My own personal Avengers

Sometimes I feel like I spent most of my day wishing I was best friends with some fictional person or another. I spend the rest of the day wondering which fictional characters I would want on my side in a fight. Not just a fight fight, like with general fisticuffs and whatnot, but a fight with an alien or a vampire or GOD FORBID a battle with a rising zombie army. I mean, sure, I would love to hang out with Bridget Jones or Jo March but I don't think either one of them is going to be that great at helping me kill a werewolf. I think Jo would be game and would probably put a lot of effort into it, but I'm not sure that, between the two of us (Bridget, obviously, would be cowering under a table somewhere, clutching a bottle of vodka), we'd be able to overpower and defeat a werewolf. Maybe a regular wolf, a wereless wolf, but a werewolf? We'd get out throats ripped out.

That's why I've been gathering fictional fighters for my own personal protection squad. These are not necessarily people I'd want to hang out with in my spare time (ahemBUFFY), although I would LOVE to hang out with some of them in, like, all of my spare time (ahemTHE DOCTOR) but ANYWAY, my point is, I think all of them would be able to protect me from zombies, and really, isn't that all you want out of your friends bodyguards? Yes. Besides, despite even my most logical arguments, Joe won't let me get a gun so I can protect us during the inevitable zombie apocalypse that is probably going to happen any second now, so this personal protection squad is totally necessary until Joe caves.

Starbuck 

Pros: Is a badass, knows how to use a lot of different weapons, can come back from the dead (or something)

Cons: Is drunk all the time

Hermione Granger   

Pros: Knows all the magic, cool under pressure

Cons: Is usually pretty busy saving Ron and Harry

Buffy Summers 

Pros: Can protect against vampires and other demony things

Cons: So whiny

Ellen Ripley 

Pros: Will come in handy if the scariest aliens ever attack Earth

Cons: Is dead, I think? I can't remember what happened in the last movie(s).

Batman 

Pros: Has lots of gadgets, cool car, own sidekick, is a self-made superhero TAKE THAT SUPERMAN

Cons: Has that weird, growly voice thing going on right now

Fox Mulder 

Pros: Has seen a lot of crazy shit, knows about paranormally things, I would probably get to hang out with Scully, too

Cons: Drops his gun all the time, has tendency to die a lot

The Doctor  

Pros: has a sonic screwdriver, comes with a variety of companions PLUS sexy TARDIS, can regenerate if necessary
Cons: NONE

You're not who you are, you're only what other people think you are. Fishism.

Netflix recently announced that it was releasing several new (well, old) TV shows on Netflix Instant, which is awesome because every season of Bones, Ugly Betty, Doctor Who, The X-Files, Lois & Clark, Grey's Anatomy, Futurama, and Better Off Ted were getting really lonely in our queue.

The two shows I was most excited about were Ally McBeal and The Wonder Years. I mean, I've been wishing for them to put The Wonder Years back on TV for years, possibly since they took it off of the air, oh, whenever that was. I used to come home from school and watch The Wonder Years reruns alongside The Fresh Prince of Bel-air and Saved by the Bell. Unfortunately, the last time I looked, it still hadn't been released on Netflix Instant. I'M WAITING, NETFLIX. And I'm hoping that The Wonder Years won't send me spiraling into an existential crisis and if you're wondering what I'm talking about then PLEASE READ AHEAD.

Ally McBeal was available on Netflix Instant last week, so I added every season to our queue, much to Joe's chagrin. But whatever, I've only been watching it when he's not home. I watched this show back when it was first on and LOVED it, so I was interested to see if and how my opinion had changed. The first season aired when I was but a wee high school sophomore (yikes) and, at the time, I loved the whimsy and the singing and the, I don't know, the BALLS OUT CRAZY.

But, if I'm being completely honest, I find it a bit cringe-worthy to watch now. Almost like I feel when I read my journal from high school. That dancing baby thing totally creeps me out. I find Ally to be extremely annoying and I spend most of the time hoping a strong gust of wind blows her into oncoming traffic. But, I mean, Robert Downey Jr. shows up in a later season and, if I remember correctly, he sings at least once, so that's something to look forward to.

