Yesterday, I got off work early so I came home around 3 o'clock in the afternoon. The weather was fantastic. Sunny and warm, but not super humid like it is most of the time here, making it feel like you're breathing water or at least mist.
Anyway. I couldn't wait to get home, shower (that's right, I didn't shower before work yesterday but there was NO ONE ELSE there so please bite me), and sit on the patio with some water (ok a beer) and a book. Slight problem. I got home, opened the sliding glass door, and was greeted by several huge, black, buzzing monstrosities. Where Sunday there had been only one bumblebee now there were three. And a wasp for good measure. Ok. This was not good. One bumblebee I could handle (mostly). One bumblebee I can run away from. But three. They could easily attack me from three sides, or while two have me occupied the other could sneak into the apartment and wait. Wait for what, I don't know, but I know they're plotting something because on Sunday I opened the blinds in my bedroom to find a yellow jacket crawling around on the window screen.
So yesterday. I knew I had to do something. I mean, they were multiplying. Soon they would be too many for me to take on just by myself. What should I do, though? All I had was a can of Raid and CRIPPLING FEAR. I briefly considered running onto the porch with one arm covering my face while I sprayed wildly with the Raid, but all I could picture was me running head first into one of the poles, falling back, and inhaling a deadly amount of the Raid while the bumblebees buzzed around my body, pondering which part to sting first.
Maybe I'm giving the bees too much credit. After all, I watched them for a LONG TIME yesterday and all they really seemed to do was fly around the same knotholes, crawl inside, crawl back out, and then buzz around each other in some sort of Unholy Bee Dance.
I don't care if they're plotting something or not at this point. I just want them gone. So, I called maintenance and they said they'd come out and spray something. After I made the call, I felt a little relieved but I couldn't relax because of the constant bzzzz-bzzzz sounds coming from outside the patio screen. Those suckers are SO LOUD. Obviously, I had to leave the apartment and go somewhere quiet, so I went to the library. Not the pubic library, just the regular public library. Ahh, the library. So silent and calming.
I walked out thirty minutes later with some new books and was IMMEDIATELY accosted by a freaking huge bumblebee.
Yeah. They're definitely planning something.