dame it

What the hell is freaking Dame Judi Dench doing in a Vin Diesel movie, that will most likely suck all kinds of ass just like all his other movies?

Things would be so much better if they just stopped giving Vinnie movie roles altogether.

mmmbop indeed

Last night I had a dream about Hanson. And that's all I'm gonna say, because that's embarrassing enough.

The cicadas are coming. So far, our side of Kettering has been lucky because we haven't heard or seen anything even resembling a cicada. Except for that one night at dinner when my mom tried to make a cicada noise, but that hardly qualifies.

Today I saw a cicada in our yard. And when I was walking the dog one almost flew into my face.

They're heeeeee-eeeere.

Kate told me that if you see one with blue eyes, catch it because someone will pay you $1000 to research it. But if you do catch one, Kate and I get part of the profits. C'mon. It's only fair.

Reading: Best Enemies by Jane Heller, but I'm not sure I'm going to finish it because I can't stand the way she writes dialogue. No one talks like that.
Watching: O. Not the o-face, though.
Drinking: Water, which I just choked on and spit all over my floor. I'm such a lady.

see? this is why you don't whack people in the kneecap

Oh, Tonya. What happened?

Oh. Right. You had your husband hire someone to whack Nancy Kerrigan in the knee.

Good plan.

Ok, I think I have become addicted to reading. Which, I'll admit, is better than being addicted to alcohol or crack or something, but it's getting ridiculous.

I've gone to the library three times in the past two and a half weeks. I go even though I haven't finished the books I got the previous time, and every time I leave the library with more books than I returned. Right now, I have 14 library books in my possession. I would have more, but yesterday when I went to the library I only got to "King" in fiction before I couldn't carry any more books.

Nerd alert.

Reading: Personal Velocity by Rebecca Miller.
Watching: Emma.
Drinking: Coke aka Elixer of Life.

here kitty, kitty!

I took my dog for a walk earlier, and my sister went with me. From the moment we hit the sidewalk in front of our house until we returned all I heard was "Jennie, stop walking so fast . . . slow down, whine whine whine bitch bitch bitch." And every time I'd tell her to just go home already she'd say she was having fun.

By the time we got home, I wanted to smack her. But I restrained myself.

She got really mad because I took the dog through this wooded area by our house. She acted like we were doing some heavy-duty hiking, but there are clear cut paths everywhere. And it's not like I strayed from the paths, either. It just drove me nuts, because I mainly like hiking because it's quieter than walking through the park or around the block, but not today. Today all I heard was "I hate hiking. This place sucks. Why can't we just go home? Why are you walking so fast?"

Never again, friends. Never again.

We did see a raccoon with her babies. Well, my sister and I saw them. Ripley was clueless and she wandered around sniffing at whatever it was she smelled. It reminded me of the time Beau was visiting Witt, and we were walking around Weaver Chapel and we saw a raccoon. But I thought it was a cat at first. It wasn't though. It was a raccoon.

Yeah. That story is probably pretty pointless (ooh, alliteration) to anyone who wasn't there.

Oh well. You all had to read it anyway.

So there.

paging jennie's life

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says:
"Mel, I hate to break this to you, but Sex and the City is a fictional program." (Do you think that's a sign?)

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?

My closet door.

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?

Sex and the City. Shut up.

4. WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what the time is.

2:31 PM

5. Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?

2:41 PM

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?

My dog snoring

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?

About an hour ago, to let the dog out.

8. Before you came to this website, what did you look at?

My email.

9. What are you wearing?

Pajama bottoms with sheep on them. My Wittfest t-shirt from two years ago. And they don't match.

10. Did you dream last night?

Of course. But I don't remember any.

11. When did you last laugh?

Earlier, when I was watching TV and a preview for Dodgeball came on and Ben Stiller said, "real FREAKY naughty." The way he says it cracks me up.

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?

Shelves. All of my posters and pictures are in storage. It's very depressing.

13. Seen anything weird lately?

Just your mom.

14. Last movie you saw?

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.

15. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?

Hmm. An apartment or a car. Ooh, and a puppy.

16. Tell me something about you that I don't know.

In the past week and a half, I've read five books. See, because I have no life.

17. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?

I'd remove the giant sticks that most people have shoved very far up their asses.

18. Do you like to dance?

Only if no one can see me.

19. George Bush: is he a power-crazy nutcase or someone who is finally doing something that has needed to be done for years?

Neither. He's a simian-looking moron who cannot handle the power that was thrust upon him.

20. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?

Emma or Grace.

21. [Same question for a boy]

Andrew (and call him Drew) or Bartleby. Just kidding. I'd never name my child Andrew.

22. Would you ever consider living abroad?

Definitely. It's a definite possibility.

go back to the block, j-ho

Why do people keep marrying J.Lo? Honestly.

Not that Marc Anthony is a huge catch or anything, seeing as how he married his first wife, had a couple kids, divorced her, married her again, and then divorced again. WTF is that?

Well, maybe they deserve each other.

Reading: Personal Velocity, by Rebecca Miller.
Watching: My dog sleep.
Wondering: What she's dreaming about, because it looks like she's dream-running.

camping and llamas and emus, oh my!

Today we went to the graduation party of someone I've known since he was born. They live in Bellefontaine, and our parents have been friends forever. Literally, our dads have known each other since they were born; they were delivered in the same hospital or something.

Larry and Julie (my parents' friends) have two kids. Erica, who is a year younger than I am, and Joe, the one who graduated from high school. They moved to Bellefontaine (that's in the country, ya'll) when I was in like 2nd grade or something so they've lived there for a long time. We used to go visit all the time when us kids were all young. Erica is the one I got lost in the woods with when we went to Kiser Lake. I forgot, we all used to go camping together, too, and inevitably, something bad would always happen. Once, Joe got shingles. Another time, Erica and I got lost. But the most memorable was the time we went to Bob Evans Farm.

You heard me.

Bob Evans Farm and Campgrounds. We should have known the trip wasn't going to go well, because when Larry and my dad tried to set up one of the tents (while the moms and the kids watched from the pop-up trailer, because it was raining) the wind caught it and it went flying away. Our dads went running after it, slipping and sliding on the wet grass. I cannot express to you how funny that was.

Other memorable events from that trip: our dads tried to take us fishing, but the lines on our fishing rods kept getting stuck in trees. I think I caught a fish, but it was about the size of a goldfish you'd buy at the pet store, if not smaller. I threw it back in the river (after my dad took it off the hook for me) but I got upset later when I saw the same fish floating in the water, dead. I'm pretty sure that's the last time I ever fished. We also tried to go canoeing, but the river was too shallow so we kept getting stuck on logs and trees and stuff that had fallen in the water. We went wading in the river, and I fell in a hole. I want to say that we went horseback riding, but I can't really remember any of the details. I'm assuming that's because something really traumatic happened and I've buried it deep within my subconscious.

I'm not even going to talk about the bathrooms, except to say that we went outside when we could. They were that bad.

And, perhaps the worst thing was that we had to eat Bob Evans food every day, because it rained so often we couldn't start a very good fire.

Hey Heidi, today on our way to Bellefontaine, we passed your house. I waved, but I don't think your house waved back.

We also passed a house with what I thought was an ostrich in the yard, but luckily before I blurted anything stupid (like, "hey, where does that ostrich stick its head when it gets scared since there's no sand?" Do ostriches really do that?), anyway, I realized it was an emu. And we drove a different way on the way home and we passed a llama farm or something. I don't know. There were lots of llamas and they looked like babies. Not baby-babies, but llama-babies.

I just saw a preview for the movie Saved! And I don't care if it's wrong, but every time I see Mandy Moore throw her bible at that girl and scream "I am filled with Christ's love!" I crack up.


Reading: Family Trust by Amanda Brown, who wrote Legally Blonde, which I didn't even know was a book before it was a movie.
Watching: SNL, and you know, I used to be Jimmy Fallon's biggest fan, and while I still think he's adorable, he really sucks. I mean, seriously. Stop laughing THROUGH EVERY GODDAMN SKETCH YOU'RE IN. You too, Horatio Fatass.
Wondering: Why I'm watching SNL. Because it sucks.