The thing that freaks me out the most, though, is that Ally is supposed to be 27 in the first season. WHICH IS WEIRD. I thought she was so old when I watched this show in high school and I thought that, surely, by the time I was her age, I would have all my shit figured out.

Well, I'm two years past the age she is on the show and I most definitely do not have my shit figured out. In fact, I often wonder at which point I will have my all of my ducks in a row, at least career-wise. I don't even have any ducks! WHERE ARE MY DUCKS?  

This troubles me. I need to take a moment.

show me that smile again

I went to Zumba (yes, ZUMBA) on Saturday for the first time. While I spent several songs marching in the wrong direction and flailing my arms about wildly, I enjoyed it and I'm going back tonight. It tricks you into exercising and it turns out exercising is good for you. Who knew? Anyway, the plus side of going to this Zumba class is that there's no set cost, it's all just donations to the instructor, AND it's really close to my house. The negative is that it's at a church, not that that's bad, but there are some churchy elements. Like scripture reading before the class starts (but it's short) and I'm pretty sure there were one or two Christian rock songs played during the class, but I was too busy trying not to run into people or fall down to really notice. This said, I don't really care because while I am not churchy, I do not begrudge others their churchiness (I don't know).

AND. The instructor told us before the class started that Kirk Cameron was coming to give a talk about marriage or preparing for the End Times or something, I don't know, I wasn't really listening because I was too busy mouthing, "OMG MIKE SEAVER MIKE SEAVER!" to Nancy while my 18-year-old cousin just stared at us blankly because I'm pretty sure she doesn't know who Mike Seaver is. The shame, the shame.

Anyway, I'm trying to decide if it's worth the price of the ticket to possibly accost see Mike Seaver in person. Probably not.

So, yeah, since I went to Zumba, it meant getting up early (on Saturday!) and regretting my decision to drink coffee beforehand. It was fun, though, and the fact that I keep telling people I'll meet them there means I can't flake out unless I have a really good excuse. Wanting to stay home and watch The Soup is not a good (enough) excuse.

After Zumba, I went home and was faced with this tough decision: Do I continue being productive since I'm already up and aboot? Or do I reward myself for getting up early with TV and loafing? The answer was a little of both, because Joe and I finally went to the bank to begin the long, arduous process of merging our moneys, but when we got home, I watched an episode of Doctor Who and two episodes of Grey's Anatomy (from season 2, when it was still good...ish).

I was about to start the next episode when Joe called and was all, "...um...so...I found a dog," and it was one of those times where I just wasn't sure how to react. I thought he was calling to tell me he was on his way home, not that Max might soon have a new friend. But, no, this dog was wearing tags, so we couldn't in good conscience keep her forever and hug her and squeeze her and call her George.

At first I was like, "take her to SICSA, maybe?" hoping they'd know what to do and then I remembered that I had a computer in front of me, and everyone knows that Google can solve anything. I got on SICSA's website, which led me here in a matter of CLICKS. Apparently, if you find a lost dog, you can find the owner's address and phone number just by entering the dog's tag number. I had no idea our county did this. I'd imagine your county does the same.

I plugged in the tag number and luckily the owner's current information was in there. I called them and a little girl answered the phone. I told her my name and that my husband had found a dog and that's when she squealed, "THEY FOUND CHRISTY!" and my heart melted. They didn't live far from us so I called Joe and told him where he could return the dog, and he said the whole family was outside in the front yard, waiting for him to bring their dog back. I want to cry a little, you guys, WHAT THE HELL. Anyway, I think our Dog Karma is really high now, so hopefully if Max ever gets lost (NOOOOOO), he'll find his way back to us, or someone will find his way back to us FOR him.

"Smart" Kids: new Lois & Clark review

New review on Joe & Jennie in the Morning! Lois and Clark investigate some super smart kids who are trying to take over Metropolis, but they don't really seem all that smart. Sure, they outsmart Lois, but how hard is that, really?

The latest on Joe and Jennie in the morning!

