Thursday, November 20, 2008

If I advance any higher in this company, then this would be my career. And well, if this were my career I'd have to throw myself in front of a train.

I often worry that I'm not a good enough person. I think I'm a good person, despite all the cursing and the talk about punching babies. After all, it's mostly all talk. I'd never punch a baby in the face, unless I traveled back in time somehow and punched Baby Hitler in the face, but he's totally asking for it. No, I don't worry that I'm not a good person, I worry that I'm not a good ENOUGH person. I worry that I'm not living up to my full potential, and that, even though I volunteer a couple days a month, I feel like I could be doing more for people.

I got kind of bummed this morning. It's becoming more and more obvious that, once we've converted all of our software and our company is officially taken over by the new one, my job will be all but obsolete. The thought of not having this job anymore doesn't really depress me, the thought of having NO job depresses me. This job is not as challenging as I thought it'd be when I started, or maybe I've gone as far as I can here, so the whole losing-my-job thing would be a good thing. Except, that not-having-any-money thing would kind of suck. And finding a new job has been a lot harder than I thought it would be. I mean, HELLO, why do they not recognize that I have super awesome skills (not just mean internet-surfing skills) and ALSO I would entertain them with funny stories and sarcastic comments on a daily basis, MUCH like a class clown. Or court jester. One of those.

A lot of the times, I think about doing something and then come up with a long list of reason why NOT to do it. I would like to stop this. The next time someone says they're having a James Bond movie night and I have a math test the next day (wtf?) I'm going to say, "Fuck the math, I'll be there." And the next time I see a job and think, "That sounds awesome, but I'm not sure I'm qualified," I'm going to say, "Fuck the qualifications, I'm applying anyway."

If they call me for an interview, though, I'm going to try not to say fuck in front of them.

11 comments:

  1. Good call on the not saying fuck in the interview. It's just not something you say on the first date with a new company.

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  2. Cousin Candice1:35 PM

    let me tell you about the applying for jobs... sucks. The good thing about applying for jobs you're not qualified for, it's like free phone interview practice. You know you're not getting the job, they know they're not giving you the job. But you get to practice your answers for realsies.

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  3. unemployment checks are free money and it's real money too. You might be able to get one of those.

    I want to punch baby hitler too.

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  4. I would hire you for any job you wanted.

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  5. Abigail2:22 PM

    I would totes hire you too.

    Also, I kind of home that someday I'm at a job interview and the interviewer says fuck first and I'll be all, "you're my people! hire me!"

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  6. I always say that it's better to be a class clown than an ass clown. That's what I always say.

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  7. good luck!

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  8. I'm pretty sure I dubbed it 2008: Why Not? So you still have over a month to stop studying for math tests.

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  9. But if they expect you to say fuck, you might not get the job.

    Also, interviews make my mouth dry, so I always fail when it comes to the kissing part.

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  10. I don't want to get your hopes up at all, but I did want to share this:

    http://www.hewittassociates.com/Intl/NA/en-US/Default.aspx

    This is the company I work for, an HR outsourcing company. The fact that you've been working in HR could be your foot in the door. I have absolutely no idea if there are any jobs in your area, but I know we have offices all over the country. And as far as I'm aware, we're actually still hiring unlike some companies. (You can also totally ignore this, and I won't be offended, but I figured it sort of kind of had a link to what you've been doing right now.)

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  11. S, thanks! I will definitely check this out. I'll take all the help I can get.

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