Thursday, May 26, 2005

My name isn't Michael Vaugnn SLAM

Oh, ouch. How good was TV last night? TV, I commend you. I almost peed myself several times while watching Lost and Alias. I didn't, though. In case you were worried.

The first almost-accident occurred before Lost even started. When I got home from work around 7:30 last night I went, like always, to check my mail. The mailboxes for my building are in the apartment building next door. I got my mail, everything was fine, but when I tried to open the door it wouldn't open. Thinking I was tired and had just forgotten to turn the handle (what, like you've never done that), I tried again. And again. I pulled more vigorously. Nothing.

Ok, so the door wasn't moving. The handle was loose, so it wasn't turning the lock thingie. Whatever. At this point Nice Lady Neighbor and her daughter, ADD Girl were walking by. Nice Lady Neighbor tried to pull from the outside but it STILL WOULDN'T BUDGE. At this point I started to freak out a little because there was no way I could get out of the building. I'd already tried knocking on all the doors, thinking someone could just let me out through their patio door, but either all those people were jerks and didn't feel like opening their doors or no one was home.

Nice Lady Neighbor asked me if I had a knife to pry open the door. WTF? Who carries a knife around in their purse? Did she want me to change her name from Nice Lady Neighbor to Stupid Ass Lady Neighbor, because I could have.

A couple minutes later, Nice Old Man Neighbor (formerly Creepy McStaresalot) came by with a screwdriver and then wandered away because he couldn't figure out what to do with it or something. I don't know. Nice Lady Neighbor left to go call emergency maintenance, while I stood there like a moron. Finally, I used my old student ID and shoved it through the door jam to push the door thingie (I don't know what it's called, ok?) in enough to allow me to open the door. After dropping the card several times and almost breaking it in half THE DOOR OPENED AND I WAS FREE HURRAH!

The whole time I was stuck in there (all 15 minutes, what a trying experience) I wasn't worried about what I'd do if I had to pee, or that I was really, really hungry, or that there'd be a fire and I'd burn and die while ADD Girl watched, traumatizing her for life. No. I was worried that I might miss Lost. And I really, REALLY didn't want to have to call someone and ask them to tape it, because they might have asked why and I would have had to tell them it's because I got trapped in the mailroom. Honestly. Am I in some kind of psychological experiment, because who does that happen to?

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