Tuesday, September 13, 2005

things I have learned since getting a cat

  • When playing with a bug, it is more important to toy with it and keep it alive as long as possible, no matter how big of a scene your owner is making, with the screaming and the jumping from piece of furniture to piece of furniture.
  • The best time to play (loudly) and meow like a baby being horribly strangled is between the hours of 3 and 6 AM.
  • Similarly, the prime time to jump and start kneading on the owner's boobs is when she is either just about to fall asleep or when she is dead asleep.
  • If you don't feel like burying your poo in the litter box, the owner will do it for you.
  • If you feel the litter box is not clean enough for your dainty little feet, it is perfectly OK to pee on the owners favorite blanket. If there is no blanket within peeing distance, a pile of clothing left on the floor will also work.
  • Your tail is out to get you.
  • So is the shower.
  • And the garbage disposal.
  • Also? The vacuum.
  • If the owner vacates a chair, even for a split second to get up and stretch, you should immediately jump onto it.
  • The owner's bedroom closet is a mysterious and wonderous place. If she should open it, go inside and refuse to come out.
  • If you get hungry and your lazy owner is still sleeping, it is perfectly acceptable to put your cold, wet nose onto her face and meow as loud as is humanly (catly?) possible.
  • No matter what anyone tells you, YOU are in charge. Don't let your owner forget that.

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