I'm going to admit right now that pieces of this conversation may be wildly inaccurate. Sue me. No don't, I'm poor.
Me: Wanna hear something weird?
Me: I have one more day to come up with a Halloween costume and I still don't really know what I'm going to be.
Heidi: Oh my god, me neither.
Me: Last year at this time I had everything ready.
Heidi: Me too.
Me: How did we let this happen?
Heidi: We procrastinated.
Me: We should know better.
Heidi: We should.
Me: Especially about important stuff such as Halloween.
Heidi: Last year this girl I work with and her boyfriend went as toilet paper and poop.
Heidi: I know.
Me: That is disgusting.
Heidi: I know!
Me: Although, it sounds like something we would come up with.
Heidi: Ha, that's what I said.
Me: But we'd never actually go through with it.
Me: And I think that says a lot.
I'll break right now to explain something, so the following conversation makes sense. My roommate's birthday and my birthday are only two days apart, and last year our friend Stiffie (nickname, duh) got us two of the most hilariously awesome pictures ever created in the history of the world and also other worlds that have not been invented yet. Basically, she took our heads and photoshopped them onto other people's bodies. Heidi's head was put on a cartoon Marilyn Monroe, so you can tell it's fake, but mine was put onto some lady wearing a Renaissance dress and hat and she's posing in a forest with a unicorn behind her. It looks real and confuses people when they see it for the first time because they've never seen my pet unicorn (Uni) before, because he's shy. ANYWAY.
Me: Come here and check out this picture again, you could TOTALLY be Marilyn Monroe for Halloween.
Heidi: Yessssssss. That means you have to be the maiden lady.
Me: But I don't have a unicorn.
Heidi: Oh, right. When my mom saw that picture, she was like, "What is Jennie doing in that dress?"
Me: Oh, you know, sometimes I like to dress up like Maid Marian for fun.
Heidi: And take your pet unicorn for a walk.
Me: That really does look like it's me in that picture.
Heidi: Yeah, except you kind of have man hands.
Me: I do not!
Heidi: OK, fine, but whoever's body that is? They have man hands.
Me: Do you think a man posed in that dress?
Heidi: I hope not.
This probably makes no sense but there's no way in hell I'm posting that picture. Not because I'm embarrassed, but because it would take a lot of effort and, hello, have we met? My name is Jennie and I'm lazy. Nice to meet you, can you bring me a soda?
For real, though, neither of us has a Halloween costume yet. We need them by tomorrow. Time is running out! For real. Like I said. I thought about being Debbie Downer because how easy is that? But then in my head I was all, "No one is going to know who you are . . . they'll just think you're some girl wearing a brown shirt and no costume on Halloween of all days and then they'll think you're a party pooper and then they'll sing the 'every party has a pooper, that's why we invited you,' song and you'll cry and then you really WILL be Debbie Downer so maybe you should just be the Spelling Bee. No, seriously, you should because even if people don't get it, you can just say you're the Bee Girl from that Blind Melon video and what ever happened to her? Ok, not important. So the Spelling Bee it is, then. But that's a lot of work and maybe you don't have time. Maybe you should just forget about Halloween and stay in like a loser and cry just like Debbie Downer would. Except she doesn't really cry, she's just all wah wah waaah all the time . . . oh my god, just buy a witch hat and be done with it."
Seriously. That is what it sounds like in my head ALL. DAY. LONG. And yes, it is as exhausting as you'd think.