WARNING: this post is heavy on the caps lock SORRY BUT GET OVER IT

So already I've thought of at least one resolution I should have made and that is GET OUT OF BED ON TIME, DUMBASS. I don't know what my deal is. I used to set my alarm and get out of bed at that time every day, knowing that I'd have exactly enough time to get everything done I needed to, namely: brush teeth, shower, pack lunch, grab breakfast/coffee/etc, TELL MAX HE IS SUCH A GOOD BOY and also WHAT A CUTE PUPPY FACE HE HAS. But lately, not only am I not getting out of bed on time, but I'm waking up in the middle of the night and CHANGING MY ALARM. What is that? And then! I just wander around the house for a while, in between pieces of the whole GETTING READY project, and sometimes I get back in bed so I can cuddle Max or Phoebe because THAT IS IMPORTANT FOR LIFE. 

My body already didn't want to get out of bed because it was dark and cold, but it was even worse this morning because I've been eating every kind of junk food imaginable lately, just because it's there and it's easier than trying to think of something healthier to cook WHICH IS A TOTAL LIE because you know what would be healthier? ANYTHING. And ANYTHING includes scrambled eggs or a PBJ sandwich, both of which take less effort than picking up the phone to order pizza. Though. That's not entirely true, because Joe always calls to order the pizza. Hmm.

Going back to work today was HELLA NOT FUN and I'm sorry for just saying "hella." I don't think I've ever said or typed that before so I'm not sure why that's the way I'm starting 2013 on my blog. WTF. Anyway. You know what was not fun about today? I had to get up at a certain time (even if it didn't end up being exactly ON TIME), the temperature when I left home was 14 degrees, and this is how I spent my days while on break: eating, drinking, sitting in pajamas, watching Doctor Who, going to the movies. I don't get to do any of that at work! Except eat. And I can drink, but only stuff like water or soda, no wine or whiskey.

Today's not all bad, though, NO IT IS NOT. My sister turned 27 today (HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SISTER!) but it took me a long time this morning to think of how old she was going to be. You see, because in my head, she's still, like, 21 but that's only because in my head, I'm still 25. When I realized she was going to be 27, I THEN realized that I am turning 31 in just a few months! I realized a lot of things, I know. It's been a pretty crazy day. I don't know why turning 31 seems scarier than turning 30 but it does. It's not the age part of it, really, I think it's just that SERIOUSLY I JUST TURNED 30. I haven't even gotten used to being 30 yet! I still think of myself as a twenty-something, which hasn't been true for 8 months now. STOP MOVING, TIME, AND LET ME CATCH UP. Jerk.

I don't have a point, really (SHOCKER). Just that it's only the second day of the year and I already feel like I'm behind.

but I am le tired

Someone actually said, "looks like somebody's got a case of the Mondays," to me earlier. I should get points for not punching this person in the face, yes? Yes. Thank you. I drove to work in a fog today. Not like a mental fog, but an actual fog. I sort of felt like I was dreaming or stuck in that Stephen King story and was about to be attacked by a monster. Either option sounds better than work, so bring it on.

Places I would rather be than work:

the DMV
a baby shower
the Republican National Convention

I turn 26 in exactly one week. I've been thinking about having a quarter-life crisis, but I'm not really sure what that entails. Quitting my job? Joining a rock band? Running away to Alaska? Robbing a bank? I think maybe I'll just try all of these things. Except robbing a bank. Because, aside from inching closer to 30 next week (thanks, Sister), I also leave for Philly and I told Abigail I would try not to get arrested before then. I mean, I'm also going to try not to get arrested IN Philly, but who knows what might happen? All I can say is, if there's an opportunity to lick the Liberty Bell, I'm taking it. I've heard it tastes like pennies.

shiny happy people

I'm not supposed to be posting today, according to the rules of this stupid Blog for 365 days crap and WHAT THE HELL was I thinking when I decided to do this? Blogging every day is hard. OK, no it's not. Blogging every day without resorting to guest bloggers and YouTube posting is hard. Also? Like I'm going to do something (or in this case, NOT do something) just because the rules said so.

Anyway, I wasn't going to post today but since it's Leap Day or whatever, I couldn't NOT post. Who knows when the next Leap Day will take place? Oh, right. But really, I just wanted a February 29th in my archives somewhere. And then I went back and looked and I already have one. Wow. You know what's NOT fun? Going four years back in your archives. Those need deleted immediately.

