Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Pam, I’m public speaking. Stop public interrupting me!

Hi, Internets! I'm not dead. I don't think. I have just been busy because A) work sucks but B) my life does not suck. Although, I had to miss the Rock Band reunion tour on Friday night because I was sick. But it's OK! Because there will be other reunion tours.

Speaking of being sick, I had a doctor's appointment at lunch and I have another doctor's appointment after work. And when I say doctor's appointment, I mean "doctor's" "appointment." That means I had to wear heels today. My doctor is very strict and says that heels promote leg strength and back pain . . . back pain sounds bad, but really it builds character. I've almost broken my ankle about fifty bajillion times, which probably also builds character, so that's good. I don't think I could wear heels every day because OW my feet hurt. But they make me so much taller. Hmm.

Work sucks mostly because of this massive software conversion we're in the middle of, and I mean RIGHT SMACK in the middle of, and no one knows what's going on and it's all very confusing and off-putting. Did you hear that? I am PUT. OFF. Because I might have to work this weekend. That's right, this hallowed THREE DAY WEEKEND. Anyway, the software conversion gods have provided this test database so we can practice fucking shit up (that is what I do) but the tutorial left a lot to be desired and so again . . . NO ONE KNOWS WHAT'S GOING ON. And even though we're all in the same boat and no one knows what they're doing, especially me because I never know what I'm doing, people keep coming to me with their questions. They're all, "Jennie, how do you do this? What does this mean? Can you come help me? Wash the dishes DO THE MOPPING CINDERELLY CINDERELLY," and then my head explodes and that's messy and who do you think has to clean it up? Cinderelly.

So the moral of the story is, I don't know what's going on and I keep accidentally spreading my ignorance all around the office, which isn't even in my job description.


  1. That last sentence was totally awesome.

    Your doctor really likes for you to wear heels? That seems totally retro. I thought 4 out of 5 doctors would recommend flats.

  2. This is my pretend doctor. For my pretend appointment(s). He's not very smart.

  3. How were your appointments?

  4. Meh, they were OK.

  5. I think you should stop accidentally spreading your ignorance. That is clearly something that you should be doing on purpose.

  6. You had to wear heels? Because your doctor said that they promote leg strength and back pain? That's ... wait, what? The only thing high heels promote is height and the porn industry. Stop wearing high heels. Life's too short to be tall, uncomfortable, and porn-y.

    The Cinderelly thing was awesome. I was a kid again! For a moment there!

  7. Fraulein N2:09 PM

    I think "accidentally spreading your ignorance" falls under "other duties, as assigned."