1. Joe reviews Lois & Clark: episode 4!

2. I review Lois & Clark: episode 5!

3. I review The X-Files: Pilot! and! Deep Throat! (as Joe said, The X-Files episode, not the porno)

big ball of wibbly-wobbly...timey-wimey...stuff

I changed my ringtone to the Doctor Who theme and waited and waited for someone to call me so I could hear it and guess what? Not a lot of people call me. Or if they do, they somehow wait until I'm sleeping or in the bathroom or whatever.

Also! My text alert noise is now that VROP noise that the Tardis makes when it appears. Or disappears. Whatever. I forgot about it until Monday, when I was sitting on the sofa and SUDDENLY THE TARDIS WAS LANDING IN MY LIVING ROOM. Except not. Because it was just a text. I may have gotten excited and this conversation may have happened:

Me: I heard my new Tardis text message noise today for the first time.
Joe: Um, OK.
Me: I forgot I changed it, though, and for a minute I thought the Tardis was landing.
Joe: Sigh.

It could happen, you guys, I swear.

So I started writing this yesterday and totally forgot about it. I blame the drugs. For real, the drugs. It's cough medicine, sure, but I still think it's a valid excuse. I was home sick on Monday and took an actual sick day, rather than trying to get work done from home which is what I normally do. Instead, I finished season 5 of Weeds and watched The Office (British version) Christmas special because I wanted to see Tim and Dawn get together. Yeah, that's pretty much the only reason I watched it. Anyway, I was home again on Tuesday because of all the weather and by weather I mean COLD AND SNOW. There are some perks to working so far from home, and being able to work from home because the roads are too snowy/icy is one of them. If I had an SUV or something, I could probably make it in easily but I don't, I have a car that is basically a glorified sled and while I don't mind sliding around all lanes of the highway, the other drivers do. I can't imagine why. My car is bright green, JUST GET OUT OF MY WAY.

I totally forgot to tell you guys something really important, probably because I was too busy talking about Jack Black the time traveler and cat poop, but Heidi (and Nicole!) got engaged over Christmas. You may remember Heidi from such entries as Upside Down Oven Knob and inappropriate conversations about Full House. Sometimes I wonder how we turned into people who get married and adopt animals and buy houses and remodel bathrooms and I get a little sad remembering our crazy days of drinking until 5 in the morning and eat cupcakes for dinner. Then I remember that I spent New Years Eve running around the beach acting like a dinosaur AND I legitimately thought that a time traveling police box might be landing in my living room and I realize not so very much has changed.

Joe and Jennie in the morning

NOT ONLY did Joe and I watch the entire first season of Community this past weekend, but we also started a new blog.  It's HERE.  We'll be reviewing TV shows and whatnot.  We started with Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman because we were both obsessed with it as tiny children.  Come play with us! 

Welcome to Fluffytown. No smoking, no farting, no pillow fights.

Prompt: Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?

You know, you CAN say it backwards, which is "docious-ali-expi-istic-fragil-cali-rupus," but that's going a bit too far, don't you think?

Fictional characters I wanted to be when I was a child (aged 5 - 12ish):

1. Red Fraggle

She had pigtails. I had pigtails. It was totally meant to be.

2. Punky Brewster

See above, re: pigtails.

3. Rainbow Brite

I actually had a rainbow belt when I was little. I'd wear it with my red suspenders and my red, heart-shaped sunglasses. The belt had a heart clasp and, when I wore it, I'd pretend I was Rainbow Brite and wish that my belt could shoot a rainbow out of it, but I must have run out of Star Sprinkles because it never did.

4. Princess Leia

Except I was always jealous that she never got a light saber.

5. Vada Sultenfuss (My Girl)

OK, so I didn't really want to live above a funeral parlor and I DEFINITELY didn't want my BFF to die of bee stings OH MY GOD, MOVIE, BE SADDER, NO I DARE YOU. Ahem. But Vada was sassy and quirky and also had an awesome mood ring that I coveted. I don't know why, maybe I wanted to wear it with my Rainbow Brite belt.

6. Belle from Beauty & the Beast

Have you SEEN that library? SWOON.

