Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Just call me Sawyer

So I was in a glass case of emotion pretty much all of last weekend and not just because of Ripley but because ALSO we bought a house. Or, you know, started the process of buying a house because, weirdly enough, it's not like going to the store and buying something and then it's yours. It's more like, you go to the store and ask to buy, say, a chocolate cake for a certain price and then the store is like, "hmm, no, how about this price," and you're like, "well...OK, that sounds reasonable," and then you sign a bunch of paperwork and maybe in a month or two, after some cake experts inspect the chocolate cake you want to buy, you can have it.

We are at the cake expert stage of home-buying, meaning we've signed all of our paperwork (I think?) and just have to wander around what will hopefully soon be our house with some strangers and cross our fingers that nothing is terribly wrong. I think I'm still wrapping my brain around the house thing because I found out about the house the same day I found out about Ripley, so my emotions were like a rollercoaster from Hell on crack WHATEVER THAT MEANS. I don't think it will feel real until we have the keys. That said, I have already started thinking about decorating and I don't even like decorating that much WHO AM I.

I sort of can't believe anyone sold us a house. I guess I've gotten really good at this grown-up ruse I've been pulling for the last ten years because apparently I look trustworthy. I don't FEEL trustworthy, though. I mean, this was happening while we waited for the realtor to gather our final paperwork:


Can you believe we were allowed to buy a house? I mean, seriously. Most of the time I feel like I'm pretending to be a grown up. Like, I don't really feel all that different now than I did ten years ago, so it's very disconcerting to me that I'm married and my friends are starting to have babies and I JUST BOUGHT A HOUSE. I don't feel old enough to do those things. I don't feel almost 30 but, I don't know, maybe I do, because who knows what almost 30 is supposed to feel like?

My mom said something on Saturday, when we got home from the vet and were sitting around moping, trying not to look at the dog toys littering the carpet. She said, "Can I be done being a grown up now? I don't like it anymore," and you guys, it was like the floor fell out from underneath me because I realized I'll probably feel like this forever. Like I'm pretending or pulling the world's longest con, hoodwinking the world into thinking I know what I'm doing.


  1. I remember going to grown-ups birthdays when I was a kid and they would always say, "I really don't feel this old..." and I thought it was a Peter Pan syndrome kind of thing. But lately I find myself telling people, "But, I don't FEEL 33!" Because, I totally can't believe I am that old.

    Although, a few years ago, I did start calling myself an adult. I don't know what happened, because nothing seriously grown-up occurred in my life, but I just started to feel like an adult. I think it is because I stopped looking for my life to "start" and just lived it. My choices, my life.

    Although, like your mom, I also want to hand it all over sometimes and let someone baby me.

  2. I can't really say for sure, but I think I might have that Peter Pan thing. Hee.

  3. I'm halfway through 38 and as a grown person nearing 40 I feel inclined to state, for the record, poopface buttshits. Seriously.


    So, yeah. Growing up. Maturity. Etcetera.

  4. what sir said. for serious.

    (also, congrats! can't wait to trade... stories.)

  5. Sir, thank you. I feel much better about life in general now. Hee.

    Kat, we have our inspection today. DOUBLE YIKES.

  6. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm going to feel like I'm faking it forever, too.

    Hope the inspection goes well! And I'm so very sorry about Ripley. Pets are so awesome... losing them is beyond the worst.

  7. Hmm. If everyone is faking it, does that just mean we're doing it right?