word salad

I don't know if anyone has really noticed, but I've been kind of MIA recently and it isn't because I don't love you all, oh no. It's because I've been really, super busy but not, of course, with anything that exciting.

Last night, we had our office Christmas party at a co-worker's house. Sometimes I forget that everyone I work with is older than me, by at least five years, and all but one of them have kids. I am always surprised to be reminded of this, such as last night when they started talking about horrifying things that happen when you give birth. Tearing and pooping and cutting, oh my! The more I hear about the birthing process, the more I start thinking about adoption. I really do not want a room full of people staring at my hooha for hours and hours.

Hmm. What else happened this week? Oh, well, the construction workers cut through our cable at work, so we were without internet for a couple of days. You may be thinking, "oh, boohoo, Jennie couldn't check her e-mail every five seconds, poor baby," but SHUT UP RIGHT NOW because the software we use is all web based so we were screwed like a whore with twelve kids who's broke at Christmastime.

I also met a ginormous lawyer the other day. Not fat ginormous, but tall ginormous. He was sitting down when I met him so I didn't think there was anything abnormal about him, except his weird facial hair, but when he stood up I was all, "Holy shit, you are twice as tall as me! Nice bellybutton! I could stand on your palm and do back flips like that dog on the TV! You know the one! Did I make that up? Sometimes I do that! Oh my land, you are the tallest man I have ever seen close up!" And although I am very short and even a regular tall person towers over me, still I could not believe how tall this giant man was. I swear he had to duck when he walked out the door. I feel I must add that he was not my lawyer. I have not done anything illegal. That anyone else knows about.

ANYWAY. I also learned how to tie my scarf so it looks all neat and sophisticated when you put on your coat. You may not think this is a big accomplishment, but after wondering for so long how women do that I'm pretty happy to have finally figured it out. Ok. I didn't figure it out. Someone told me. But I don't care because my scarf looks awesome. I kind of want to wear it everywhere I go. But I won't. Unless it's cold. Then I will. I don't want to get frostbite of, you know, the neck or something.