The other night at dinner, Joe told me that he was talking to one of the neighbors one morning while he was walking Max and the neighbor warned him to WATCH OUT FOR COYOTES. Apparently, several people had spotted a coyote by the pond (the one Heather got in trouble for throwing rocks into) and along the edges of the parking lots, where there are lots of trees. The guy was all, "just be careful walking at night," and advised us to stay in the well-lit areas and to shine a flashlight in the coyote's face if it approached. Luckily, we have a flashlight. We had to get one because it's hard to see Max's poops in the grass when it's all dark outside, and since it gets dark at 3:30 now, we usually end up walking him all blind and shit.
So, Joe is telling me this, and I'm all, "and all this time I was worried about ZOMBIES attacking us while we're out for a walk, and not coyotes," and Joe was all, "...yeah...anyway, be careful." And I was like, NO WAIT because here:
Me: Don't worry, if I see a coyote, I'll just tell it to go away.
Joe: Yeah, I don't know if that will work.
Me: Hahahaha, remember that time everyone thought I saw a coyote?
Joe: You mean the time you lied to everyone on your blog?
Me: ...You're going to have to be more specific.
Joe: People thought you saw a coyote because YOU SAID YOU SAW A COYOTE.
Me: Yeah, but I also said I talked to it, I thought people would realize it was fake. I mean, I had a conversation with a coyote.
Joe: Jennie, you have conversations like that with ducks ALL THE TIME.
Me: Oh, right.
So, long story short, my patronus would totally be a duck. QUACK.
ETA: Or an otter, since Joe won't let me get a real one.