Happy Nudie Magazine Day Harry Potter Day!

I got a text message first thing this morning from my sister, brimming with excitement for the Harry Potter premiere tonight because A) it's her first midnight showing and B) it's Harry Potter, duh. Just for shits and giggles, I decided to go through my blog(s) to see what I'd written about Harry Potter in the past. Here are some of my favorite posts, which I understand might be really boring for you to read, but it's not like I'm MAKING you read them, so stop complaining already. IT'S HARRY POTTER DAY.

These three are my DOUBLE PLUS favorites:

1. Harry Potter vs. Twilight
2. Harry Potter with my sister
3. How I (kinda) stole my (own, paid-for) copy of Deathly Hallows 

and these are just weird, but still HP related:

1. the one where I talk about my patronus
2. the one where I eff up my tires (this is only slightly related) 
3. the one where I wear hogwarts colors
4. the one where I (sort of) review DHP1
5. oh, the places we'll go!
6. hogwarts, a history
7. worrying about Harry's safety
8. remember right before the last book came out, how worried we all were about being spoiled? good times

You know what, though? You should read these, by Heather Anne, instead. She talks about Harry Potter better than anyone has talked about Harry Potter in the history of the world.

1. I'm worth twelve of you, Malfoy
2. Neville!
3. Fictional Playlists: Neville Longbottom

(The best part of compiling these lists was that I got to go through Collective Archives, which is a place more magical to me than Hogwarts.)

Phoning it in, before I forget to post (SPOILERS, AHOY)

Parts of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Part 1) that made me cry:

1. Hedwig! It was even sadder than the book HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?
2. Hermione wiping her parents' memories...good lord.
3. Everyone fretting over (St.) George.
4. Harry finding his parents' graves.
5. Dobby. Effing Dobby.

Parts of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Part 1) that made my heart melt:

1. Ron's face as Hermione taught him how to play the piano.
2. Hermione's face when Ron told them how he found them.
3. These will actually all just be Hermione and Ron related, so I'll stop now.

Parts of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Part 1) that made me feel icky:

1. Harry and Hermione dancing, until it got goofy.
2. Harry and Hermione topless-making-out in Ron's scary waking nightmare thing. Gross. I need to wash my eyes with bleach.

We mustn't dwell. No, not today. We CAN'T. Not on Rex Manning day!

Most evenings, I spend a little time picking out what I'm going to wear the following day. It saves time in the morning, it really does, which is awesome because A) it means I'm on time for work (...most of the time) and B) it means I get to sleep as long as possible.

I forget sometimes, though, and on those days I think about what I'm going to wear while I'm getting ready because then, by the time I'm about to get dressed, I know exactly what clothes I need to rip out of my closet. This morning, I thought I knew what I was going to wear and I was like, "oh, hell yeah, snooze button!" but when I woke up, I realized in horror that I couldn't possibly wear what I was planning to wear because DUN DUN DUUUUUN the shirt I was planning on wearing was way too close to Slytherin colors! I can't wear Slytherin colors today! Not on Harry Potter Day!

So instead, I'm wearing a maroon shirt because obviously I need to show my support for Gryffindor and I didn't have time to make a Luna-Lovegood-Lion-Head. I told Joe about this when I woke up, and it went something like this, "I almost wore this green shirt today but then I realized it was Slytherin colors! SLYTHERIN! So I had to change it real fast and wear this shirt so I was wearing Gryffindor colors! GRYFFINDOR! IT'S HARRY POTTER DAY!" and he looked at me like I was nusto bananas (standard) and I was like, "You collect toys and comics LET ME HAVE THIS ONE THING," and he was all, "calm down, psycho," because he wasn't really looking at me like I'm nusto bananas (much), it was that he had just woken up and I was all awake and talking REALLYREALLYFAST like the micromachine guy. Remember the micromachine guy? He was on Saved by the Bell one time. True story.

Also, in other Harry Potter news, I totally won the bet. I finished Deathly Hallows around 9 last night, and that was even after I had to take a break because I was crying. That book gives me so much sad, especially toward the end, and I usually get to a certain point where I can't read anymore because of all the tears. Stupid feelings.

GRYFFINDOR!!!!11!!1!!!!1!

Jennie Baxla and the Severe Tire Damage

Here is how last night was supposed to go: leave work, go to volunteering, go home, eat a nutritious dinner, read Harry Potter, go to sleep.

