Saturday, September 24, 2005

I pee with the door open

Earlier today, as I was looking through boxes I still have not unpacked, I realized I've been living in my apartment for 5 months. There are a number of things I've been meaning to do here but I haven't gotten around to yet. The unpacked boxes, for instance, are full of stuff I have been meaning to either sell (eBay, Craiglist, watch out for the mess of crap I'm about to unleash) or toss in the dumpster. I have a guitar I would also like to unload, but I have no idea how much to ask for it. I can't play this guitar. I bought it in high school and have to admit now that back then I probably bought that particular one because it was so pretty. If that's not a good reason to buy a guitar, I don't know what is. That's what happens when you're in high school and you get paid every week but you don't have to pay rent or buy your own food. I'm not a very good saver. When it comes to money, anyway. I'm a very good saver of all other sorts of things.

Plastic bags? The cabinets under the kitchen sink are full of them. I have a box full of computer cords, phone cords, remotes to appliances I no longer have, and not one, but TWO DSL modems. I do not have DSL. I have all of my old notebooks and binders from school. Presents I never got around to giving. Candles. An M&M dispenser that is M&M-less. Video tapes full of TV shows I never watch. A lot of this stuff is hopefully headed for parts unknown (thank you, eBay), and even more of it I know I should throw away but I've always found it hard to do that. What if I need that Wittenberg binder full of paper? Not only that, but I would actually feel guilty about throwing some of this stuff away. It feels like I'm setting fire to a bunch of money or something. I could give it to Goodwill, I suppose, but I really don't think anyone wants or needs an old basket that has Gamma Phi Beta written all over it.

I still have not hung any pictures or shelves in my bedroom. I don't know if I'll even bother, now, since I don't know if I'll be renewing my lease. There are always dishes in the sink, I leave the bathroom dirty for far too long, and sometimes I eat cereal for dinner. I love living alone, I don't think there has been one moment where I've been lonely. It's quite the opposite, really. I love being by myself. My plans this weekend were that I have no plans. I watched movies all night last night and I haven't talked to another person all day today. I think I was more excited about doing nothing this weekend than I was about going to Chicago last weekend.

Sometimes I feel like I'm playing house. Except whenever we played house when I was little, I always wanted to be the adult. Or the dog (I don't know). Now, I'd rather be the kid. I think I was actually a lot more responsible when I was younger. I used to be timely, not forget to do things, I was reliable. People trusted me with their children. I will freely admit now that I am not very reliable anymore. I don't know when that happened. Maybe when it became legal for me to drink.

I don't mean to suggest that if you lend me your children they'd accidentally catch on fire or something. I'm pretty sure I could keep the kids uncharred for the time they were in my possession, but I can't promise that they'd eat well-balanced meals or take baths. It's two in the afternoon and I still haven't showered. I'm not wearing a bra or pants. I had coffee and peanut butter toast for lunch. The sink is full of dishes. My laundry basket is overflowing with clothes and I'm not sure if they're clean or not. My phone bill is a week late and I haven't unpacked from last weekend.

Still, I think I'm getting pretty good at this playing house thing.

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