Wednesday, January 04, 2006

the one where you all find out how disgusting I am

The past two nights I have dreamt about work. That tells you how exciting my life is right now. Although, after the past couple of weeks it's kind of nice to have nothing to do, except I keep think that I should be doing something. Do you want to know how much nothing I have to do? On Sunday, I watched the entire six hours of Pride and Prejudice. Six. Hours. When I say watched, though, I mean I saw bits and pieces of it between naps. Because, you know, only two hours of sleep makes you tired. Don't worry, I woke up for the Colin Firth In a Wet, White Shirt scene. That is the most important part of the whole movie.

I still have my sultry voice from the weekend. And by sultry I mean my deep, emphysema-y, Peter-Brady-puberty-voice-cracking, mucasy voice. Sexy, right?

I haven't finished cleaning up from my New Year's party yet, either. I suck at life. Last night, I was watching TV and noticed that there are beer pong balls stuck in the groove of the sliding glass door but I was too tired (read: lazy) to pick them up. So they're still there. Where they will probably stay for some duration. They're bright orange, so I think they add a little something to the room. Also, I just remembered that yesterday morning before work I noticed that someone had spilled Coke (Nick!) down the dishwasher, but I didn't have time to clean it so I was going to do it after work. Yeah. I forgot. So that's probably a big, fun, sticky mess right now, unless Phoebe licked it off.

Speaking of Phoebe, a couple of weeks ago I realized that I hadn't cleaned the bathroom floor in, um, forever? So I decided to sweep and Swiffer it. To do so, I had to remove the area rug I had put in there. The moment I picked it up, this waft of pee-smell punched me RIGHT IN THE FACE and I almost passed out. For real, yo. I promise not to say that ever again. Also, I didn't really almost pass out. But the smell was strong and disgusting and catpee-like. I looked at the bottom of the rug, where they put the rubber so it doesn't slide around because that would lead to fun and breaking of arms and such, and noticed that there were little circles of yellow all over it. Everywhere. Apparently, Phoebe had been using the rug as a larger, more spacious toilet than her litter box. I've noticed she pees on stuff sometimes when her litter box is not completely clean and pristine, like, I'm sorry, CAT, but you poo and pee in it, it's not going to smell like chocolate and roses. This doesn't usually bother me that much because I find it right away. What disgusts me is that I've been walking over this rug for weeks in my bare feet AFTER I SHOWER. I walk through it on the way to the toilet, on the way back from the toilet, in and out of the shower, as I wash my face, brush my teeth, stare at my pores in the mirror, ALL THE TIME. This explains why Phoebe always stares at me from the hallway while I'm in the bathroom. She's wondering why the crazy bitch she lives with is walking through her toilet.

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