Here is how it happened instead: left work, ran into something hella crazy in the road, got a flat tire, called AAA, waiting in rainy parking lot, drove car to (closed) Tire Discounters, ate Donatos for dinner instead of healthy chicken, read Harry Potter, stayed up too late, went to sleep.

The tire damage part of it happened like this:



I had to draw a picture because I'm having trouble explaining to people exactly what happened. But I'll try. For what are we without words? Animals, I guess. Except some animals can talk. Like parrots. And gorillas. They talk with their hands sometimes. Anyway.

I was seriously five minutes away from volunteering and not late or anything, so I wasn't even speeding (for once). It was raining pretty hard and the road was all shiny. Not good shiny like in Firefly, but bad shiny as in POOR VISIBILITY. And I was driving through construction and the lane kept going all topsy turvy and different directions so sometimes I don't think I was even in a lane, and as I went through the intersection all of the sudden there was this cement curb island thing RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME and so I swerved but not enough and I totally ran over it AND THEN MY CAR FLIPPED OVER AND OVER BUT I LANDED RIGHT SIDE UP AND PULLED INTO AN ALLSTATE PARKING LOT OH YEAH FIRE FIRE EXPLOSION GRYFFINDOR! Oh wait, the Gryffindor thing...I will that explain later.

It all happened just like that except for the fire and explosion. I sat in the parking lot for a moment, all shaky, and then called the cavalry (Joe and AAA). In my heart, I hoped that AAA could fix the tire but in my head I knew it was effed. Sure enough, when the tow truck arrived and he took the tire off, the wheel was all bent and shit and apparently wheels are never, ever supposed to be bent and shit. So the AAA guy put my spare on and then put air in the spare because why wouldn't my spare be almost flat, too? What, like I'm suppose to be prepared? Eff that, you guys. Then the AAA guy told me how much money he'd made in six months and how he was excited for it to snow because it meant he'd make even more money and I was like, "Dude, I know your job depends on the misfortune of others but could you try not to sport so much wood when you talk about it? Especially next to my poor, poor car? She's already traumatized enough."

But. OK. So as I was waiting for AAA to get there, a van pulled into a parking spot near me. I spied on them (obviously) and they got out of the car to look at their front passenger side tire and I was like, "huh," but I stayed in my car because it was raining and cold outside. Then the tow truck got there and the Van Guy came over to my car and this happened:

Van Guy: Is there something wrong with your car?
Jennie's Brain: Um, there's a tow truck here, wtf do you think?
Jennie Out Loud: Yeah, I got a flat tire.
Van Guy: Did you run over that thing in the road back there by the gas station?
Jennie's Brain: HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT, ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME?
Jennie Out Loud: Yes! Did that happen to you, too?
Van Guy: Sure did.

Then he started talking to my tow truck driver and I was all, "THAT'S MY TOW TRUCK DRIVER! STOP BOGARTING MY TOW TRUCK GUY!" and then the tow truck driver told us that whatever we'd both hit had caused an accident last week. Way to go, Dayton. Anyway, around this time, I noticed that the Van Guy was wearing a Gryffindor shirt.

Jennie's Brain: OMG, he's wearing a Gryffindor shirt!
Jennie Out Loud: I like your shirt, guy.
Jennie's Brain: BETTER BE...GRYFFINDOR!

The end.

project(s) update = yaaaaawn

Hey, look at that, it's November 15th, which means the month is HALF OVER. How did that happen? November seems to be the month of projects or something and I figured since the month is half over, I'd report on my progress. STAY TUNED FOR EXCITEMENT, EVERYONE. And by excitement, I mean this will be really boring, probably, but try and stay awake, will you? Thanks.

NaBloPoMo: Well, I've posted every day, so technically it's going fine but I feel like I'm cheating because the quality of my posts...well...let's just say there have been a lot of Youtube videos.

Harry Potter Read-a-thon: I am so gonna win. I'm about halfway done with Half-Blood Prince. I don't anticipate Dealthy Hallows taking very long because once I get to a certain point, I am physically unable to put the book down.

NaNoWriMo: I am almost to the halfway point. I think I'm a couple thousand words away from 25,000, so I'm hopeful that I can write a little extra each day and finish on time. Once I'm done with Harry Potter, I should have a lot more time to write.

30 Days of Harry Potter: Um, I've missed a ton of days on this. So here, really quick, are my answers to the questions I've missed so far. Oopsies.

Favorite magical creature

Buckbeak!

Favorite professor

Loony Loopy Lupin!

Who would you want to be friends with at Hogwarts?

