I thought I was done talking about wedding stuff two years ago

Did I tell you guys that Heidi is getting married? Because she is. In November. Long time readers already know that Heidi was my roommate for four years but for anyone new, just, um...read this.

I am the matron-of-honor and, as such, was responsible for some matronly duties this past weekend in the form of a bridal shower and bachelorette party. Luckily, there's also a maid-of-honor so we split the duties. Heh. Duties.

Can I talk for a moment about what a horrible term "matron-of-honor" is? MATRON. Maid is so much better. It's like the difference between "miss" and "ma'am" and now that I think about it, I started getting ma'amed a lot more once I got married. Granted, it's probably because I'm getting old, not because I'm wearing a ring where there once was NAUGHT but whatever shut up this is my story and I'll complain if I want to.

Anyway. This weekend was in the works for months and months and yet (this will surprise, um, no one) I still left some stuff for the last minute. It's not really fair, though, because it's just that I thought of a couple awesome ideas at the last minute and what? Should I NOT execute those just because I might not have time? THIS IS HEIDI WE'RE TALKING ABOUT PEOPLE. I'd take a bullet for Heidi so the least I could do was run my fingers ragged searching Pinterest and etsy and Amazon.

SPEAKING of Pinterest, I don't think I'd have been able to plan anything without it. I signed up for Pinterest when it first became a thing, because I was unemployed and bored, but the novelty wore off for me rather quickly. It seems I need a project if I'm going to use it on the regular, apparently, because I Pinterested the shit out of this bridal shower. And it was easy because everything was wine themed. Because it was at a winery. And wine is delicious NECTAR OF THE GODS. Or something.

Anyway. Again. I mostly want to show off all my sweet ideas right now, although I didn't really help much with the execution of any of them. That's why you have talented friends and family, right? So they can just do this stuff for you? But to make things more helpful, I thought I'd also provide a handy How To Throw a Wine Themed Wedding Shower because who doesn't love lists? ASSHOLES, THAT'S WHO. So here:

1. Venue! 

People need a place to drink and you have to provide it. It's cheapest to do this at someone's house but if you're inviting 30 people, maybe find a winery? That's what I did, anyway.

2. Wine! 

Get some.

And food, I guess, but that's not as important as the wine.

3. Cake! 

Make a cake. Better yet, hire someone to make an exact replica of a wine-themed cake you found on Pinterest.

4. Favors! 

Don't buy pre-made ones, no matter how tempting, because they are way overpriced and lower quality than what you're expecting. Don't argue with me! Make them yourself YOU LAZY ASSHOLE.

Ahem. This is pretty obvious, but wine glasses make good wine-themed wedding shower favors. You can find tons of them at the dollar store or, if you don't need as many or aren't worried about them matching, you can find them even cheaper at the thrift store. I bought wine glasses, we dipped them in chalkboard paint (like this tutorial), wrapped some votive candles in ribbon (in the bride's colors), and put the votives inside the wine glasses. Like so:

(Special thanks to my friends who basically did all this work for me while I stood around and refilled wine glasses and chips and salsa.)

5. Centerpieces! 

If you need them. I thought we'd need them, so I saved empty wine bottles for a while and Joe created awesome labels for them. Then I shoved some daisies in there and voila! Centerpieces:

Just, you know, picture these with daisies in them.

6. Invitations! 

Outsource these to etsy or something. You can buy templates pretty cheaply and print everything at Staples. OR if you know a graphic designer, you can make them do it all for you. Either way. I sort of did both of these things because Nancy did all of this for me.

7. Games! 

Ha, just kidding. No but for real, games at any kind of shower are almost always a mistake. I did, however, want some sort of activity (other than wine-drinking) so I found some "Advice for the Bride and Groom" madlibs (again) on etsy. They were adoraballs and a big hit AND came with a display card so...win win win.

That's it, really. You're all done, 'cept for the partying.