"I use him to hunt moose!"

This is the conversation Joe and I had this morning as we were getting ready for work. As is the case with most of our morning conversations, I babble at a still-half-asleep Joe while he responds with a lot of one syllable answers and a general air of what-the-fuckery.

Me: Do you wanna hear about the dream I had last night?
Joe: Sure.
Me: Well. I was looking through all these dogs that needed to be adopted, right?
Joe: OK.
Me: And there was this one dog. I don't know what kind of dog it was but in my dream I kept calling him a Norwegian Elk Hound.
Joe: WTF? Is that even a real dog?
Me: I think so? I don't know what they look like but Mulder talks about one in an episode of The X-Files.
Joe: Oh, of course.
Me: Anyway, it was just one of those really big dogs with really long legs and a kind of a pointy, fuzzy face? Like, if it put its paws on your shoulders, it'd be taller than you.
Joe: Like Marmaduke.
Me: Sure, whatever. Anyway. This dog's name was Mutt.
Joe: OK.
Me: And he only had one eye! So I wanted to adopt him.
Joe: What?
Me: And we were really worried about Max not liking him because Mutt was a boy dog but we introduced them to each other and Max loved him!
Joe: Aww.
Me: So that's what I dream about now. Adopting one-eyed dogs named Mutt.
Joe: I love you.
Me: ANYWAY. I'm going to get on Petfinder today and see if I can find a giant, one-eyed dog named Mutt.
Joe: Um...
Me: COME ON WHAT IF I FOUND ONE WE'D HAVE TO GET HIM.

*****

OK, after Googling pictures of Norwegian Elk Hounds, I can safely say that is NOT the kind of dog I'm looking for.

I'm not Mutt BUT I'M SO PRETTY. 

This dog looks more like Mutt, only Mutt only has ONE EYE, remember? Please remember, you have to help me find him.

This could be Mutt's relative, who knows.

For your reference, here is what Mutt probably looks like currently. Be on the lookout!

Arrrrrrrrrr, matey!

“If you don’t like what’s being said, change the conversation.”

So remember all that hail we got during the tornado? OMG REMEMBER THE TORNADO? Ahem. Joe's car was damaged, obviously, because it was pelted by about a billion golf ball-sized pieces of ice, so it's in the shop being fixed right now. It's good timing, because I have another week or so of blissful unemployment, so I can drive him to and from work. It's really cutting into my sleeping in schedule, as well as my sitting around, doing nothing schedule, because I know I have to be showered and dressed by 4:30 so I can go pick him up. Those of you who have been unemployed for an extended period of time understand how it can be difficult to accomplish such a small feat as SHOWERING before 4:30 in the afternoon, especially when you have a bunch of episodes of Friday Night Lights to watch. ANYWAY.

It's been kind of nice, because we're stuck in the car together for at least forty minutes a day, with no internet or TV or ADORABLE PUPPY to distract us, so it's prime talking time. Except that, in the morning anyway, he's still half-asleep and I haven't had any coffee yet, so our conversations are less than stellar. Like, this morning, we had a conversation (I...actually I wouldn't even call it a conversation) that consisted of each of us saying "WHAT?" over and over in different ways.

Allow me to explain. Do you watch Mad Men? Why don't you watch Mad Men? Anyway, Don Draper, he says "what" a lot. See:



Now. Do you watch Doctor Who? WHY THE HELL DON'T YOU WATCH DOCTOR WHO? Anyway. The 10th Doctor? He of The Tennant? He also says "what" a lot, in funny ways. Unfortunately, no one has put all of them together in one video so here:



and



So, right, our conversation went something like this:

Jennie: [babbling about something stupid]
Joe in Don Draper voice: WHAT.
Jennie in Don Draper voice: What?
Joe in Doctor voice: WHAAAT?
Jennie in Doctor voice: WHAT.
Both: WHAT? OKAAAAAY. 

And so on and so forth. For like five minutes.

We found out yesterday that, even though his car was supposed to be done by now, it might be another week or so. At first I was all, "WHAAAAAAAT? NO MORE GETTING UP EARLY FOR NO RAISIN!" but I do enjoy our nonsensical conversations first thing in the morning. So maybe it's good that we'll have another week of them. WHAT.

Whoever wields this hammer, if he be worthy, shall possess the power of Thor. (ATTENTION: SPOILERS AHEAD)

It is a truth universally acknowledged (um, in our house anyway), that I know little to nothing about comic book stuff and Joe knows, well, everything. We saw Thor last and I had some follow up questions regarding Thor, The Avengers, and the previews for X-Men: First Class. And I thought HEY! Maybe other people have the same questions! Or maybe they want to laugh at how little I know about comics. Win win win!

Anyway, read on and be educated:


1. The Cosmic Cube

Jennie: So, what was that thing at the end of the credits?

Joe: The Cosmic Cube. It’s basically a source of unlimited power, I’m not sure how it works, and the Red Skull is always after it.


