Do you ever go through phases where you don't feel like the life you're living is your own? Or like you're really dreaming and any moment you're going to wake up and everything will come crashing down? Or that finally, FINALLY, pieces of your life seem to be falling into place and you're afraid to breathe too hard in case they drift away in the wind again? Is it possible to feel all of this at one time? Because that's how I've been feeling lately. Not that things are perfect, by any stretch of the imagination, but when are things ever perfect? My major problem is waiting until things seem perfect to make any kind of change, which explains why I don't make changes that often. Because I plan EVERYTHING in my head, down to conversations that NOT ONLY haven't happened yet, but may never happen. Lately, I've decided to say "fuck that!" (exclamation point, very important) and do whatever the hell I want, planned or not, if I think it has even the slightest possibility of turning out well.
What I'm saying is I don't really feel like myself. I feel like a better version of myself. I'm going to turn in my resignation when my boss gets into the office this afternoon and I'm not nervous. At all. I test the butterflies every few minutes by thinking about handing him that letter and they've been quiet, unfluttering, since I got the phone call yesterday. Do you realize how strange it is for me not to be nervous about something? I get nauseous sometimes before making a phone call.
This is all leading me to believe that my body is getting ready to stage some kind of coup, and the moment I hand over my letter I will also throw up all over my boss. What an exit.