7. Mary Poppins

Um, she could fly. And she had a magic bag that she could hide tons of shit in, very much like the bag Hermione enchants in Deathly Hallows. When you think about it, Mary Poppins is kind of like a witch without a magic wand.

8. Meg Murry (A Wrinkle in Time)

She seemed so unsure of herself, like, all the time and DUH, of course I identified with that, but then she goes on a wicked awesome adventure to save her father, which is totally brave and awesome. Plus, we both wore really awkward glasses and yet a boy still liked her, so it gave me hope that maybe someday a boy would like me, too. OMG, I just made myself totally sad, oops. Poor, awkward, little Jennie.

9. Dorothy Gale

I think I wanted to be her most of all. The Wizard of Oz was my favorite movie when I was a kid ('cept for maybe E.T.) and I thought Oz was probably the most magical place in the world. Maybe I hadn't seen Willy Wonka yet, I don't know, but still. My dad even made me my own pair of ruby slippers. They were my most prized possession, until my feet grew too big for them, but I hung onto them for a long time even though they didn't fit. Even as an adult, I've often wished for some ruby slippers. I have some red shoes, but I've tried, and they never send me home when I click my heels three times.

10. Marion Ravenwood (Raiders of the Lost Ark)

SHE IS SO BADASS, YOU GUYS.

speaking of Tool Time...

Today I want to talk to you guys about something very important. Something that was once very, very close to my heart.

Today I want to talk to you about...Jonathan Taylor Thomas. OH, YEEAAAAAAAAAAH. JTT 4 EVA!!1!!1!

Ahem. Jonathan Taylor Thomas was my first love, the personification of all of my tween dreams, and it's only fitting that I give him a proper send off as I will soon pledge my heart to another blah blah blah.

I fell in love with Jonathan Taylor Thomas in the early 90s, when he appeared on a little show called Home Improvement. MAYBE YOU'VE HEARD OF IT. (I don't know.) Anyway. He was perfect, in my young eyes, and I knew that if only I could meet him, we'd fall deeply in (12-year-old) love because...um, we were almost the same age? I don't know, I'm pretty sure that when I was 12, I thought that was all it took. Same age.

Whatever, the case, I was in love and obsessed. Perhaps my obsessions with The X-Files and Mr. Darcy and Pam and Jim should have come as no surprise given my love for all things JTT.

When I was in sixth grade, my bedroom walls were PLASTERED with posters and pictures from such fine periodicals as: Tiger Beat and BOP and BBOP or whatever the hell they were all called. I used to buy them all whenever my mom would take me with her to Kroger. I'd stand in the magazine aisle, digging through them, searching for the best one. They were always on the bottom shelf, lined up together, tween boy faces gazing out at me between the coloring books and the crossword puzzles.

I'd flip through each magazine unless JTT was on the cover, then (OBVIOUSLY) I'd buy that one. He usually was on the cover, right next to Jonathan Brandis (RIP), Andrew Keegan (meh), and Rider Strong (double meh). Sometimes, OH SOMETIMES, the magazine would have a giant, fold-out poster inside of it. That was like finding a pot of gold and digging through that pot of gold to find, like, CHOCOLATE-COVERED GOLD.

My love did not stop at magazines, oh no. I would tape episodes of Home Improvement, new and syndicated, so I could watch the best Randy moments (heh) over and over. My favorite was the episode where there was something wrong with Randy (like, medically) because JTT was all, "I AM AN AC-TOR," in it and I was like, whoa, dreeeeamy. Randy was always my favorite of the Taylor brothers because Brad was, well, a moron and the little one was too young for me and also kind of weird. But Randy was the smart brother and so I was IN. LOVE.

I watched The Lion King over and over because JTT was the voice of Young Simba. I saw Man of the House in the theater and whenever we'd go to Blockbuster, I'd beg my parents to rent it. IT'S SO BAD, YOU GUYS. But I loved it, mostly because of JTT but also because they were in Indian Guides in the movie and I was totally an Indian Princess when I was a kid (Jennie + JTT = MFEO). My name was Little Star. I was in the Fox tribe. I...I'm going to stop talking now.