Luna Lovegood!

What pet would you want to have? (owl, cat, rat or toad)

Owl!

Favorite spell

Accio all my crap! I'm lazy so this one would be perfect.

Top 3 least favorite characters

I hate Umbridge enough to count for three people, so Umbridge, Umbridge, Umbridge!

this is the laziest post ever...and it's really poorly written...I mean, way worse than usual...dot dot dot

I might give up on this HP question extravaganza because I think it's making me lazy. Well, lazier.

I do have to say that I am really enjoying the Great Harry Potter Reread of 2010. It's been a while since I've read them all. Usually when I reread them, I skip the first two books because...well, duh. It's strange, though, I find myself getting weepy at the oddest moments, moments that didn't cause tears the first time I read the books but now that I've read all of them, I spend most of my time all, "THIS IS SO EMOTIONALLY SIGNIFICANT AND I WANT TO CRY" because yeah, you guys, I want to cry. I got teary the first time I saw chubby, little Neville when I was watching The Sorcerer's Stone yesterday. WTF, you guys, WTF?

Not much is going on, which is kind of weird after the past month or two of crazy hellaciousness, and I would probably be spending a lot of time wondering what to do with myself were it not for NaNo and the GHPR2010 and NaBloMe.

In other news, I took Max for a walk yesterday and two things happened:

1) I lost his poop in a pile of leaves, because it was a HUGE pile of leaves and his poops are little. When I told Joe about it, he was all, "WHY DID YOU LET HIM WALK IN A PILE OF LEAVES? and I will explain more about that in a moment

and 2) Someone had their dog off of his leash, which is fine if your dog is well-behaved, I suppose. Anyway, so suddenly this giant German Shepherd is running straight at me and instead of having a normal person reaction and being, I don't know, cautious around the 90 pound stranger-dog, I was all, "LOOK AT YOU!" and bent down so I could hug him and love him and call him George. Only his name was Buddy. Anyway, he didn't rip my face off, so that's awesome.

Yeah, so the pile of leaves thing. Joe and I were walking Max a while ago and I was letting Max frolic in leaf piles and Joe was like, "I wish you wouldn't do that," and I was all, "why not?" and he was like, "because he'll get bugs all over him," and I was like, "...um, WHAT." Apparently Joe wasn't allowed to play in leaf piles when he was a kid because his parents told him he'd get bugs all over him. And I was all, "GO AHEAD MAX YOU PLAY IN ALL THE LEAVES." Then I tried to push Joe in a leaf pile but it didn't work because he's way taller than me so really all that happened is that I almost fell over. True story.

Anyway, today's HP question is something about what character you'd be if you lived in HP-land and my answer is I DON'T KNOW, YOU TELL ME. So...you tell me, please.

a study in non-productivity

Right now I am:

Watching The Sorcerer's Stone while alternately:

Reading Goblet of Fire and working on my NaNo novel, which means:

I'm not really getting anything done. I did manage to shower, so that's a big win, I guess. But whatever, I suppose you're using your extra hour in a more productive fashion? GOOD FOR YOU.

I can at least answer today's Harry Potter question, which is: What class you most want to take?

Transfiguration, obviously, because McGonagall is the shit. Or maybe Defense Against the Dark Arts as taught by Professor Lupin.

6. Favorite villain

Remember when Sirius Black was a villain? That was awesome. But he was a good villain, all crazy and screamy and murdery. I mean, I liked him more when he was Harry's irresponsible godfather but then he went and got himself killed by my other favorite villain, Bellatrix LeCRAZYASSFACE.

Anyway, have you guys seen this? It's pretty old, but I think you should see it:

5. Favorite pairing

HermiRONe all the way. Duh.

Lupin and Tonks also warmed my cold, cold heart, but I can't think about them without getting verklempt DAMN YOU, JK ROWLING.

Also, did Neville and Luna end up together? Or did I make that up because it was my heart's secret wish?

30 Days of Harry Potter: Top 3 favorite characters

THIS IS SO HARD (twss). I'm changing the topic a bit and making it top 3 favorite characters who are not Harry, Hermione, or Ron because...well, because it just makes things easier for me. And, in the end, isn't that what really matters?

1. Hagrid (alternate: Neville)
2. Ginny Weasley (alternate: Hedwig)
3. Lupin (alternate: Tonks, duh)

Again, my answer really depends on the day. I'm sure as soon as I hit publish, I'll have changed my mind.

