I'll never teee-eell

I suck at keeping secrets. Not big secrets. If you tell me you're dropping out of high school because you're pregnant with the principal's baby, I could totally keep that quiet (right Janine? I'm just kidding. I don't even know anyone named Janine.)

I ruin surprises. Not on purpose. I just get so excited that I can't help blurting it out to the intended surprisee. When I was five or six, my parents took me to my friend's birthday party. I remember my mom telling me several times not to tell my friend what her present was. The minute we walked in and I handed my friend the present, I immediately said, "here, we got you a My Little Pony," as my mom covered my mouth with her hand. Too late.

Junior year, a few of us got my friend Erin a very special present. We were all so excited to give it to her, we couldn't wait til her birthday. The NIGHT BEFORE we were going to give her the present, Erin and I were at McMurray's and I told her what we had gotten her. I made her promise not to tell our other friends that I had ruined the surprise, but the next night, after she opened it, I ended up telling them all anyway! I can't even keep my own secrets.

So, I was very proud of myself last weekend when I actually managed to not ruin a surprise. Mary made a surprise visit to Erica's new house, and Erica had no idea until Mary walked in the door.

The point is, I have a new secret so delicious, so very exciting, that all I want to do is tell EVERYONE who crosses my path. Only five people know. One of them is my co-conspirator and two of the others are my parents. If all goes as planned, I think I can finally spill the secret to everyone else I know sometime in January*. I would tell everyone now, but there are some people I don't want to know because I know them, and I know that out of jealousy or just plain meanness they would try to bring me down and shit all over my plans and I really don't want shit all over my shiny, new plans yet.

Anyway. There it is. I don't think I've ever been this excited about anything and I can't wait until I can tell everyone.

I know myself, though. I wouldn't be surprised if sometime next week I spill my secret all over the internets.

*Just for the record, I am not pregnant, I am not secretly married, I am not GETTING married, and I am not having a sex change operation.