But you ain't got no legs, Lieutenant Dan.

I would like to introduce you, Internets, to the Greatest Christmas Present In All The Land:

Yes, it is a mini-ping-pong table. Yes, it is MY mini-ping-pong table. Actually, it's technically called Keg Pong (yes, my parents bought me a drinking game for Christmas) but on the box it says "You can also play Ping-Pong!" which my dad and I did, until breakfast was ready because cinnamon rolls beat ping-pong HANDS DOWN KICKS ITS ASS. Ahem.

ALSO, I got this:


to replace THIS:

so I no longer have to do THIS:

I feel kind of bad for replacing the MacGyver Coffeemaker for a younger, newer, sleeker model, but . . . OK, no I don't. This means I don't have to run out to the kitchen in a towel, still dripping wet from my shower, in order to strategically place a tiny piece of tape over the on/off switch so it is held in the exact right position. Pain in the ass. Anyway. I hope everyone had a very merry Christmas and Santa was good to you. Also, I hope you managed to catch at least 14 hours of A Christmas Story because nothing says Christmas more than a Red Ryder BB Gun. Except maybe this:


Yep. Nothing says "Merry Christmas" like Red Sangria. From a box.