I don't know what happened to JTT or his career (other than a random episode of Veronica Mars) but my love has obviously faded. (LUCKY FOR JOE.) But I have to admit, I will 4-EVA have a Tiger Beat fold-out poster hanging deep in my heart for Randy Taylor.

I'M A ROBOT. I'M GONNA TALK LIKE A ROBOT*

As so often happens in Ohio IN THE SPRING, it snowed last night. Weird snow, too. Annoying snow. I mean, more annoying than usual. It rained all day yesterday and then got really cold last night, so my car was a big ice cube this morning PLUS there was snow all over it. Stupid buttface snow.

It took me forever to get to work. I mean, not REALLY forever, otherwise I'd still be driving, right? And I couldn't post this if I were driving. Or can you do that now? I'm so behind on technology.

The only reason I'm forgiving Ohio for snowing all over the place is that it's Friday. Friday and payday. I can't be in a bad mood on payday Friday. Or any Friday, really, because the Fridays that aren't payday Fridays? I'm off work. Win win win.

I packed like crazy last night, like I was a crazy packing robot. Like Bender but instead of bending things, I pack things. So I'm Packer, but not Packer from The Office because he's a dick. Um.

SO. I packed stuff while I watched Chuck and now I'm finally FINALLY caught up. Chuck is one of those shows that I don't really miss if I forget to watch it, but then whenever I watch it I realize how good it is. But then the next week, I forget to watch it again and am all, "meh." What's that about? Yeah, I don't know either! Things I do know:

• I would like to see more of Chuck in just a towel, please
• Sarah and Superman might be the hottest couple ever in the history of the world
• Except maybe Ellie and Awesome (I just can't decide!)

In other news, I wish today would go super fast so Joe and I can paint. WHY AM I EXCITED ABOUT PAINTING? That's another thing I don't know.

*Does anyone get this? I love you forever, if you do

spoiler-free squeeing about Jim + Pam = 4eva!!!1!11!!1!!*

OMG YOU GUYS OMG OMG OMG. Sigh. OK. I am OMGing for two reasons. 1) THE OFFICE. I heart that show so hard. Last night's episode pretty much turned me into a crying, laughing, gooey mess, which can be...uncomfortable. It actually made me CRY INTO MY BEER, something I don't think I've ever done before on account of drinking beer is a happy occasion. That episode, the ending in particular, made me so happy, probably happier than a TV show should be able to make a person, but I don't care. Moving on. Thing 2) my work computer is trying to sabotage my every move. I spent most of this morning on the phone with IT trying to get the access right on this software they just gave me and did I mention it took all morning? Because it took all morning. So I got nothing done. And instead of working on stuff right now, I've decided to do something constructive and complain to the internets.

Anyway, I have to go now because I keep getting calls from people that THE WORLD IS ENDING except no, not really, and why would you call HR if the world was ending? We can't do anything without proper paperwork anyway. Leave me alone, employees.

OK. Keep your heads up, everyone. WORST. DAY. EVER. Week is almost over.

*sorry

this is all I got, Internets, until work stops melting my brain

While watching The Nightman Cometh (a Charlie Kelly original musical, duh):

Me: This is insane. Although...it makes just about as much sense as The Hazards of Love.

Kristi Yamaguchi okaaaaay*

Sometimes I do not understand song lyrics. Like, the other day, Heidi and I were in the car and this happened:

Me: What are they saying? Are they saying, "I broke her face?"
Heidi: Um, no. They're saying, "my poker face."
Me: Ooooooh!

And if I don't know the song lyrics, I will still sing along. I'll either make up my own secret language (it sounds a lot like Adam Sandler gibberish) or I'll hum along. Badly. Joe hates this.

Me: I like this song.
Joe: Do you know this song?
Me: No. LAAAAALAAA . . . OOOOOOOH DADADADADA!
Joe: Why do you ruin music I love?

Anyway, I really have no point, other than apparently I kill wonder AND music. Watch out, Disney.

