Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Subtlety is my middle name

Once there was a girl named Janey. Janey worked in an office. One day, Coworker came to her with a handful of half-shredded paper and told her that the shredder was full. Janey stared at Coworker blankly. Apparently "shredder refuse remover" was listed alongside "office bitch" in her job description.

Janey, never one to ruffle feathers, emptied the shredder. A short time later, Coworker approached her again, a familiar fan of almost-confetti clutched in her hand, and told Janey that the shredder was full. This continued. Janey got fed up.

One day Janey walked into the room that held the beloved shredder and saw a peculiar site. A stack of papers was stuck halfway into the shredder, waving at her. Janey asked Coworker what was wrong with the shredder.

"Oh, I think it's broken," Coworker replied.

Janey knew better. The shredder was not broken, just full, and Coworker was either too dumb to know the difference or pretending to be oblivious to the obvious so she wouldn't have to dump the shredder herself. Janey had an idea. Tired of being the only one to empty said shredder, she decided to see how long it would take before someone else would empty it. She would call it The Shredder Standoff of 2005. It was very familiar to The Trashcan Standoff and Ice Cube Tray Standoff of 2004 that she had with her roommates, the ones she's still not sure they were even aware they were a part of.

Every now and then, Janey would watch Coworker walk in to use the shredder then return to her desk with a puzzled look on her face.

"I guess the shredder is still broken," Coworker said.

"Guess so," said Janey.

Meanwhile, whenever Janey had something to shred, she would surreptitiously tear each paper into tiny pieces and throw them in her trashcan. She was sure that soon Coworker would realize that the shredder merely needed emptied, take care of it, and the problem of the shredder, as well as who was responsible for dumping it, would be solved.

It's been two months. TWO MONTHS. Poor Janey has reached the end of her rapidly fraying rope. She is very close to breaking. Please give her strength.

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