30 Days of Harry Potter DAY 3: What would your Patronus be?

The other night at dinner, Joe told me that he was talking to one of the neighbors one morning while he was walking Max and the neighbor warned him to WATCH OUT FOR COYOTES. Apparently, several people had spotted a coyote by the pond (the one Heather got in trouble for throwing rocks into) and along the edges of the parking lots, where there are lots of trees. The guy was all, "just be careful walking at night," and advised us to stay in the well-lit areas and to shine a flashlight in the coyote's face if it approached. Luckily, we have a flashlight. We had to get one because it's hard to see Max's poops in the grass when it's all dark outside, and since it gets dark at 3:30 now, we usually end up walking him all blind and shit.

So, Joe is telling me this, and I'm all, "and all this time I was worried about ZOMBIES attacking us while we're out for a walk, and not coyotes," and Joe was all, "...yeah...anyway, be careful." And I was like, NO WAIT because here:

Me: Don't worry, if I see a coyote, I'll just tell it to go away.
Joe: Yeah, I don't know if that will work.
Me: Hahahaha, remember that time everyone thought I saw a coyote?
Joe: You mean the time you lied to everyone on your blog?
Me: ...You're going to have to be more specific.
Joe: People thought you saw a coyote because YOU SAID YOU SAW A COYOTE.
Me: Yeah, but I also said I talked to it, I thought people would realize it was fake. I mean, I had a conversation with a coyote.
Joe: Jennie, you have conversations like that with ducks ALL THE TIME.
Me: Oh, right.

So, long story short, my patronus would totally be a duck. QUACK.

ETA: Or an otter, since Joe won't let me get a real one.

NaBloMe: Day 2

30 Days of Harry Potter, stolen shamelessly from here:

Order the books from favorite to least favorite:

1. Prizoner of Azkaban
2. Goblet of Fire
3. Deathly Hallows
4. Half Blood Prince
5. Order of the Phoenix
6. Sorcerer's Stone
7. Chamber of Secrets

Order the movies from favorite to least favorite

1. Prizoner of Azkaban
2. Half Blood Prince
3. Order of the Phoenix
4. Goblet of Fire
5. Sorcerer's Stone
6. Chamber of Secrets

These lists are completely arbitrary. You could ask me again tomorrow and my answers might be totally different. Oh, well, the point is that I posted today, half-assed though it was.

I keep on talking trash but never say anything

I have a severe case of Bitchface today. I could blame the heat, but it's not even as hot today as it was yesterday and yesterday I was fine. Of course, yesterday I spent the day a) brunching, b) shopping at the bookstore, c) reading Salinger, and d) passing out from heat exhaustion at the pool. Whereas today, you see, I was at work. That might have something to do with the Bitchface. I don't know. I'm still looking into it.

I feel stupid complaining about the heat, because it's August and it's always hot in August but I HATE IT I HATE IT I WANT AUGUST TO DIE.

Anyway, we went to a Reds game on Saturday and luckily there were a shit ton of empty seats in the bleachers so we sat all the way at the top because that's where the shade was. Beer cost more than our tickets. And that's all I have to say about that.

After the game we went to dinner and while I was in the bathroom everyone started a rousing game of Would You Rather. When I got back, the question was, "would you rather your spouse was addicted to meth or prostitutes," and when someone shouted "PROSTITUTES PROSTITUTES" the old man at the table behind us turned around and gave us such a look of disgust I thought his face might melt off. I don't want to say it wasn't me who yelled "PROSTITUTES PROSTITUTES," but only because I don't really remember if it was me or not. It sure SOUNDS like me. Whatever. Heidi was the one who was all, "prostitutes, because they're cheaper," like . . . what kind of cheap ass prostitutes is your husband going to, Heidi?

LATER I accidentally got everyone's hopes up that the meteor shower was that night and we had all these plans to get a blanket and some beers and watch it fly by but then I Googled it and it turns out the meteor shower WAS NOT Saturday night, but Sunday night. Stupid meteors. Then I got called a nerd for the following reasons:

• I've read Harry Potter way more than once
• Heidi was telling a story about a transvestite named Larry who wanted to be called Laurie and how she couldn't call him Laurie because Laurie is a girl's name and I was all, "nuh uh, in Little Women there is a character named Laurie and he is a boy who falls in love with Jo and Amy, and if you can take on two of the March sisters in one lifetime, especially those two, you are pretty damn manly," and they just stared at me like I'd grown two heads but I went inside and checked and it turns out I had NOT grown two heads, I guess they just apparently hadn't read Little Women 800 times as a tiny child like I did.
• I used the word "unwieldy" when talking about what objects in our apartment would be too difficult to use as weapons against zombies.