All week long, I've thought it's Friday. This is problematic, because when I realize it's not Friday, I want to throw myself on the floor and have a little tantrum. They frown on this at work. I found that out when they tried to tell me I couldn't wear jeans on Fridays and I threw my chair, sat on the floor, and told them I wasn't doing any work until I GOT MY CASUAL DAY BACK. I also threatened to hold my breath until I passed out but no one cared. Also, none of that really happened.

Last night, Joe came over and we made dinner, only we had to go to the grocery first because I'm never prepared for actual cooking. We ended up making a relatively healthy meal (angel hair pasta with red peppers, mushrooms, and tomatoes PLUS ALSO some chicken that took FOREVER TO COOK AND I WAS SO HUNGRY) and then ruined it with cupcakes and chocolate chip cookies. Oh, did I say "ruined it" because what I meant was "made it even more awesome YUM COOOOOOOKIES." Then we watched The West Wing. Maybe some of you (OK, Heather Anne) can give us some guidance on this. Joe only has the first four seasons of The West Wing and hasn't seen anything past that. I'd never seen any of it PERIOD until we started watching it. I'VE HEARD that maybe it's better to pretend the show ended after the fourth season. Is this true? Should I bother watching anymore? Please say I can just quit after season four, because Joe is getting Lost from Netflix and I'm pretty excited to rewatch everything so it all finally makes sense. That'll happen, right? Right? (Let's pretend, OK?)

*© Jeremy

blah blah blah, is it Friday yet?

I have been up past my bedtime every day this week KIND OF SORT OF because, hi, I'm 27, I don't HAVE a bedtime. But there is a specific time that I should probably go to bed so I'm not a raging bitch the next day. Unfortunately, this time is different every night, so I never know. Today could be a raging bitch day, but I can't tell yet. Probably not. I mean, I drove to work in the rain this morning and put up with people going 50 in the fast lane because OH MY GOD THE ROAD IS WET WE'RE ALL GONNA DIIIIIIIIIIIIIE, BROTHA! (oh, Desmond) and my mood is still OK. Wow, good story, Jennie.

I feel like I've done nothing this week but watch TV, and I blame it entirely on The Biggest Loser and Lost. It's not MY fault. Someone explain to me why The Biggest Loser needed to be on for three hours? That is completely unnecessary. I'm going to have to cut the cord on that one, I think. You know, next year, when it's on again. Lost, however, can be on for as long as it wants to, although I was a little underwhelmed with last night's finale. That is all I will say, in case certain people haven't watched it yet because they were at a hockey game. Hee. Thankfully, the long finales are over so I can go back to doing more important things in the evening, like wine tastings and reading and cookouts and (SIGH) . . . running. Blerg.

I know this will surprise you, Internets, but I am missing The Office finale tonight in favor of something much more exciting. That's right! I just said something was more exciting than The Office! It would have to be, you know, in order for me to miss my most favoritest show ever. ANYWAY. I'm missing The Office because Joe somehow wrangled one of his favorite singers into playing a small concert type thingie . . . in his apartment. That's right, I'm going to a show in Joe's apartment. I was told there would be home-baked cookies, too, and I KNOW there is beer there, so what else do I really need?

(Psst, nothing.)

If anyone is in the Dayton area tonight and would be interested in attending, shoot me an email. If I know you, I'll send you directions to Joe's apartment. If I don't know you, I'll send you directions to Joe's apartment provided your email isn't totally creepy so keep the creep to a minimum, OK? OK.

SPOILER: this post has no point

I feel like I'm neglecting my blog. I suppose it's because I am, especially compared to the days of yore, when I would post approximately eight times a day whether I had something to say or not. Things seem really busy right now, because, um, they just do, what with the changing jobs and the upcoming move and whatnot. My parents are out of town this week, and my sister is home with the dog so I've been visiting them every other day or so, and OF COURSE I'm taking her to a bar tonight. What else are big sisters for but supplying their younger siblings with free booze? Advice? I think not. I suck at advice. Anyway, last night we got dinner and then watched Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 and wouldn't you know it? Those pants traveled all over the place AGAIN! I actually totally heart those movies because I like all the actresses and also it makes me cry like 80 bajillion times and you know what? Sometimes I like for a movie to make me cry. Not like Hotel Rwanda cry, though. It took me about 24 hours to recover from that.

