I have come to the conclusion that I need to stop watching so much TV. You would not believe the amount of random TV quotes that come out of my mouth at any given time FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER, other than that quoting The Office makes me laugh and my one goal in life is to keep myself entertained at all times and if that means I have to randomly yell things like "Yankee SWAP!" then SO BE IT. Ahem.
I just had one friend describe a date as, "remember that one Sex and The City episode blah blah blah" and I was all, "of COURSE I remember that episode, who DOESN'T?" except a lot of people don't remember that episode. Because they have lives. Also, Heidi and I have decided that Lifetime movies have completely destroyed our trust and faith in humanity. We spent the greater part of the morning outlining the TV movie of my life, in which I am kidnapped and kept in a hole in the ground before I am sold into white slavery. Heidi would like to be played by Reese Witherspoon (who, fresh off her Oscar win, I'm sure, is dying to do a Lifetime movie) but when she suggested my part be played by Valerie Bertinelli, I reminded her that, while Valerie Bertinelli is an important staple in the Lifetime movie oeuvre she is like . . . fifty. And I am not. I told her that she at least had to give me Shannon Doherty (crooked eye and all) but she told me that in order for Shannon to play me, I'd need to develop some sort of crystal meth addiction. Which I don't really want to do because it sounds both messy and expensive. Actually, maybe Heidi and I both should lay off The TV for a while.