Thursday, September 15, 2011

violence is never the answer except for right now it totally is

Last week I talked about TV characters I'd like to hug so it's only right that now I talk about TV characters I'd like to PUNCH IN THE FACE. Or babymaker. Or BOTH! Yeah, both. This came up mostly because of numbers 4 and 5 below, because I feel like lately we are always watching either Friday Night Lights or Mad Men. Joe actually makes, like, strangley noises and punches the air (which is pretty entertaining) whenever number 4 is onscreen, flashing his smug face all over the place. But anyway. Dear all of you on this list, I PUNCH YOU IN YOUR STUPID BUTT FACE.

1. Colonel Tigh (and his wife), Battlestar Galactica


Remember that time he got drunk and said mean things to Starbuck? Or that other time he got drunk and said mean things to Starbuck? Or that time he got drunk and said mean things to everyone? Or that time he got drunk and declared martial law? Or that time he got drunk and threw President Roslin in jail? UGH. That guy needs a punch, right in his good eye.

2. Kate Austen, Lost

Hmm, yes, I would also like to throw mud at her face.

This one needs no explanation but I will offer this: she broke Nathan Fillion's heart and for that she gets PUNCHED.

3. Greg Harris, Mad Men

This guy is the worst. I hope he dies in Vietnam. It's hard to say why I hate him so without spoilering everyone so I'll stay quiet but I will say that I cheered and clapped when this happened:


4. JD McCoy's dad, Friday Night Lights

Congratulations, you've won first place in the PUNCH TO THE FACE contest you didn't even know you entered.

I forget his name but he is EVIL. He's like Buddy Garrity without a soul. He actually reminds me a lot of Aaron Echolls but, as far as I know, he's never murdered anyone. Maybe he's Aaron's brother or something. Do you think Friday Night Lights and Veronica Mars exist in the same universe? I hope they do, if only so one day Landry and Mac meet at college and get married and have the smartest, nerdiest babies ever.

5. Betty Draper, Mad Men

That's why her hair is so big. It's full of EVIL.

This one doesn't really require explanation, either. Grow up, Betty. PUNCH.

6. Diana Fowley, The X-Files

I forget where I found this but isn't the internet a magical place?

You might think this one is a little odd since A) the show has been off the air for the last hundred years and B) I think she ended up dying anyway, but NO. I will punch Diana Fowley in the face until the end of days. Although, really I should probably be punching Chris Carter for creating such an unnecessary Mulder-Scully-LoveTrain-Speedbump character in the first place, but he's not imaginary (?) so I can't put him on the list. Those are the rules according to the rules.

Also! I need to add someone to the list of TV people who need a hug and that person is WALTER BISHOP from Fringe because OMG he needs, like, a hug an hour or something. C'mon. Look at this face.

I'm sorry, I can't talk right now because I am crippled by sadness.

He should stop doing whatever he's doing with the vortexes and other universes (note: we are only about halfway through the third season) and invent a hugging robot instead. I actually think everyone on this show needs a hug (I volunteer for all Pacey-hugs!) but Walter the most.


  1. I just wrote a huge comment and then LOST IT. I will try to recreate.

  2. This is in no particular order:

    1. I'M SO HAPPY YOU'RE WATCHING FRINGE!!!! Season three is my very favorite. And it is a CRIME that John Noble has never been nominated for an Emmy.

    2. DIANA FOWLEY RAAAAAAAAAGE !(*#&$(@^#(%(*@#&(*Q#)$&@#$&@(#$@#(*$&@#)$(*&@#)$(*&@#)$@&#$)*#&@)$(*@&#)$(@#^!@&*%!#)%@%%^@#$)@#$_)()&)@(#*^$*&. I hate her stupid face.

    3. Greg is so going to die in Vietnam. It's going to happen.

    4. I actually really like Aaron Echolls, even though he's evil. Remember that time he turned on the TV right before being murdered, and he was all, "Hey, who's that handsome fellow?"

    5. Seasons one and two Tigh needed to be punched very badly, but after he lost his eye he was so badass.

  3. 1. It's true, he is so good. In general, I really like the show. I did not care for the Bellivia stuff but that's over now so it's all OK. Hee.

    2. I will always have Fowley Rage, I think. I like to pretend she doesn't exist because the rage probably isn't healthy.

    3. I HOPE SO. Is that terrible? I mean, he's fictional, so I think it's OK.

    4. OMG I always forget that happened. SO CRAZY.

    5. I want to punch his wife, too.