that's it? That sounds like so much fun! I love pap smears! Um. 20 minutes? 20 minutes?!? I could watch an episode of The Daily Show in that amount of time! I just wish they'd told me beforehand. I would have taken a book to read.
things you don't want to hear from your lady doctor PART 3:
Dr: Crap.
Me: Um . . . everything OK down there?
Dr: Fine. You just won't stop bleeding.
Me: Oh god.
Actually, the whole procedure wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be. Except for when they told me it was actually THREE biopsies and not just one. I like how they didn't tell me until after I was already in the exam room and had taken my pants off. It's hard to run away if all you're wearing over your bottom half is a thin, white, paper sheet. Trust me, I tried.
I always wait to tell a woman the full story until after she's in the room with her pants off. Zing!
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