there's a reason I almost called this blog "foot in mouth"

I have a problem with words. I have too many. And I want to use them all. All the time. So basically, I'll say whatever pops into my head out loud no matter who is around. This is, obviously, not always appropriate.

Add alcohol to the mix and things get worse. I talk too much. In fact, one of my friends said that the only way she can tell that I'm drunk is that I talk more. I talk faster. And, above all, I talk louder. And that little voice in my head that whispers, "Psst, Jennie! We need to have a chat. The brain and I were talking and we think that maybe, just maybe, you shouldn't say what you're planning to say right now. Ok? We care about you too much to let these words out of your mouth so please, please for the love of god and the little baby Jesus, for once in your life just SHUT UP," is completely silenced by alcohol. All words become good words. All thoughts become verbalized. The words "ass" and "fuck" are featured quite prominently.

Basically, what all this means is that I really need someone to take away my cell phone at times like this. Had this happened yesterday, I probably wouldn't have called someone at exactly 5:49 AM and said words that I should probably be embarrassed about. You know, IF I could remember what any of those words were.

That's right. The dreaded drunk dial. Don't judge me, you've all done it. The cell phone is a remarkable invention. It allowed my friends and I to converse and finalize plans Friday night. It allowed us, at the bar, to search Google for cab company names and THEN it allowed us to call for the cab. Unfortunately, it is not smart enough to realize that most of my friends do not want four minute long messages that consist of me giggling and singing along with whatever song happens to be on in the bar. It also does not fix mistakes, like when I accidently called my parents at 2 AM senior year.

So right now my cell phone and I are fighting. When it starts to figure out that there are certain numbers that should not be dialed after a certain hour on Friday and Saturday nights, maybe we can start talking again. Until then, I'm saving all my words for e-mail.