2. Where my bitches at?

Jennie: I was expecting an Avengery person to be in Thor but I didn't remember that Jeremy Renner was an Avenger.

Joe: Yeah, I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want to spoil it.

Jennie: And he's...The Green Arrow?

Joe: No, Hawkeye. The Green Arrow is DC, Hawkeye is like Marvel's answer to The Green Arrow.

Jennie: Oh. I get all the Green people mixed up. Hornet, Lantern, Arrow, IT'S CONFUSING.

Joe: Haha.

Jennie: OK, so the Avengers are Captain America, Iron Man, Hulk, Hawkeye but not Hawkeye from MASH, Captain America...

Joe: You said Captain America already.

Jennie: Oh...um, who are the rest?

Joe: You forgot Thor.

Jennie: Ha, oh yeah, duh. Are there any girl Avengers?

Joe: Well, there's Black Widow.

Jennie: UGH. Scarlett Johanssen.

Joe: Yeah. There's also The Wasp and Scarlet Witch. Scarlet Witch is Magneto's daughter.

Jennie: But they don't get their own movies.

Joe: Well...probably not.

Jennie: THAT'S BULLSHIT.

Joe: I agree.

Jennie: So what you're telling me is that the most high profile female Avenger right now is played by Scarlett Johanssen. Who cannot act.

Joe: I know, it's unfortunate.

Jennie: But she looks really good in the outfit, so I suppose that's all that matters.



3. Captain America is an old man

Jennie: OK, so, Captain America is in the new Avengers movie, right?

Joe: Yes.

Jennie: But in his movie, it's the 1940s?

Joe: True.

Jennie: Does he not age, or what?

Joe: Well...OK, this is kind of spoilery.

Jennie: I don't care.

Joe: At the end of World War II, Captain America and his partner get blown up by a bomb and Captain America is encased in ice.

Jennie: Oh yeah! Isn't there a scene in one of the other movies where they show him in Antarctica or something.

Joe: Yeah, at the end of The Hulk, Edward Norton goes to Antarctica to kill himself--

Jennie: Downer.

Joe: And the camera swings quickly over Captain America frozen in ice.


4. Nicholas Hoult is totally old now

Jennie: So, that one X-Men character from one of the old movies, I don't remember what he was called, but he was played by Kelsey Grammar?

Joe: Yeah, Henry McCoy aka Beast.

Jennie: Is he in the new movie?

Joe: I think so?

Jennie: Is he played by the kid from About a Boy?

Joe: Yes! That's who it is...he plays Henry McCoy.

Jennie: Cool, I liked that guy.


5. Mystique's mothering skills

Jennie: And Mystique is in the new movie? But she's good?

Joe: Mystique was always bad, at least in the comics. Rogue, on the other hand, started off bad then turned good.

Jennie: Did you know Mystique is Nightcrawler's MOM?! WTF?

Joe: Yes.

Jennie: Why wasn't that in the movie, that's awesome!

Joe: I don't know. Mystique is also Rogue's mom.

Jennie: But adopted mom, right?

Joe: Right.


6. HULK SMASH

Jennie: So, The Incredible Hulk...he's an Avenger, but goes all crazy and is kind of bad, right, when he changes into The Hulk?

Joe: Well...yeah, sort of.

Jennie: How does that work?

Joe: They sort of...time his freakouts for when they need a bunch of stuff to be smashed.

Jennie: And then what, they have to like reign him in?

Joe: Pretty much. The Hulk has always more or less been a force of nature. He’s usually a mindless, rampaging monster. In the early issues of The Avengers, Hulk was on their side during the big battles, but the team also spent a lot of time just trying to keep him under control.


7. Me Thor, You Jane

Jennie: Jane and Thor are kind of like Tarzan and Jane, huh?

Joe: Um...sure.


Other fun facts (from Joe)!

1. There’s also Ant-Man, who was a founding Avenger, but he’s had his own movie in development for a while (by Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright!)

2. Captain America was not a founding Avenger. He joined in issue 4 when he was found frozen in ice and revived by The Avengers.

3. Hawkeye, Scarlet Witch, and Quicksilver, Scarlet Witch’s brother, all started off as villains before they joined The Avengers. Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver are twins and the children of Magneto.

I'm sure he has more fun facts than that but those are the only ones I know about. I hope you have found today's Avengers lesson beneficial.

In honor of Pride and Prejudice week over on Cowbirds in Love*

Me: I read that Anne Hathaway and James McAvoy are in talks to play Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.
Joe: Oh, yeah?
Me: ...yeah.
Joe: Is that bad?
Me: I just...I don't know if James McAvoy is right to play Mr. Darcy.
Joe: No?
Me: I don't think he's tall enough.
Joe: Wha?
Me: In my head, Mr. Darcy is really tall and I think James McAvoy is kind of short.
Joe: Haha, is he?
Me: Maybe he could stand on a box or something.

I think James McAvoy is totally dreamy but I don't know if he's Darcy dreamy. Mr. Bingley dreamy, maybe.

*thank you, srah, for introducing me to Cowbirds in Love