Guys, I'm a little worried about my brain. I mean more so than usual. I've been having some pretty weird, vivid dreams lately. There was that whole "erasing of the books" thing the other night, and the night before last I dreamt that I had a baby, and I was changing its (don't even know if it was a boy or a girl, AWESOME) diaper in the front yard (?) and I realized I had forgotten something inside and while I was inside getting it someone kidnapped my baby. I spent the rest of the movie, I mean dream, trying to convince a hard-knock detective to help me search for it. I don't remember if we did or not. I think that dream just reiterates the fact that I'm not ready to have children. Thanks, brain, I already knew that. And last night, I dreamt that I went back to my high school as an assistant teacher and my old English teacher took me under her wing and told me all the school secrets. OK, as cool as it would be to get all the dirt on my former teachers, I think we can all agree that I should not be shaping the minds of future generations.
GUYS, guess what! I am done Christmas shopping, oh, and also wrapping presents. I finished it all yesterday and I didn't kill or maim one. Single. Person. Do you realize what this means? I have an entire week left until Christmas and I am completely ready! It's a Christmas miracle!
Maybe you don't understand what a big deal this is. Maybe you're underestimating how much I procrastinate. Well, on Saturday my friends and I did our gift exchange and one of the gifts (the one I gave, because I am an awesome gift-giver, suck it) was this game called Catchphrase. The game gives you a word or a phrase and you have to describe it and give hints without saying any of the words. Kind of like that game show. What's it called. Pyramid? I don't know. Anyway. I was in the kitchen playing beer bitch, when I hear Steph describing her word, "My name is Jennie and I do this a lot," [aside, things were said here that were borderline inappropriate] and anyway, in the end the answer was Procrastinate. So there! I've been used as a hint in a game, what have YOU ever done. I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm so cranky. Oh, right, Christmas. And it's Monday. I've been trying to force the Christmas spirit upon myself, with the Christmas decorating and the music and the giant tree up at The Greene, but it's not working. Maybe I'm trying too hard.
Saturday night after the gift exchange, we went to this kind of seedy bar where there was a mostly drunk band playing. I went to the bathroom and some guy wearing a sweatsuit and gold grill chased me in with shouts of "Ma'am! Hey, baby! Ma'am!" like, dude, even if you didn't have a sweatsuit and fake teeth you just Ma'amed me. That is so not a turn on.