I'm sure there were more reasons. It's just that I get called a nerd so often, I barely notice it anymore. BUT WHATEVER. Everyone else was JUST AS EXCITED ABOUT THE METEOR SHOWER AS I WAS and if that doesn't make you a nerd, I don't know what does.

Please pray for it to get a little cooler. At least by this weekend. We're going to Kings Island (please don't stalk me) and if it's hot, it will be smelly and ALSO there will be way more fat, dimpled flesh everywhere if it's 100 degrees and not, say, 80. Truly. It's science. Heidi got tickets through work and I was all excited because they were so cheap until Heidi told me she probably wouldn't ride all the roller coasters and I think my exact words were, "WELL, THEN, YOU'D BETTER INVITE MORE PEOPLE," because my response to someone doing something nice for me is apparently to yell at them and berate them for not wanting to fly upside-down at 50 miles per hour.

goonies never say die

OK, Internets, I have several (ok, two) matters of business to attend to before we get down to the pointless babbling:

1. My friend Kate, who has been in Africa for the past two and a half years with the Peace Corps, is coming home on Saturday. This may not mean anything at all to you, Internets, but it makes me really, really happy that she's finally coming home.
2. My company is sending stuff to Books for Soldiers this month and I have decided to be a good person and support the troops (because there was that one time I almost ran over some National Guardsmen on the way to work . . . I said ALMOST! COME ON, give me a break.) I thought some of you might be interested in supporting the troops, too, so if you want to send me books, CDs, magazines, DVDs, funny letters (?), hell, I don't know, they gave me a list of crap that is acceptable and crap that is not so how about if you want to donate some crap you send me an email and we'll get through this together, ok? Family, I know you are all big readers so if you have any books to donate, please let me know and I will come to your house and get them. That's like no work for you and ALSO you get the pleasure of seeing me! What MORE could you ask for? Anyway, again, if you're interested, shoot me an email QUICK LIKE A BUNNY because I have to turn everything in by July 31st. There's a July 31st, I think. July has 31 days, right? OK, seriously, how do I dress myself?

OK, that's all the business I had. Now onto pointless babbling. I saw Harry Potter last night. Oh yes. I did. Who wants to touch me? Anyway, rather than ramble on and on about how much I want Ron and Hermione to fall in love and have lots of babies (not now, obviously, as they are only teenagers), why don't you just read what Heather Anne wrote because I COMPLETELY agree with everything she said.

Also, I am rereading the sixth book before the seventh one comes out so I know EXACTLY where things stand. I've been reading it at lunch but I'm getting close to the end so I've decided I can't read any more at work. Because, see, the end is all sad and even though I know what happens, I'm almost positive that I will cry like a little bitch and I'm not all about crying like a little bitch at work.

I am in deep like with this t-shirt website. I don't want to have its babies (that is reserved for Threadless, of course) but I'd still hold hands with it or something. Mostly because of shirts like this one. And this one.

true story

The Conversations With My Roommate you are about to read is a bit unconventional, in that it is mostly me babbling and I think Heidi was just acting interested in the hopes that I'd eventually stop talking. HA! Like that ever happens. Anyway, we were watching Jon Stewart interview Steve Carell on The Daily Show (good times) and then this happened during the commercial break:

Me: I think Jon Stewart and Steve Carell seem like friends in real life . . . like, they probably talk on the phone for an hour every night.
Heidi: They have guy love like Turk and JD.
Me: Exactly. They love each other so much. They're all "Jon, I miss you," "I miss you, too, Steve, why did you have to go to LA?" "To follow my dreams, Jon," and then they talk about how they wish they could spoon and their hopes and greatest fears and whatever . . .
Heidi: . . .
Me: . . .
Heidi: . . .
Me: Heidi?
Heidi: Yes.
Me: Can I tell you one of my greatest fears?
Heidi: Of course.
Me: I'm afraid JK Rowling is going to kill Harry Potter in the last book.
Heidi: Oh my god.
Me: YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

Seriously, the only thing I fear more than Harry Potter dying is Ron Weasley dying and I JUST CAN'T HANDLE THAT YOU GUYS, I AM FAR TOO FRAGILE AND EMOTIONALLY DELICATE FOR THAT TO HAPPEN I don't want to talk about this anymore.