So not only is today Leap Day, but it's Friday and thank God because I think I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown. No, I'm not. But it sounds so delightfully dramatic, yes? No? OK. Hey, remember last year? I do. Well, last year I was supposed to go to see Spoon and then instead Spoon went on SNL and I cried. For real. Well, they're coming back. It's as if the universe realizes what a sad, empty life I have and is smiling down upon me. With spoons. See, the universe is holding spoons because of . . . Spoon? Get it? Also, the universe likes to eat cereal so he makes sure he has spoons with him all the time. Because you can't really eat cereal without spoons. You could try with a fork but you wouldn't get any of the milk and what's the point of eating cereal if you can't taste the milk? Then you'd just be eating soggy cardboard. Because, as I understand it, cereal is made out of cardboard, yes? No? OK.

I'm hoping this weekend will make up for the past week of "holy shit my life sucks," and how could it not? I mean, tonight there will be Wii and pizza and booze and tomorrow there will be birthday cake and country living and booze and WOW is it 5 yet? No? OK.

Oh, right, here is all the stuff I forgot to tell you about this week:

On Monday, Heather Anne created her very own version of Hell. On Tuesday, Abigail hated on a very specific portion of the English language. On Wednesday, Kat frustrated the Internets with her NO EXPLANATIONS. And yesterday, I posted a bunch of YouTube links cause I'm lazy like that. Today? You get to tell us the 5 Worst Somethings in the whole universe. Don't say spoons or the universe will get pissed and probably steal your car. And probably set it on fire. Don't say I didn't warn you.

I choose vodka. And Chaka Khan

Last night was pretty much the greatest night of my entire life. OK, I'm exaggerating. Clearly. But it was pretty great. I mean, I got in bed at 9 so I could watch Northanger Abbey AND THEN, when it was over, I stayed up late reading Pride & Prejudice. Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Jennie, your life sucks," but NO IT DOESN'T SHUT UP. I'm pretty simple. I don't need much to make me happy. Pajamas and a good book, I imagine would do it, and maybe a drink.

Apparently today is the most depressing day of the whole year, which I find awesome. Not because I particularly enjoy being depressed, but because I'm not really depressed at all today, so if this is the most depressed I am all year then FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC. Sure, it's like 5 degrees outside and I'm making myself work on How To articles all day, but the sun is out and I'm not at work and I'm still in my pajamas. So there.

I made a To Do list a little while ago, but I'm not really expecting to get any of it done. The only thing I want to do today is eventually shower and get dressed and go . . . somewhere, it doesn't matter where, really, but I need to leave the apartment so I can wear my new shoes.

I told you I was simple.

_____

Today on The Collective, Heather explains why Batman is better than you.

your liver pays dearly now for youthful magic moments

I'm sort of OK with work completely sucking the life out of me today, because I get to see some of my favorite people in the world this weekend and if work needs to almost kill me, that's fine. As long as I am still a little alive at the end of the day.

Mary and Janna are driving in from the faraway lands of Chicago and Michigan and once they arrive, I fully expect insanity to start raining from the sky. Or something. They are crazy. Especially Janna. I mean this in a good way. I may not live for the weekend. Or maybe just my liver might not live through the weekend. Although my liver has survived worse. Probably.

Last night, even though Heidi had a traumatic experience with Red Lobster (long story) and I had a belly full of Penn Station, we went running and I seriously wanted to die at the end. The only reason I decided not to die was because we hadn't watched Ugly Betty or The Office yet. Then Henry and Dwight went and broke my shriveled little heart into itty bitty pieces and I wanted to die again.

Speaking of Penn Station (Nice segue, Jennie. Why thank you, Jennie), I told Heidi that we're not allowed to go there for at least a month because last night I went without her and the boy at the cash register asked me where my sidekick was. Another boy there knows both of our names. So. Yeah. It's time to give Penn Station a rest for a while. And now I want to die again. But only a little because I need to be sort of alive for this weekend. And now we have come full circle. DUN DUN DUUUUUN! I don't know.

someone on the radio is trying to get me to drive into oncoming traffic

Monday + no sleep last night + Everybody Hurts on the radio = bleh