Look, I don't care what anyone tells me, I don't care how many times SNL tries to shove him down my throat, I don't care how many obviously-going-to-be-shit-on-a-shit-sandwich movies he stars in with Jessica Simpson . . . I just don't think Dane Cook is funny. No, I will not listen to you recite one of his monologues. Please, kindly shut up and go away. And Dane Cook? You shut up the most. You can still stand there not talking, though, because I think you're kind of hot.
*not you, Aunt Karen