Tonight marks the fourth night this week I will be drinking and compared to weeks past, this is WAY WAY more than normal. Granted, the only night of drinking that led to drunken shenanigans was Wednesday night, and that was for RESEARCH. Or something. It led to this, anyway, and that's better than what most of my drunken escapades lead to, WHICH IS: yelling, running away from people, trying to climb things, sending mean emails, ETCETERA ETCETERA. Does everyone else think of Yul Brynner when they say/think that? I do. EVERY TIME.

On Monday, Wayne and Nancy had us over for steak and mashed potatoes and beer mug shaped cookies and on Tuesday, I volunteered with The Children, who did not want to talk about their dead loved-ones but INSTEAD wanted to play hide-and-seek-tag (wtf?) and throw Jenga pieces at each other, PLUS it was St. Patrick's Day and so obviously the only thing I could do once I left volunteering was go have some beers with my friends. I tried not to be too offended when Steve left 10 minutes after I got there but WTF STEVE? Why do you hate me? Hee.

It's not just my blog I'm neglecting. Aside from Lost, I've watched very little TV this week. I haven't even watched last night's episode of The Office and the weirdest thing is I DON'T EVEN CARE. I'm not sure what kind of TV-apathy disease I'm suffering from lately, but I'm sure it'll pass. Although, I kind of hope it's permanent and that's scares me because it's like I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO I AM ANYMORE.

I do know one thing, though. And it's that I. LOVE. CAPS LOCK.

Remember on Lost? When they met the Others?

It's snowing sideways. I don't even know why it's snowing. It's uncalled for. It got really warm and sunny and nice a couple weeks ago and so I just assumed winter was over. Which is really stupid considering I've lived in Ohio forever. The weather, it changes quickly here. When I moved in with Heidi, it was around April 20th or something, and I loaded all the crap from my old apartment into the moving truck on a Friday. It snowed. In April. And then the next day it was sunny and 65. This is what I mean when I say it was really stupid of me to think winter might be over.

Did anyone think Lost kind of sucked last night? Because I thought Lost kind of sucked last night. That said: SPOILER ALERT!

So, the episode opens and Kate, Hurley, and Jack are all back on the island and I was all "YESSSSSSS," although I was sort of curious about how, you know, they got back there. And then there was a flashback and it lasted the WHOLE EPISODE and I got pissed that things weren't moving faster. Also, wtf happened to Aaron? Did Kate lose him in a bet or something? And why did Ben look like he'd gotten in a fight with the smoke monster? How did Hurley know to be at the airport? Did Charlie tell him? Is that why he had a guitar? Is Charlie going to come back to life? Will he be less annoying if he does? WHY WON'T THIS SHOW ANSWER MY QUESTIONS? Anyway. Joe has been watching the show with me, which I'd imagine is really confusing for him considering he's never seen any of the other seasons. Sometimes he'll ask me a question and it goes something like this:

Joe: Who is that?
Me: Desmond.
Joe: Was he on the island?
Me: Yes, but he wasn't on the plane when it crashed.
Joe: Oh, so he was an Other?
Me: No.
Joe: . . .
Me: Heh.
Joe: But he was on the island.
Me: Yes, he sailed a boat there.
Joe: Oh.
Me: I think.

It's hard to answer questions when the backstory is so complicated that I can't even really remember because it's been 85 years since I've seen Season 1 and I've forgotten lots and lots of stuff. It's a good thing Joe has Netflix, he needs to catch up on Lost POST HASTE so he can tell me what's going on.

(cue Janice voice)

OH. MY. GAWD.

there were layoffs at work today, and so I'd rather talk about poop, thank you very much

Remember when I told you guys about the episode of Grey's Anatomy where the lady had a poop transplant? Apparently it's not as bullshitty as I thought it was. See?

tonight on Jeopardy!

Alex Trebek: Next category "German Words and Phrases."

Joe:  Nice.

Me:  ESSEN MEIN SCHEISSE!

Joe:  WOW.